jay williams Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 Hello, everyone! I've already posted over in another thread for my first post but I guess I should've introduced myself here first. Anyway, I'm 51, a widow with two grown kids. I was married for like 23 years and then my husband passed away in 2000. I wish I would've known about asexuality back during all those years with him. It would've helped me understand part of the reason we suffered so much incompatibility. I am so very thankful for the two children that came from our union, however. There is a silver lining behind every dark cloud! My kids are aweomse, my best friends, and I love them so much! I have dated a few times since my husband's passing, but found the experience to be unfulfilling. It felt like it was just a precursor for one thing: sex. And I was not comfortable with that. I do enjoy making new friends and am not completely adverse to dating a man if the right connection comes along. But in the meantime, I am happy and content to spend time alone or with a good friend, reading, exploring my hobbies and interests, creating, journaling and living with nature. I have a rich inner life that keeps me busy and fulfilled most of the time. I also am fortunate to have a full time job that I enjoy and love. I'm looking forward to getting to know folks here. I'm so glad there is this space for "older" folks! :D I have been here---on and off---for a long time. You will find that in AVEN your a-sexual feelings are normal. There are many men as well as women who are like us. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
DavidSwords Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 Wow, after lurking around here for 2 days now, it's amazig in what I have read so far, especially in the "older" (I prefer mature) forum. So many of you shre MY story, or at least parts of it. I am finally starting to understand....just a little at least. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
KAGU143 Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 Welcome to AVEN, DavidSwords. Has anybody offered you the traditional welcome yet? *passes a tray around* I think the reason that this forum is called "Older Asexuals" is because the majority of people at AVEN are in their 20's and a large number are in their teens. Many, if not most, are students and a lot of them are still having issues with their classmates, parents, etc. We are only "older" by comparison to them. Mature? Gosh, I hope not ... ! I have a plaque that says, "If you haven't grown up by age 50 you don't have to." I intend to live by that philosophy. :) -GB Quote Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 We are only "older" by comparison to them.Mature? Gosh, I hope not ... ! I have a plaque that says, "If you haven't grown up by age 50 you don't have to." I intend to live by that philosophy. :) -GB I like this :D Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 I'm going to be SO OLD on Tuesday that there is no way that it can be called "older." Certainly not "mature." Just OLD However, we're not to be pushed around anymore. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PiF Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 I like the fact we have an older section doubters of Asexuality often claim it's a phase that younger members (normally 13- 23 ..example) go through and they grow out of it the older section re-enforces that whilst for some it may be a phase for many it really is a life direction Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Saggia Posted September 29, 2009 Share Posted September 29, 2009 I'm going to be SO OLD on Tuesday that there is no way that it can be called "older." Certainly not "mature." Just OLD However, we're not to be pushed around anymore. LOL! I love the graphic. And happy birthday anyway Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hammerhead Posted September 29, 2009 Share Posted September 29, 2009 LOL! I love the graphic. And happy birthday anyway Same here, happy birthday Sally. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
DavidSwords Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 You guys are all cool. Guys is a gender neutral term. Happy birthday, thanks for clarifying the "older" and "mature" terms, and thanks for the cake! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
alenka Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 Hi everyone, do we have a way to search for members by age and location? I am 41, would like to meet men from 40 to 55-60 who likes being active, my dream - Life Time Fitness member in Austin :D Quote Link to post Share on other sites
KAGU143 Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 Hi Alenka, and welcome to AVEN. *serves * I don't think the search function is that precise here. Another problem is that a lot of people are reluctant (or afraid) to fill out their profiles. One possibility might be for you to check the meetup forum. There are quite a few members in Texas and they get together in group meetups from time to time. We (AVEN) have never really encouraged people to meet each other individually, especially for a first encounter, just because ... well, this IS the internet, after all. 'Course, I don't always take my own advice ... :redface: -GB Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nudemodel Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 I too am not quite 50 yet but my body says I'm old!!!!!!!!!! I also wish we had the option of a chat room. There is something very different about being able to get IMMEDIATE feedback. (Patience really is not one of my strong points) Anyway, I am 49 with 3 kids (yes, I have been married twice but neither worked. Now, I am happily a nonsexual, where was this website 20 years ago???????!!!!!!!!! I will look forward to new posts, I have waited a long time to find people who not only don't think I am crazy, (well at least for my sexual views)but who also share my views!!!!!!!!!!!! WAHOO!!! Hi Cloudgazer. I guess "old" is whatever you want it to be. As you wrote, though, how did we manage without these sites of communication 20 years ago. You have 3 children, I have 2. I have been asexual all of my life so never married but making babies is still possible but, as an asexual, I just don't enjoy it. I do enjoy having children, though. Regards, Nudemodel. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
