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Amcan

Welcome Older Asexuals

Recommended Posts

Just-Being-Me

Hey, this is pretty good :) ,

Maybe find even someone close somehow to my age even though age is just a number lol.

I am a 52 (Aug. 12th of this year 2008) I will be 53 yy. I am also 5'4" hehehe. :) - guy.

The most difficult thing is to find someone who is not worried about sex stuff and is

mainly asexual/non-sexual however, yet can love, be loved, companionship, little types

of affection, cuddling, little type hugs, holding hands (nothing dealing with 'fondling'/very sexual

skin 'privates' stuff lol). I appreciate a very compatible personality and I look at the

inner personality and uplifting, go to events/places, possibly travel, do lots of other fun

things in life lol - lots of togetherness and such. :) .

So Hello to all and hope to make good friends, and who knows if can, more (not the

usual meaning when say 'more' like the general society - only what I already said) :).

Yours truly,

JUST-BEING-ME

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Just-Being-Me

LaBeau,

I just read your post. :) . You won't have to worry about anything you said with me :)! I could certainly understand. I am a guy and 5 feet 4 inches in total height.

To me, even if you didn't have those particular specialies that don't have you care so to speak about sexual activities for whatever reason, there still is nothing 'wrong'

if you will not wanting to have sex as 'the mainstream society knows it and overrates it" lol.

Just be you. BTW that is what I am seeking anyhow - someone who is not interested into all that very sexually physical ways -- well you may see some of my posts

in knowing where I am coming from so to speak-in general. I am a deep person for the personality and inner spirit. I am hoping to find someone as I describe and meet

special friends too.

Well, lots of friendship love to you and I wish you will find whatever that makes you happy and be blessed.

Yours truly,

JUST-BEING-ME

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Joanna

I have just discovered this site and I feel it much needed. I hope to make friends with people who feel the way I do. Are there any meets in Toronto, Ontario?

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nosex

I am new to this forum and I read about it in the paper when a lady wrote to Annie's Mailbox and she sounded just like me. I was married and had a very "normal" sex life until I went through the "change" as well as had cancer surgery and then got out of a very abusive relationship. I think all this together just cause me to go "dead" a far as sexual desires were concerned. I am a very young acting and thinking person and dont want to spend my life alone, and I do need a man in my life as a helper and companion, but nobody would want to get married to someone and live without sex. I dont even like men to touch me anymore. Its weird, but with all the AIDS out there, it really makes life less complicated to live without sex. Are there any mature men who would like to have a loving intimate relationship without sex? I doubt it. But life alone really sucks, especially if you are sick or need help with something. After my Dad died, I had no relatives left in the world other than some shirttail cousins who are not in touch. I have no siblings, my late husband was an only adopted child, and my step kids are gone to the four corners or the world, and I dont know how to contact them. I would love to find some e mail buddies on this forum and establish friendships with both men and women. I wonder if there are any local chapters of AVEN in Oregon? Or is this solely an online group?

:blink:

Welcome to the new older asexuals forum!

Thanks for your patience whilst waiting for this forum to be created.

Tanwen will be your moderator.

It's up to you older asexuals what gets posted here, whatever you wish.

I am going to say we're not going to limit who is older if you are 'older' and you have a topic that might suit this forum then please feel free to post it.

'Younger' members of the board bear in mind this is a forum for discussing issues that might face 'older' asexuals. Again we dion't have age mimits. Everyone is free to post here but bear in mind the nature of this forum.

I hope you enjoy using this new forum.

Any problems or confusion please let me know.

Amcan

Admin

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Islander9

:cake: :cake: new Older Asexuals, and a warm welcome!

One of the difficulties of being an older asexual (I speak as a 61yr old who lives in a remote area (pop. varies, but doesnt get over 45 permanant residents)in a very small country) is - we are very thin on the ground. That basically means - we have to do/organise our own meetups or contacts.

Great that we have AVEN though, eh?

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Penumbra

Welcome, nosex!

AVEN is primarily an online group but there are always some get-togethers happening, mostly in North America (as far as I'm aware). There have been Oregon meet-ups in the past, though none too recently, it seems. Keep an eye on the Meetup Mart forum for future meet-ups, or organise one yourself if you like. :)

In the meantime, enjoy the forums. :cake:

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PriusGuy

I had a great aunt, a wonderful woman, who had two children and was widowed at a young age - late thirties. She raised her children by herself and found a full-time career. In her later years, someone asked her why she never remarried. She said she would gladly get married again if she could find one who would go home (to his house, not hers) at the end of the day. She enjoyed the companionship of men but had no desire for sex.

