Sammer Jammers

NOT ALL ACES ARE SEX REPULSED

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Sammer Jammers   
Sammer Jammers

I don't know why, but I have been seeing a lot of posts saying that asexuals hate sex/sexuals lately and it's really upsetting me. I see the asexual community as an open accepting space, not just for asexuals, for everyone. And I'm quite proud to be part of such of a group. Everyone I have met or have talked to have been amazingly open and accepting. 

 

Though I have recently see posts saying that asexuals "rage agains sex" or we view sexuals negatively and it's drawing my inner mama bear out that wants to protect my home and family.

 

If you think that all asexuals are repulsed by sex and/or hate sexuals please leave a comment with your reasoning so that maybe I can clear up any misconceptions. 

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Scott1989   
Scott1989

Fellow sex positive ace here.

 

Don't know if sex repulse talks happen because there is more of a discussion (for support and trying to understand purposes) while sex positivity doesn't (as it's possibly seen as the more socially acceptable stance). This could lead others to think aces in general are sex repulsed.

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SamwiseLovesLife   
SamwiseLovesLife

Preach :lol:

Asexual (I think) but sex neutral/positive

 

I've noticed this too, I understand the general assumption that Asexual people are repulsed or averse to sex, but really I see more of an unspoken elitism in the Asexual community (even Aven) as to who hates sexual things the most. Are we children here? There are plenty of people repulsed by sex (for varying reasons) but it's not a requirement of being a valid member of the community.. (frustration rant over..)

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Kimmie.   
Kimmie.

I understand you.

 

I have no problem with sexual things just dont inclued me in them and we are good.

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Hayley_me   
Hayley_me

I was thinking I'm sex repulsed for years but my problem is not sex but current sex culture.

 

I don't mind sex repulsed people but I think it can build wrong stereotypes and the reason is just saying asexuality is not orientation.

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Cimmerian   
Cimmerian

Weird, I'm sex-averse but I haven't seen an increase in that lately (but I'm probably looking in the wrong areas). Most aces I know and see around do not hate sexuals or "hate sex" as a concept/act for other people--- however I see a lot of dislike and frustration about the amount of sex in the media and on TV, and a number of individuals who dislike or are repulsed of sex on a personal level, but they're not telling everyone sex is wrong or anything (well, most of them aren't!). And in general, I think most members value sexuals being on the site because they can provide insight into matters that asexuals don't always understand.

 

I know some aces feel the need to highlight their sex-repulsion or personal dislike of it because sometimes the media get a hold of a set of asexual who are totally fine with having sex, and there's some concern within the community that then all potential future partners will assume that because some asexual are okay with having sex then all of them must be okay with having sex. It's a dual sided concern. :) Not all aces are sex repulsed and not all aces are okay and willing to have sex.

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AnotherMember   
AnotherMember

 

On 10/8/2017 at 5:40 AM, Cimmerian said:

(...) however I see a lot of dislike and frustration about the amount of sex in the media and on TV (...) 

I kind of go in this lines, I have so many issues about how I perceive sex is projected on media.  

 

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Laplace   
Laplace

Although I'm aromantic and asexual, I'm not necessarily disgusted by sex. Well, I've never done it, but in theory, it wouldn't kill me to do it if the world depended on it. I'm more apathetic to the whole thing. Same goes for romance.

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Janus DarkFox   
Janus DarkFox

I haven't seen much sex repulsion and/or anti-sex attitudes much here, I know most of that usually gets shut down fairly quickly or move to somewhere more appropiate. 

 

ohh goodness I know sex-repulsed sexuals for some reason or another so it isn't exclusive to asexuals

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EggplantWitch   
EggplantWitch

I'm sex-positive. I think people should have as much safe, consensual sex as they want without being shamed. I'm also very very sex-repulsed. I don't want any of that happening to me, nor do I want to see it, hear it or think about it.

 

So: yes, I'm sex-repulsed. No, I don't hate allosexual people. Anyone who says that 'all asexuals' followed by anything other than 'don't experience sexual attraction' is wrong and possibly bigoted depending on the statement.

