Dudette

I want to prove that I am bisexual, and not ace

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Dudette   
Dudette

I have noticed that I share alot in common with autochorisexuals because I do not desire sex because I prefer to masturbate than to have sex with another person (for example if I had three choices sex with woman or sex with man or masturbation then I would choose to masturbate), I was told here that this would indicate that I am asexual, but lately, I have observed that I am able to get aroused by the act, and not visually which happened 2 times in my life. For example, I am not able to get turn on by looking at naked people or erotica (I tried very hard to change, but I was not able), but I am able to get turn on by pornography, or just the act of having sex. I was quite happy because it means that I am able to have sex with another person without any problems. Since I am able to have sex with two genders then I have to be bisexual even if I get turn on by the act of having sex. and not visually.

 I talked to @Puck lately, they said that there are aces who are able to get turn on by the act which would indicate that I am asexual still, but there is a difference between aces and me.

I do not use so much metaphor to explain something so simple "I do not want to have sex, because I do not find it fun like when I masturbate" :P, I find sex neutral, and I have nothing against it, but at the same time I do not have nothing for it (some asexuals say it could be still asexuality, but I disagree because I think asexuality has to be 100% negative otherwise what is the difference between bisexual and asexual?). Also Many people on AVEN says that sexuals desire sex, however, by asking people directly about it (friends and family) I have observed that I can be bisexual who is not interested in sex, and who wouldn't mind to have asexual relationship, and who wouldn't mind to have sexual relationship because most people who I asked, agreed with me that they do not "desire sex"; therefore, sexuals do not feel sexual desire like myself (they can be in asexual relationship, and they do not need sex at all).

Additionally, I was told that sexual get turn on visually (which is called sexual attraction), but most of the sexual people told me that they get turn on by making out and by the act itself.

Which indicates that I can be bisexual who does not experience sexual attraction nor sexual desire, and I want to call myself bisexual because I am able to have sex with both genders which makes me very happy because I can be in asexual and sexual relationship with both genders.

 

What do you think I can be bisexual (able to have sex with both genders) who does not experience sexual desire and sexual attraction?

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Livyia   
Livyia
1 hour ago, Dudette said:

Also I have observed that in AVEN people say "I prefer cake over sex", outside of AVEN, I have observed that everyone hates cakes because no one eats them (I do not eat cakes because I do not like the taste) which would indicate that you rage against sex while I find it neutral, and I have nothing against it, but at the same time I do not have nothing for it.

I kind of take exception to your characterization of us as "raging against sex" - just because we don't want it, and prefer another activity (as you cited, eating cake, as an example) does not mean we feel or are expressing any sort of rage. I don't even understand how you got there "I have observed everyone hates cake because no one eats it" so if we prefer cake over sex it must mean we REALLY hate sex? I highly doubt you've surveyed the entire world population - a lot of people like cake and a lot of people eat cake, it's kind of notorious for being considered a treat. If you don't like it fine but don't twist that into us "raging" against anything. And no, we're not "against" sex. Have all of it you want, or have none if you don't want is pretty  much the predominant philosophy you'll find here. A lot of us just get frustrated having it constantly shoved in our faces and being told we're abnormal and there is something wrong with us because we don't want it. I'm not trying to be rude, but I would really encourage you to both choose your words more carefully and use better units of analysis when making these claims, because I honestly found this part of your statement offensive. 

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Dudette   
Dudette
Just now, Livyia said:

I kind of take exception to your characterization of us as "raging against sex" - just because we don't want it, and prefer another activity (as you cited, eating cake, as an example) does not mean we feel or are expressing any sort of rage. I don't even understand how you got there "I have observed everyone hates cake because no one eats it" so if we prefer cake over sex it must mean we REALLY hate sex? I highly doubt you've surveyed the entire world population - a lot of people like cake and a lot of people eat cake, it's kind of notorious for being considered a treat. If you don't like it fine but don't twist that into us "raging" against anything. And no, we're not "against" sex. Have all of it you want, or have none if you don't want is pretty  much the predominant philosophy you'll find here. A lot of us just get frustrated having it constantly shoved in our faces and being told we're abnormal and there is something wrong with us because we don't want it. I'm not trying to be rude, but I would really encourage you to both choose your words more carefully and use better units of analysis when making these claims, because I honestly found this part of your statement offensive. 

