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What does sex repulsion feel like for you?


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Depends. Seeing naked people or seeing porn just makes me cringe. If someone actually wanted to or tried to have sex with me then I'd probably get the more extreme symptoms like hyperventilating and crying.

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everywhere and nowhere

I've just recalled an interesting piece of writer's letter which, in my opinion, may show a bit about sex repulsion. It's not about general sex repulsion, it's about being in a situation inconsistent with one's orientation, but it striked me as very honest.

A bit of an introduction: Jerzy Andrzejewski was a Polish writer who may be known to some English-speaking readers: if any of you happened to have read Czesław Miłosz's "The Captive Mind" (an essay about how totalitarian ideologies enslave minds), Andrzejewski is the "case" described as "Alpha or the Moralist" (Miłosz gave examples of four writers he had personally known and their different reasons for accepting communist ideology). Andrzejewski was considered a Catholic writer before the war, though he rather just wanted to create morally strong figures. After the war he accepted communist ideology, but later rejected it and became one of the first dissidents. He was also gay, even though he was married to a woman, and some of his later works have homoerotic motifs (I recommend "The Gates of Paradise", available in English - about the "children's crusade" and an experimental novel on top of that, written in one huge "sentence" which keeps branching and branching and containing utterances of various characters, and one sentence which has just a few words and concludes the novel.) At one point he was in love with the younger writer Marek Hłasko and here's a poignant fragment from Hłasko's letter to him - because Hłasko loved him too, but he was straight and realized that he just can't go beyond platonic love with a man.

"I have to be honest with you, even though you can trust me that it doesn't come easy to me, because I realize that, whether I want it or not, something can, or even must change this way; yet, Jerzy, I don't think that I will be able to be everything for you that you would have wanted me to be and what - perhaps even more - I would have wanted. I'm not reponsible for this, because in the end I don't decide what kind of person I was born. Jerzy! I love you very much, now I know it perhaps even better than before, now that I'm far away from you, when I'm alone here. But it's not the issue. You're a person for whom I could change my confession, religion, or whatever, but Jerzy - there are issues beyond my decision. It's hard for me to write about it."

This fragment is emotionally strong, but it also strikes me as very modern, even though this letter was written, I think, in the late 50s. It very much reminds me of the "born this way" rhetoric - Hłasko almost wishes he could change his sexual orientation for someone he loves in a platonic way, but realises that he was born heterosexual. Even though he doesn't use this term, he is in fact writing about sexual orientation - and at that point the term was, I think, known, but still not widely used.

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7 years ago when I joined here I was repulsed though I admit my repulsion was more "mental".

By mental I mean it wasn't the sex act itself but people's attitudes. My brain would automatically distance myself from a person who was pretty sexual due to me feeling like "they only like and talk to me cause they see me as an object of pleasure not a human." type. I'd feel disgusted and angry.

 

Though I think it had to do with me never getting validation from my first bf that he liked me beyond my female assets.

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Janus the Fox

Mostly through disinterest, just feels rather repulsive on most aspects despite having it with such availability, and any attempts to make me more interested makes such a lot worse, especially times without libido.  Most of the time I'm just not in the mood.

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Wow, I'm nowhere near that severe. Mine is more like this: 

 

In a movie/TV Show/Advert/Other Media: "Okay ew ew ew ew ew" *Studies food intensely, looks at phone, feels stomach turning*

Imagining myself anywhere near the act of sex: Nope. nonono. We don't do that. Stomach gets queasy, headache starts, I feel a gagging motion coming on

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EnigmaticRabbit

I don't get nauseous or anything like that, it's more like when something makes me imagine myself in a sexual situation I hit a mental forcefield and can't really visualize or enjoy it at all. My brain just goes "Nope. Nope. Nope." and I sometimes squirm or make a disgusted face.

 

Stuff in movies/books/etc. doesn't bother me, although it does bore me and make me feel like I should hide what I'm watching/reading in case someone looks over my shoulder.

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AssassinBabs

I can handle seeing sexual acts at tv or reading them. Although if I read to much exclusive stuff I cringe. 

 

If I see another person beeing intimmed with the person they love; stroking or kissing, i feel a little akward and disgusted. It just gives me the creeps. 

 

As for people wanting to be intimmed with me, I automaticly flinch away. Without thinking my body just says NO aint not happening! 

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I feel like I revert back to a little kid who runs away from a girl to avoid getting "cooties". I immediately have a reaction to look the heck away/get the heck away. 

 

 

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I'm not repulsed by sex in and of itself, but it hurts to be inside a woman and knowing she feels connected to me, or wants that connection, and I can't provide it.

 

It should have hurt the whole time I was doing it all those years, but it didn't, and it's like all the shame I should have felt then has finally caught up to me.

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For me, I have a few phobias; decay (meaning anything from a brown spot on a fruit, to maggots and mold, to roadkill being eaten by nature), dark water, insects with more then four legs; I.E centipede, spiders, caterpillars, etc. I also have pretty extreme generalized and social anxiety...

 

Sex repulsion fills a lot like all of the above. It feels like a slow coming anxiety attack, except I also feel dirty and violated and angry. All at the same time. 

 

Sometimes it's low level where I just am very aware I don't want it at all, and I feel nauseous. Other times it does cause a full on anxiety attack, with hot-cold shivers, throwing up and everything. 

 

Repulsion - basically, a negative response to something unwanted. 

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  • 1 year later...

On my end my repulsion doesnt tend to affect jokes, but it tends to affect most other material with occasional short lapses of not feelin like I want to vomit seeing it.

 

however realistically the worst thing for me is being viewed in a sexual way or talked sexual to. It makes me panic and feel like I'm dying and be confused and uncertain yet I don't know what to do about it and just don't speak up for myself

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I just feel like crying, and than I start to hate my own body for being capable of such a thing.

