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Welcome Older Asexuals


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#451 Venturi

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Posted 16 March 2012 - 07:23 PM

Hi Aven Older, I've just started making myself known around here and I'm guessing this place needs some attention too :cake:

I'm a 38 year old no sex for over a decade done everything bar the octopus cockroach thing who's still trying to figure things out. I'm a little nsecure, being bi-polar but think whether that's an element of my asexuality would be like speculating whether I'd be different if I was a different gender as much as if I wasn't bi-polar.

Glad to be here, glad to have found you.

Love, light, peace (and cake too, of course).

#452 Beachwalker

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Posted 17 March 2012 - 10:47 AM

Hi Aven Older, I've just started making myself known around here and I'm guessing this place needs some attention too :cake:

I'm a 38 year old no sex for over a decade done everything bar the octopus cockroach thing who's still trying to figure things out. I'm a little nsecure, being bi-polar but think whether that's an element of my asexuality would be like speculating whether I'd be different if I was a different gender as much as if I wasn't bi-polar.

Glad to be here, glad to have found you.

Love, light, peace (and cake too, of course).

What is this octopus cockroach thing?
And welcome :)

#453 Sophia_

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Posted 20 March 2012 - 02:50 PM

ciao a tutti sono Sophia di Aven italia
ho 50 anni e felice che in Avenit internazionale ci sia un posto per noi anziani :) un ciao a tutti dall'Italia

#454 Peaceful & Happy

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Posted 21 March 2012 - 04:40 AM

Hi ya,


I am 48 I am new so I thought I woul say Hi, so Hi.
Peace pray for it, work for it, and live it.

#455 Notsexual

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 02:48 AM

I am 52. While I have been sexually active (intermittently) I have had some episodes where asexuality may have been at the core. More than once I cut all contact with men who were my friends for a while and later came out and said that they were sexually attracted to me. I took this as breach of contract, or as betrayal or something, as if being my friend meant they were not supposed to hit on me sexually or at least not hide behind a mask all that time in disguise under the mask of friendship.

Another warning point was when a friend asked me if when I enter a room full of strangers (say conference) if I looked around and decided whom I'd consider sleeping with. This thought never ever occurred to me. I only saw potential friends or not.

I never actively pursued a man, but if a very attractive man and a very unusual man pursued me openly and aggressively I went ahead and had sex with them and definitely enjoyed it while it lasted but my interest waned rather quickly. My first relationship lasted 6 years, then the next 5, followed by 3, and 2 years, and after which none lasted longer than 3 months and I have been completely asexual for over 3 years and don't miss a thing. I am not sure how I'd behave if a very sexy and exotic man showed up but I know very clearly that if the relationship is asexual it would last a much longer time if not the rest of my life. It is definitely the continued sex and excessive interest of men that just bore me out of relationships.

#456 Tanwen

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 05:29 AM

Another warning point was when a friend asked me if when I enter a room full of strangers (say conference) if I looked around and decided whom I'd consider sleeping with. This thought never ever occurred to me. I only saw potential friends or not.


It wouldn't occur to me either, but I suppose it might to some people. Welcome to AVEN and in particular the Older forum ... have soem welcome :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake:
"You lose nothing when fighting for a cause ... In my mind the losers are those who don't have a cause they care about." - Muhammad Ali
 
"I have always found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice"  - Abraham Lincoln
 
"Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed."  G. K. Chesterton

#457 Notsexual

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 01:17 PM

Thank you, Tanwen.

Somehow being here is further crystallizing a lot of my sexual and social interactions. I need some advice from those who have been clear about their asexual orientation for a long time. There are all these friendships I want to pursue and I am always worried that they will think that I am hitting on them.

Like this one lady I met. I have no sexual interest in her, whatsoever, but I like her world view and would like to be friends with her. As I shared my appreciation of who she is I felt a need to state that I am not coming unto her, that I had no sexual interest. Then she just left the scene. I am bewildered. One possibility, of course, is that she may be a lesbian, but I doubt it. She just thought I must be a freak to say something like that.

I also recently met a 72 year old man whose company I enjoy. Now I am worried that he may have romantic ideas. I have none. So, what is the course here, should I act normal (which translates to leading him on) or should I just tell him prematurely that I don't want a romantic relationship.

