questions about touch aversion

[Finn.]

So I'm touch averse. I can deal with obligatory touches and touches necessary for etiquette, e.g. shaking hands, half-hugs for greeting somebody, being touched by a doctor. I have no issues when it comes to animals, or with clients at work (be it seniors or kids or whoever, as long as there is a professional context). Otherwise I can't stand being touched or touching somebody else, especially if it's not very quick.

 

First off, does your touch aversion apply to both being touched AND touching other people? A friend of mine was surpised to hear that, she always thought it was just about being touched.

 

Secondly, how do you handle close personal relationships? I'm considering to start dating and I know I will never be able to be *normal* with physical touch. But I'd like to hold hands or kiss and maybe cuddle (no hugging though). Is there some way to get used to it? I feel like the Being Touched part is getting better, but I just can't bring myself to touch other people for some reason. So I don't ever initiate anything. And I'm worried I'd leave the other person feel unloved or touch-starved. I am contemplating to just give them a general Yes to always initiate touch themselves. But I also know that on some days, I'd just hate it. (It definitely depends on my mental health situation). Any tips or experiences on this?

[jehoshabeath]

1 hour ago, Finn. said:

So I'm touch averse.

Same  

 

First off, does your touch aversion apply to both being touched AND touching other people? A friend of mine was surpised to hear that, she always thought it was just about being touched.

Yes, I feel uncomfortable initiating physical contact (putting a hand on a friend's shoulder, reaching out to hold someone's hand, etc) and receiving it from others.

 

Secondly, how do you handle close personal relationships? 

I don't have much advice on this one. It's hard :\  I think communication is important.  That way, the other person knows that you love them, even though it's hard (and can feel impossible) to reach out to them physically.  I haven't been able to make my touch aversion better.  My mom tells me that I've been this way since I was a baby. On some days, it's easier than others, but generally it's very uncomfortable.   I'm curious to hear advice from others on this, too, because I also want to show how much I care, but...it's...ack 

[Lia]

So for me, I'm much more strongly averse to being touched than to touching others, but I'm not happy with either. However, if I've bonded with someone (a partner, for example) then I'm okay being touched and touching. Perhaps not every second that we're together but I don't cringe away.

[Guest Deus Ex Infinity]

1 hour ago, jehoshabeath said:

I don't have much advice on this one. It's hard :\  I think communication is important.  That way, the other person knows that you love them, even though it's hard (and can feel impossible) to reach out to them physically.  I haven't been able to make my touch aversion better.  My mom tells me that I've been this way since I was a baby. On some days, it's easier than others, but generally it's very uncomfortable.   I'm curious to hear advice from others on this, too, because I also want to show how much I care, but...it's...ack 

I'm fine with brief formal physical interaction like hand shakes and stuff but I can't really imagine becoming intimate with someone behind that line. I'm also ok with touching some of my best friends or family members actually but that's it.

 

Quote

How do you handle close personal relationships? 

 

On second thought...I might eventually be able to please my significant other if being asked to but It would take years to really gather my trust for these kind of things so it won't happen anyway.

[Hinabi]

Hey something I know all to well....I don't like being touched or touching others and I mostly need to get used to people before they can touch me, without me tensing up. Especially the sudden touch things, like surprise hugs....I am getting much better with formal handshakes and hugs, even though I still don't like them. 

The stupid thing is: I really want to hug some people, but I can't bring myself to do it, because it feels really uncomfortable.

 

3 hours ago, Finn. said:

Secondly, how do you handle close personal relationships?

Well I have no problem getting touched or touching my mother and my younger sister....with my brothers and my father it's mäh...I can absolutely tolerate it, but I don't really initiate touching them, most likely because I do not have them around me as much as my mother and my sister.  So the more I know the person the more comfortable I get with being touched and touching them. 

