anon12345678 Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 So I'm a nineteen year old girl and I've always just taken for granted that I just wasn't really ready for sex yet, and I assumed I would want it have it at some point, so I've always identified as straight. I had a few high school boyfriends, but the furthest I'd ever gotten with them was kissing. I didn't even like them touching my butt. So almost two years ago, I was making out with my boyfriend at the time (also my most recent boyfriend) and we'd been going out for almost 9 months. I had felt uncomfortable with him before because even though he hadn't really been pushing me to do anything I didn't want to, he'd keep asking "if I was ready" constantly even though I'd made up the excuse that I was waiting until marriage. So one night, we finished our date early and he decided we could make out in his backseat in the parking lot of the public library (which was closed). I was like "sure" but then when we were kissing he kept trying to touch me in places I had told him before I didn't want to be touched. I have to mention that at this point I was starting to think of myself as a prude, as several girls I knew had already had sex and here I was afraid to even think about it. It just doesn't seem like a fun activity you know? So anyway, suddenly I went from sitting up to being pushed down and he had his pants unzipped and pushing himself in my face and I was so panicked I slapped him and got out of the car. He apologized, drove me home, and a week or so after that we broke up, because I assume he was tired of waiting. I haven't had a boyfriend or had any desire to have one since. I know I've never seen the appeal in sex, and its probably due to this one bad experience that I'm peeved from the idea of it, but now two years later the incident doesn't bother all that much anymore and yet I still don't understand why society and the media thinks sex is so important, nor to I see the appeal. It wasn't until very recently that I even considered that maybe the reason sex isn't for me isn't because I'm weird or a prude, but because it just isn't in my nature. I don't know, but I'd sure like some answers. I don't think I'd be disgusted by having sex, I just haven't ever had the urge to, and I'm not sure I ever will. I just want to make sure I'm not making a bigger deal out of this than necessary, and that it's not all in my head. Link to post Share on other sites
roland.o Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 Hello and welcome to these forums, girlfromspace42. I like that number, by the way :-) Please have some cake! I'm sorry you had that bad experience with your last boyfriend. What you describe about your feelings sounds like you might be asexual, or grey A. I hope that you'll find some helpful resources and friends around here. Personally, I found the wiki page on different types of attraction revealing: http://wiki.asexuality.org/Attraction Link to post Share on other sites
anon12345678 Posted August 9, 2017 Author Share Posted August 9, 2017 4 minutes ago, roland.o said: Hello and welcome to these forums, girlfromspace42. I like that number, by the way :-) Please have some cake! I'm sorry you had that bad experience with your last boyfriend. What you describe about your feelings sounds like you might be asexual, or grey A. I hope that you'll find some helpful resources and friends around here. Personally, I found the wiki page on different types of attraction revealing: http://wiki.asexuality.org/Attraction Thank you so much! I hope I'll find helpful resources and friends on this site too. And 42 is a great number. 🤗 Link to post Share on other sites
Karacoreable Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 Welcome to AVEN! I've not been here long myself, but it's been brilliant so far! I hope it helps you and I'm pretty sure it will. That was just a really really unpleasant way for your ex to behave. I'm sorry that happened to you, what a horrible thing for someone to do! If you read a bit about other people's experiences on here, hopefully you'll find stuff that just clicks and fits with what you feel. In line with tradition: here's cake! Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 5 hours ago, girlfromspace42 said: I know I've never seen the appeal in sex, and its probably due to this one bad experience that I'm peeved from the idea of it, but now two years later the incident doesn't bother all that much anymore and yet I still don't understand why society and the media thinks sex is so important, nor to I see the appeal. It wasn't until very recently that I even considered that maybe the reason sex isn't for me isn't because I'm weird or a prude, but because it just isn't in my nature. I don't know, but I'd sure like some answers. I don't think I'd be disgusted by having sex, I just haven't ever had the urge to, and I'm not sure I ever will. I just want to make sure I'm not making a bigger deal out of this than necessary, and that it's not all in my head. Hello and welcome! Even though I wasn't a traditional person with sexually conservative views as a teenager, I used a number of excuses for why I delayed trying sex (until I took the plunge with the help of liquid courage in the least personal and intimate setting), and avoided a number of normal dating relationships that would've involved a normal sex life in my 20s. It was my appearance, it was my excessively high standards, it was because I'm a bitch - but after these were proven wrong multiple times by people showing genuine sexual interest in me that by all rational measures I would've reciprocated, I realized that it was sex itself that I found to be just not my thing. It took some soul searching over time to come to the conclusion I was asexual, which didn't occur until my early 30s. It seems like in your situation, you are coming to this realization at a much earlier age than me. You may get a lot of people saying that you just haven't found the right person, or you just need to loosen up a bit and try it, but ultimately that's your choice. You owe nothing to anyone but yourself. Your feelings and experiences are not imaginary. They're valid and real. If you want to try out sex just to see if anything clicks, that is your choice to make and many people have done that. If you don't want to try out sex because it just has absolutely no appeal to you, then that is completely valid. How you decide to approach this now is not written in stone, either. We're always growing as people, after all. Link to post Share on other sites
Lirpaderp Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 9 hours ago, girlfromspace42 said: Thank you so much! I hope I'll find helpful resources and friends on this site too. And 42 is a great number. 🤗 Are those jazz hands, a hug, or both? I have no intention to redirect the main conversation.....I'm just curious.... I think I can relate a bit. When it comes to dating I've had one boyfriend. I was 16 at the time, now I'm 18. He was 2 years older than me so there were some legal things regarding sex and minors that prevented him from trying anything. I thought the law said something else, but I just kept quiet so I wouldn't be possibly persuaded into it. But he really wanted to have sex. I didn't even let him kiss me. Blek. In all honesty I just wanted to be friends but he said nice things and I blushed and that was that. A few months later we weren't on speaking terms. He couldn't be around me unless we were in a relationship (I don't get it, but whatever), and I was out a buddy to play videogames with.... In the middle of all that I heard the term asexual and it made so much sense. It took an extra year for me to accept myself especially after telling people and getting dissed. Link to post Share on other sites
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