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cotangent

What does sex repulsion feel like for you?

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Gloomy

Depends. Seeing naked people or seeing porn just makes me cringe. If someone actually wanted to or tried to have sex with me then I'd probably get the more extreme symptoms like hyperventilating and crying.

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Nowhere Girl

I've just recalled an interesting piece of writer's letter which, in my opinion, may show a bit about sex repulsion. It's not about general sex repulsion, it's about being in a situation inconsistent with one's orientation, but it striked me as very honest.

A bit of an introduction: Jerzy Andrzejewski was a Polish writer who may be known to some English-speaking readers: if any of you happened to have read Czesław Miłosz's "The Captive Mind" (an essay about how totalitarian ideologies enslave minds), Andrzejewski is the "case" described as "Alpha or the Moralist" (Miłosz gave examples of four writers he had personally known and their different reasons for accepting communist ideology). Andrzejewski was considered a Catholic writer before the war, though he rather just wanted to create morally strong figures. After the war he accepted communist ideology, but later rejected it and became one of the first dissidents. He was also gay, even though he was married to a woman, and some of his later works have homoerotic motifs (I recommend "The Gates of Paradise", available in English - about the "children's crusade" and an experimental novel on top of that, written in one huge "sentence" which keeps branching and branching and containing utterances of various characters, and one sentence which has just a few words and concludes the novel.) At one point he was in love with the younger writer Marek Hłasko and here's a poignant fragment from Hłasko's letter to him - because Hłasko loved him too, but he was straight and realized that he just can't go beyond platonic love with a man.

"I have to be honest with you, even though you can trust me that it doesn't come easy to me, because I realize that, whether I want it or not, something can, or even must change this way; yet, Jerzy, I don't think that I will be able to be everything for you that you would have wanted me to be and what - perhaps even more - I would have wanted. I'm not reponsible for this, because in the end I don't decide what kind of person I was born. Jerzy! I love you very much, now I know it perhaps even better than before, now that I'm far away from you, when I'm alone here. But it's not the issue. You're a person for whom I could change my confession, religion, or whatever, but Jerzy - there are issues beyond my decision. It's hard for me to write about it."

This fragment is emotionally strong, but it also strikes me as very modern, even though this letter was written, I think, in the late 50s. It very much reminds me of the "born this way" rhetoric - Hłasko almost wishes he could change his sexual orientation for someone he loves in a platonic way, but realises that he was born heterosexual. Even though he doesn't use this term, he is in fact writing about sexual orientation - and at that point the term was, I think, known, but still not widely used.

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Rhaenys

7 years ago when I joined here I was repulsed though I admit my repulsion was more "mental".

By mental I mean it wasn't the sex act itself but people's attitudes. My brain would automatically distance myself from a person who was pretty sexual due to me feeling like "they only like and talk to me cause they see me as an object of pleasure not a human." type. I'd feel disgusted and angry.

 

Though I think it had to do with me never getting validation from my first bf that he liked me beyond my female assets.

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Janus DarkFox

Mostly through disinterest, just feels rather repulsive on most aspects despite having it with such availability, and any attempts to make me more interested makes such a lot worse, especially times without libido.  Most of the time I'm just not in the mood.

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Blackmare

Wow, I'm nowhere near that severe. Mine is more like this: 

 

In a movie/TV Show/Advert/Other Media: "Okay ew ew ew ew ew" *Studies food intensely, looks at phone, feels stomach turning*

Imagining myself anywhere near the act of sex: Nope. nonono. We don't do that. Stomach gets queasy, headache starts, I feel a gagging motion coming on

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EnigmaticRabbit

I don't get nauseous or anything like that, it's more like when something makes me imagine myself in a sexual situation I hit a mental forcefield and can't really visualize or enjoy it at all. My brain just goes "Nope. Nope. Nope." and I sometimes squirm or make a disgusted face.

 

Stuff in movies/books/etc. doesn't bother me, although it does bore me and make me feel like I should hide what I'm watching/reading in case someone looks over my shoulder.

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AssassinBabs

I can handle seeing sexual acts at tv or reading them. Although if I read to much exclusive stuff I cringe. 

 

If I see another person beeing intimmed with the person they love; stroking or kissing, i feel a little akward and disgusted. It just gives me the creeps. 

 

As for people wanting to be intimmed with me, I automaticly flinch away. Without thinking my body just says NO aint not happening! 

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jackanope

I feel like I revert back to a little kid who runs away from a girl to avoid getting "cooties". I immediately have a reaction to look the heck away/get the heck away. 

 

 

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JDP

I'm not repulsed by sex in and of itself, but it hurts to be inside a woman and knowing she feels connected to me, or wants that connection, and I can't provide it.

 

It should have hurt the whole time I was doing it all those years, but it didn't, and it's like all the shame I should have felt then has finally caught up to me.

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Malek4life

For me, I have a few phobias; decay (meaning anything from a brown spot on a fruit, to maggots and mold, to roadkill being eaten by nature), dark water, insects with more then four legs; I.E centipede, spiders, caterpillars, etc. I also have pretty extreme generalized and social anxiety...

 

Sex repulsion fills a lot like all of the above. It feels like a slow coming anxiety attack, except I also feel dirty and violated and angry. All at the same time. 

 

Sometimes it's low level where I just am very aware I don't want it at all, and I feel nauseous. Other times it does cause a full on anxiety attack, with hot-cold shivers, throwing up and everything. 

 

Repulsion - basically, a negative response to something unwanted. 

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