EyesWideOpen56 Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 I am so glad to have found this forum. Looking forward to getting to know everyone...and myself. Woo Hoo! :P Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dwartist Posted December 24, 2009 Share Posted December 24, 2009 Bit of a learning curve navigating AVEN but I am up for the challenge.Obviously I am new here and glad to have found a place for my older self (51).I always knew I was asexual but didn't have a name for it.Spent my life wondering what the heck is wrong with me.When I turned 50 I just let it go,I am who I am and that is pretty darned good. I would like to be in a relationship,I just don't want to have to my express my love for someone in a sexual way.Why is that so difficult for people? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
eliana Posted December 24, 2009 Share Posted December 24, 2009 Bit of a learning curve navigating AVEN but I am up for the challenge.Obviously I am new here and glad to have found a place for my older self (51).I always knew I was asexual but didn't have a name for it.Spent my life wondering what the heck is wrong with me.When I turned 50 I just let it go,I am who I am and that is pretty darned good.I would like to be in a relationship,I just don't want to have to my express my love for someone in a sexual way.Why is that so difficult for people? I'm glad you found AVEN. These young kids coming up are so lucky they have this. I had nothing when I was a teenager. I hope more older people find this and maybe we can form a network. I know it would be very liberating having friends who would not be questioning my sexuality all the time. It is hard to be older and unmarried. Hopefully the younger asexuals will not have to experience this if society keeps changing. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted December 24, 2009 Share Posted December 24, 2009 Welcome and for the latest "newbies"! Looking forward to getting to know you all, too! :) The more the merrier. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
KAGU143 Posted December 24, 2009 Share Posted December 24, 2009 Welcome to our two most recent arrivals here in the "adult" part of AVEN, EyesWideOpen56 and dwartist! We traditionally offer cake to our new members, so enjoy! :cake: It's always your favorite kind, and it has no calories at all. (Man ... I gotta say that last part is a BIG plus this time of year!) Pull up a virtual chair and make yourselves comfortable. 'Lots of nice people here, and the list keeps growing! -GB (That stands for Greybird or GBRD. I have temporarily played with my user name, but just for the holidays.) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dwartist Posted December 25, 2009 Share Posted December 25, 2009 Thanks for the welcome.I remember the day at work with NPR playing and someone was talking about what asexuality is and I just wanted to burst out crying because I wasn't the only one.And it was ok.It was liberating.And maybe someday people will understand that I am happiest when I can just be me. Even mental health professionals don't get it.Sucks! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Skylight Posted February 15, 2010 Share Posted February 15, 2010 Hello, I'm a 34 yo newbie, already wrote some info in the introduction part of the forum, so won't repeat myself. Good to be here :D Quote Link to post Share on other sites
strangebird Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 Hi everyone. I'm 41 and definitely older but not mature. :) I wrote an intro at the introduction area. I identify as a hetero-romantic queer asexual, just because I don't mind confusing people. :P Growing up I never had sexual attraction to other people and figured I was odd because I didn't find boys 'foxy' or 'hot'. In my early 20s I decided this must mean I was a lesbian as I could appreciate an aesthetic in women's bodies that I didn't appreciate in men's bodies. After a 5.5 year relationship with a woman who continually thought I would "leave her for a man" because I "just wasn't all that attracted to her" I decided I must be bisexual. I become attracted to people on a spiritual and/or intellectual level, but never sexually attracted nor compelled to have sex. If AVEN had been around when I was 20 (or the internet for that matter HA), I would probably have saved myself and a lot of other people quite a bit of heartache. I have been married to a man, this lasted two years and I have a son from the marriage which I believe indicates at some point I had sex, but whatever it was I was having I can honestly say the best thing that came out of it was another person and if I had to do it all over again I would. Ha! :) My marriage brought me a great kid and a new life in a new country. I still