Yea sorry, but I just disagree at one concept which is around here on AVEN, I was told many many times that asexuals like sex (when in relationship), and you are asexual if you do not experience sexual desire or sexual attraction, but I want to be bisexual, but the problem is that if I say that I am bisexual then everyone even AVEN says that I have to jump into sex-train which I do not want because I do not experience sexual desire nor sexual attraction, and overall I am not interested in sex.

 

I like the concept that asexuals find sex negative and not neutral like me because then what is the difference between asexuals and bisexuals?

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Livyia   
Livyia

Ok well regardless of your sexuality when you have sex and how much you have is your choice - that's the basic principle of consent. 

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MistySpring   
MistySpring

You can be a biromantic asexual? That is you being attracted to both genders but not in a sexual way just romantically, possibly sensually and aesthetically. Or an asexual that isn't repulsed by sex, hence could compromise to have sex if with a sexual partner? Or you could call yourself biromantic grey asexual? 

Or just go with bisexual then as long as you can explain your lack of desire for sex to a partner clearly.

 

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asexjoe   
asexjoe

Go have fun first and see how you feel about it later. There's no need for labels yet.

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Dudette   
Dudette
1 minute ago, Livyia said:

Ok well regardless of your sexuality when you have sex and how much you have is your choice - that's the basic principle of consent. 

 

Just now, MistySpring said:

You can be a biromantic asexual? That is you being attracted to both genders but not in a sexual way just romantically, possibly sensually and aesthetically. Or an asexual that isn't repulsed by sex, hence could compromise to have sex if with a sexual partner? Or you could call yourself biromantic grey asexual? 

 



Yea, but for some reason people do not understand that sexual can be in asexual relationship for fun, and also that some sexuals do not really experience sexual desire or even sexual attraction (if you consider sexual attraction as visual). I really talked to sexuals and they do not seem like monsters, you know? Some of them (25%) ironically are very similar to asexuals for example they do not get aroused visually, but by the act or touch or love like me! Some of them do not desire to have sex like me! This is the reason I want to call myself bisexual because I think that sexual person is 100% able to be in asexual relationship (happy like in sexual relationship) which would indicate what I am feeling. but at the same time I want to prove that asexual would not want to be in sexual relationship (she or he would prefer to be in asexual no matter what alot more than me like gay who does not want to be in heterosexual relationship).

 

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Livyia   
Livyia
4 minutes ago, Dudette said:

I really talked to sexuals and they do not seem like monsters, you know? 

 

Oh my gosh, NONE of us are calling them monsters! Where are you even coming up with these things?

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Dudette   
Dudette
7 minutes ago, Livyia said:

Oh my gosh, NONE of us are calling them monsters! Where are you even coming up with these things?

well look at this way, I talked to sexual person here on AVEN who got 2 warnings for saying that demisexual are sexuals and it is not something rare which would indicate that if someone would compare asexuals to sexuals like (asexual relationship is something normal because some sexuals do it too) then I would get a warning because I think that you are normal. What I am trying to say is that people on AVEN want to make a very clear line between sexual and asexual behaviour, but I have noticed that some sexual behave like asexuals (in asexual relationship) and some asexuals behave like sexuals (in sexual relationship), and it is not something strange.

 

For example this guy @asexjoe tells me that I have to go have fun (be in sexual relationship), but I am happy now in asexual relationship even if I am bisexual you see?

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Livyia   
Livyia
Just now, Dudette said:

well look at this way, I talked to sexual person here on AVEN who got 2 warnings for saying that demisexual are sexuals and it is not something rare which would indicate that if someone would compare asexuals to sexuals like (asexual relationship is something normal because some sexuals do it too) then I would get a warning because I think that you are normal. What I am trying to say is that people on AVEN want to make a very clear line between sexual and asexual behaviour, but I have noticed that some sexual behave like asexuals (in asexual relationship) and some asexuals behave like sexuals (in sexual relationship), and it is not something strange.

That person deserved a warning, they mischaracterized people's sexual orientation in a place meant to be safe and accepting. Demisexuals identify that way for a reason - because it is a DIFFERENT orientation than being sexual. There may be similarities, but they are not the exact same thing. And asexuality is not a behavior, it is a sexual orientation. So the same way there is a line between heterosexuality and homosexuality, or heterosexuality and bisexuality, or homosexuality and bisexuality, there is a clear line between asexuality and, for lack of a better term, sexuality. 

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asexjoe   
asexjoe
4 minutes ago, Dudette said:

I am happy now in asexual relationship even if I am bisexual you see?

No, I guess I don't. If you're happy without some kind of contrived sexual or asexual identity, why do you want one?