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I've been reading some if your post and to be entirely honest, I didn't think some people were so repulsed by it? I think porn and nudes are tasteless and imagining myself in a sexual situation makes me physically shudder and disassociate a little, I just have nothing agains sex itself, I'm just personally repulsed by it, but I am truly shocked that you all experience that much inconvenience by things that are practically everywhere. You all have my respect.

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For me, my repulsion is limited to reality and situations that involve me specifically. I am fine with hearing/seeing (though visuals can feel a bit awkward) sexual things irl. And I can fantasize (and experience some form/degree of sexual interest when I do), but my imagination is based more on feelings than anything realistic - in artistic terms, my imagination in general would be impressionism sometimes bleeding into sheer abstract art, and this is fine. But if I try to imagine sex in any realistic fashion, (happening to me irl), it's very similar to your experiences. I feel nauseous, then something in my brain distinctly shuts down and I become incapable of imagining it at all, at which time my nausea is replaced with irritation and general disgust. Fortunately I have never had any experiences that push me past this point.

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The very idea that such a percentage of people choose to partake in that particular activity gives me severe stress, as well as strong thoughts of suicide. It also makes me extremely anthrophophic, which sometimes results in not being able to speak to people for prolonged periods of time.

 

I think what I experience goes beyond simply "repulsion".

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I'm not ace but I've experienced strong repulsion related to sex before. It made me feel like something about who I am as a person was being violated, like something was being taken away from me. And then I felt disgusting and really sad, and would occasionally self-harm. 

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I'm only slightly, occasionally sex-repulsed and otherwise sex-neutral, but in the past I used to get really depressed and nauseous when I get tired of hearing people talk about sex and sexual things because this was something that supposedly "all animals and humans" would want and love and relate to wanting and loving-- yet I was unable to. It made me feel really broken and wrong like I could never feel like I could connect to "normal" people. I would feel visceral pain inside me, and start to verbally abuse myself when I'd be around sexual conversations.

 

Now I just get annoyed and try to block out the conversations, or remove myself from the conversation. If for whatever reason I can't leave, block out the conversation, but I'm forced to be part of the conversation, I get angry.

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Hmm... well, I watched Deadpool (soon after its release) and the sex scene in it made me feel vaguely uneasy, but generally, my reaction to sexual things is more confused or indifferent than nauseated.

 

At least I think it is. I'm not sure if I've encountered them often enough to know.

 

(And when they float into my head, they're usually kind of, er, blurry.)

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Lemon Ice Tea

I don’t really mind sex scenes in books or movies. They don’t interest me, but I don’t feel sick either. When I was in a relationship it was more like “oh god not this again” and I grin and bear it. It’s kind of like going to the dentist. No one has to twist my arm to get me in the chair, but I would be a liar if I said I wanted to be there.

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misswinchester

This is a complicated one 😛

 

Generally, I feel uneasy being among straight/allosexual people all the bloody time. I have been known to just go "straight people" and roll my eyes because I just. can't. relate. I found out I was ace after years of identifying as a (broken) bisexual after years of thinking I was straight. That has really messed up my head and I still have trouble just being at ease, especially with people just refusing to understand what being asexual means. I kind of don't understand my own sexuality, so I can't even blame them really, except I do. Either way, this is just the underlying problem with the whole repulsion thing.

 

So, actual repulsion. When I see people in media or even in real life doing sexy things, I get uncomfortable first. And angry because yay, unresolved issues. However, I don't get nauseous or anything.

 

Talking about it I can sort of do. I call it "watching animal planet". When people are talking about sex or weddings or whatever. I find it interesting in a rather scientific way, but I my brain just can't quite compute/relate. Which is strange because I'm ridiculously sensitive and quite the empath normally.

 

What I find really troubling is when any of this is applied to me. Recently someone thought I was pregnant and it took me a while to figure out why that upset me that much. And then it got me that I also really hated it back when I still identified as bi that a colleague was like "oh, so you butter your bread on both sides?". He didn't mean it in any insulting way at all, but I still bit back that "actually, no, I don't butter my bread on either side." I never explained, because I didn't know what was going on either. But that conversation came back to me thinking about why I hated being mistaken for being pregnant (apart from the obvious lol): people keep assuming I've had sex. And that makes me feel so ridiculously misunderstood, lonely, erased. Like I'm not worthy of being in society.

 

And then there's the whole other issue of biology messing with my head. When ovulating, I turn into what feels like a raging heterosexual. Super confusing and feels like I'm somehow betraying myself. It took me ages to realise that I would, even in that state, never actually have sex with anyone because eeeewww. Why would you even? Nope. If I wanted children there'd be better ways lol. So when I'm in one of those moods, I have these two sides trying to split me in two. One likes the devil's threesome porn but mostly on paper so I can watch my favourite ship fall in love again and oh yes, the porn. Nice. The other side is actually repulsed by everything I'm seeing and even more so that usual because I have trouble accepting that Jekyll & Hyde are not actually different people.

 

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First, I tend to feel pretty nauseous and tend to frown a little if I see some particularly naked photo, if the stimula keeps going, then I get stressed, with headaches and I start feeling pretty moody for the rest of the day, that tends to happen to me when we're playing games like Truth or Dare and the questions get too sexual.

 

But if it's soft or something it's just indifference, I don't feel anything in particular.

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On 8/11/2017 at 4:18 PM, Gloomy said:

Depends. Seeing naked people or seeing porn just makes me cringe. If someone actually wanted to or tried to have sex with me then I'd probably get the more extreme symptoms like hyperventilating and crying.

I'd do that too if the latter happened to me, sounds really scary to me, tbh.

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