AAAND then there are exceptions, who where like 3 people in my life yet.....I don't know why, but I met them and I instantly had no problem touching them, or being touched/hugged by them. Actually one of them is my EX  Huge douche, said I was cold and didn't feel the same for him, because I at one point stopped to be comfortable with hugging him that much. So after a while we broke up (Which is a good thing, he was stupid :P). Another person is my best friend....and the third person is someone I met on a festival XD

Sometimes I think, that I am just half cat. I like touching and being touched when I want it

So your definitely not alone

 

[Guest Deus Ex Infinity]

4 minutes ago, Hinabi said:

Hey something I know all to well....I don't like being touched or touching others and I mostly need to get used to people before they can touch me, without me tensing up. Especially the sudden touch things, like surprise hugs....I am getting much better with formal handshakes and hugs, even though I still don't like them. 

The stupid thing is: I really want to hug some people, but I can't bring myself to do it, because it feels really uncomfortable.

 

Well I have no problem getting touched or touching my mother and my younger sister....with my brothers and my father it's mäh...I can absolutely tolerate it, but I don't really initiate touching them, most likely because I do not have them around me as much as my mother and my sister.  So the more I know the person the more comfortable I get with being touched and touching them. 

AAAND then there are exceptions, who where like 3 people in my life yet.....I don't know why, but I met them and I instantly had no problem touching them, or being touched/hugged by them. Actually one of them is my EX  Huge douche, said I was cold and didn't feel the same for him, because I at one point stopped to be comfortable with hugging him that much. So after a while we broke up (Which is a good thing, he was stupid :P). Another person is my best friend....and the third person is someone I met on a festival XD

Sometimes I think, that I am just half cat. I like touching and being touched when I want it

So your definitely not alone

 

I like cats

[Finn.]

I'm okay with hugging a few family members too (but weird since we never really do that).

I've known my best friend since we were kids and we never really touched (I taught her not to when I was 8 haha), we hugged regularly for some time to say hi and bye but since we live together we don't anymore, or maybe two times a year. So it doesn't really matter how long I've known someone.

I never hugged or really touched any of my other friends as well. I seem to give off certain vibes so people don't even try to. I have some trauma relating to hugs so that's definitely a big part of my touch aversion.

I'm okay with casual touching now, which is an improvement! (e.g. people touching my shoulder while they tell me a story or whatever) Like, when people casually touch me without thinking about it, it makes me much less tense than when it's touch I anticipated.

[Amathy]

I have an strong aversion to being touched.  I have a lesser aversion to touching other people, but it is still not comfortable.  I've found that with someone I trust, certain pressure of touches are acceptable.  I've taught myself to be able to do things like shake hands with people without physically showing my discomfort but I still can't high-five someone.  

[Pramana]

I would say that my touch aversion applies to both touching and being touched, mainly due to the awkwardness involved when people want to hug or hold hands as a form of social greeting. It might be different if I knew the person better, but I'm not sure because that situation has never arisen.

[Guest]

First off, does your touch aversion apply to both being touched AND touching other people?

 

Very much so. Over time, I can warm up to a person, however. I just overall, dislike being touched profusely, and tend to avoid touching others, in returning the gesture. 

 

Secondly, how do you handle close personal relationships?

 

Communication. Lots of it.

 

If I like a girl, I'm open about it. I otherwise risk having her feel I'm uninterested, and am trying to push her away with radio silence and coldness, physically. 

I'm just honest. I'm not comfortable with physical touch, but with significant others, I do show love via physical touch if I'm given time to warm up. I also am honest about the fact that while I don't mind cuddling, hugs and kisses from a significant other after being given time to adapt to the dynamic. However, having them draped around me 24/7 (or needing this form of affection), is something I can't deal with. I'd prefer cats, and single life, for life.

 

From my experience, they found this more humorous, than distressing. The honesty I was told, made me refreshing to talk to.

[FruityDoodles]

Recently I’ve been feeling very odd and I’ve beem noticing things that I wouldn’t normally notice. When I was getting dressed, I notice for my skirt touchingly my stomach and I felt extremely uncomfortable and hot. I wanted to take it off as if it was actually burning. Things like this happened before where be had the same feeling of uncomfortablness. One time someone accidentally touched my back with there foot while I sat at my desk and I felt so disgusted. 

