m4rble Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 15 minutes ago, asexjoe said: Someone without limbs cannot dance, and therefore can't experience the joy uniquely attainable when dancing. There is dancing specifically made for people in wheel chairs, I'm sure there are ways to dance without limbs. Link to post Share on other sites
m4rble Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 5 hours ago, happynina said: If you have never seen or heard about being physically hungry, how do you know your body needs and wants to eat food? It's innate. Of course unlike sex if you never ate food you will eventually die of starvation. However, if you have healthy sexual desire (hunger for intimacy in the form of sex) and never get it from the person who you need it from, you will eventually slowly die emotionally (become depressed, feel like a living dead person ect.). And if you were never taught how to find food you would starve, demonstrating that not all activities required for the survival of a species are entirely innate. (Of course that's not to say people wouldn't necessarily figure sex out I suppose) Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 I'm so glad I found this. Link to post Share on other sites
JDP Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 13 minutes ago, happynina said: Sexuals are only tortured when they enter a relationship with an asexual. I wouldn't say they're ONLY tortured when involved with asexuals. People that have sexual intimacy every day still cheat on each other, have crazy arguments, agonize about their attractiveness, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 3 minutes ago, asexjoe said: I wouldn't say they're ONLY tortured when involved with asexuals. People that have sexual intimacy every day still cheat on each other, have crazy arguments, agonize about their attractiveness, etc. I've been in relationships with sexuals, and now with an asexual. A relationship with an asexual is a whole other level. Link to post Share on other sites
JDP Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 17 minutes ago, m4rble said: There is dancing specifically made for people in wheel chairs, I'm sure there are ways to dance without limbs. Would it be the same? I am suggesting one can be numb when it comes to sexual intimacy, through no fault of his/her own. Link to post Share on other sites
JDP Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 2 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said: I've been in relationships with sexuals, and now with an asexual. A relationship with an asexual is a whole other level. Yes, well I can agree with that, married to a sexual. Link to post Share on other sites
m4rble Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 3 minutes ago, asexjoe said: Would it be the same? I am suggesting one can be numb when it comes to sexual intimacy, through no fault of his/her own. That's true. Link to post Share on other sites
JDP Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 31 minutes ago, happynina said: I think asexuals and sexual clash with one another is when they try to do bit of a blame shifting. "You need fixing." "No you are actually the one who needs fixing." I think if we remove that part, we might come to some sort of solution. Because this is obviously a conflict of interest. Yes, most people are sexual. And yes, if there was a pill I could take to "kill" all my sexual desire I would, just to make the conflict go away. I simply wish there was some sort of resolution (regardless what it may be) so both parties could be happy. But I don't know if there is ... I don't either. The fact is, I've offered to do sexual things with my wife to please her, but that's not what she wants. Her self-image, self-esteem and feeling of self-worth all accrue from me desiring her, not just having fun with her in bed. That is probably true for most sexual women, particularly sexual wives. Link to post Share on other sites
happynina Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 3 minutes ago, asexjoe said: I don't either. The fact is, I've offered to do sexual things with my wife to please her, but that's not what she wants. Her self-image, self-esteem and feeling of self-worth all accrue from me desiring her, not just having fun with her in bed. That is probably true for most sexual women, particularly sexual wives. But what about steroids? I heard a guy here took them and became sexual. Do you know anything about asexual men taking roids and turning sexual? And have you ever considered it yourself? If not, why? Of course that is not what she wants. It's like saying to someone "I am only marrying you for your own sake. I have no personal interest in you." Would any woman want that? Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 Quote The fact is, I've offered to do sexual things with my wife to please her, but that's not what she wants. Her self-image, self-esteem and feeling of self-worth all accrue from me desiring her, not just having fun with her in bed. Some mixed couples can compromise on both being happy with the asexual taking pleasure in their partner's pleasure, and the sexual accepting that while they're not desired, their partner is doing something for them out of love. It takes sustained emotional effort by both sides though, forever. Link to post Share on other sites
m4rble Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 5 minutes ago, asexjoe said: I don't either. The fact is, I've offered to do sexual things with my wife to please her, but that's not what she wants. Her self-image, self-esteem and feeling of self-worth all accrue from me desiring her, not just having fun with her in bed. That is probably true for most sexual women, particularly sexual wives. I think part this comes from people being taught that if someone doesn't desire you it's a personal reflection on you even though it almost always has nothing to do with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 Quote I think part this comes from people being taught that if someone doesn't desire you it's a personal reflection on you even though it almost always has nothing to do with you. People aren't taught that. It's just a logical conclusion. How is not desiring your partner ever going to be *not* personal? Link to post Share on other sites
