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Demisexual or ace?? (Pos. explicit)


Anon5354

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Hi! I've known for several years now that I'm somewhere on the gray spectrum and was first to define that as asexually, even if I have a libido - I've done lots of research! But what I can't decide if I'm demisexual or asexual (or maybe something else?? >n<)

 

heres the details:

-I know for sure I'm panromantic bc I love everyone lol

-I know for sure I never look at any random person and think I want to have sex with them. Porn does not make me feel remotely interested. Just boring tbh 

-I am biogically female

-I have a libido and do all the masturbating stuff if I'm bored BUT 

--- I don't know exactly,, what defines the border between being non-gray at all, ace and demisexual.. Generally bc of this:

-I recently discovered one of those nsfw voice RP blog and it was rlly hot and I got wet b4 I even did anything ??? 

-I basically get rlly into the fandoms I'm in.., and like anyone else that is in a dedicated fandom i get around to looking at all the smut fics, R-18 comics, etc etc and well, they can get me aroused, again most of the time b4 I do anything?

--- BUT if I haven't been in the fandom long enough they r just boring and/or uncomfortable to read tbh. Is it possible for demisexuality to apply to fictional characters ?

- I used to feel like I had a crush on my best friend because I've known them for years, but then I decided that no, I don't rlly want to have sex with them in any form or have them kiss me 

- this is the same with p much any of my friends or ppl I know my age. I love them lots as friends, but I'd never want to do sex with them? Most likely? If I was a demisexual, does that just mean I haven't found someone that works or that I am ace?

 

thats generally it.. I'm just really confused and I can't decide where exactly I would fall :/ if someone could help that would b great! Thank you!

 

//// hope I posted this in the right place!

 

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Everything here sounds pretty similar to myself. I read fic too and it's more the mental connection between characters that attracts me to them. The idea that two people could be so close in ways other than physical is nice. Too bad there isn't some magical wizard with all the answers 

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Not sure what the answer is, but it applies to me too. I tend to waffle between saying that I'm a sex indifferent/ positive asexual and a Demi-sexual. But that's only if I'm having a slightly detailed discussion/ thought about it. Normally just saying that I'm mostly asexual is enough, if it ever comes up.

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Hello and welcome to these forums! Have some cake. :cake: Yes, you must, it's tradition! ;-)

 

Only you can decide which labels fit you, because only you know exactly how you feel. But I can share my opinion, maybe it gives you some ideas.

 

Sexual orientation is not about what arouses you, but about whom you're sexually attracted to. You might be asexual, you might be demisexual, or some other kind of gray. But the things that arouse you will give you little indication to decide on that. Once you feel sexual attraction to a specific person, you can be sure that you're not asexual (in that phase of your life). A question you might ask is: Do you really need to know/decide now? You could identify as 'questioning', or you could go with 'asexual' until you feel something that makes you reconsider. Remember that sexuality is fluid, and that you can always change your labels if they don't fit you anymore.

 

There are other orientations that can be demi, for example the romantic orientation. I'd say that some of them might apply to fictional characters. As for sexual attraction to fictional characters, I haven't formed an opinion. Somehow, I prefer to define sexual attraction as something directed at a real-life person, even if it's at a distance. It seems like a way to distinguish arousing fantasies from sexual attraction. But that's just me. You may have a different view, and that is equally valid.

 

I hope this is of some help to you. Good luck with your search!

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Guest Deus Ex Infinity
1 hour ago, roland.o said:

Hello and welcome to these forums! Have some cake. :cake: Yes, you must, it's tradition! ;-)

 

Only you can decide which labels fit you, because only you know exactly how you feel. But I can share my opinion, maybe it gives you some ideas.

 

Sexual orientation is not about what arouses you, but about whom you're sexually attracted to. You might be asexual, you might be demisexual, or some other kind of gray. But the things that arouse you will give you little indication to decide on that. Once you feel sexual attraction to a specific person, you can be sure that you're not asexual (in that phase of your life). A question you might ask is: Do you really need to know/decide now? You could identify as 'questioning', or you could go with 'asexual' until you feel something that makes you reconsider. Remember that sexuality is fluid, and that you can always change your labels if they don't fit you anymore.

 

There are other orientations that can be demi, for example the romantic orientation. I'd say that some of them might apply to fictional characters. As for sexual attraction to fictional characters, I haven't formed an opinion. Somehow, I prefer to define sexual attraction as something directed at a real-life person, even if it's at a distance. It seems like a way to distinguish arousing fantasies from sexual attraction. But that's just me. You may have a different view, and that is equally valid.

 

I hope this is of some help to you. Good luck with your search!

There's really nothing more to add from my personal view and experience just as for one small exception:

 

I do believe that sexual attraction can be applied or directed to real and fictional characters both alike but it doesn't matter. Just listen to your inner voice and let your feelings lead the way. It will be ok.

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