shawarma

How important are life experiences to sexual orientation?

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shawarma   
shawarma

I've never felt sexual attraction for as long as I remember. Coincidentally, when puberty hit, I had a condition which basically meant arousal was painful to me. I know this caused me lots of intimacy issues (although I was never sex repulsed, I used to dislike physical contact a lot) and I was much more social during my childhood than during my teen years.

I have since moved past the physical contact issues but have never felt sexual attraction anyways. 

 

Sometimes I wonder if this experience made me asexual or if it was something I was born with. Any thoughts on this? 

Tl;dr : can traumas define sexual orientation? 

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litanies   
litanies
32 minutes ago, shawarma said:

I have since moved past the physical contact issues but have never felt sexual attraction anyways.

This leads me to think that you are asexual, and that the arousal pain issues may have contributed to your awareness of it, but probably were coincidental.  Plus, it is easy to imagine a scenario where a sexual person with the same arousal issues might have experienced intense frustration, as opposed to a lack of interest in sex.  

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Retrobot   
Retrobot

Here's my take on it (unpopular opinion alert):

Lot's of things can influence orientation, so is it possible that things you experienced had a role in what your orientation is/was? Sure. But it also may have had nothing to do with it and it's probably near impossible to know for sure so I personally wouldn't worry about it. Whatever you decide to coin yourself as is still 100% valid.

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Deus Ex Infinity   
Deus Ex Infinity

There's nothing wrong with experiencing sexual attraction for once but it's still highly overrated.  It's nice to have but not essential for enjoying your life.

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Sally   
Sally

My life experiences simply showed me how asexual I am (although I didn't have the word for it back then).

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chair jockey   
chair jockey

Once the biological urge to have a baby has been sated, the husband becomes superfluous...except for the child support payments, which are by definition made in absentia. This is a potential contributor to late-onset asexuality that might not be given enough consideration.

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shawarma   
shawarma
49 minutes ago, litanies said:

This leads me to think that you are asexual, and that the arousal pain issues may have contributed to your awareness of it, but probably were coincidental.  Plus, it is easy to imagine a scenario where a sexual person with the same arousal issues might have experienced intense frustration, as opposed to a lack of interest in sex.  

I hadn't really thought about that much. Back when I didn't know the term "asexual" I was very confused to not feel sexual attraction towards people I had strong feelings for. I thought I was gay for a long time but now I know those were squishes and not crushes (Didn't want kisses, nor a relationship. Was actually very happy to wingman for them).  I was never frustrated about it. Just scared of my own body for not understanding if the pain was normal or not (Never told my parents or other friends out of embarassment).

 

49 minutes ago, Retrobot said:

Here's my take on it (unpopular opinion alert):

Lot's of things can influence orientation, so is it possible that things you experienced had a role in what your orientation is/was? Sure. But it also may have had nothing to do with it and it's probably near impossible to know for sure so I personally wouldn't worry about it. Whatever you decide to coin yourself as is still 100% valid.

I do not worry about it anymore. It used to worry me a lot but I'm still very curious about the topic. I'm still finding out new things about myself and I'm sure I'm asexual. Not sure being aromantic or not but I have some really strong squishes (urges to cuddle and hug) but nothing beyond that. Highschool for sure was confusing since I'm a guy, my first squishes were guys and I live in a conservative country.

 

38 minutes ago, chair jockey said:

Once the biological urge to have a baby has been sated, the husband becomes superfluous...except for the child support payments, which are by definition made in absentia. This is a potential contributor to late-onset asexuality that might not be given enough consideration.

Is that what andropause is about? I have read some stuff on that but nothing to scientific to know too much about the topic.

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chair jockey   
chair jockey

All "pauses" could contribute to the presence or absence of sexual attraction if they occur. Sexual attraction is part of the person and doesn't exist in a vacuum. But satiation also influences attraction. If you just ate a whole side of beef you're not going to be tempted by the creme brulee for dessert.

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Homer   
Homer

I don't think that your surroundings play a role in what your identity is. I firmly believe that this is innate. However, your surroundings definitely contribute to your ability to discover, explore and embrace your orientation.

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Janus DarkFox   
Janus DarkFox

Sexual orientation is not important to my life experiences despite being in a relationship.  Non of my asexual, homoromantic and homosexual behaviour is attributed to any cause or result from any outcomes of treatments.

 

Now passed the anxiety of touch, contact and other things from a mental illness with successful treatment, its still difficult to do so and get eay to gt a little overwhelmed due to sensory sensitivities or an inappropriate tick killing the mood being a tourettes-asperger.

 

All are born with and simply neurological development in an environment that isn't too great and full of difficult congenital and sexual developmental delays.

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Jade Cross   
Jade Cross

Honestly, If it hadn't been because I was made to feel like complete shit for not "paying attention" to sex/sexual behavior, I could have just reached today and be just the same without getting extremely annoyed at the mention of "normal behaviour"

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prib23   
prib23

I think life expierences could be a factor in Asexuality coupled with some born in traits. I don't know which one is greater or if they feed off one another ?  If someone says they're Asexual I believe it. Its not up to others to do an analysis or seek to cure you or deem it a disorder. If you have pain associated with sex of course sex would be a unpleasant experience. Does that mean you should be doomed to a empty life of lonliness ?  No. Its fine to seek out someone who doesn't have sexual attraction or has painful sexual difficulty whether its emotional pain or physical. People focus too much on the Why question. 

I rarely if ever orgasm. Always its been that way. Its not going to change. I'm not gay nor am I repulsed by sex nor am I going to spend time and energy in a futile attempt to change it. I don't really feel some overwhelming evolutionary urge to have sex or spread my seed far and wide as some text books claim the male's mission in life has to entail.

I don't care how "weird" people believe it is.

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Nowhere Girl   
Nowhere Girl

Still, I don't believe that a sexual orientation has to be inborn to be valid. This is a potentially dangerous slippery slope which leads to accepting gay, bi-/pansexual or asexual people only because they can't be heterosexual. I believe that non-heterosexual orientations should simply be seen as just as valid. Perhaps less common (though the argument that if not for social expectations, self-identifying as bisexual would be much more common - in a less refined version "all people are more or less bi!" - appeals to me to some extent), but just as beautiful and contributing to the beauty of social mosaic.

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waitamin   
waitamin

I have also wondered about this with myself. Back in middle school when the kids started "hooking up" I never really felt interested in it. But I was still a kid and kids shouldn't be interested in that anyways right?  A few years back I was in a sexual relationship. Didn't enjoy it in the slightest. But was it just...bad? or have I always been asexual? I pondered both sides and I lean toward the latter.

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