Confused and needing guidance

[Vicky Angel]

I know for a fact that I am ace.

 

I have a friend who told me he was demi but now says he isn't.  He said he just tried dating the same way everyone else does and figured it out that way.  He says I should do that too.

The problem is it isn't that easy for me.  I am asexual demiromantic and I need to have some kind of bond or connection before I feel anything.  I also have medical conditions which some people are not ok with.  The question is how do I go about dating? Do you just meet someone and say that you are ace, and that's it?  How do you navigate all of it with so many people being very hateful to others who are different? 

[Guest]

@Vicky Angel I wouldn't immediately tell anyone you are ace. Judging from what I've seen on here with people telling people they are ace when they've just met that person, I think that is a bad idea. You might be unlucky and get someone who says they don't want sex from you but then you could find out that they lied or something. You should feel like you trust them before sharing that. I still would tell them at the beginning of a relationship, but I wouldn't make it known right away. Personally I would try to get them to share their views on sex and porn and etc. first before coming out to them, so you know what you're getting into. I also would try to filter out people who have high sex drives, since they wouldn't be a good match with me.

[Lana Overland]

It's tricky. I'm not in the dating scene so much for the same reasons and when I tried to it was a friend that 'd known for a while that had a crush on me. I think it depends on the person.

 

I would suggest coming out in portions if that's easier, and if sex comes up say "I'm not comfortable with that" rather than "not yet," since it doesn't promise sex in the future. Also if the person you're dating doesn't understand consent, get out of there. Finding people who are cool with people like you and good with boundaries is important. 

 

Also remember that not everyone who dates is looking for sex right away anyway. So if you want to experiment with dating, it might be easier than you think it is. Obviously when you find a person that you want to spend more time with it gets more tricky, but if they don't accept you and you're boundries they aren't for you.