Looking back, I do not believe she was uncommon. I think there are a lot of perfectly normal people, male and female, who love the companionship of the opposite sex but, when it comes time to go to bed, just want to go to bed and go to sleep.

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indyana

well DUH! at last I have found where I belong - and wow - I am OLD - haha - almost 65

never knew why I didn't fit in - sure wish I could have known about this being around - well - it wasn't when I was young - NO ONE would have believed me - in fact they didn't - even a doctor told me I just needed to 'loosen up' ==== it wasn't funny THEN - but now - well - come to think of it - it's not funny now either- THANK YOU ALL! sure look forward to finally fitting in somewhere! :blink:

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JustJudy
I had a great aunt, a wonderful woman, who had two children and was widowed at a young age - late thirties. She raised her children by herself and found a full-time career. In her later years, someone asked her why she never remarried. She said she would gladly get married again if she could find one who would go home (to his house, not hers) at the end of the day. She enjoyed the companionship of men but had no desire for sex.

Looking back, I do not believe she was uncommon. I think there are a lot of perfectly normal people, male and female, who love the companionship of the opposite sex but, when it comes time to go to bed, just want to go to bed and go to sleep.

That describes me perfectly I enjoy the companionship of men but want them to go home at the end of the evening and I'm Perfectly Normal! I have a successful career, part of my job is recruiting and I'm great at that, I'm very likable, I raised a wonderful daughter on my own, i own a beautiful home, etc etc see I am normal! Sex for me would be ABnormal not to mention disgusting...I prefer chocolate!

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roddy9uk
Are there any mature men who would like to have a loving intimate relationship without sex? I doubt it.

I would say there are probably plenty of them but as to whether you can find one willing to admit it near you..well...

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Sally

Exactly. I think women may be more willing to admit they're asexual than men. Men grow up with this cultural ideal of being horny all the time; you're not "male" unless you're ready for sex 24/7. So...we asexual women will never (or hardly ever) find you!

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Gustav

I am new to this forum and I read about it in the paper when a lady wrote to Annie's Mailbox and she sounded just like me. I was married and had a very "normal" sex life until I went through the "change" as well as had cancer surgery and then got out of a very abusive relationship. I think all this together just cause me to go "dead" a far as sexual desires were concerned. I am a very young acting and thinking person and dont want to spend my life alone, and I do need a man in my life as a helper and companion, but nobody would want to get married to someone and live without sex. I dont even like men to touch me anymore. Its weird, but with all the AIDS out there, it really makes life less complicated to live without sex. Are there any mature men who would like to have a loving intimate relationship without sex? I doubt it. But life alone really sucks, especially if you are sick or need help with something. After my Dad died, I had no relatives left in the world other than some shirttail cousins who are not in touch. I have no siblings, my late husband was an only adopted child, and my step kids are gone to the four corners or the world, and I dont know how to contact them. I would love to find some e mail buddies on this forum and establish friendships with both men and women. I wonder if there are any local chapters of AVEN in Oregon? Or is this solely an online group?

I am new to the group too and lost interest in sex when I was about 41 years old. My libido dropped really quickly that year. I would not mind corresponding with older asexuals. I live in Tennessee, but could relocate for the right woman. I have a sister in Southwest Oregon who is a nurse. I am 56 now.

Gustav

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77pip77
:D Hi everyone, Cant believe that there are people like me out there like me. When you,ve been this way all your life and never expressed it to anyone Ever. Now I have the chance to open up I find it hard to think what to say. Anyway I would like to talk to people about there experiences of how they have dealt with being Asexual. I knew I was different but did,nt have a title until now. Sorry if this sounds serious, Im not normally, I have wicked sense of humour and feel very happy that im not alone anymore. Don,t get me wrong I,ve got a great Family, Friends and a Positive attitude to most things but deep insside I,ve always felt I did,nt quite belong. I,ve tried relationships but could never be true to them in my heart and did,nt want to decieve anyone. So I sacrificed pretend relationships to build a life of an honest life alone. :wink:

Hi Ya, Im not sure whether you are male/female and frankly it does,nt matter. But you sound exactly like me. It means you have a heart. I know what your going through. I,ve just joined for the second time. I went away for a year and now Im back. Just signed in today. Let me know if you wanna talk and will tell you my experiences and feelings, then we can compare. I don,t even know what Im looking for but for sure I just wann be able to chat with likeminded people. Take care from PIP

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Electicity

OK guys so where do we meet to live-chat?