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Cimmerian   
Cimmerian
15 hours ago, Iam-me said:

It can be a concern of my own when I think that some asexual may believe the demis or gray-as  somehow can be a harm to their struggles, but I don't want to be controversial about this comment, I'm just expressing a concern. 

Mhm, I've seen that some so I can understand that, but I think most aces only think those groups would somehow "harm" their own circumstances if the wider population comes to equate asexuality with only demis or gray-as, rather than understanding that there's (forgive the wording here) plain asexual, demi, and grey and that those are different things.

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Livyia   
Livyia
19 hours ago, Sammer Jammers said:

I don't know why, but I have been seeing a lot of posts saying that asexuals hate sex/sexuals lately and it's really upsetting me. I see the asexual community as an open accepting space, not just for asexuals, for everyone. And I'm quite proud to be part of such of a group. Everyone I have met or have talked to have been amazingly open and accepting. 

 

Though I have recently see posts saying that asexuals "rage agains sex" or we view sexuals negatively and it's drawing my inner mama bear out that wants to protect my home and family.

 

If you think that all asexuals are repulsed by sex and/or hate sexuals please leave a comment with your reasoning so that maybe I can clear up any misconceptions. 

I'm pretty sure I know exactly the post you're referring to here with the "rage against sex" thing, and I am so with you. I'm asexual but I don't view sex negatively - I'm pretty much just neutral. Have it if you want, don't have it if you don't want - as long as its between consenting adults and I don't have to be involved I'm ok. And I get really angry when I see things claiming we all feel one way about sex - particularly one very negative way. I feel it undermines my identity as an asexual because I don't fit into that narrow definition. The one thing that makes us asexual is that we do not experience sexual attraction - beyond that we're allowed to have different views and preferences. That being said, I do get annoyed with how much sex is shoved in our faces in the media, mostly because I don't understand why that appeals to people and I'm frustrated that I can't relate. It makes me feel like there's something "off" about me even though I know there's not. 

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Lirpaderp   
Lirpaderp
21 hours ago, Kimmie. said:

I understand you.

 

I have no problem with sexual things just dont inclued me in them and we are good.

Yup, me. I'm only repulsed if I imagine myself possibly doing it. But everyone else, go right ahead. And I'm only annoyed talking about it because I don't know what most of the terms for sex stuff are and my friends won't tell me so I have to consult the internet and then I see stuff I can't unsee.

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Sean-Kat   
Sean-Kat

Personally, I'm a bit mixed on my views of sex (I'm asexual), but I have a couple of theories why other people might think that all asexuals hate allosexuals.

 

1. Humor. There are a lot of asexual posts joking about how they don't need sex and would rather do something else, or how sex is gross to them. An allosexual might see that and misinterpret it as "oh, they must hate sex, thus they hate people who have sex!"

 

2. Whenever a minority talks about issues relating to their group or expresses pride, the majority will interpret it as a personal attack on them, even when it's not. It's kind of like with trans and cis gender people right now. Trans people have a voice right now, and cis gender people are acting like it's an attack on their values and morals, when it really has nothing to do with them. Same with the gay community, and similarities can also be drawn with race. Asexuals are a minority with a voice, and the majority (allosexuals) view that as an attack.

 

I don't actually know anyone that thinks that way about asexuals, so it's just a guess.

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Nowhere Girl   
Nowhere Girl
On 10.08.2017 at 11:40 AM, Cimmerian said:

I know some aces feel the need to highlight their sex-repulsion or personal dislike of it because sometimes the media get a hold of a set of asexual who are totally fine with having sex, and there's some concern within the community that then all potential future partners will assume that because some asexual are okay with having sex then all of them must be okay with having sex. It's a dual sided concern. :) Not all aces are sex repulsed and not all aces are okay and willing to have sex.

Indeed: I have seen some ignorant people claim that an asexual has to be completely indifferent to sex and that everyone who is actively averse to sex Has A Problem...

 

But more generally: I feel like we are mixing two things. These are two different axes of attitudes towards sex. The first is the axis of personal feelings about sex: repulsed, averse, indifferent, favorable. The second is the axis of political stance about sex: positive, neutral, negative. As EggplantWitch showed above, it's completely possible to be even on the "opposite" ends of these both scales at the same time, such as being personally sex-repulsed and politically sex-positive.

