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Things Asexuals hate to hear


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"It's what your body needs."

 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH - FOR ***** SAKE, I JUST CAME OUT TO YOU! ARE YOU KIDDING ME! FIRST HATE IS FROM SOMEONE I THOUGHT WOULD UNDERSTAND?! WHY?!!?!?!?!?! WHAT DID I DO TO YOU WORLD?! WHAT DID I DOOOOOOOOO?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! *state of crisis*

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Hermit Advocate
5 hours ago, ThatHuman said:

"It's what your body needs."

 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH - FOR ***** SAKE, I JUST CAME OUT TO YOU! ARE YOU KIDDING ME! FIRST HATE IS FROM SOMEONE I THOUGHT WOULD UNDERSTAND?! WHY?!!?!?!?!?! WHAT DID I DO TO YOU WORLD?! WHAT DID I DOOOOOOOOO?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! *state of crisis*

It's okay, it's okay. You still have us. I'm sorry they didn't understand the way you thought they would. *hugs* 

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@Hey you in the corner

 

;-; I'm still in a state of crisis from that... Ugh, I just wanted to be honest!

 

But thank you - that why I'm here :)... I'm so alone with my problems T^T

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Lucas Monteiro
On 24/09/2017 at 6:47 PM, Greenstar55 said:

You will change your mind someday

 

stop being selfish 

People actually say being asexual is selfish ? But how can it be selfish ? Almost all of the time, people say things before thinking.

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Strawberry ice cream

"But you liked it before."

NO I didn´t.  I just tried to understand why.....I´m different. What I do bad. Why I don´t feel nothing. I wanted be normal. I wanted to like it.

I was searching for THAT feelings. But I never felt something pleasant.  Sex was always like to eat a meal that you don´t like. So I stopped it.  There is nothing wrong with me. I´m just normal asexual. And I feel sooo good.

All that time "before" it wasn´t me.

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⚸ Hughesation ⚸
On ‎08‎/‎10‎/‎2017 at 8:52 PM, Strawberry ice cream said:

"But you liked it before."

NO I didn´t.  I just tried to understand why.....I´m different. What I do bad. Why I don´t feel nothing. I wanted be normal. I wanted to like it.

This.

Because people for some reason feel like they naturally know everything that's going on inside you, even if you don't talk about it. And when you do, they invalidate your feelings, because they didn't notice them... But the reason they didn't notice them is because you hid it - whether from shame, or trying to figure yourself out - and the point of hiding something is that nobody knows.

 

Just because you didn't speak up doesn't mean you always liked it. Kudos to you for having the bravery to say how you really feel, and standing strong against those who would try to dictate your feelings and needs.

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⚸ Hughesation ⚸
On ‎07‎/‎10‎/‎2017 at 4:18 PM, ThatHuman said:

"It's what your body needs."

Seriously, what manner of crap is this? Is sex some kind of medical requirement now?

 

Don't listen to this, please, no matter how well-meaning the person who said it; only you can decide what you need in this regard, and forcing yourself to go through with something like this is liable to do a lot of harm, emotionally, mentally and potentially physically.

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Strawberry ice cream
8 minutes ago, Hughesation said:

This.

Because people for some reason feel like they naturally know everything that's going on inside you, even if you don't talk about it. And when you do, they invalidate your feelings, because they didn't notice them... But the reason they didn't notice them is because you hid it - whether from shame, or trying to figure yourself out - and the point of hiding something is that nobody knows.

 

This is exactly how I feel it. Well expressed.

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2 hours ago, Hughesation said:

forcing yourself to go through with something like this is liable to do a lot of harm, emotionally, mentally and potentially physically.

Trigger warning!

Over the years... I can tick off all 3...



Pretended to be sexual for like 4 years... It didn't do me any good... And when I say pretend I mean just too my past friends, just words of mouth...

 

Emotionally, yes, I'm still scared to death by other people... BECAUSE SEX IS INESCAPABLE! - sex ed...

Mentally, yes, sometimes I'm scared to sleep because of possible sexualised nightmares - I wish I was joking, that is actually a thing...

Physically... Self-harm... Scratching... Thanks society for making me think I'm a psychopath...

 

I've been sex-repulsed all my life -

And I'm still greatly traumatised... By my past friends particularly.........

Nothing 'happened' to me, but I still feel greatly violated... As I was surrounded by it 24/7 at one point... 

 

Sorry... I have alot of suppressed emotions... Especially on this subject...

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⚸ Hughesation ⚸

@ThatHuman: Gosh, you poor thing. Sounds like you've had a really rough time. If anyone is deserving of cake, it would be you.

 

Being sex repulsed actually puts the nightmares into context, so it dies make sense... Anything we fear/hate/are repulsed is bound to arise in nightmares at some point. I just hope you don't have too much trouble sleeping. *hugs*

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I'm sorry people have been told these horrible and dehumanizing things. For me, it's "There's something F***in wrong with you"  "You're broken"  "You need to see a sex therapist" "You just don't know what you want/need" 

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20 hours ago, Hughesation said:

@ThatHuman Gosh, you poor thing. Sounds like you've had a really rough time. If anyone is deserving of cake, it would be you.

