Lithromanticist?

[Sihemmy]

 

I have been researching and contemplating endlessly about aromanticism. I found out a while ago that I may be aromantic. There are plenty of "signs" I suppose, but I still had questions and doubts and so I researched some more and came upon lithromanticism. It is to my understanding that people that identify themselves romantically as this desire a relationship but only "in theory" and that they don't want their feelings reciprocated. This is where I'm stumped. I feel like I may be lithromantic, but I have a question. So I want to be liked. It feels nice to be liked. If a guy or girl likes me I'm completely okay with it and might even flirt (it's terrible of me because I feel nothing while doing so), but if they ask me out I just don't feel the want to be with them. I sometimes think i like someone and once we start "dating" I become cold towards them. I still want to be all cuddly and kiss and be intimate, but I want it to be with a friend type of person? I am seriously so confused about my romantic identity, so if someone could help clear some things up that would be amazing.

[Guest]

I feel very similar to the stuff you mentioned (I don't even like getting as far as the "dating" stage) and identify as lithromantic. 

 

The idea of dating is kinda appealing to me (and I can "like" people), but once it actually becomes a possibility, I'm like "nope". 

 

It's all pretty complicated and I can't say what you are one way or another, but I think it's reasonable for you to identify as lithromantic if you want to!

[Rhaenys]

I can't say cause I'm a demiromantic who hasn't found anyone to connect with. Long ago I thought I was lithromantic because there were people I loved but I honestly wanted nothing in return. They could love someone else and I'd be fine just as long as they allowed me to show affection to them.

 

To be honest imo romantic orientations are more complicated so identify as what you want. If it changes it changes.

[Sihemmy]

9 hours ago, Saesha said:

I can't say cause I'm a demiromantic who hasn't found anyone to connect with. Long ago I thought I was lithromantic because there were people I loved but I honestly wanted nothing in return. They could love someone else and I'd be fine just as long as they allowed me to show affection to them.

 

To be honest imo romantic orientations are more complicated so identify as what you want. If it changes it changes.

I don't want to sound rude, but I don't understand demiromanticism? Like the meaning is kinda confusing, so if you could please explain? 

[Fishboy]

I'm lithromantic, and I know exactly what you're talking about. So lithromanticism isn't just "doesn't want those feelings reciprocated" or anything like that, as there's a bit more to it. Someone who's lithromantic could have a crush on someone, but the minute their partner reciprocates those feelings, they (lithromantic) can lose their feelings and even become repulsed by their partner. Hope this helped.

[Kokabel]

On 8/11/2017 at 9:50 PM, Sihemmy said:

I don't want to sound rude, but I don't understand demiromanticism? Like the meaning is kinda confusing, so if you could please explain? 

From what I understand, Demiromantic means you have to know someone well before the possibility of feeling romantic towards them could happen.

 

Do you feel like as soon as they accept you, you lose interest? Or does it just happen eventually? I came across the term Frayromantic (attraction towards strangers/new people, that diminishes as you get to know them. Opposite of Demi~) and I feel like there's a small tiny overlap that could happen between Fray~ and Lith~. I might be projecting, but I'm currently contemplating the two terms.

[ponz]

Lithromanticism can include people who don't need romantic feelings reciprocated as well as those who don't want them reciprocated.  I'm lithromantic and could be happy in a reciprocated romantic relationship or a one sided (in terms of romantic feelings) queerplatonic relationship with an aro.

[Sihemmy]

On 8/18/2017 at 2:07 AM, Kokabel said:

From what I understand, Demiromantic means you have to know someone well before the possibility of feeling romantic towards them could happen.

 

Do you feel like as soon as they accept you, you lose interest? Or does it just happen eventually? I came across the term Frayromantic (attraction towards strangers/new people, that diminishes as you get to know them. Opposite of Demi~) and I feel like there's a small tiny overlap that could happen between Fray~ and Lith~. I might be projecting, but I'm currently contemplating the two terms.

Oh, okay that makes sense.

I feel okay with flirting with them if their intentions don't include any romance, sexual is fine. However, once they show any sign of "catching feelings" I immediately give them the cold shoulder or pretend like nothing ever happened. I did contemplate on frayromance, but it doesn't feel like me? There are occasions where it does apply, but not really? Sorry if that doesn't make sense. The overlap between the two is really thin, so I see why you'd be contemplating on the two. Thank you so much for answering this!