That said, I've never identified as sex-positive. But it doesn't mean that I'm against people having sex.

First of all, I believe that saying "sex is good" doesn't offer enough protection against unwanted sex. Even if we put as much emphasis as possible on consent, in a sex-positive discourse many people may feel as if "I don't want to" is not good enough. Because of this I believe that sex is neutral by itself. Any value judgement of sex should be based on its circumstances. If two people love each other and want it, it's good. But if it's less than 100% desired, it's wrong and shouldn't happen in a fair society in which people have equal opportunities to access and express their thoughtfeelings. An example I particularly "like" because it's very common: boys pressuring their girlfriends to "prove their love". This is just too common to be pushed aside. I've read somewhere that in our culture for 2/3 of young women their first time is "consensual, but not really wanted". This is horrible and I just feel like the "sex is good" rhetoric can even make matters worse - it may make young people think like there's nothing to regret because nobody can dislike the Greatest Pleasure on Earth. For some people it's not so easy to say "no" when not having sex is not even presented anywhere as a valid option!

Being against too much sexual content in the media also doesn't equal believing that sex is something bad. For me it's just feminism. I'm shocked how skimpy have sport outfits become (the most horrible example: compare male and female outfits in beach volleyball and camera work for male and female matches) because I don't want women to be viewed as sex objects only. I don't even think that looking sexy is something bad, I just want all expectations of looking sexy to be erased. People who don't feel comfortable in skimpy clothes should have a right to wear what they want without being perceived as weirdoes or being accused of "shaming other people".

It's not so easy to separate sex and relationships from social inequality - first of all straight sex, but it's not like gay or lesbian sex and love is immune from heteronormative expectations! Still I don't think that the solution is to shame sex. This would be counterproductive. The solution is to reform our social life, including sexual expectations, so that people can make truly informed choices.

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Jayce   
Jayce

Sex repulsed ace here!

I'm not against others doing it, as long as I don't have to watch it happening live i'm cool with whatever they'd like to do..it's honestly between them and their partner.

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gaogao   
gaogao
2 hours ago, Nowhere Girl said:

I feel like we are mixing two things. These are two different axes of attitudes towards sex. The first is the axis of personal feelings about sex: repulsed, averse, indifferent, favorable. The second is the axis of political stance about sex: positive, neutral, negative.

I think we're mixing this all up too, and I also think we should note that these are both also entirely independent of sexuality, since there are people who are sexual and sex-repulsed / sexual and sex-negative as well.

 

I've felt like the AVEN community is generally mixed in terms of personal feelings about sex, but the political stance here is quite well-tilted towards more neutral/positive - mostly because tbh, being sex-negative (whether you're ace or not) means you're actually supporting a lot of really harmful societal views. 

 

As heteronormative and sex-obsessed society is, it's also plenty sex-negative as well, which makes for some real awful dynamics.

 

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Pramana   
Pramana

I am sex-repulsed personally and sex-neutral ideologically. I disagree with sex-positivism because the wording creates a linguistic erasure of asexuals, and because sex-positivism originates from the notions that consensual sex is an unqualified good and that people who avoid sex are repressed. Sex-neturality better reflects the standpoint that sexuality is neither a good thing nor a bad thing, and that asexuality and asexual forms of intimacy are just as worthy as sexuality and sexual forms of intimacy.

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Nowhere Girl   
Nowhere Girl
2 hours ago, Pramana said:

I am sex-repulsed personally and sex-neutral ideologically. I disagree with sex-positivism because the wording creates a linguistic erasure of asexuals, and because sex-positivism originates from the notions that consensual sex is an unqualified good and that people who avoid sex are repressed. Sex-neturality better reflects the standpoint that sexuality is neither a good thing nor a bad thing, and that asexuality and asexual forms of intimacy are just as worthy as sexuality and sexual forms of intimacy.