This is really hard and is certainly affecting my social life. I am feeling alienated all because of people's sexual needs. I may need a different way of framing the problem and relax. Any thoughts?

#458 Tanwen

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 03:31 PM

You may find some help in the Relationship forum - just have a look around and see if anyone is going through a similar experience; I've no doubts at all that there will be.

I don't think there's any hard and fast rule, you have to play it by ear. Some years ago I tried dating again; you'd think that at 65 a man's interest would begin to wane but it seems not necessarily. Oh well, it was nice the (short) time it lasted.
"You lose nothing when fighting for a cause ... In my mind the losers are those who don't have a cause they care about." - Muhammad Ali
 
"I have always found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice"  - Abraham Lincoln
 
"Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed."  G. K. Chesterton

#459 Notsexual

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 05:09 PM

Thank you, Tanwen. I will spend some time and read around like you said. I think it's easier to be an asexual man than an asexual woman, especially a sexy-looking asexual woman. Creates a lot of confusion for sexual males.

#460 paul kriese

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Posted 16 April 2012 - 12:09 PM

Hi. New to the site. Just came out last week. What a joy and what a relief.

#461 Beachwalker

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Posted 16 April 2012 - 12:15 PM

Hi. New to the site. Just came out last week. What a joy and what a relief.

Hello and welcome :cake:
Where did you come out from?

#462 paul kriese

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Posted 17 April 2012 - 08:09 PM

Hi. New to the site. Just came out last week. What a joy and what a relief.



#463 paul kriese

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Posted 17 April 2012 - 08:11 PM

Thank you, Tanwen. I will spend some time and read around like you said. I think it's easier to be an asexual man than an asexual woman, especially a sexy-looking asexual woman. Creates a lot of confusion for sexual males.


I came out in Richmond, Indiana. Would be interested in connecting with other Ace people

#464 Tanwen

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Posted 17 April 2012 - 08:30 PM

The 'Meet up Mart' might be of interest http://www.asexualit...-united-states/ :D
"You lose nothing when fighting for a cause ... In my mind the losers are those who don't have a cause they care about." - Muhammad Ali
 
"I have always found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice"  - Abraham Lincoln
 
"Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed."  G. K. Chesterton

#465 jilly

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Posted 19 May 2012 - 07:51 AM

This is great! I didn't even know there was a forum for this. I told my mother today that I think I am asexual, and that I have decided to do some research about it. I haven't felt sexual desire in over a decade and I have no idea where that went. I don't even want it back. I don't want to be bothered. I would love a partnership but one that does not involve sexuality.

I am 44 and this is so great to see that I'm not the only one who feels this way. Or has a lack of feeling this way. It is such a relief to be figuring this all out! :lol:

#466 daveb

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Posted 19 May 2012 - 10:58 PM

Welcome, Jilly! Have some :cake:
"Smoke me a kipper" Ace Rimmer

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#467 jilly

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Posted 23 May 2012 - 12:43 AM

Welcome, Jilly! Have some :cake:


Thank you for the cake! I was hoping I could have some. :)

#468 Kiya

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Posted 28 May 2012 - 01:21 AM

*waves*

Hi, hi, hi!

Oh my gods, y'all have NO idea how happy I am to be here. I'm still a little freaked out as I'm just discovering that there is even such a THING as asexuality, and wrapping my brain around how that fits into my sexual history and current sexuality is.... well, mindboggling. But it feels like HOME. *joy*

Oh, and I'm 35. :)

K.
I want to be the comet
always flying
forever loving
never fearing
yet by my nature
eternally loved
and infinitely alone.

#469 clee

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Posted 30 May 2012 - 11:45 AM

Good Morning!
I am turning 49 years old this year, married for almost 16 years and have FINALLY been able to put a name on what is up with me. I have spent my entire teenage life and most of my adult life believing that sex was the only way to get a man or to keep him. I do not like sex; I prefer talk and friendship. My husband knew going into this marriage that sex was NOT a priority for me. But he would get me drunk and that was the end of that idea. So, now into my 16th year of marriage; I am tired of being told that if we don't have sex; the marriage is over, I am tired of him making this all about him and then expecting "pity sex" afterward. I am tired of making excuses as to why I can't have sex tonight or tomorrow, or the next night.