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Homer   
Homer
1 hour ago, Dudette said:

What do you think I can be bisexual (able to have sex with both genders) who does not experience sexual desire and sexual attraction?

To me it sounds like a sex-positive ace. You're okay with having sex, or you might even enjoy it, but it wouldn't bother you if you didn't have sex at all. Did I get this right?

 

What I didn't get was the "prove" part. What are you trying to prove? Why do you feel the need to prove anything? Who do you want to prove something to? To me it seems as if both you and your SO are okay with the way things are and that's all that matters :)

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Dudette   
Dudette

 

25 minutes ago, Livyia said:

That person deserved a warning, they mischaracterized people's sexual orientation in a place meant to be safe and accepting. Demisexuals identify that way for a reason - because it is a DIFFERENT orientation than being sexual. There may be similarities, but they are not the exact same thing. And asexuality is not a behavior, it is a sexual orientation. So the same way there is a line between heterosexuality and homosexuality, or heterosexuality and bisexuality, or homosexuality and bisexuality, there is a clear line between asexuality and, for lack of a better term, sexuality. 

But you see I could easily fit in demisexuality or even asexuality (if the act is not sexual attraction), but here is the trick in my opinion asexuality is supposed to mean limitation to be happy in sexual relationship thats why I do not want to call myself asexual, so logically I would I have to be bisexual, but I do not desire sex which would indicate that not every sexual desires sex. 

 

Demisexuality in my opinion is sub-orientation which ironically fits in sexuality (some sexuals like to take it very slow which is normal even 1-2 years I know a person who was dating a person for 3 years and he considers himself as sexual).

Additionally, I am kinda against creating more and more labels for every sexual behavior because it is more fun to talk about it (everyone has a little bit sexual behavoiur in each sexual orientation)

 

14 minutes ago, Homer said:

To me it sounds like a sex-positive ace. You're okay with having sex, or you might even enjoy it, but it wouldn't bother you if you didn't have sex at all. Did I get this right?

 

What I didn't get was the "prove" part. What are you trying to prove? Why do you feel the need to prove anything? Who do you want to prove something to? To me it seems as if both you and your SO are okay with the way things are and that's all that matters :)


I want to prove that there are some sexuals who do not desire sex or (logical or) sexual attraction.
So most sexuals can be only in sexual relationship, but  some sexuals can be in asexual relationship and sexual relationship (be fully happy in these relationships) while asexual can only be happy in asexual relationship.

So that I can call myself bisexual and aces and sexuals would agree with me.

 

 

25 minutes ago, asexjoe said:

No, I guess I don't. If you're happy without some kind of contrived sexual or asexual identity, why do you want one?

But I like labels, but here is the thing is that when I describe my sexuality to aces they would say I am in ace spectrum, and if I describe my sexuality to sexuals then they would say that I am bisexual. which would indicate that some aces and some bisexuals feel like me, so one of the sides have to be wrong especially when I was told that the act is normal among ace :(, and I thought that it is something only sexual have and are able to do because some sexual have it too.

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Livyia   
Livyia
6 minutes ago, Dudette said:

Demisexuality in my opinion is sub-orientation which ironically fits in sexuality (some sexuals like to take it very slow which is normal even 1-2 years I know a person who was dating a person for 3 years and he considers himself as sexual).

Additionally, I am kinda against creating more and more labels for every sexual behavior because it is more fun to talk about it (everyone has a little bit sexual behavoiur in each sexual orientation)

 

Ok well your opinion is straight up wrong - I am asexual, period. I do not have "a little bit" of other orientations in me. Other people identify as homosexual or heterosexual or bisexual or whatever and would make the same argument. And you don't seem to like labels given how hard you're working to prove that there are loopholes to each of them and everyone fits "a little bit" into all of them. And we don't create labels because "it's fun" - we have these labels so we know how to describe ourselves, that we're part of a community, and that we are not abnormal and there is nothing wrong with us. 

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MistySpring   
MistySpring
21 minutes ago, Dudette said:

 



Yea, but for some reason people do not understand that sexual can be in asexual relationship for fun, and also that some sexuals do not really experience sexual desire or even sexual attraction (if you consider sexual attraction as visual). I really talked to sexuals and they do not seem like monsters, you know? Some of them (25%) ironically are very similar to asexuals for example they do not get aroused visually, but by the act or touch or love like me! Some of them do not desire to have sex like me! This is the reason I want to call myself bisexual because I think that sexual person is 100% able to be in asexual relationship (happy like in sexual relationship) which would indicate what I am feeling. but at the same time I want to prove that asexual would not want to be in sexual relationship (she or he would prefer to be in asexual no matter what alot more than me like gay who does not want to be in heterosexual relationship).