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nosex
OK guys so where do we meet to live-chat?

:rolleyes: In answer to "Electicity", just click on the word "Chat" at the top after you have logged in, and you will go right to the live chat. Also to "Gustav", why dont you also go to the chatroom and share your e mail address with people who you feel you would like to correspond with? I would love to e-mail someone in Tennessee. I think thats a beautiful part of the country and would like to know more about it. Perhaps some of us could figure out a time we would like to go to the chatroom. I belong to a live chat on Friday nights for fans of the old Dark Shadows program and we have a lot of fun. If anyone else thinks this is a good idea, you could post your answer here.

Nosex

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summerain

:mellow: Guess i must be dust as i am 62 and you all say you are old at 40 and up..lol :lol: Thanks to all who worked so hard to get this up and running.

HAVE A GRAND DAY ALL...Shoot me an email to say hi sometime any of you, i want friends like me to talk to.

Karen :rolleyes:

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Gustav
OK guys so where do we meet to live-chat?

:rolleyes: In answer to "Electicity", just click on the word "Chat" at the top after you have logged in, and you will go right to the live chat. Also to "Gustav", why dont you also go to the chatroom and share your e mail address with people who you feel you would like to correspond with? I would love to e-mail someone in Tennessee. I think thats a beautiful part of the country and would like to know more about it. Perhaps some of us could figure out a time we would like to go to the chatroom. I belong to a live chat on Friday nights for fans of the old Dark Shadows program and we have a lot of fun. If anyone else thinks this is a good idea, you could post your answer here.

Nosex

Nosex: you can e-mail me at gusliel@yahoo.com

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Solodancer1

Since my worldview takes in everything from 33 AD as "now" and everything before that as "the past" roughly speaking most of the time, and since if you took a perfect worldwide census every year from 33 to today and compiled all the results together about half the people would likely be under 22 or so, I see most adults as "older" literally speaking. But if we mean "older than most adults" and an adult is as my textbooks defined one (over 17 biologically speaking), then of the people over 17 about half would likely be over around 32 or thereabouts. Thus I consider all people past 32 older adults. Half those under 17 would be under about three BTW. So a younger child is under three, an older child is three to 17, a younger adult is 17 to 32 and an older adult is the rest of us, like me. I don't mind at all. I get more respect now. As for those who are far older than 32, I hold with using the good solid well-tested term "old", because I see nothing wrong with it; when I'm twice my age I will want to be called old, I think. It avoids confusion and it's short. Why not? Well, nice to be here.

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nosex
Since my worldview takes in everything from 33 AD as "now" and everything before that as "the past" roughly speaking most of the time, and since if you took a perfect worldwide census every year from 33 to today and compiled all the results together about half the people would likely be under 22 or so, I see most adults as "older" literally speaking. But if we mean "older than most adults" and an adult is as my textbooks defined one (over 17 biologically speaking), then of the people over 17 about half would likely be over around 32 or thereabouts. Thus I consider all people past 32 older adults. Half those under 17 would be under about three BTW. So a younger child is under three, an older child is three to 17, a younger adult is 17 to 32 and an older adult is the rest of us, like me. I don't mind at all. I get more respect now. As for those who are far older than 32, I hold with using the good solid well-tested term "old", because I see nothing wrong with it; when I'm twice my age I will want to be called old, I think. It avoids confusion and it's short. Why not? Well, nice to be here.

Well, one reason I dont call myself "old" is that at age 65, I am always told I could pass for 45, and I feel, act and dress a lot younger. Downside though is, I have lost friends, who, assuming I am in my 40s, find out I am 65, and suddenly, they are no longer interested! LOL ALso at 120 lbs. less than I weighed at 35, I cannot relate to the mindset that I am "not as good as I used to be" since I feel and look so much better now and can do things I could never do then. And what is "old"? When is one "old"? When I was 19 I thought it was 30! LOL It is so arbitrary and subjective that I never use that word. Also, I have observed that it is never used as a compliment, but always as a negative or insulting word. Just listen in the media and advertising. We are constantly hammered not to "look old", as if it were something obscene. In so many shows I have heard a line where someone insinuated a woman was "old" or "getting old" and the woman became very angry or cried. (Why so, if being called "old" is such a good thing?) I know we are all getting older from the day we are born, but we dont have to get "old". ( I think George Burns said that.) Anyway, I just refer to "older adults" or just give their numerical age, if it is relevant. Otherwise I dont even think about age. It is just a number.