I feel a sense of love for my husband, but after years of feeling a "duty" to him; that love has turned into a feeling of disgust.
I want to say; it is my way or the highway; I even get to that point....then I realize my age, my inability to support myself and I panic! The kids are married and moved away so there is nothing keeping me here but me..me and my fear of starting over (even though in the end I will be happier).

Now, that I have made everyone's day a happy one... just wanted to stop in and say "HI".
Thanks for listening :D

#470 daveb

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Posted 31 May 2012 - 01:14 AM

Welcome, K and clee! Have some :cake:
Of course, it's up to you to decide what works best for you, clee. The only thing I can say is it's not too late to get a fresh start. Maybe you could try some kind of schooling? Who knows, it could lead to a fresh start on your own or possibly revitalize your marriage (if you want). Whatever you do/decide, best wishes!
"Smoke me a kipper" Ace Rimmer

Professor Emeritus of Cryptogeography, Bad Puns, and Chocolate; Transyada University
Preferred prounouns: he, his, him ("mine" is good, too)

#471 Curious_1979

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Posted 05 June 2012 - 01:07 PM

clee

I can somewhat relate to new beginnings, I'm in college right now. The way I've been looking at it, is that (at least where I live) job security and how people approach work is different now. Many changes happen, I had two jobs before, and both at the same time moved to a different town. I figured it was my chance to go to school. Having a "basket" of skills is good too, perhaps try on a different type of part time job with a skill or craft that you can do on the side; something fun! I wish you all the best, sorry to hear about what is happening. Thank you for your story.

#472 Curious_1979

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Posted 05 June 2012 - 01:09 PM

Kiya

Hi! I'm around your age, and asexuality is new to me to. A lot of questions are now being answered for me too. Feel free to visit my page and say hello or initiate chat on anything that's on your mind, if you'd like some company on your path of discovery.

#473 Mr.LG

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Posted 24 June 2012 - 01:14 AM

Older people are cool too! Stand up and fend off the young aserious threadsters!

#474 daveb

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Posted 24 June 2012 - 01:20 AM

Welcome, Mr. LG! Have some :cake:
(your avatar makes me laugh)
"Smoke me a kipper" Ace Rimmer

Professor Emeritus of Cryptogeography, Bad Puns, and Chocolate; Transyada University
Preferred prounouns: he, his, him ("mine" is good, too)

#475 Sally

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Posted 24 June 2012 - 02:00 AM

then I realize my age, my inability to support myself and I panic!


Hi, Clee. Unless you have a disability which makes it impossible for you to work, don't sell yourself short -- there are things you could possibly do to support yourself, and if you and your husband have a house, a separation would mean a division of property. Why don't you investigate that kind of thing just to make yourself aware of possible options?

I don't have the energy to do PMs.


#476 Mr.LG

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Posted 24 June 2012 - 02:44 AM

Welcome, Mr. LG! Have some :cake:
(your avatar makes me laugh)

Thanks for the cake Daveb. It's nice to meet you. :mellow:

#477 Iceboxplums

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Posted 28 June 2012 - 10:27 PM

Hello! I'm a female sexual with a high sex drive married to a demi. <3 I'm here to learn about his sexuality and support him in his journey.

#478 daveb

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Posted 29 June 2012 - 12:47 AM

Welcome, iceboxplums! Have some :cake:. Good for you for looking to learn and be supportive of your husband. :)
"Smoke me a kipper" Ace Rimmer

Professor Emeritus of Cryptogeography, Bad Puns, and Chocolate; Transyada University
Preferred prounouns: he, his, him ("mine" is good, too)

#479 Mr.LG

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Posted 30 June 2012 - 02:08 AM

So what exactly is cryptogeography? 8)

#480 daveb

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Posted 30 June 2012 - 02:25 AM

It's a word I made up, based on the word "cryptozoology", which is the "study" of creatures like bigfoot, the Loch Ness monster, and other such creatures. So cryptogeoraphy would be about places, like El Dorado, Shangri-La, Middle Earth, etc. :) (all tongue-firmly-planted-in-cheek)
"Smoke me a kipper" Ace Rimmer

Professor Emeritus of Cryptogeography, Bad Puns, and Chocolate; Transyada University
Preferred prounouns: he, his, him ("mine" is good, too)




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