Dudette

I want to prove that I am bisexual, and not ace

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Yato   
Yato

We don't allow the policing of anyone's identity on AVEN. This means that, while you may think there is no need for labels for certain orientations, or you think some labels are silly, you're not allowed to say that on the site. You can discuss the aspects of each label and/or orientation but to say that someone has labeled themselves X "because it's more fun to talk about" can be really insulting to anyone who has labeled themselves X. We don't know what's in people's heads and hearts, and so therefore we can't tell them how they should or shouldn't label themselves.

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Sammer Jammers   
Sammer Jammers
On 8/8/2017 at 1:14 PM, Dudette said:

I have noticed that I share alot in common with autochorisexuals because I do not desire sex because I prefer to masturbate than to have sex with another person (for example if I had three choices sex with woman or sex with man or masturbation then I would choose to masturbate), I was told here that this would indicate that I am asexual, but lately, I have observed that I am able to get aroused by the act, and not visually which happened 2 times in my life. For example, I am not able to get turn on by looking at naked people or erotica (I tried very hard to change, but I was not able), but I am able to get turn on by pornography, or just the act of having sex. I was quite happy because it means that I am able to have sex with another person without any problems. Since I am able to have sex with two genders then I have to be bisexual even if I get turn on by the act of having sex. and not visually.

 I talked to @Puck lately, they said that there are aces who are able to get turn on by the act which would indicate that I am asexual still, but there is a difference between aces and me.

I do not use so much metaphor to explain something so simple "I do not want to have sex, because I do not find it fun like when I masturbate" :P, I find sex neutral, and I have nothing against it, but at the same time I do not have nothing for it (some asexuals say it could be still asexuality, but I disagree because I think asexuality has to be 100% negative otherwise what is the difference between bisexual and asexual?). Also Many people on AVEN says that sexuals desire sex, however, by asking people directly about it (friends and family) I have observed that I can be bisexual who is not interested in sex, and who wouldn't mind to have asexual relationship, and who wouldn't mind to have sexual relationship because most people who I asked, agreed with me that they do not "desire sex"; therefore, sexuals do not feel sexual desire like myself (they can be in asexual relationship, and they do not need sex at all).

Additionally, I was told that sexual get turn on visually (which is called sexual attraction), but most of the sexual people told me that they get turn on by making out and by the act itself.

Which indicates that I can be bisexual who does not experience sexual attraction nor sexual desire, and I want to call myself bisexual because I am able to have sex with both genders which makes me very happy because I can be in asexual and sexual relationship with both genders.

 

What do you think I can be bisexual (able to have sex with both genders) who does not experience sexual desire and sexual attraction?

This sounds a lot like you are a sex neutral or a sex positive asexual... Or i Guess you could not be what labels you chose are up to you. Just please don't assume all asexuals are repulsed by sex or negative to it.

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BionicPi   
BionicPi
On 08/08/2017 at 5:10 PM, Dudette said:

sexual person does not look for any community of sexuals because he knows that he is normal.

why does asexual person look for community of asexuals?

Alternatively, we as individuals search for those that share common experiences, so the sexual doesn't need to seek a community, because they already have one. I've met one other a-spec person IRL, so yeah, I'd prefer to have people to talk about and share related experiences.

 

10 hours ago, Dudette said:

I agree that there are some homosexuals who are able to have sex with opposite sex. Therefore, I like to measure sexuality also in economical terms such us utility (happiness) if homo/hetero/ace/mixed bring me positive utility even though I do not experience sexual desire. Even though I find masturbation with higher utility than sex (sex is not negative utility), I still find higher utility to be with someone than alone.

Then I have to be bisexual because I would rather be in sexual relationship than alone and overall it brings me positive utility. By my understanding many of asexual find sex as negative utility, and I find this a very good reason to call yourself asexual then (because its like homosexual being in heterosexual relationship, you find the overall experience as negative utility), but if you do not find sex as negative utility and you do not experience sexual desire or sexual attraction then I think that you are "some" (some is reference that there are some sexuals who are like this) sexual like myself because you can be happy in a sexual relationship. I am sorry if I made some sex-positive asexual angry because of this, but I do not want to identify as asexual (even if I could in your opinion).