Dr. Deepak Chopra said that our subconscious minds hear our "self talk" and will cause our bodies to respond to it by becoming that which we keep telling ourselves. So if we keep saying "I'm old, Im declining, I'm over the Hill, etc." we WILL go downhill. I firmly believe in the mind-body connection. So the words we use ARE very important. A poll has shown that most older adults do NOT wish to be called "elderly" (yuk) or "senior citizens". and the baby boom generation now entering retirement years feels even more strongly that these labels are not for them. Many find them demeaning, offensive and patronizing. (per the poll). I believe these studies were done by the Institute for Longevity, but dont quote me. So I say, lets leave off all labels and just live each day and embrace the present and rejoice in the life our Creator has blessed us with, without assigning people to a "box" or stereotypes.

Nosex

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Sally

Nosex: I wonder how your friends, if they were truly friends and not just new acquaintances, thought you were 20 years younger than you are (40s instead of 60s). Didn't they know anything about your life? I don't think it works to deny our age or to deny the life experience that we've gathered while we got to that age. Think of it as though we were gay: How well did it work for gay people to deny, to pretend, to say "I'm not gay", so not want to be gay? Getting old is a fact. You may not want to, you may fight against it, you may get facelifts, wear young clothes, listen to young music, etc., all that stuff, but you are still your age. No one is fooled for long, either.

Why not stop making excuses and be proud of it? In other cultures old people are respected. That was true of Western countries in previous times. The only way we're going to get respected again is to stop accepting disrespect and stop trying to make up better words for getting older. "Senior" is a patronizing word to me; I don't call people in their 30s-40s "juniors." I'm an old person, or at least older than many. So what; if you live, you will get old.

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nosex
Nosex: I wonder how your friends, if they were truly friends and not just new acquaintances, thought you were 20 years younger than you are (40s instead of 60s). Didn't they know anything about your life? I don't think it works to deny our age or to deny the life experience that we've gathered while we got to that age. Think of it as though we were gay: How well did it work for gay people to deny, to pretend, to say "I'm not gay", so not want to be gay? Getting old is a fact. You may not want to, you may fight against it, you may get facelifts, wear young clothes, listen to young music, etc., all that stuff, but you are still your age. No one is fooled for long, either.

Why not stop making excuses and be proud of it? In other cultures old people are respected. That was true of Western countries in previous times. The only way we're going to get respected again is to stop accepting disrespect and stop trying to make up better words for getting older. "Senior" is a patronizing word to me; I don't call people in their 30s-40s "juniors." I'm an old person, or at least older than many. So what; if you live, you will get old.

Well, I totally agree with Sally about the word "Senior". I dont use it either. But let me try to answer a couple of the questions in the previous post. My established friends DO know my age, or at least they know my approximate age (those who havent ever actually come out and asked me). If I AM asked, I always tell them, and I NEVER, ever lie about it. Lying about it is, in my opinion, acting like there is something shameful about it; just like the lighter people of color who, in olden days used to try to "pass" for white, in order to avoid being treated as second-class citizens. That is offensive to me, just like you mentioned gays having to lie about their sexual orientation. That is so wrong! As for "making excuses" for having lived to age 65, I am actually VERY proud of it, as at one time I didnt think I was going to live long enough to see the flowers bloom the following Spring. (After my second Cancer surgery). That was 13 years ago, and I have seen them bloom year after year, to my great joy. All of the people on both sides of my family have always looked much younger than their years. I guess its just genetic, as it was not something they worked at. I have never had any cosmetic surgeries (I HATE surgery) and use minimal make-up. I wont buy that "Age-defying" stuff. ( I consider that offensive). I dont try to dress any certain "age" but just wear what I like and dont think much about it. (but I guess I dont dress "old" either, whatever that is.) I suppose if I were to put on some very old fashioned styles and fix my hair like the ladies at the Senior Center do, who are in their 80s, I could make myself "look my age" :) My grandmother never used anything on her face except water and dime-store cold cream, and when she died at age 90, the mortician told my Mom that Grandma had "the skin of a young girl"! Poor Mom was also equally cursed, and when she would go apply for jobs, she would get so mad because they would evaluate her skills and be so impressed, and ready to hire her, and then they would ask her age (no longer allowed) and when she told them, they would eliminate her on the spot. They wanted secretaries who were 21, not 36, but Mom looked like she was in her 20s. Oh the good ol' days, huh?

