daveb Posted March 25, 2010 Share Posted March 25, 2010 Welcome and for you, too, Nola! :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Silly Posted March 25, 2010 Share Posted March 25, 2010 I'm happy I found AVEN *patting self on back* everyone here has made me feel very welcome! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bdm Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 Hello everyone! I am so glad to have found this site ... it's a relief to know that I'm not the only person who believes that sex is not the end-all and be-all to life! I am an "older" Canadian with an adult son. Through the years I have come to realize that a loving, supportive, and honest relationship/friendship is what I am looking for. Sex never did interest me very much, and I believed that there was something wrong with me as so many things around us seem to have sex as the driving force and it didn't interest me in the least. Being able to express this by writing about it is a great relief! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
KAGU143 Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 Welcome to AVEN, bdm! 'Tis true -- nobody around here will think you are the least bit strange if you value other things above sex. (and by "other things" I mean just about everything!) Enjoy some celebration cake :) -> :cake: -GB Quote Link to post Share on other sites
wrathi Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Hello people, glad I found the forum, I've been a bit isolated out there haha, it's good to know I'm not alone. I have two kids 23 and 17, almost finished divorced, and only realised in recent years that I did what society/peers/parents expected me to do. Only after discussing my 'real' non-sexual feelings with a friend, did she mention that I'm a-sexual, never thought of it that way before, but yea, it's my truth and I went googling to see what's what and found this community. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 It's great to see more new older asexuals joining in! for all! :D Quote Link to post Share on other sites
GreenHerring Posted April 10, 2010 Share Posted April 10, 2010 Am I the oldest on here? I'm 73, married 50 years with two adult offspring and two grandchildren in their twenties. My wife is disabled and sex would have been cruel to her frailty, so there's been none of that for around fifteen years. It also caused the most awful headaches for myself, to the extent the doctor gave me a known medical diagnosis with suitable advice. We are perfectly happy and love each other dearly. Maybe it's age (and the headache problem) that brought about the loss of sexual desire, I don't know, but I have no sexual feelings at all. It's really nice to be able to enjoy female company without sexual thoughts and feelings creeping in, it's like a sort of freedom. Even the sight of people kissing on television makes me turn away automatically. I find that any sexual depiction on tv most unpleasant and I'll change channels or go and put the kettle on! A few years ago I was writing scripts and the production company wanted me to rewrite in a "raunchy fashion" as they described it. I refused and was therefore dropped. I found Aven after searching "non-sexual". Since I became the way I am quite late in life and have known sexual feelings back in the past, I hope that I have not intruded into the asexual world on false pretences. Anyway, that's the way I am now and have been for some years now. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
strangebird Posted April 10, 2010 Share Posted April 10, 2010 Hi GreenHerring. I believe sexuality is fluid and that it is always possible that we can shift about throughout life. I believe the main indicator of asexuality is "lack of sexual attraction". Many of us here are also demisexual meaning we're not sexually attracted to others as a rule unless we are very close to someone emotionally. Just wanted to pop in after reading and say although I'm not terribly active here, you most certainly haven't intruded on my asexuality. I'm 41 and still trying to figure out what that means to me right now. Have some cake. strangebird Quote Link to post Share on other sites
wrathi Posted April 17, 2010 Share Posted April 17, 2010 I'm not really concerned about my sexuality. It's just interesting from an intellectual point of view. Strangebird is right, life is fluid, and so is sexuality, we are not frozen in time, time changes us. I find the overuse of sex in the media/advertising especially on the internet rather boring. I feel that people obsessed with sex and sexuality are scraping the bottom of the barrel. Sex is ancient, sex is everywhere, we would't have a global population of almost 8 billion if sex was a mystery. Any one of us could have sex at the drop of a hat - there is no challenge there. I feel that I am as a-sexual as I am bi-sexual, in other words, I don't aspire to have sex, and sex has and never will be something that attracts me to someone else, however were I to form an intimate bond/friendship/relationship with any person (male or female), and feel very comfortable with them, I feel that physical affection and probably sex would be a natural activity to share, getting sexual from my side would not be because I need to or became lustful, but to participate in something intimate with such a person, I couldn't care less whether it ever came to that or not, I would be doing it because they need to. Thoughts and minds turn me on, the ability to imagine, to have vision, longterm thinking, creativity, and this turning on is not physical/hormonal, it's cerebral. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