Identify how you wish, however I'd like to refute your argument, with it's imposition of sexuality. The reason I ID as ace is my lack of sexual attraction. Full stop. I'm not sex repulsed, but I'm still ace. 

Additionally, I believe your argument is generating confusion and refutation for your choice of definitions. The google definition of bisexual is"a person who is sexually attracted to both men and women." Alternatively, a person sexually attracted to 2 or more genders. Thus by most interpretations, you have said you don't experience sexual attraction, but aren't sex repulsed, therefore you experience sexual attraction to 2 or more genders... See where you lost me?

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Emanresu Yllisa   
Emanresu Yllisa

Yes, if you came to AVEN asking about your identity, most of us here would suggest that you might be asexual. That is because you share experiences (I.e. not feeling sexual attraction or desire for sex) associated with asexual people that not many sexual people experience. I'm sorry if you feel like people are pushing you to ID as ace but you do not have to do so if you don't want to, even if it concerns you that you would fit our definition.  You don't need to prove anything, just identify as bisexual like you want to and most of the population won't challenge you on it, because many haven't even heard of asexuality. You will get a few aces saying you might be ace, but if they're on this site then they're not allowed to outright tell you how to identify so they'd be in the wrong. Just tell them you identify as bi and call them out on trying to convince you otherwise when it's not their place to do so. 

 

Likewise, it is not your place to post on the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network and tell a group of people identifying as asexual what your interpretation our orientation is, especially since it's contradicting our own. I get that you don't want to be associated with our orientation but frankly it's a d*ck move to try to redefine asexuality just to feel more secure in your own identity. What you are saying boils down to "I don't want to offend sex positive or sex neutral aces but I don't think you're actually asexual, because if I accepted that you actually are ace then I would feel less secure identifying as bisexual." Well, you're offending them. It's kinda hard not to when you're outright invalidating them just to make yourself feel better. Instead of feeling better about yourself at the expense of others, try to feel more confident in your own authority over labelling your orientation. You fit the definition of being asexual, but in your opinion you are bisexual. That first part cannot and should not be used against your opinion, because it's your sexuality so how you refer to it is completely your choice. Just don't make the mistake of expanding that by claiming that everyone who has similar experiences to you (sex positive or neutral aces) has the same orientation (not asexual), because that is exactly what you were feeling uncomfortable about in the beginning, people overruling your own authority to tell you how to label yourself.

 

@BionicPi if they want to identify as bisexual despite not experiencing sexual attraction, they can. I don't know if you meant it this way, but please don't imply they shouldn't.

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Livyia   
Livyia
2 hours ago, Emanresu Yllisa said:

Yes, if you came to AVEN asking about your identity, most of us here would suggest that you might be asexual. That is because you share experiences (I.e. not feeling sexual attraction or desire for sex) associated with asexual people that not many sexual people experience. I'm sorry if you feel like people are pushing you to ID as ace but you do not have to do so if you don't want to, even if it concerns you that you would fit our definition.  You don't need to prove anything, just identify as bisexual like you want to and most of the population won't challenge you on it, because many haven't even heard of asexuality. You will get a few aces saying you might be ace, but if they're on this site then they're not allowed to outright tell you how to identify so they'd be in the wrong. Just tell them you identify as bi and call them out on trying to convince you otherwise when it's not their place to do so. 