You are also totally right that in other cultures, older people are highly respected. Too bad it is not so here. Asian cultures especially revere longevity. Over here, it seems like "old" has become a four-letter word. Many of the people I care for at the center will use that term to describe themselves in a negative comment. I always tell them "Dont put yourself down"!

Sally, You have described yourself as "old" but I bet you are not really, and you know in England, people in their 60s are referred to as being in "late middle age". So its all a matter of perspective, I guess. I bet if I saw your picture, I would see a very lovely lady. If you would like to be e-mail buddies, let me know. I would be happy to send my photo to you also. I love making new e-mail friends.

I dont think we have to make up new words for getting older. I just dont use those that sound ugly (like "aging" which sounds to me like molding cheese) or that carry negative images (like "elderly"). I dont think we would call Tina Turner "an elderly lady"! I agree we should regard each season of our lives as beautiful in its own way, just as the seasons of Nature are all beautiful, though different. After one has beaten Cancer, they no longer see birthdays as a reason to whine and get down, believe me! Every birthday is embraced as a cause for joyous celebration and every additional year is a precious gift. I think George Burns once said "Everyone has to get older, but we dont have to get OLD" LOL

Dad, who also looked very young for his years, was always asked " Just how old ARE you?" He often got tired of it, so once when he was in his 80s, a guy asked him just exactly where he was, age-wise, and he said "Well, I'm in the Muddy Creek". The other guy asked him "Whats that mean?" Dad responded, " Well, that's halfway between the Blue Lagoon and the Golden Pond!" :lol:

Nosex

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Sally

Thanks for the graceful reply, Nosex. We agree about many things and I respect how your life experiences have contributed to your beliefs and conclusions. However, the meaning of and reaction to particular words often differs with the hearer. I don't think "aging" sounds ugly -- wine ages. I'm not particularly pretty and I think that's probably the opinion of people who look at me, but that's always been OK with me. It would be nice to think I had 30 more years ahead of me, but even if that's the case, at 67 I feel I've passed middle age. Elderly to me is a beautiful word; has a nice sound and to me it denotes respect. So I think some of this is a matter of personal definition, and individual perspective.

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nosex
Thanks for the graceful reply, Nosex. We agree about many things and I respect how your life experiences have contributed to your beliefs and conclusions. However, the meaning of and reaction to particular words often differs with the hearer. I don't think "aging" sounds ugly -- wine ages. I'm not particularly pretty and I think that's probably the opinion of people who look at me, but that's always been OK with me. It would be nice to think I had 30 more years ahead of me, but even if that's the case, at 67 I feel I've passed middle age. Elderly to me is a beautiful word; has a nice sound and to me it denotes respect. So I think some of this is a matter of personal definition, and individual perspective.

Sally, you are so right, and I totally agree. It brings to mind two examples of this. One was a cousin I have who in her 80s, but looks like she is in her 60s. She is very pretty and very young looking as well as young-at-heart. She heard a newcaster call a 70 year old woman an "an elderly lady" and she got so sad, she said she almost cried! To her, "elderly" means diminished ability, frail, infirm, perhaps needing a walker,...well you know. It isnt just a numerical age, to her (and me too) it is a condition, which doesnt apply to her. To you it means something entirely different. Just like the women up here in my part of the country who DETEST being addressed as "Ma'am". They all say, "It makes you feel so OLD". To us it is a term used when addressing "elderly" ladies like our grandmothers. But people from the South think it is a polite term that is required to be used on all females. Again, different mindsets.

Another case was where one of my Hispanic friends heard two other Hispanic guys in the office jokingly calling each other "dumb wetbacks". She became so infuriated and screamed at them that she was going to file a grievance, and they said "Hey we were just joking about ourselves. We dont mean you". She said "I dont care, if its within my earshot, it is intended for me, and I dont EVER want to hear that word spoken in my presence again"! She was LIVID! It seems that in her childhood she had suffered terribly, being taunted and called "Wetback" by Anglo kids, and it brought her terrible pain to even hear the word in joking. But the two other guys thought nothing of it.