I very much agree, though I prefer calling myself "sex-averse", not "sex-repulsed" (OK with sex in general, no-no to any idea of personally engaging in sex). As for the ideaological side, I would add that for me any value judgement of sex must take context into consideration: saying "sex is good" or "sex is bad" is empty because it doesn't acknowledge the multitude of particular situations. If sex can be good or bad depending on circumstances, the logical conclusion is that sex itself is neutral.

Plus, even though I've already written it twice somewhere: I fear that the "sex is good" rhetoric doesn't offer enough protection against unwanted sex. Yes, there are a lot of texts on sex positivity which acknowledge asexuality and say that sex positivity is not about liking sex or being obliged to like sex. But still if we say that "sex is good", it puts too much pressure on people who already often feel that there must be something wrong about their feelings (even though it's not just asexuals who are put under too much pressure). For me no sex positivity is acceptable without abstinence-positivity, without saying clearly that sex is exclusively for people who are sure that they want it. Today I imagined another term: I'm sex-serious! I consider sex a serious issue, I think it has great potential - including the negative potential. While I have been in neither of these two situations, I believe that having unwanted sex is psychologically much more harmful than not having sex you want. Great harm can be done by pressuring someone else or oneself into unwanted sex, so the culture would do better to acknowledge that sex is something more than "fun", something really serious.

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Saesha   
Saesha

Liek oh my god people being negative on a forum (where btw?) Is so bad it's just as bad as House (someone on here told me an ace wrote the script but it wasn't deemed entertaining enough so they changed it.) saying to it's millions of viewers that asexuality is a disease and a pretense, it's sooo bad almost like when my non ace therapist doesn't believe me and says I've got a disorder, it's so bad that I just want to be seen as normal but can't come out cause my non ace family will dismiss me but ppl were allegedly talking bad on a forum *cries* 😢😢😢😢

 

Sex neutral ace here. Sex and sexual acts are not the issue for me it's the attitudes and regards these people hold sex up to and the lack of respect and overwhelming ignorance they show to those who don't want it. Treating people like they are not human because they don't want to stimulate your genitals isn't gonna sit well with a lot of people. 

 

Sure you can say aces do the same but we're not the ones telling sexuals they are an disorder and we're not the majority pushing others down (it's not just sexuals there's been a rise in disdain against majority groups over the past few years) Some asexuals may not be repulsed but we're still hurt by non ace discrimination.

 

 Besides your mama bear needs a nap or to enjoy life before hibernation season because non aces do a pretty good job of being sex negative on their own whether it be policing women's sexual health, enforcing the law, media, religion and some cultures.

 

 

Edited by Saesha

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knittinghistorian   
knittinghistorian

I'm sex-repulsed, but I'm not against sex generally, for other people. I tend to have a reaction of "are you really sure you want to do that??", but it's just an emotional reaction, because I don't get it, and wouldn't want to do it myself.  I can't imagine wanting sex, but I accept intellectually that people do.

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Nowhere Girl   
Nowhere Girl
4 hours ago, knittinghistorian said:

I'm sex-repulsed, but I'm not against sex generally, for other people. I tend to have a reaction of "are you really sure you want to do that??", but it's just an emotional reaction, because I don't get it, and wouldn't want to do it myself.  I can't imagine wanting sex, but I accept intellectually that people do.

That's a good reaction, also because people who choose to have sex should be absolutely sure that they want it. "Because he's been asking" is not good enough. "Sealing the deal" is not good enough. "What the heck, everybody could, so why not me" is not good enough. Sex is exclusively for the fully willing, not for those who are only OK with trying, because one can do oneself a lot of harm with unwanted sex.

As I've already written elsewhere: if it's true that for 2/3 of young women the first time is "consensual, but not really wanted", then we - as a culture - really have a problem.

Does it mean that I'm against sex? No, I'm against sexual pressure masquerading as empowerment.

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SamwiseLovesLife   
SamwiseLovesLife
On 15/08/2017 at 10:25 AM, Nowhere Girl said:

That's a good reaction, also because people who choose to have sex should be absolutely sure that they want it. "Because he's been asking" is not good enough. "Sealing the deal" is not good enough. "What the heck, everybody could, so why not me" is not good enough. Sex is exclusively for the fully willing, not for those who are only OK with trying, because one can do oneself a lot of harm with unwanted sex.