 

Likewise, it is not your place to post on the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network and tell a group of people identifying as asexual what your interpretation our orientation is, especially since it's contradicting our own. I get that you don't want to be associated with our orientation but frankly it's a d*ck move to try to redefine asexuality just to feel more secure in your own identity. What you are saying boils down to "I don't want to offend sex positive or sex neutral aces but I don't think you're actually asexual, because if I accepted that you actually are ace then I would feel less secure identifying as bisexual." Well, you're offending them. It's kinda hard not to when you're outright invalidating them just to make yourself feel better. Instead of feeling better about yourself at the expense of others, try to feel more confident in your own authority over labelling your orientation. You fit the definition of being asexual, but in your opinion you are bisexual. That first part cannot and should not be used against your opinion, because it's your sexuality so how you refer to it is completely your choice. Just don't make the mistake of expanding that by claiming that everyone who has similar experiences to you (sex positive or neutral aces) has the same orientation (not asexual), because that is exactly what you were feeling uncomfortable about in the beginning, people overruling your own authority to tell you how to label yourself.

 

@BionicPi if they want to identify as bisexual despite not experiencing sexual attraction, they can. I don't know if you meant it this way, but please don't imply they shouldn't.

Thank you!!! 

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BionicPi   
BionicPi
4 hours ago, Emanresu Yllisa said:

@BionicPi if they want to identify as bisexual despite not experiencing sexual attraction, they can. I don't know if you meant it this way, but please don't imply they shouldn't.

Apologies. My intent was to look at what seemed to me to be the break between views, although now I realise my phrasing was perhaps unspecific.

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EggplantWitch   
EggplantWitch

Dude. Identify however you want. Call yourself ace if it makes you feel comfortable. Call yourself bi if that makes you comfortable. Call yourself biromantic ace, or queer, or questioning, or don't call yourself anything at all. You're the only one who knows for sure - which is also why you should never tell anyone else how they should identify or call the way they identify into question, because you don't know shit about how they feel the same way none of us really know shit about the exact way you feel, no matter how hard we might try to get it across to one another.

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FictoVore.   
FictoVore.

-I've been physically celibate for 6 years now

-I don't mind if I never have sex again

-I don't 'look at attractive people and get horny'

-I don't even get aroused from seeing sex.

-I need to have a strong emotional connection with someone before I can even consider being sexually intimate with them, and it's rare that I develop those sorts of connections

-I have no interest in having PiV or being given oral, I don't enjoy the sensations of being stimulated in that way by another person.

 

I am still 100% sexual because under some circumstances, when my libido is doing the right thing, if I have a strong enough emotional bond with someone, I do desire certain types of sexual activity for pleasure. And I do think about sex a fair bit, and c*cks, I think about them a lot (as long as they're attached to someone I love). 

 

There aren't a specific set of requirements for being sexual (other than having an innate desire to connect sexually with others for pleasure under some circumstances), and yes many people on AVEN have misunderstood what it means to be sexual but obviously we can't really talk about that (even for educational purposes) without risking a warn. I don't experience any type of arousal upon seeing a certain type of person or watching sex or anything, but that doesn't make me any less sexual. I'm just a sexual person who doesn't give much of a toss about sex and requires a very specific set of circumstances to be able to desire it with someone else. There are plenty of sexuals like me out there, regardless of what some on AVEN may think.

 

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gaogao   
gaogao
On 8/9/2017 at 10:22 PM, Dudette said:

 

I agree that there are some homosexuals who are able to have sex with opposite sex. Therefore, I like to measure sexuality also in economical terms such us utility (happiness) if homo/hetero/ace/mixed bring me positive utility even though I do not experience sexual desire. Even though I find masturbation with higher utility than sex (sex is not negative utility), I still find higher utility to be with someone than alone.

Then I have to be bisexual because I would rather be in sexual relationship than alone and overall it brings me positive utility. By my understanding many of asexual find sex as negative utility, and I find this a very good reason to call yourself asexual then (because its like homosexual being in heterosexual relationship, you find the overall experience as negative utility), but if you do not find sex as negative utility and you do not experience sexual desire or sexual attraction then I think that you are "some" (some is reference that there are some sexuals who are like this) sexual like myself because you can be happy in a sexual relationship. I am sorry if I made some sex-positive asexual angry because of this, but I do not want to identify as asexual (even if I could in your opinion).