 

I started feeling like this when I was around 8 and at some point it went away. Then it came back again when I was 13. Sorry for rambling but my question is, is this considered touch aversion? 

[Ravaillac]

The best reaction for a surprise touch is a sharp elbow jab because you never know, they might want to kill you.

[Member106624]

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[Ldlelee]

I'm haphephobic, so for me, it's about both being touched and touching other people. Whenever somebody touches me, it feels like a stain that spreads from the point of contact - an infection, almost. It makes me anxious and short of breath, and until I wash/sanitize where I've been touched, I will continue to be so. If I don't, I might have an anxiety attack. (I was forced out of obligatory politeness to hug my elementary school librarian today, and I just about screamed in the middle of Meijer. I'm starting to think I need to tell more people about it.)

 

If by close personal relationships you are referring to romantic relationships, I can't help you there. I'm romance-averse. I don't, however, mind being touched by my parents or my brother, and I don't mind my best friend so much, either. If I get close enough to a person, I seem to be okay. I think it's a trust-related issue.

[Finn.]

I recently held hands with someone, with both of us wearing gloves. It was still uncomfortable but it was also a nice bonding moment which made up for it. By now, I can deal when people at work come for a hug. But it seems like the more vulnerable I get with someone (e.g. close friends) the worse my touch aversion gets. And people at work don't know my vulnerable side.

[Apathetic Echidna]

I fluctuate between not caring about touch and being repulsed by it, and by fluctuate I mean being stuck in one mode or the other for many months. At the moment I am in a (so far) 20 month no-touch period. 

 

On 27/11/2017 at 9:02 PM, Ace_Machina said:

I avoid it as much as possible and the worst thing is if I didn't know beforehand that the person was going to make physical contact with me. I want them to get off me asap if they do and I get deeply uncomfortable.

Surprise touches are horrible! Though they make me uncomfortable and angry. I can be put in a bad mood for more than a day if they keep touching me when I ask them to stop. It sort of makes me a horrible person to be around. 

 

I give a free pass to kids below my elbow hight, it is annoying but sort of expected of them so I don't mind it so much. If I know a touch is coming, especially when I am asked verbally I tend to acquiesce, as I am able to prepare myself. Then I react more like an indifference or an aversion, but I also know that because the person asked to touch they are likely to stop touching me when I ask so there is a lack of tension? the fact that they asked makes me more comfortable with them or maybe even like them more even if they are doing something I am not fond of. Yeah so to get a working relationship it is all about communication and understanding of boundaries and communication of consent. 

What is confusing about my experience is that what I am okay with shifts over time so people who draped on me were suddenly told to get off. 

 

 

[Member106624]

On 12/19/2017 at 5:46 AM, Apathetic Echidna said:

I fluctuate between not caring about touch and being repulsed by it, and by fluctuate I mean being stuck in one mode or the other for many months. At the moment I am in a (so far) 20 month no-touch period. 

 

Surprise touches are horrible! Though they make me uncomfortable and angry. I can be put in a bad mood for more than a day if they keep touching me when I ask them to stop. It sort of makes me a horrible person to be around. 

 

I give a free pass to kids below my elbow hight, it is annoying but sort of expected of them so I don't mind it so much. If I know a touch is coming, especially when I am asked verbally I tend to acquiesce, as I am able to prepare myself. Then I react more like an indifference or an aversion, but I also know that because the person asked to touch they are likely to stop touching me when I ask so there is a lack of tension? the fact that they asked makes me more comfortable with them or maybe even like them more even if they are doing something I am not fond of. Yeah so to get a working relationship it is all about communication and understanding of boundaries and communication of consent. 

What is confusing about my experience is that what I am okay with shifts over time so people who draped on me were suddenly told to get off. 

 

 

.
 

[Apathetic Echidna]

5 hours ago, Ace_Machina said:

Also they can't really be expected to remember you touch preferences. 

or even understand! I am currently greeted by a 3 year old hugging me (basically hugging one knee because she is so small) and she doesn't even know English yet ~ also her attention span is about 5 seconds.