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Keakin

Things Asexuals hate to hear

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Sibemarie

It was not directly to me, but it was about me.

Someone from my family (who knows i don't want children) told to another relative that "it is so sad that she (me) doesn't have chidren" or she "wished she had children so the family would be bigger".

WTF!!!! :mad: 1) I don't want sex neither children so basically if it is sad is NOT for me, it is for their aproach of life, but NOT me, i am actually very happy without sex and children.

2) Wishing me something i don't want, is actually their own frustrated, selfish view.

I am truly glad we don't live in a fundmentalist regime because then i would be forced to live in this repulsive punishment of being forced to horrendous sex and motherhood torture. I am very very glad that at least around here we can chose. Otherwise i think i would take my own life.

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TripleOG

Asexuality doesnt exist and how do you know you dont like sex if you've never tried it. These statements are so ignorant and stupid and i wish people would research asexuality before speaking on it.

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LucindaC
On 11/8/2017 at 10:44 AM, TripleOG said:

Asexuality doesnt exist and how do you know you dont like sex if you've never tried it.

Sexuals don't want to hear my answer to that. But I get a small kick out of making them uncomfortable. I hope that doesn't make me a bad person...

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BrLg

Once I was with people and they were doing stupid (in my opinion) drinking game and literally 9/10 questions were about sexual things and one guy noticed I never drank my beer and asked why, I said I'm ace. His reaction:

'Wow this is so pure wow total respect you're this year old and never had sex wow I could not oh my god what a pure creature you are. So innocent. But don't worry you will be able one day to feel these things too'

Uh ok but no? Wtf

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GryphonLover

"You shouldn't be alone!  Finding a man and having babies will complete you!"  - variations from several coworkers at a previous job.   I didn't even try explaining asexual, I just gave up when that was their response to me being single. 

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Nowhere Girl
7 hours ago, GryphonLover said:

"You shouldn't be alone!  Finding a man and having babies will complete you!"  - variations from several coworkers at a previous job.   I didn't even try explaining asexual, I just gave up when that was their response to me being single. 

And this is how women's identity is perceived under patriarchy: that we are essentially unfinished creatures. Meaningless and purposeless as individuals. A void which needs to be filled by a man.

I can't even express how offensive it feels to me.

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Aromanatee

> Whipping out their phone and asking me asking me if random-hot-model-on-Google-images excites me sexually. 

     - No, I do not find his abs hot. Although, his facial features are pleasing to look at. But I would evoke the same emotional reaction from watching a sunset. "Oh, pretty."

 

>  "Oh, I had a friend who said she was asexual, but then she got a boyfriend. I'm sure you are the same too."

     - Not only is this dismissive of my sexuality, it displays how much misinformation there is about asexuality. You can still have a boyfriend and have sex, and still be asexual.

 

> "Are you surrrrre you're not a lesbian? It's okay if you are. "

    - I've already asked myself that question multiple times and the label does not fit.

 

> "Are you masturbating properly? Like, really properly?"

    - Uh... I barely know you, Steve. 

 

> Congratulating me for not having sex or dating my entire life. 

   - Thanks, random-dude-who-just-tried-to-ask-me-out, but you're literally congratulating me on something I've had no urge to do my entire life. I'm asexual, not celibate. 

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Hermit Advocate

"But what about your future husband?"

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MrDane

I think the following could be stressful to hear for my asexual wife:

 

Sexual Me: “I love you and I know you love me, but... I think, you forgot about our ‘agreement’. I would like us to stick to the plan and if the plan needs to be either renegotiated or temporary ‘put on hold’ or just postponed or perhaps overruled by ‘force majeure’, then so be it, but please inform me on how it is. Otherwise I freak out and drift into a depressionlike state step-by-step. I expect you to help us staying with the plan, as I actually put in love and hard inner work to utilize the plan instead of my natural drive. It may sound a bit cold, but that is a way for me to accept/thrive as I can no longer expect any sexual desire/initiative comming from you, which I live with by choosing to live with fantastic you. What I have sexually to cling to, is ‘the plan’!  If you forget about the plan, then I need to remind you, and then we will be back at me begging/stressing and you declining/refusing/stressing!”