... lol tbh the whole 'utility' thing here sounds very similar to stuff I've said when I tried to explain to my partner how I feel about sex, so I think I get where you are coming from on this. However, I do think that one can still consider themselves sex-neutral/sex-positive (as in, willing and able to have sex to preserve a relationship) while still deriving "negative utility" from partnered sex. It just depends I think on your definitions of sex-neutral/sex-positive and indeed "positive/negative utility".

 

On the other hand, as others have said hereAVEN's policies mean that we can't frame any of these arguments about definition objectively. We also can't try to re-define Asexuality as it applies to others, only to ourselves. To be honest, I can kind of understand the logic behind having a policy where no one here can tell another person how to identify - bc not only is it impossible to understand everything about a person's experience from a forum post, there is also a rather subjective line between defining asexuality and invalidating other people's identities, which is something AVEN wants to avoid as a safe space for people who are questioning. I do think it can be limiting, and there are probably a lot of misconceptions going around because of it, but the best we can do to educate others is continue to say "I identify as x because of y" and provide more context of the different ways sexuals (and asexuals) experience sexuality (or the lack of it). 

 

For the record I agree with @FictoVore. in terms of their view of sexuality, and I think she's done a lot to highlight the ways that sexual peoples' experiences can align and overlap with the things people here seem to connect with asexuality.

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Federstein   
Federstein
On 9.8.2017 at 11:22 PM, Dudette said:

I am sorry if I made some sex-positive asexual angry because of this, but I do not want to identify as asexual (even if I could in your opinion).

As far as I can see nobody in this thread is stopping you from simply not identifying as asexual. How you identify doesn't change the fact that you do share many similarities with ace people though. But why should that stop you from simply identifying as bisexual if that is your wish? :)

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Federstein   
Federstein
On 9.8.2017 at 11:22 PM, Dudette said:

.

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alpha decay   
alpha decay

okay so I've read this thread and I have one question:

who actually cares what you identify with? there's no need to announce to the whole world that you are this or that, it only makes you sound like you wanted to prove something.

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Deus Ex Infinity   
Deus Ex Infinity
15 minutes ago, alpha decay said:

okay so I've read this thread and I have one question:

who actually cares what you identify with? there's no need to announce to the whole world that you are this or that, it only makes you sound like you wanted to prove something.

I was actually wondering about the same thing tbh. Some people just seem to need those things for boosting their ego or self-attitude I guess?

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FictoVore.   
FictoVore.
2 hours ago, Deus Ex Infinity said:

I was actually wondering about the same thing tbh. Some people just seem to need those things for boosting their ego or self-attitude I guess?

haha that makes me sound bad as I'm always making a thing out of it (even though I don't really 'identify' as anything, I just know I'm more sexual than ace). I do it because I used to think I was ace, then I got more experience through mental exploration and online relationships etc and realised that no, I'm actually like many of the sexual people I have met, minus any desire to have 'vanilla' sex, lol. But other than that, I do desire a sexually intimate connection under a specific set of circumstances. I like to express my feelings about all that a lot here because it could help others who are feeling confused or help people learn more about how it feels to actually be sexual, from the perspective of someone who has been on both sides of the fence (so to speak). I know that's different than what you meant (as you were talking about the original post mainly) but it made me realise, I do go around announcing my sexuality a lot here which probably gets annoying for some :P

 

My comment to the OP is: sure, if you think you're bisexual then go for it. You can explain to others why you used to think you are ace and what changed your mind. I will say though, many sexual people say things like 'oh yeah, I could go without sex easily' without actually really thinking about what that means. When you're deeply in love with someone and your body is overwhelmed with desire to be sexually intimate with them as a result of the intense hormones involved in romantic love, and they don't ever want sex in return and feel it's quite strange that you want it so bad, that can shatter a sexual person and drive them to deep misery, even if they initially assumed they could go without sex. I've seen that a lot over the years here with sexuals coming to AVEN because they knowingly got into a relationship with an ace believing no sex would be fine, until they realized that 'sex' was only one aspect of what they were giving up. A much more vital aspect was that deep, intimate connection that sexual people experience through sexual interaction. Of course there are many forms of intimacy, but sexual intimacy is in one specific category that is very important to many sexuals. Like I said, I'm happy to go without sex for the rest of my life, BUT if I was in a romantic relationship and desired that connection with my partner, and didn't feel that desire back, I WOULD be very hurt. But if I never had another romantic relationship I really could happily go without sex as i could never desire it with a random person. So when you say you've talked to lots of sexual people who say they 'Don't desire sex' I feel they may not have been looking the situation from all the angles. Also, it's actually quite rare for sexual people to literally say "nah I don't desire sex at all, ever" so it seems odd to me that you found so many people who felt that way. Do you think they thought you meant something else? Like, desiring sex with random people (which is actually less common) or something like that?