So I know you are totally right when you say our life experiences create a lens, or a filter, through which we see the world and a filter through which we hear words. I was manadated to take a class in diversity every year at work, and they addressed discrimination and bias in the areas of race, religion, ethnicity, age, nationality, gender, sexual orientation, etc. Over and over it was drummed into us, "It is not what you say, but what your listener hears". We learned to err on the side of caution, thats for sure, as we didnt want to have a grievance filed against us. You pointed this out very well....that words can be very powerful, depending on the images they bring up in the mind of the listener, or reader.

Here's wishing us both at LEAST another 30 years! (maybe even 40) Our aerobics teacher was telling recently us about one man she knows who is 100 years old and he just recently "cut back" to running only one mile a day! YIKES! :lol:

Nosex

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Solodancer1

When I hear someone randomly call a woman a "lady" outside specific contexts where it's idiomatic, I think he must have something agaisnt women, or he wouldn't think "woman" is insulting. When I hear someone call a little kid a "younger member of society" or something I think this is someone not much used to kids and uncomfortable around them. When I hear "senior citizen", "older American (or whatever nationality)", "honored citizen", "mature (nationality)"etc. I think I'm listening to someone a little afraid of old people and nervous around them, who apparently thinks time isn't supposed to pass. That's how my lens is cut.

My image of "elderly" is someone slower than she used to be, wiser but also a little forgetful, cautious, respected for her wisdom, past contributions and long memories, handled kindly by others, well-liked around the neighborhood, and over 80. When I hear "old" I usually flash to a picture of whoever is the last white-haired person I talked to. That image varies a lot. But when I was 19 I thought 19 was really pushing old age. It depressed me then because I believed that being a future rock star and avant-garde fashion fan was the most important, most viable way to make life worth living. Yet the people I respected most and sought out the most were actually my mother's age or older than she was.

It was a confusng time. I love being older (soon to be old). Yeah, parts of it bother me becasue they remind me how earth's gravitational force is going to outfight me someday and I'll be under it. but I've already had a good run especially considering a lot of things that have happened, and I like the respect even most tough-looking young adults give me now, that they wouldn't have twenty years ago. Looking back, I recall that I saw youth coming and dreaded it for a reason: It was a nightmare. It's over. I want to call it like I see it.

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nosex
When I hear someone randomly call a woman a "lady" outside specific contexts where it's idiomatic, I think he must have something agaisnt women, or he wouldn't think "woman" is insulting. When I hear someone call a little kid a "younger member of society" or something I think this is someone not much used to kids and uncomfortable around them. When I hear "senior citizen", "older American (or whatever nationality)", "honored citizen", "mature (nationality)"etc. I think I'm listening to someone a little afraid of old people and nervous around them, who apparently thinks time isn't supposed to pass. That's how my lens is cut.

My image of "elderly" is someone slower than she used to be, wiser but also a little forgetful, cautious, respected for her wisdom, past contributions and long memories, handled kindly by others, well-liked around the neighborhood, and over 80. When I hear "old" I usually flash to a picture of whoever is the last white-haired person I talked to. That image varies a lot. But when I was 19 I thought 19 was really pushing old age. It depressed me then because I believed that being a future rock star and avant-garde fashion fan was the most important, most viable way to make life worth living. Yet the people I respected most and sought out the most were actually my mother's age or older than she was.

It was a confusng time. I love being older (soon to be old). Yeah, parts of it bother me becasue they remind me how earth's gravitational force is going to outfight me someday and I'll be under it. but I've already had a good run especially considering a lot of things that have happened, and I like the respect even most tough-looking young adults give me now, that they wouldn't have twenty years ago. Looking back, I recall that I saw youth coming and dreaded it for a reason: It was a nightmare. It's over. I want to call it like I see it.

I agree with Solodancer. Most people think of "elderly"and "old" as slowing down, frail, forgetful, white-haired, etc. This is why I dont apply those words to myself, as I am none of the above. If anything, I am stronger and faster now than I was 30 years ago, when I was so obese, my boss said when he came to see me in the hospital, I was lying there asleep and looked "like a beached whale"! LOL :lol: Many people of my age are not frail and feeble either, though some are, and some others a lot younger than I am look and act "old". That is why we cant generalize. "Elderly" to most people is the image that Solodancer has described and not that of Tina Turner (who is near 70). Thats why it irks me so when people use that term in reference to all people of a certain age. Maybe when they are talking about people in their 80s, it is appropriate, but I have seen the media refer to groups of people in the 50+ demographic as "the elderly"! :angry: Grrrrrrr! So I just dont use any labels, but rather just state their numerical age if it is relevant.