 

Being sex repulsed actually puts the nightmares into context, so it dies make sense... Anything we fear/hate/are repulsed is bound to arise in nightmares at some point. I just hope you don't have too much trouble sleeping. *hugs*

I had one tonight - it sucks... And people wonder why I never liked sleeping... Ugh... I don't know how to stop it - every time I get paranoid, which is usually, it comes back... I had such a bad night one time, I was physically ill the next day because I was so traumatised by it - spent the day being sick in a toilet and not moving because it caused me to vomit... Ugh... That night was rough...

 

Sorry that I'm looking for therapy among the people - but I haven't met any other asexuals in person - I've just kind of been suffering on my own, asking 'why' and 'what is wrong with me'... If I didn't play that act for 4 years - I would have definitely escaped with less wounds - that then society threw salt at...

 

The mentally pain was equal to cutting off all my limbs... That is faster an under-exaggeration, then over-exaggeration...

And it didn't help that my mother's reaction, to me dealing with torment, is to call me stupid... But I'm teaching and explaining it to her, so it's getting better...

 

I really need that cake right now - I feel like I lived though Armageddon... I probably did...

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⚸ Hughesation ⚸
14 hours ago, Christa said:

I'm sorry people have been told these horrible and dehumanizing things. For me, it's "There's something F***in wrong with you"  "You're broken"  "You need to see a sex therapist" "You just don't know what you want/need" 

What is wrong with these people? We are broken, because we don't want sex?

Okay, that's strange; I thought humans incapable of empathy were the ones psychologically "broken"? Compassion is supposed to be human nature, so there's "something f***in wrong" with the people who cannot feel enough compassion to refrain from such insensitive and ignorant remarks.

 

We definitely know what we do and don't need, how divorced from our bodies do you think we are? We know when/if we need to eat, so I'm pretty sure we know when/if we need something else, without being informed by someone with no way of knowing.

I thought sex was supposed to be a private matter, anyway, so why is everyone so obsessed with whether or not we are having it? (Partners excluded on this, but seriously what does it change for people without sexual feelings towards us?)

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13 hours ago, Hughesation said:

What is wrong with these people? We are broken, because we don't want sex?

Okay, that's strange; I thought humans incapable of empathy were the ones psychologically "broken"? Compassion is supposed to be human nature, so there's "something f***in wrong" with the people who cannot feel enough compassion to refrain from such insensitive and ignorant remarks.

 

We definitely know what we do and don't need, how divorced from our bodies do you think we are? We know when/if we need to eat, so I'm pretty sure we know when/if we need something else, without being informed by someone with no way of knowing.

I thought sex was supposed to be a private matter, anyway, so why is everyone so obsessed with whether or not we are having it? (Partners excluded on this, but seriously what does it change for people without sexual feelings towards us?)

I can't "like" this post enough. :)

 

Just to add to it...

 

I can't understand why *we* are told that it's o.k. to say 'no' to sex...until we actually say 'NO!" to sex! 

 

We're not told that there are 'consequences' to saying 'no'.  If we say 'no', we're told that we're "insecure", "broken", "neurotic", "frigid", "unhealthy", "stupid", "ignorant", "crazy", "wrong", along with a whole bunch of other choice 'labels' applied to those who don't want to have sex, either today, or in a month, or EVER. 

 

Apparently, we're only "free" to say "yes" to sex.  Our "freedom" to say 'no' comes at a price.

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⚸ Hughesation ⚸
8 hours ago, vega57 said:

We're not told that there are 'consequences' to saying 'no'.  If we say 'no', we're told that we're "insecure", "broken", "neurotic", "frigid", "unhealthy", "stupid", "ignorant", "crazy", "wrong", along with a whole bunch of other choice 'labels' applied to those who don't want to have sex, either today, or in a month, or EVER. 

 

Apparently, we're only "free" to say "yes" to sex.  Our "freedom" to say 'no' comes at a price.

Yes; whatever happened to "you should never let anyone push you into something" and "don't do anything you're uncomfortable with"?

Or were those just fanciful words, which mean nothing when push comes to shove?

My high school lectured constantly on those sentiments in sex ed classes, but it seems like the real world is at odds with those lessons. Now it is a psychological problem if you stand your ground on refusing to do something you don't want to.

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On 08/10/2017 at 5:59 PM, Lucas Monteiro said:

People actually say being asexual is selfish ? But how can it be selfish ? Almost all of the time, people say things before thinking.

I don't get that either. IMO having sex with random people can be selfish. Fulfilling your own lust with little or no thought of the other person.

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50 minutes ago, Acing It said:

I don't get that either. IMO having sex with random people can be selfish. Fulfilling your own lust with little or no thought of the other person.