 

You could just say "I'm a bisexual who doesn't desire partnered sex".. that's what I used to say when I was younger before I discovered asexuality haha. I'd actually tell people "I'm bisexual without the sexual part" :P ..Life was very confusing for me back then! :cake:

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humantoafault   
humantoafault

 I think the line between low libido and ace can be hard to spot sometimes. I did go through a period of questioning if I was ace, cuz I don't desire sexual stuff very strongly. I agree that sexual people will have a basic desire for sexual connection with others, that's the difference between them and aces and gray-aces.

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alpha decay   
alpha decay

okay so I noticed the thread name says "I want to prove that...", but why do you even want to prove it to the world? it's only your business what you identify with and the truth is that in reality nobody really cares.

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alibali   
alibali

I don't understand why you are commenting really if you are bisexual and against identifying as asexual. Your thread appears to be more about questioning people who identify as asexual. Many of us are open to relationships and individuals and couples will figure out their own compromises and behaviour. It's not abnormal to be asexual although it is not the "norm" but it shouldn't be up for questioning by anyone (I'm not now open to relationships, spent 30+ years being in relationships and active sexually, but now know I was asexual throughout. Just my experience).

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Federstein   
Federstein
13 hours ago, humantoafault said:

 I think the line between low libido and ace can be hard to spot sometimes. I did go through a period of questioning if I was ace, cuz I don't desire sexual stuff very strongly. I agree that sexual people will have a basic desire for sexual connection with others, that's the difference between them and aces and gray-aces.

So just out of interest, did you eventually make a decision identity-wise or did you just take it as it is in that you desire sexual stuff very seldomly and that it's not that important how to identify?

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humantoafault   
humantoafault
23 hours ago, Federstein said:

So just out of interest, did you eventually make a decision identity-wise or did you just take it as it is in that you desire sexual stuff very seldomly and that it's not that important how to identify?

I did decide I'm sexual and not ace or gray ace and that I simply have less sex drive than many sexuals do. 

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Dudette   
Dudette
On 8/11/2017 at 8:42 AM, FictoVore. said:

-I've been physically celibate for 6 years now

-I don't mind if I never have sex again

-I don't 'look at attractive people and get horny'

-I don't even get aroused from seeing sex.

-I need to have a strong emotional connection with someone before I can even consider being sexually intimate with them, and it's rare that I develop those sorts of connections

-I have no interest in having PiV or being given oral, I don't enjoy the sensations of being stimulated in that way by another person.

 

I am still 100% sexual because under some circumstances, when my libido is doing the right thing, if I have a strong enough emotional bond with someone, I do desire certain types of sexual activity for pleasure. And I do think about sex a fair bit, and c*cks, I think about them a lot (as long as they're attached to someone I love). 

 

There aren't a specific set of requirements for being sexual (other than having an innate desire to connect sexually with others for pleasure under some circumstances), and yes many people on AVEN have misunderstood what it means to be sexual but obviously we can't really talk about that (even for educational purposes) without risking a warn. I don't experience any type of arousal upon seeing a certain type of person or watching sex or anything, but that doesn't make me any less sexual. I'm just a sexual person who doesn't give much of a toss about sex and requires a very specific set of circumstances to be able to desire it with someone else. There are plenty of sexuals like me out there, regardless of what some on AVEN may think.