 

As for now, we have an agreement, put in a schedule, about when to have sex. Also an agreement, that there is no special way, that it is going to happen. It can mean a massage given to me. It usually involves stepping out of her comfort zone for a while before we both can have a nice, intimate time with benefits for both of us. What bugs me, is when she either forgets or ‘forgets on purpose’. Forgetting bugs me, because I dont know whether to let it fly or if I should mention it, because then we will be back in the system where I ask, ask, ask, ask, “forgetting on purpose” could be something that she was unaware of, but either way, to avoid the sex. Like giving a quick kiss(which she doesnt usually do) roll over and say goodnigth. Or arrange a child to sleep in our bed, but without any real reason. No problem, if she would say: look, honey. I love you, but I would like to not have sex tonigth. Perhaps we will just miss this and wait for next time. But it is the silence about it, which really bugs me. 

 

 

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Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad

What I really hated was when my friend asked me: "Are you in love with Caro? You would be such a sweet couple." Or " are you in love with Paul/ (insert any Name of one of my friends here) ?" I am sure that he didnt mean this 100% serious, but still it was annoying. "When I told him i think I am asexual, he more or less stoped asking  ( dont know if this was a coming out or a dude-pls-shut-up-for-gods-sake or both ; ). Still now I cant get the thought of "being in love with my best friend, because I really like spending time with her and am always happy if we are talking/joking/ whatever" out of my head. I am quite sure I am not, this thought keeps coming again and again. 

So thanks. This was exactly NOT what I needed, my dear friend

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Sibemarie
On 02/12/2017 at 6:30 AM, Aromanatee said:

> Whipping out their phone and asking me asking me if random-hot-model-on-Google-images excites me sexually. 

     - No, I do not find his abs hot. Although, his facial features are pleasing to look at. But I would evoke the same emotional reaction from watching a sunset. "Oh, pretty."

 

>  "Oh, I had a friend who said she was asexual, but then she got a boyfriend. I'm sure you are the same too."

     - Not only is this dismissive of my sexuality, it displays how much misinformation there is about asexuality. You can still have a boyfriend and have sex, and still be asexual.

 

> "Are you surrrrre you're not a lesbian? It's okay if you are. "

    - I've already asked myself that question multiple times and the label does not fit.

 

> "Are you masturbating properly? Like, really properly?"

    - Uh... I barely know you, Steve. 

 

> Congratulating me for not having sex or dating my entire life. 

   - Thanks, random-dude-who-just-tried-to-ask-me-out, but you're literally congratulating me on something I've had no urge to do my entire life. I'm asexual, not celibate. 

Same. I can tell if a guy is handsome, pleasing to look at aesthetically, but not exactelly hot. Not hot because hot implies something physical happens with me, which does not at all. 

And that one, such as  "its ok if you are a lesbian", you can tell, etc etc it is something i already came accross. I think people look at me as a poor sad person, who dresses genderless and refuses the idea of finding a partner because she is "lesbian " (in their minds, they only see black and white, because they as adults feel sexual urges so they cannot accept that there are people without urges), when the fact is that i dress genderless because its my style and comfortable, and i dont want to dress atractive, and yes i am poor and sad but that is because of the sh*tty labor market and unemplyment, lack of nature around here and some other human-made distrresses around here.