JDP Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 4 minutes ago, happynina said: But what about steroids? I heard a guy here took them and became sexual. Do you know anything about asexual men taking roids and turning sexual? And have you ever considered it yourself? If not, why? Of course that is not what she wants. It's like saying to someone "I am only marrying you for your own sake. I have no personal interest in you." Would any woman want that? My cardiologist would probably oppose my use of steroids, and I wouldn't take them anyway. If I do take pills to make me sexual, how does that make my wife feel desired? It's not that I have no sexual feelings at all. I simply don't share them with anyone. I just don't see the point, since I can't experience intimacy. Link to post Share on other sites
JDP Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 9 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said: Some mixed couples can compromise on both being happy with the asexual taking pleasure in their partner's pleasure, and the sexual accepting that while they're not desired, their partner is doing something for them out of love. It takes sustained emotional effort by both sides though, forever. I can see that would be possible when it's the female that's asexual. I have yet to find a sexual wife here on AVEN who wants what amounts to pity-sex from her husband. Link to post Share on other sites
BionicPi Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 7 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said: People aren't taught that. It's just a logical conclusion. How is not desiring your partner ever going to be *not* personal? In the same way not being sexually attracted to a person doesn't invalidate any other relation to them. Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 4 minutes ago, asexjoe said: I can see that would be possible when it's the female that's asexual. I have yet to find a sexual wife here on AVEN who wants what amounts to pity-sex from her husband. It's different to pity sex. It's doing something for someone to share in their pleasure. Link to post Share on other sites
JDP Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 Just now, Telecaster68 said: It's different to pity sex. It's doing something for someone to share in their pleasure. You're preaching to the choir here. You're right, but that's not what it feels like to a sexual woman. I hate to generalize but that's the impression I get from every woman I've known. Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 2 minutes ago, BionicPi said: In the same way not being sexually attracted to a person doesn't invalidate any other relation to them. For everyone apart from asexuals, it invalidates having a romantic relationship with them. Link to post Share on other sites
JDP Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 17 minutes ago, m4rble said: I think part this comes from people being taught that if someone doesn't desire you it's a personal reflection on you even though it almost always has nothing to do with you. That is wishful thinking. There is something called feminine psychology, and much of it is concerned with the importance of sexual attractiveness. Link to post Share on other sites
m4rble Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 17 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said: People aren't taught that. It's just a logical conclusion. How is not desiring your partner ever going to be *not* personal? Attractiveness isn't real.People can be attracted to someone, but it's all in their heads. If someone is not attracted to you, it has nothing to do with you as a human being. Furthermore, asexuals wouldn't desire anybody so taking it as a reflection of you doesn't really make sense. Link to post Share on other sites
m4rble Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 5 minutes ago, asexjoe said: That is wishful thinking. There is something called feminine psychology, and much of it is concerned with the importance of sexual attractiveness. That's an issue with living in a culture that sexually objectifies women. Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 4 minutes ago, m4rble said: Attractiveness isn't real.People can be attracted to someone, but it's all in their heads. If someone is not attracted to you, it has nothing to do with you as a human being. Furthermore, asexuals wouldn't desire anybody so taking it as a reflection of you doesn't really make sense. Of course being attracted to someone is to do with them, otherwise everyone would be attracted to everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
happynina Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 28 minutes ago, asexjoe said: wouldn't take them anyway. Why not? If I do take pills to make me sexual, how does that make my wife feel desired? Because then you can give her what she wants. Then you desire her the way she wishes to be desired. Link to post Share on other sites
m4rble Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 Just now, Telecaster68 said: Of course being attracted to someone is to do with them, otherwise everyone would be attracted to everyone. What's hideous to one person is attractive to another. No one is objectively attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 4 minutes ago, m4rble said: What's hideous to one person is attractive to another. No one is objectively attractive. That's an entirely different point. The point here is when two people are in a relationship, the issue of attraction is personal because they are specifically attracted or not attracted to each other as they're the only two people in the relationship. Whether they're attracted to anyone else is completely irrelevant. Link to post Share on other sites
m4rble Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 1 minute ago, Telecaster68 said: That's an entirely different point. It's a reason why people shouldn't base their self worth on whether or not other people find them sexually desirable. Link to post Share on other sites
happynina Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 If steroids would solve it, why would you not take them? Or at least try to take them to see if it solves the conflict? I don't get it .... Please, asexjoe, I just want to know, if you KNEW steroids was the "magic potion" that would solve the sex issues between you and your wife, would you take them, is all I want to know? If not, then why? Forget your cardiologist for one second. Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 3 minutes ago, m4rble said: It's a reason why people shouldn't base their self worth on whether or not other people find them sexually desirable. Again, not the point at issue. The point is whether actions that uniquely affect your partner can ever be impersonal. They can't. Link to post Share on other sites
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