I think the selfishness label is usually applied to people who are in relationships/married.  Regular (a.k.a. a few times a week, at least) sex then seems to be expected as a 'standard'.  Apparently, sex is supposed to define the relationship as "more than 'just' friends".  (As if people who don't have sex with someone can't possibly fall in love, or have a deep meaningful relationship, unless they're also having sex with that person).  :( 

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My cousin: "Just don't close any doors." Implying something might change for me in the future. And then when I followed it up by admitting I thought I had a crush on my female best friend, she acted like -that- was my big come out. Not the ace part. Of course, at the time I honestly thought I was romantic and now I really don't know but strongly suspect aro.

 

My Brother: "All I'm going to say to that is that [my girlfriend] thought she was ace before we started dating. But that's all I'm going to say." I was 25 at the time. I think I'd know if I was ever going to be sexually interested in another person.

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Forest Spirit
3 hours ago, Wolfjackle said:

My Brother: "All I'm going to say to that is that [my girlfriend] thought she was ace before we started dating. But that's all I'm going to say."

Invalidation times 1 million... sorry to hear that! It sounds as if what he wanted to say was "but then I changed her" or sth like that ^shivers^

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The Drafting Ninja

Sister:  I want a nephew!

Me: (Deadpan) I'm not having kids.

Sister: Well, after you get married then!

Me: (Still Deadpan) I'm not getting married.

Sister: Huh?!

Me: *thinking* (Seriously, YOU'RE the one who told me that I may be asexual.  It's time to accept that you were RIGHT!)

 

Sorry for the rant, but this one was fitting for the topic.  Please move on, there's nothing to see here. :ph34r:

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5 hours ago, Quasar.w said:

Invalidation times 1 million... sorry to hear that! It sounds as if what he wanted to say was "but then I changed her" or sth like that ^shivers^

He really didn't mean anything like that, but he was in the jock crowd at school and while our high school was very diverse (800+ kids graduating per year), he didn't get much exposure to alternative sexualities. He's just a little ignorant and didn't mean anything malicious by it. His basic premise was the same thing as my cousin - don't let your asexuality prevent you from finding "the one" because you don't know what could change. Still irritating as hell, though!

 

And if you knew the story of how they started dating... well they were friends for quite a while and after a few months kinda had a "huh, we're dating, aren't we?" moment.

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Forest Spirit
10 hours ago, Wolfjackle said:

He really didn't mean anything like that, but he was in the jock crowd at school and while our high school was very diverse (800+ kids graduating per year), he didn't get much exposure to alternative sexualities. He's just a little ignorant and didn't mean anything malicious by it. His basic premise was the same thing as my cousin - don't let your asexuality prevent you from finding "the one" because you don't know what could change. Still irritating as hell, though!

 

And if you knew the story of how they started dating... well they were friends for quite a while and after a few months kinda had a "huh, we're dating, aren't we?" moment.

Good to hear that it wasn't meant like that! For a moment I was really just like "wtf...". But yeah, I've got such ignorant comments too ^sigh^

 

To be honest I never understood how dating works, like if people one day just decide "now we're dating" or sth. Your brothers story sounds more like what I always imagined it to be!

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everywhere and nowhere
On 11.10.2017 at 4:20 AM, StormySky said:

"You're just suppressing your feelings cause it grosses you out"

 

Can't suppress things I've never felt :/

And even if one is, than what? Can't suppressing feelings one prefers not to have be a valid choice?

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  • 2 weeks later...

Q"how do you know you dont like sex if you havent done it?"

A"how do you know you dont like fucking turtles if you havent fucked a turtle?"

 

Q"you cant be asexual youve had sex?"

A"you cant not like eating apples cause i saw you eat an apple..." literally we do things we dont want to do all the time...clean our house, take out the trash, get injection...not everything is done for pleasure.

 

Q"have you had an orgasm?"

A"one is that your business and two even if i have doesnt mean im not asexual just means my clit works!!!"

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On 9/30/2017 at 1:03 AM, kittyblomu said:

A A A A thank you so much !! I'm really happy as well! 

 

Gives me hope too lol 

How's it going with the club?

P.S.

Sorry I took so long. I'm in Puerto Rico and communications here have been hard.

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This has probably been said before but "Not wanting sex is not a sexuality, stop trying to make up names to make yourself feel special". I see this a lot. In the LGBT+ community especially.

 

Also, since we're on that topic, any comment about us not belonging to the LGBT+ community. I can dismiss the whole ally/asexual thing, but we do belong. 

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On 10/2/2017 at 2:50 PM, sarahcasm said:

"...no your life probably wouldn't be easier, you'd just have a different set of worries." 

Tell them exactly that. Being asexual comes with a lot of issues. I mean we're only in a body that constantly asks us for something we don't want and many times that causes the shame and raped feeling. 

 

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On 8/4/2017 at 11:38 PM, Skelegon said:

"I feel like if I were asexual I'd be a LOT more productive."

 

No, you'd still be lazy. I guarantee it. 

OMG YESSSSSSSS 

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