KAGU143 Posted April 17, 2010 Share Posted April 17, 2010 Welcome to AVEN, wrathi. I think you will find that a lot of people around here can relate to your perspective. :cake: -GB Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JustJudy Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 Hi people it's been quite some time since I checked out this site, I actually forgot about it but earlier this year I tried once again to date and once again I realized that I'm JUST NOT INTERESTED. I went out with 3 different men and the 3rd 1 I went out w/3 times and on the 3rd date he tried to kiss me g'night (i was really enjoying being friends w/him) and I rejected his kiss it was just too weird and so of course I haven't heard from him since except in an email he thanked me for dinner (maybe it was my lousy cooking that ran him off?) and apologized for trying to kiss me...I told him there was nothing to apologize for but still I never heard from him again. I do want a relationship and preferably w/a man but I just don't want the kissing/sex stuff; hugging or hand holding is ok why can't people get that??? Anyhow Hi everyone. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
anjikun Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 Hello everyone, I'm also very happy to have found this site. I will try to tell a bit of my story. I am a 45 year old woman with two young boys. The sex part of relationships has never worked for me. I have had relationships with men that I loved and felt very close to, but after awhile it just became impossible to force myself to do sex anymore, which broke up the relationship in each case. My problem is that--although I am basically content with my life the way it is--I really would like to find someone to share it with as an intimate friend/partner. For awhile I thought that I could find another single mom who was not interested in dating and who would like to home share and create a non-traditional blended family of sorts. However, of course most single moms are sexual, so would not be interested in this type of arrangement for long. Plus logistically it's just hard to accomplish. There is a website for single moms who want to homeshare, but there are no members in my area. Then I thought, maybe I could become a lesbian (thinking that way I could meet another single mom), except that of course you can't just "become a lesbian". I even joined a conventional dating site and started by searching for women, but it just didn't feel right. I thought "if I have to have sex with someone to find a partner, I guess it would be easier with a man (because I've done that before)". So then I started to search for men on the dating site, and met a couple online. But in each case when they started to talk about "let's meet somewhere for coffee or whatever" I just didn't want to. I realized that if I met one of these men and we hit it off, he would eventually want to have sex. I could probably force myself to do it at first (if I really liked him) but I know only too well from past experience that I wouldn't be able to do it long-term. When I was younger I did have some very short periods when I had some sex drive (depending on the situation and person) but now I have zero drive. The whole thought of sex just makes me think, "yuck!". My time is so limited and there are so many fun things I want to do, I just can't see myself spending time forcing myself to do something I hate, especially because it's not honest if the other person is sexual. So anyway, that's what brought me to this site. I went into the meet-up area and there is a thread for Montreal, but everyone posting there seems to be very young. So I will probably stick around in this forum. I would love to exchange with anyone who can relate to my situation, especially single moms or dads! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted April 23, 2010 Share Posted April 23, 2010 Welcome, JustJudy and anjikun! Have some "cake: Quite a few of us would like a romantic partner (non-sexual!). I think it's often harder for "older" asexuals (those of us in established jobs/careers or those with roots where they live) to make that happen because long distance relationships are hard enough for a short time. Personally I'm enough of a romantic and optimist to keep hope alive. Maybe it won't be in the cards until I can retire and have more freedom to live where I want. Best wishes and I hope you enjoy it here and feel "at home". :D Quote Link to post Share on other sites
anjikun Posted April 23, 2010 Share Posted April 23, 2010 Yes, I agree with you about relocating being harder now that we are older. I moved all over the place when I was young, but now I couldn't do that as easily. I would be willing to locate for the right relationship, but how can you know the relationship is right when you live too far away to spend time together? There are some asexual dating site (link page) and I joined one, but there are only a few profiles in my area, and most of them have been inactive for a long time. I guess it makes sense, considering that asexuals don't have that sex drive to get them out and dating! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
anjikun Posted April 23, 2010 Share Posted April 23, 2010 Question for JustJudy: is that your little boy in the picture with you? What a cutie! How old is he? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JustJudy Posted April 23, 2010 Share Posted April 23, 2010 Hi, the little boy with me is my grandson this past Halloween. THanks for the welcome Dave. Anjikun, I laughed when you said you "maybe I could become a lesbian" because many times I thought that as well, my dad was actually hoping I was a lesbian because that would be easier for many to understand than asexual; but like you I knew you don't "become a lesbian" and I wouldn't want the sexual part of that relationship either. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
missyboo Posted May 7, 2010 Share Posted May 7, 2010 Hello everyone! I have been reading the AVEN forum for quite some time now (my introduction can be found here) but mostly I have been reading this specific branch (re: older asexuals). I am of an older mentality and have always sought out those older than me (my spouse is fifteen years older than I am). It is nice to be here and I look forward to getting to know you all. :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Vlad Drăculea Posted May 11, 2010 Share Posted May 11, 2010 I'm new to this section of the AVEN forum. I joined about a month ago and I am realizing that just because I still feel like a kid (I'm less mature for my age partly due to Autism), it doesn't mean I'm not also "older", at 40 years old, so I thought I'd check out this forum and introduce myself. You can read my intro in the Welcome Lounge. By the way, welcome OJizosan! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
