a question about rape

[Neko96]

hi,

before 2 years my ex boyfriend raped me

and after 1 year i become asexual.

until now this year was the great year that i ever had but with time i starting to have sexuality and to be bisexual again.

and i dont want to be bisexual again.

what should i do?

 

[Digs_Dead_People]

You may wish to put a TW at the top of your post.

 

I hope you've been able to get help for the trauma your ex caused. =/

 

That being said, there's not much you can do regarding sexuality. It's not something that you can magically wish into being. =/  You could choose not to act on sexual impulses and desires, though.  

[Mermaidy]

It's likely that your sexual trauma caused your disinterest/aversion/whatever for sex that you mistook for asexuality.  "Feeling bisexual again" might be you healing from the trauma.  I think a therapist could help with this, but it might be hard for you to get a therapist or to talk about this in general with one.

[Dancer23]

Hi Neko (I hope it's ok to call you that),

 

Firstly, I'm sorry to hear how your ex treated you, and very glad they are your ex.

 

I can't tell you what to do, because it's always your choice. Please remember that, no matter what sexual feelings you do or don't experience moving forward, it does not mean you have to act on them unless you want to. Particularly if any part of your reason for not wanting to be bisexual again is around what your ex did to you, it may be worth thinking about getting some professional support to help you work through that, if you wish to. If you choose to access therapy, I'd really encourage you to ask the therapist before you meet them about their experience working with ace/bi/questioning clients, because more aware therapists are more likely to be able to work with you around the complexities of any relationship that does or doesn't exist between what your ex did and the fluctuations you've noticed in your orientation. I know of one organisation in the UK which has a search facility for this, I am sure there are others and hope there are similar organisations in other countries, and most find-a-therapist sites I know of have the option to search for therapists able to work with sexuality and sexual assault.

 

That said, I appreciate that you may not be looking for or wanting to have therapy - if so, please feel free to ignore that paragraph.

 

Feelings can be scary, and it's understandable not to want to go back to something when what you've experienced since has felt better to you. Whatever feelings, desires or attractions you experience, you deserve to be treated kindly, honestly and with respect. It is okay to be confused and take time to work things out, although I appreciate how frustrating that probably is to hear! While sexual orientation is not something any of us can control, how we express and act on it is, and you should never need to do anything that you're uncomfortable with (sexually or otherwise).

 

I'm sorry I don't have anything more immediately helpful to offer. But, just in case you need to hear it (and apologies again if you do not) - what your ex did to you was not your fault, and you did not deserve it.