 

Are you asking for help in how to identify or just wanting to bring up problems about different people's views on sexuality on Aven? On this site people won't agree completely about what is asexual and what isn't, which labels fit etc. That is just the way it is. You can't change how other's see it and they do not have to tell you how to identify unless you want to. The best you can do is figure out how you feel about it based on all the different knowledge you get and then decide how you wish to identify and what labels to use. For me personally the labels are used to explain how one experiences it, I don't care what you call yourself...I can say my opinion on it but it is up to you! 

I am demisexual myself and my attraction is very little connected to visuals/looks but I still am attracted to my partner and want sex because I love my partner and it is a way to feel emotionally close to them. I wish to say that you are misunderstanding demisexuality. Your friend is not demisexual because he wants to take it slow and not act on sexual attraction to the partner. Demisexuals do not even experience any sexual attraction or sexual desire until a strong emotional bond has been made that could take years even to spurr, usually even if the romantic feelings are there first. 

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Dudette   
Dudette
Just now, MistySpring said:

Are you asking for help in how to identify or just wanting to bring up problems about different people's views on sexuality on Aven? On this site people won't agree completely about what is asexual and what isn't, which labels fit etc. That is just the way it is. You can't change how other's see it and they do not have to tell you how to identify unless you want to. The best you can do is figure out how you feel about it based on all the different knowledge you get and then decide how you wish to identify and what labels to use. For me personally the labels are used to explain how one experiences it, I don't care what you call yourself...I can say my opinion on it but it is up to you! 

I am demisexual myself and my attraction is very little connected to visuals/looks but I still am attracted to my partner and want sex because I love my partner and it is a way to feel emotionally close to them. I wish to say that you are misunderstanding demisexuality. Your friend is not demisexual because he wants to take it slow and not act on sexual attraction to the partner. Demisexuals do not even experience any sexual attraction or sexual desire until a strong emotional bond has been made that could take years even to spurr, usually even if the romantic feelings are there first. 

But then is it wrong for me to call myself bisexual even though I do not experience sexual attraction nor sexual desire?

Just because through my observations there is something more into sexuality than these two.

Also I have observed that asexual spectrum and sexual spectrum overlap for example like myself I think I am bisexual, but someone who feels like me might say that he/she is asexual but sex-positive. Therefore I started think what is the problem that there are two people they feel the same way about their own sexuality, but they come to different conclusion of their sexualities

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Dudette   
Dudette
7 minutes ago, Livyia said:

Ok well your opinion is straight up wrong - I am asexual, period. I do not have "a little bit" of other orientations in me. Other people identify as homosexual or heterosexual or bisexual or whatever and would make the same argument. And you don't seem to like labels given how hard you're working to prove that there are loopholes to each of them and everyone fits "a little bit" into all of them. And we don't create labels because "it's fun" - we have these labels so we know how to describe ourselves, that we're part of a community, and that we are not abnormal and there is nothing wrong with us. 

but if you indicate that you are abnormal as asexual then I have to be also abnormal as sexual because I want to be in asexual relationship. (and also some sexuals also would be abnormal).

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Deus Ex Infinity   
Deus Ex Infinity
1 hour ago, Livyia said:

Ok well regardless of your sexuality when you have sex and how much you have is your choice - that's the basic principle of consent. 

Totally agreed.

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Livyia   
Livyia
Just now, Dudette said:

but if you indicate that you are abnormal as asexual then I have to be also abnormal as sexual because I want to be in asexual relationship. (and also some sexuals also would be abnormal).

I never called myself abnormal - you just called me abnormal, but I didn't call myself abnormal nor do I see myself as abnormal. 

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asexjoe   
asexjoe
17 minutes ago, Dudette said:

But I like labels, but here is the thing 

You lost me after "I like labels."

 

I'm not judging, I just don't get you. You seem to crave group identity at the expense of your individuality.

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Dudette   
Dudette
1 minute ago, Livyia said:

I never called myself abnormal - you just called me abnormal, but I didn't call myself abnormal nor do I see myself as abnormal. 

"we have these labels so we know how to describe ourselves, that we're part of a community, and that we are not abnormal and there is nothing wrong with us. "

This would indicate that you are part of community because you are afraid that people from outside might see you abnormal. but then why are you afraid of that and finding other people if you think that you are not abnormal? :P (it is a joke but you see my point?)