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adm2013

I always hear the standard, “so, you’re a plant?” and, “you’ll find someone eventually,” but more recently I’ve started hearing people say, “we should hunt the asexuals into extinction,” and, “we have no use for them. Let’s just kill them all.” :mad:

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Sibemarie
On 06/12/2017 at 12:12 PM, adm2013 said:

I always hear the standard, “so, you’re a plant?” and, “you’ll find someone eventually,” but more recently I’ve started hearing people say, “we should hunt the asexuals into extinction,” and, “we have no use for them. Let’s just kill them all.” :mad:

iI just cannot take the hate that people have towards us, when so many humans around are violent and mean (including them) and  we are harmless to them

. I dont like to spend my energy hating them back but i often find myself feeling so, as if the only use of a person would be to populate the Earth. Its outrageous, it p*sses me off to the max.

The Earth and its nature doesn't need us for nothing, it is completelly fine that some of us dont breed. I just can't stand such extreme stupidity, i find myself furious against them.

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Sibemarie
On 08/11/2017 at 10:44 AM, TripleOG said:

Asexuality doesnt exist and how do you know you dont like sex if you've never tried it. These statements are so ignorant and stupid and i wish people would research asexuality before speaking on it.

The thing is that most people don't even know asexuality exists as something real. They don't even care to research. I wonder why they can't just accept our existence, sometimes i think it is because they have suffered for love so they cannot accept that for some others that type of suffering does not exist. Maybe it is just a pointless thought but sometimes i think about this.

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Sibemarie

Person: "You never been in love !?"

Me: "No"

Person: "REALLY?"

Me: "No, i have never been in love."

Person: "No way. I don't believe it"

 

This was annoying as hell to me. So i am telling the thruth and opening my heart of a personal thing and a person does not believe me?? I truly get p*ssed off if i am being honest and somebody does not believe because cannot fit into his small mind that it IS possible not to love romantically/sexually someone. Arrgh, F*ck nope!

 

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Keakin
14 hours ago, Sibemarie said:

Person: "You never been in love !?"

Me: "No"

Person: "REALLY?"

Me: "No, i have never been in love."

Person: "No way. I don't believe it"

 

This was annoying as hell to me. So i am telling the thruth and opening my heart of a personal thing and a person does not believe me?? I truly get p*ssed off if i am being honest and somebody does not believe because cannot fit into his small mind that it IS possible not to love romantically/sexually someone. Arrgh, F*ck nope!

 

The beauty in all this is, you don't have to give anyone explanations on anything you feel or what and who you are. If they don't believe you then whatever, since they don't choose what to do with your life then their opinion is irrelevant. 

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pchplmpr

''It's only natural to have sex.''
- did I say it wasn't?

''Like I get why you would be asexual, I just don't get how you could be, like, asexual?'' 
- wow. How do you even brain?

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Bri is Me

When my mom randomly brings up "One day when you're married..." into a conversation.  I mean, I know aces can marry and have relationships and things, but I don't expect to and I find it a bit degrading that she doesn't seem to respect that

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Sibemarie

Me and my best friend kind-of-partner (as i told somewhere in this forum, me and him have been in a close bond friendship for 20 years now since we were teens) so obviously we have heard it here and there. People often think we are a couple, but when they learn we are not, there is no subject anymore, we are not, and that is just as simple as that. 

There was this dumb guy spreading around to people that obviously "if he and she (us) are always together it is obvious they have sex" also "And he and she are too embarassed to admit". 

Duh ! :mad:

One thing is to not understand but keep it to themselves, another is to go around and spread sh*t about us. He was not very popular since he was always pushing people to do him favours, lend money or stuff, telling gossips, so many people were p*ssed off with him. 

Spreading crap out of his mind to others and giving looks and smiles/smirks to his peers when we were around, just to play the nasty " funny guy of the party..."

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Shadow007

I'd say that sometimes it's the silent stuff that can get overbearing, like getting pointed looks from more conservative relatives when discussions turn to marriages and children. Who cares if I'm older than my cousin who's living with her husband and son? It doesn't mean that I should be having that life, too. Marriage, to me, is mostly a legal document acknowledging an already existent (and usually serious) relationship - and kids don't level up the commitment score any more than it would be without them (it's a personal choice). Makes no sense to expect me to be something (or someone) I'm not. 

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