 

 

 

On 8/11/2017 at 3:02 PM, gaogao said:

... lol tbh the whole 'utility' thing here sounds very similar to stuff I've said when I tried to explain to my partner how I feel about sex, so I think I get where you are coming from on this. However, I do think that one can still consider themselves sex-neutral/sex-positive (as in, willing and able to have sex to preserve a relationship) while still deriving "negative utility" from partnered sex. It just depends I think on your definitions of sex-neutral/sex-positive and indeed "positive/negative utility".

 

On the other hand, as others have said hereAVEN's policies mean that we can't frame any of these arguments about definition objectively. We also can't try to re-define Asexuality as it applies to others, only to ourselves. To be honest, I can kind of understand the logic behind having a policy where no one here can tell another person how to identify - bc not only is it impossible to understand everything about a person's experience from a forum post, there is also a rather subjective line between defining asexuality and invalidating other people's identities, which is something AVEN wants to avoid as a safe space for people who are questioning. I do think it can be limiting, and there are probably a lot of misconceptions going around because of it, but the best we can do to educate others is continue to say "I identify as x because of y" and provide more context of the different ways sexuals (and asexuals) experience sexuality (or the lack of it). 

 

For the record I agree with @FictoVore. in terms of their view of sexuality, and I think she's done a lot to highlight the ways that sexual peoples' experiences can align and overlap with the things people here seem to connect with asexuality.


Thank you
 

 

On 8/11/2017 at 9:10 PM, Deus Ex Infinity said:

I was actually wondering about the same thing tbh. Some people just seem to need those things for boosting their ego or self-attitude I guess?

 

On 8/12/2017 at 7:22 AM, alpha decay said:

okay so I noticed the thread name says "I want to prove that...", but why do you even want to prove it to the world? it's only your business what you identify with and the truth is that in reality nobody really cares.

 

My point wasn't "to prove my sexuality", but to prove that "asexual spectrum which AVEN teaches fits some sexuals like myself and @FictoVore.".

The thing which I wanted to show was that there are three possibilities either:

-asexuality is not a spectrum and asexuals would only find sex or sexual relationship as negative utility (thus, it would be actually rare among out population)

-or asexual spectrum overlaps with sexual spectrum (thus making it not rare, and people like myself and @FictoVore. would be in both of the spectrums)

-or asexuality does not overlap with sexual spectrum (thus making asexuality pretty common among our population, and my whole family and some of my friends are asexuals).

-Here is the issue which I know to be the truth if we assume that asexuality is not a spectrum then sexual spectrum cannot be easily described by sexual attraction or sexual desire (yes you could argue that for majority sexuals it fits, but for minority sexuals it does not) because it would be just generation of sexuals.

-Also there is the issue of some asexuals not recognizing asexuality as spectrum which is even more confusing in my opinion because it would suggest that asexuality is not sexual orientation because it is an arguable term for a selected people based on something which in my opinion has nothing to do with sexual orientation (for example homosexual would identify as homosexuals because they want to be in some kind of sexual relationship with same-sex; thus, they are gay and they do not really look at sexual attraction or sexual desire which in my opinion is the right path because it does not complicate the sexual orientation; furthermore, they would not try to argue that they want to be in sexual relationship with opposite-sex because they are sex-positive, but not really experiencing sexual attraction; thus, they are gay).

-Additionally, if we recognize that there is a small asexual spectrum such as sex-positive/neutral then what is the difference between some bisexuals (who are not interested in sex and do not activity peruse sex (even in a relationship) and asexuals sex-positive/neutral?

-There is the issue of asexuals not recognizing that some sexuals are just not interested in sex and might not experience sexual attraction or sexual desire (even in a relationship); thus, thinking that they(asexuals) are abnormal or cannot be in asexual relationship with sexual.

-Also there is the issue of fluid sexuality, is it possible to have fluid sexuality from asexuality to sexuality and vice versa?  I think yes.

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Anonymous Pillow   
Anonymous Pillow

I don't really get this thread...