As I've already written elsewhere: if it's true that for 2/3 of young women the first time is "consensual, but not really wanted", then we - as a culture - really have a problem.

Does it mean that I'm against sex? No, I'm against sexual pressure masquerading as empowerment.

PREACH TO THE MASSES

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@RealTracy   
@RealTracy

For me it is mostly about people having the attitude that if you don't want sex there must be something wrong with you. I do not think I have any negative issues with sex I just don't care to participate in it or talk about it all the time. I think society places to my emphasis on sex. I understand it has it's place in some relationships and the continuation of the species yada yada yada...But really I have never heard of anyone dying because they did not have sex and I am pretty sure the human race won't die out because there are Asexuals in the world. Just my thoughts. :D

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gisiebob   
gisiebob

I think I understand  the sex repulsed as much as I understand the allosexual.

 

edit: sad face emoticon

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Lady Kestrel   
Lady Kestrel

Sex-repulsed ace here. However, I am not sex-negative. I do not hate allosexuals nor do I hate sex. I just do not want it myself. I would compare my personal dislike of sex to my dislike of oranges. The smell of oranges makes me sick and I try to avoid it, but I wouldn't get mad at other people for enjoying something just because I don't like it. I'll just hold my nose and ignore it, simple as that. In fact I want you to have an orange or have consensual sex if you like it and it makes you happy. I think the OP got Sex-repulsion and Sex-negativity mixed up. From my understanding, Sex-repulsion is a negative personal reaction to sexual content, Sex-negativity is a negative value statement about sex and those who engage in it.

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Deus Ex Infinity   
Deus Ex Infinity
On 10.8.2017 at 9:29 AM, Sammer Jammers said:

I don't know why, but I have been seeing a lot of posts saying that asexuals hate sex/sexuals lately and it's really upsetting me. I see the asexual community as an open accepting space, not just for asexuals, for everyone. And I'm quite proud to be part of such of a group. Everyone I have met or have talked to have been amazingly open and accepting. 

 

Though I have recently see posts saying that asexuals "rage agains sex" or we view sexuals negatively and it's drawing my inner mama bear out that wants to protect my home and family.

 

If you think that all asexuals are repulsed by sex and/or hate sexuals please leave a comment with your reasoning so that maybe I can clear up any misconceptions. 

I'm ceratinly not a big fan of "having sex" while yet being clearly aware of my libido, even if it's extremly low. Not every ace is sex repulsed or hatred. It's also important to highlight one minor detail here: It's ok to be repulsed but there's no need to hate or rage against sex. It doesn't make any sense at all anyway. Why should you fight or waste your energy on something that won't ever change and simply needs to be accepted as necessary part of human existence? You don't have to like it but it still keeps this world alive.

So be it.

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Hey you in the corner   
Hey you in the corner

Fairly sex-repulsed ace here. For those of you who get your information about aces via social media sites other than AVEN, *cough, you know who you are, cough* not all aces flip out whenever sex is mentioned. Not all aces are absolutely repulsed by sex. No we don't all attack anyone who mentioned sex. Contrary to popular belief, aces are not robots with identical interfaces. We come in with different opinions, views, and experiences. Thank you. 

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City_Flyer   
City_Flyer

I'm not sex-repulsed, and I'm not anti-sex. I just don't see it as anything special and I find my co-workers' constant conversations about it boring.

 

I'm also not nudity averse. Again, I just don't see it as anything special. One part of the body is just the same as any other part, as far as I'm concerned.

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Teagan1   
Teagan1

I am greysexual. 

 

I have had a bad experience with sex and because of it I do have some sex-repulsion for myself. 

 

but, that repulsion is NOT the reason why I identify as ace at all. grey-ace, I mean. the reason I know I am ~ace, is something which I can relate to even back to when I was young and clueless about any sort of identity or label or sexuality or anything. I was ~ace before I was sex-repulsed, and my being sex-repulsed moreso has to do with me trying to force myself to be in a "normal healthy" relationship. 

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