KAGU143 Posted May 11, 2010 Share Posted May 11, 2010 Welcome to the coolest part of AVEN, OJizosan and Vlad. ;) :cake: *ducks the flying rotten tomatoes coming from JFF* -GB Quote Link to post Share on other sites
sweet Posted June 5, 2010 Share Posted June 5, 2010 This is good...GREAT ! I am about 4 years from being a senior I a pensioner and asexual also having sexual dysfunction and widowed. My late husband being the same we had over 25 years of happy marriage with no adopted children. I am looking for a male asexual to have a close relationship without sex. Sweet Quote Link to post Share on other sites
sweet Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 Hello everyone! I am so glad to have found this site ... it's a relief to know that I'm not the only person who believes that sex is not the end-all and be-all to life! I am an "older" Canadian with an adult son. Through the years I have come to realize that a loving, supportive, and honest relationship/friendship is what I am looking for. Sex never did interest me very much, and I believed that there was something wrong with me as so many things around us seem to have sex as the driving force and it didn't interest me in the least. Being able to express this by writing about it is a great relief! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
sweet Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 Hello everyone! I am so glad to have found this site ... it's a relief to know that I'm not the only person who believes that sex is not the end-all and be-all to life! I am an "older" Canadian with an adult son. Through the years I have come to realize that a loving, supportive, and honest relationship/friendship is what I am looking for. Sex never did interest me very much, and I believed that there was something wrong with me as so many things around us seem to have sex as the driving force and it didn't interest me in the least. Being able to express this by writing about it is a great relief! Hi Is your adult son adopted? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Qutenkuddly Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 Hmmm... I believe myself to be asexual. I'm in my early forties. Do I count? Oh, wait! I forgot to account for mental maturity. Sorry, I might have to go elsewhere. :P Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 Hmmm... I believe myself to be asexual. I'm in my early forties. Do I count? Oh, wait! I forgot to account for mental maturity. Sorry, I might have to go elsewhere. :P Not bloody likely. We don't give mental maturity exams, thank God! :lol: for forty-ish people. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Qutenkuddly Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 Not bloody likely. We don't give mental maturity exams, thank God! :lol: for forty-ish people. Good to know! Have a doughnut! O Quote Link to post Share on other sites
KAGU143 Posted June 28, 2010 Share Posted June 28, 2010 Hi Qutenkuddly, and welcome to AVEN! More :cake: !! ('Cuz you can never have too much AVEN cake.) If mental maturity were a requirement for playing around in this forum I think I would lose most of my favorite peeps! Thank goodness we can choose to ignore that sort of thing. Pull up a virtual chair and make yourself at home. :) -GB Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Qutenkuddly Posted June 28, 2010 Share Posted June 28, 2010 Hi Qutenkuddly, and welcome to AVEN! More :cake: !! ('Cuz you can never have too much AVEN cake.) If mental maturity were a requirement for playing around in this forum I think I would lose most of my favorite peeps! Thank goodness we can choose to ignore that sort of thing. Pull up a virtual chair and make yourself at home. :) -GB Thanks for the warm welcome and the cake! I offer, in return, DOUGHNUTS! OOOOOOOOOOO :P Quote Link to post Share on other sites
robbenbanks Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 Hi to everyone, and welcome to the new people.....I tend to come to this site mostly when Im feeling lonely....and today is another one of those days. The lonely feelings dont last long for me though...I love living alone most of the time....since I've realized Im Asexual and, have chosen to not date. I've been, over-all the happiest I have ever been in my 49 years on planet earth....It would surely be nice to meet some other a-sexuals in my area though. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Huggs Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 Hi Qutenkuddly, and welcome to AVEN! More :cake: !! ('Cuz you can never have too much AVEN cake.) If mental maturity were a requirement for playing around in this forum I think I would lose most of my favorite peeps! Thank goodness we can choose to ignore that sort of thing. Pull up a virtual chair and make yourself at home. :) -GB hahaha I can just see the queue sitting outside the 'Older Asexual' forum doors, waiting for our 'mental maturity' to catch up with us before we were allowed in @_@ :P :D heheh Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Qutenkuddly Posted July 15, 2010 Share Posted July 15, 2010 Hi Qutenkuddly, and welcome to AVEN! More :cake: !! ('Cuz you can never have too much AVEN cake.) If mental maturity were a requirement for playing around in this forum I think I would lose most of my favorite peeps! Thank goodness we can choose to ignore that sort of thing. Pull up a virtual chair and make yourself at home. :) -GB hahaha I can just see the queue sitting outside the 'Older Asexual' forum doors, waiting for our 'mental maturity' to catch up with us before we were allowed in @_@ :P :D heheh I wonder how many would try to sneak in through the backdoor without the bouncer looking... *snicker* Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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