have some communication with my ex (my son's father), and sex (or lack of) is really the last reason that didn't work out. Of all the folks I have been in relationships with, he was probably the closest to me compatability-wise and other issues made it implausible for us to maintain a relationship. I am not antisex in any way, but I do get a bit sick of the sexualisation of everything in the world and sometimes wonder why we aren't evolving past what seems to me to be a very base sort of way of expressing intimacy with another person. I could have sex again, probably with the right person if they truly understood me (and vice verse), but would be quite happy to never engage in any sexual behaviour again. I do miss intimacy a lot and am finding myself to be a bit lonely in life. Intimacy to me is when you know who someone is and love and support them anyhow and feel no need to hide who you are or what you do in any way because you are just that close to one another. Why that gets tangled up with needing sex inside of it is still beyond me. Sex is about as expresive of intimacy to me as sneezing into your hand and then wiping it on another person's face. 8) I tend to be different on the whole, have some fairly radical political and spiritual ideals. Being asexual just seems to top off my cake of queerness when it comes to our society. Finding other like-minded people is difficult at best for me. Folks in radical circles seem to be quite promotive of "open relationships" and "free love" and all that really seems to mean to me is sex, sex, and more sex. Blerg. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
seneca Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 I'm 44 and from Western New York. I have never had sex, and have little use for it. I think it all stems back to a sexual assault I had when I was in the military. Of course, reporting it back then would have also gotten you in trouble, as the policy was "it doesn't happen." For years, I was confused about things. I didn't spend my time chasing girls and having sex, so I was an outcast there. That didn't help. I genuinely like kids, but have to be careful, as an unmarried 44 year old can be viewed with suspicions. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
GoAskDaddy Posted March 4, 2010 Share Posted March 4, 2010 Hi I'm Lee and 43 years young and a Kiwi. Thanks for this older section, I love these forums, it's like reading parts of my life story. I'm not weird! Just quoting Strangebird here ... "If AVEN had been around when I was 20 (or the internet for that matter HA), I would probably have saved myself and a lot of other people quite a bit of heartache". Oh that is such a true statement. I only heard the word Asexual a few years ago, I've never really understood my attitude to sex, I just knew it wasn't something I enjoyed, needed or even wanted. I had no desire to do it, thought it was disgusting, sweaty, iky and Oh ewwww don't get me started on french kissing. It's always been that way, even as a young child. I was married for a short time (because that is what you are supposed to do lol) and had two beautiful children, but of course it didn't last long. I've been happy on my own for over 13 years now, and loving it. Not discounting a furture asexual relationship for company and sharing a love of life (but not a love life) together but totally ok on my own too. I'm content. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 Welcome Lee! Have some Quote Link to post Share on other sites
strangebird Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 Hi Lee! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
GoAskDaddy Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 Hi Dave thanks for the :D and thank you StrangeBird for also popping into to say hi, really appreicated, regards Lee Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mathfairy Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 Hi Well this is completely new to me. I'm a 55 year old woman, Canadian, divorced with 2 daughters that I raised by myself. I have never posted on a forum before. Don't exactly know what I'm doing. A friend gave me an article about asexuality. I never heard the term before. She suggested I might be one. I don't know, maybe I am. I know that I like to be close to my man when, I have one, and he always wants sex, so I do. Not really into it actually. Looking for my soulmate, wonder if he's out there :) okay, till later Quote Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 Welcome mathfairy! Here's some for you :D I hope this forum can help you gain some understanding. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
KAGU143 Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 Welcome to AVEN, Mathfairy. :) This is our all-purpose welcome and celebration cake: Pull up a chair and enjoy! -GB Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kelly Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 Welcome, Math Fairy (math faries are the best kind) 8) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nola Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 Wecome to the newbies. I qualify as a newbie also. I am so glad to have an older section here because I was quite surprised ( not in a bad way or anything) by the large number of teen and young adult here. I'm female, early 40's here, widowed years ago. I had a longterm marriage and miss the companionship. But in the absence of that I am glad to have my fellow aces to talk to. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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