 

You are the only one that can label yourself, but it sounds more like you're trying to label asexuality as a whole? (Sorry if I'm misunderstanding)

 

And the definition of being asexual is pretty simple and straightforward:

 

Not having sexual desire or attraction to anyone of any gender. 

 

Pretty simple. 

 

If you choose to identify as bisexual, that's your choice, and it's cool. But what's the point of this thread? Why does it even exist? It doesn't make much sense.

 

Because it kinda sounds like like you're saying that some sexuals don't have sexual desire or attraction, which kinda makes it seem like asexuality isn't real, which it is, so I just don't get it. 

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Livyia   
Livyia
2 hours ago, Anonymous Pillow said:

I don't really get this thread...

 

You are the only one that can label yourself, but it sounds more like you're trying to label asexuality as a whole? (Sorry if I'm misunderstanding)

 

And the definition of being asexual is pretty simple and straightforward:

 

Not having sexual desire or attraction to anyone of any gender. 

 

Pretty simple. 

 

If you choose to identify as bisexual, that's your choice, and it's cool. But what's the point of this thread? Why does it even exist? It doesn't make much sense.

 

Because it kinda sounds like like you're saying that some sexuals don't have sexual desire or attraction, which kinda makes it seem like asexuality isn't real, which it is, so I just don't get it. 

Thank you!! All this thread has seemed to do from the beginning is attempt to undermine asexuality and demisexuality and the way we identify ourselves. There is NO reason to be trying to "prove" anything about anyone's sexual orientation - if someone is questioning their own and wants to ask questions or express doubts that's one thing but this thread has just seemed to serve to portray an erroneous point of view on asexuality and demisexuality and lecture those of us who identify that way on our OWN orientation - which is not something I expect to find in a community like this. And I think most if not all of us have ended up saying the same thing - identify how you want, but don't try to invalidate how we identify. 

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Rawrth   
Rawrth

This thread has given me a headache, but what I take away from this is that the OP doesn't really want anyone's opinion on their sexuality, but rather just wants to tell people that you can be bisexual without needing sex. 

And I think the issue here is that most people here already know that, it doesn't need to be "proven." You can identify as bisexual and have little to no libido. You can be asexual and still have sex. We're all different and we all identify as what makes us most comfortable, as what we feel fits us best.

 

You identifying as bisexual is fine - it's also fine if you want to say you're ace. I haven't seen anyone in this thread straight-up tell you you can't be bisexual. So you don't need to prove it. If people have told you the "ace" label would fit you better, it's because they are trying to help and offer you a suggestion. But that's all. As has been stated many times in this thread, you and anyone else can call yourself whatever you want. It matters to no one but you.

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Blackmare   
Blackmare

This thread honestly confused me so much. At first, I thought that @Dudette wanted advice about their sexuality, to which I'd tell them: "Well, sounds like you're a sex positive ace, probably biromantic." That would have been perfect and happy. Then it got weird - sounds like the OP wanted to just prove that AVEN's community here is too rigid in their ways and tell other people how they identify. To that, I'd say something more along the lines of: "Hey, not cool. AVEN has provided a brilliant community for asexuals and sexuals to get along together, which is rare since asexuals are such a marginalized group. Nobody here is telling you that you can or can't be X or Y, but I've seen a lot of you shooting down other people. We're all here to help you, that's our goal. You identify how you'd like to identify, but it sounds like your conceptions of the labels are a bit blurred. Maybe take your time and do some research before you come in here, guns blazing, talking about tearing down social constructs. I get that figuring this stuff out is tough, but please don't try to go dismantle what we've already built looking for a label to place upon yourself, instead search and find a label that you truly feel like you belong to. 

 

In conclusion: you are the only one who labels yourself, but in my eyes, looks like you're a biromantic sex-positive ace. Asexual = lack of sex drive, not exactly lack of enjoyment of sex. Bisexual =  wants to have sex with two genders. With this information, you can label yourself accordingly, and nobody else. 

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