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Homer   
Homer

@Dudette How do you define "sexual attraction"?

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Dudette   
Dudette
1 minute ago, Homer said:

@Dudette How do you define "sexual attraction"?

Seeing someone and not only finding them attractive, but thinking you'd like to have sex with them

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Livyia   
Livyia
1 minute ago, Dudette said:

"we have these labels so we know how to describe ourselves, that we're part of a community, and that we are not abnormal and there is nothing wrong with us. "

This would indicate that you are part of community because you are afraid that people from outside might see you abnormal. but then why are you afraid of that and finding other people if you think that you are not abnormal? :P (it is a joke but you see my point?)

No I don't see your point. I'm not afraid of anything, but it is a known fact that the majority of the non-asexual community defines us abnormal. A number of us have experienced that first-hand. And there's nothing funny and nothing to joke about when it comes to that as it is really damaging to some people. 

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MistySpring   
MistySpring
4 minutes ago, Dudette said:

But then is it wrong for me to call myself bisexual even though I do not experience sexual attraction nor sexual desire?

Just because through my observations there is something more into sexuality than these two.

Also I have observed that asexual spectrum and sexual spectrum overlap for example like myself I think I am bisexual, but someone who feels like me might say that he/she is asexual but sex-positive. Therefore I started think what is the problem that there are two people they feel the same way about their own sexuality, but they come to different conclusion of their sexualities

It could cause confusion to a partner and imo it doesn't sound like bisexual per se but I mean who cares so much what other people do? How many people other than you and potential partners will ever be affected by what you identify as. One can't force anyone else to identify as one wants. Imo one can say ones own take on it then that's it or work to have some sort of established definitions but even if that existed you couldn't stop people if they said it meant complete opposite of what was established to them either nor should you. It's like this stuff is complex lol. Use labels in ways that help and benefit you and hope other people do the same. That's my take on it. :)

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Dudette   
Dudette
Just now, Livyia said:

No I don't see your point. I'm not afraid of anything, but it is a known fact that the majority of the non-asexual community defines us abnormal. A number of us have experienced that first-hand. And there's nothing funny and nothing to joke about when it comes to that as it is really damaging to some people. 

Look at this way asexuality is 100% normal, sexuality is 100% normal. This is the truth.

sexual person does not look for any community of sexuals because he knows that he is normal.

why does asexual person look for community of asexuals?

I have also experience it from first-hand, but then I have learned that it was because some people just make fun of people who are different than themselves for example I was made fun for my sexuality,accent,hobbies,etc. I have learned that if you tell the person (who is your friend only) that it is offensive because of the past experience then they will just stop making fun of you. (some people make fun of themselves because it is some kind of trust for example they make fun of me because of my sexuality, and I make fun of them because of their weight) Secondly some people on the Internet make fun of LGBTA because I have noticed that some people are trolls (they want to see your reaction from something offensive, it brings them joy because they see you as normal but you do not see your self normal)

For example (I do not do it, I just know some trolls) I know that gingers have soul, and they are 100% normal, but it is just fun to see their reaction because they have some kind of problem with themselves which they cannot accept that they are gingers

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Dudette   
Dudette
29 minutes ago, MistySpring said:

It could cause confusion to a partner and imo it doesn't sound like bisexual per se but I mean who cares so much what other people do? How many people other than you and potential partners will ever be affected by what you identify as. One can't force anyone else to identify as one wants. Imo one can say ones own take on it then that's it or work to have some sort of established definitions but even if that existed you couldn't stop people if they said it meant complete opposite of what was established to them either nor should you. It's like this stuff is complex lol. Use labels in ways that help and benefit you and hope other people do the same. That's my take on it. :)

Thanks, I also will take it this way, maybe some people just choose labels because it fits them from this or that main perspective. For example some ace would look at sexual attraction (I do not experience sexual attraction thus I am asexual, but sex-positive) while I look at the fact of "ability" and "happiness" (I do not experience sexual attraction, but I am able to have sex with both genders because of touch and the act and still be happy in each of homo/hetero/ace/mixed relationships; thus, I am bisexual).

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Janus DarkFox   
Janus DarkFox

Though your ability to have sex with another does not dictate sexuality if there's no sexual attraction, ive proven that to myself a while ago.

 

As long as there's a romantic, spiritual, personality, intellectual and preferential connections with a person within my social culture i.e. often therian and furry social groups, possibly maybe asexual meetups?, then the gender of such a person does not matter, not even physical looks.  If such a person can and does put the effort into knowing me and is able to navigate or get used to me being a Tourettes-Asperger then any relationship can develop, closer friendships or beyond really.

 

Nothing abnormal but a tad bit different from local cultural mainstream, all completely normal.

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gaogao   
gaogao

I haven't read everything here but in my opinion, "ability to have sex" definitely isn't an indicator of orientation. I've known gay and lesbian individuals who pursued straight sex for many years because they thought that was the normal thing to do, or because they wanted to keep up their straight marriages/relationships (especially in homophobic societies). In some cases, especially when gay people discover their sexuality after marriage and kids, they still love and deeply care about their straight partner and don't want to lose them. Moral/societal implications aside, by your definition, would this not mean that such a person is actually bisexual rather than gay just because they are neutral to / capable of being in a straight relationship and having straight sex even if their real preferences lie elsewhere in an ideal world? 

 

Also.. to address what seems to be your issue with the asexual community - while sometimes I do doubt people's personal scales of identification privately, and while I also think sometimes that the asexual umbrella has stretched itself rather thin, I don't think it's fair for us to judge how anyone else identifies. We don't know their internal thought processes or situations and the most we can do is say "actually, a lot of sexuals also feel the same way about these things" and put that out there as food for thought. Sure, a number of sexuals can have happy celibate relationships, but a good number of them can't - why does this mean that a number of asexuals cannot also have functional sexual relationships through compromise? Essentially, if you feel that identifying as bisexual is best for you, then you are free to do so - no one on AVEN should be able to dispute how you identify, so in that sense you really need not 'prove' anything - neither should you try to move the goalposts too far or attempt to 'prove' that your reasons for labeling yourself are better than the reasons other people may have for identifying the way they do.

 

The best we can do is continue to provide other perspectives, especially sexual ones, to people here for them to evaluate themselves.

 

(edited slightly for clarity)

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Dudette   
Dudette
9 hours ago, gaogao said:

I haven't read everything here but in my opinion, "ability to have sex" definitely isn't an indicator of orientation. I've known gay and lesbian individuals who pursued straight sex for many years because they thought that was the normal thing to do, or because they wanted to keep up their straight marriages/relationships (especially in homophobic societies). In some cases, especially when gay people discover their sexuality after marriage and kids, they still love and deeply care about their straight partner and don't want to lose them. Moral/societal implications aside, by your definition, would this not mean that such a person is actually bisexual rather than gay just because they are neutral to / capable of being in a straight relationship and having straight sex even if their real preferences lie elsewhere in an ideal world? 

 

Also.. to address what seems to be your issue with the asexual community - while sometimes I do doubt people's personal scales of identification privately, and while I also think sometimes that the asexual umbrella has stretched itself rather thin, I don't think it's fair for us to judge how anyone else identifies. We don't know their internal thought processes or situations and the most we can do is say "actually, a lot of sexuals also feel the same way about these things" and put that out there as food for thought. Sure, a number of sexuals can have happy celibate relationships, but a good number of them can't - why does this mean that a number of asexuals cannot also have functional sexual relationships through compromise? Essentially, if you feel that identifying as bisexual is best for you, then you are free to do so - no one on AVEN should be able to dispute how you identify, so in that sense you really need not 'prove' anything - neither should you try to move the goalposts too far or attempt to 'prove' that your reasons for labeling yourself are better than the reasons other people may have for identifying the way they do.

 

The best we can do is continue to provide other perspectives, especially sexual ones, to people here for them to evaluate themselves.

 

(edited slightly for clarity)

 

I agree that there are some homosexuals who are able to have sex with opposite sex. Therefore, I like to measure sexuality also in economical terms such us utility (happiness) if homo/hetero/ace/mixed bring me positive utility even though I do not experience sexual desire. Even though I find masturbation with higher utility than sex (sex is not negative utility), I still find higher utility to be with someone than alone.

Then I have to be bisexual because I would rather be in sexual relationship than alone and overall it brings me positive utility. By my understanding many of asexual find sex as negative utility, and I find this a very good reason to call yourself asexual then (because its like homosexual being in heterosexual relationship, you find the overall experience as negative utility), but if you do not find sex as negative utility and you do not experience sexual desire or sexual attraction then I think that you are "some" (some is reference that there are some sexuals who are like this) sexual like myself because you can be happy in a sexual relationship. I am sorry if I made some sex-positive asexual angry because of this, but I do not want to identify as asexual (even if I could in your opinion).

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