In spite of what some people on this forum feel, statistics show that most people do NOT like to be referred to as "elderly" or "senior citizens" and over time there will be more and more who feel that way, as the Baby Boom generation comes along and enters retirement. :)

Nosex

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Sally

I've thought about this some more now and find that words are extremely person-specific as to what they mean. Everyone reacts especially personally to words pertaining to age. For instance, I find the phrase "senior citizen" patronizing, because it sounds like someone's trying to pussyfoot around and not use a real word. I'd much rather be called "old" or "elderly". Since most of us don't live to be 100, when we're in the last third of our lives, we are comparatively old, or at least older than we were in the first two-thirds. That doesn't mean it's who we are, or how we behave; it just means the part of life we're in now. That's reality. I've stopped thinking I have to keep up with anyone or any particular group, in this case people younger than myself. I am who I am now; who else could I be, and why would I try to convince someone that I'm not? Telling ourselves that we don't want to be "old" or we don't look or feel or act "old" means we're accepting someone else's decision on what we should be, and what old means, and whether being old is OK or not. I'm old. So what. Other people in my age group may not like that word, so we can all choose how we each want to be described. It's kind of similar to when the word "Ms." was first used; if women wanted to continue to be "Miss" or "Mrs." they could tell people that's how they wanted to be addressed. We can do the same regarding age, and that includes young people choosing their terms.

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nosex
I've thought about this some more now and find that words are extremely person-specific as to what they mean. Everyone reacts especially personally to words pertaining to age. For instance, I find the phrase "senior citizen" patronizing, because it sounds like someone's trying to pussyfoot around and not use a real word. I'd much rather be called "old" or "elderly". Since most of us don't live to be 100, when we're in the last third of our lives, we are comparatively old, or at least older than we were in the first two-thirds. That doesn't mean it's who we are, or how we behave; it just means the part of life we're in now. That's reality. I've stopped thinking I have to keep up with anyone or any particular group, in this case people younger than myself. I am who I am now; who else could I be, and why would I try to convince someone that I'm not? Telling ourselves that we don't want to be "old" or we don't look or feel or act "old" means we're accepting someone else's decision on what we should be, and what old means, and whether being old is OK or not. I'm old. So what. Other people in my age group may not like that word, so we can all choose how we each want to be described. It's kind of similar to when the word "Ms." was first used; if women wanted to continue to be "Miss" or "Mrs." they could tell people that's how they wanted to be addressed. We can do the same regarding age, and that includes young people choosing their terms.

Well, it is a rare woman would prefer being referred to as "old", but as my Dad always said, "Well, whatever melts your butter!" (Isnt that just too corny?) As I said, I just dont refer to myself that way because I am constantly told "You sure dont look 65, you look so YOUNG"! I am not saying this to crow, its just a fact of my life. So its hard to feel like an "old" lady if you dont look like one, I guess. Secondly, our society, and the media use this word in a negative, insulting way. We have all heard a movie character say "Shut up OLD man!" or "Eewwwww, he is OLD!" or advertisements hammering us to not look "OLD". This age bias is as offensive to me as racial slurs. (Probably comes from years of diversity training). I dont think we would tolerate the same comments if we were to substitute racial labels for age labels. So I dont use a word to refer to my age group that MOST of the people consider negative and insulting. I agree that "senior citizen" IS patronizing and I prefer the terms that the Institute for Longevity recommends, which are "older adults" or "mature adults". But if you want to be called old, I wont argue with you. I just dont go calling any of my friends that; that is if I dont want to get decked! LOL. But having done this one to death, I recall the famous quotation "A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still". Which I think means, even if you CAN get someone to say "Yes I agree, you are right", often times in his heart he hasnt changed his mind one iota. So on that note, I think we can all agree that on this one we have some quite different perspectives, and that's ok. Its great that we can all share opinions, and do so in a friendly, non-argumentative way, and in so-doing we learn a great deal about how others think and respond to things in this life. And isnt that what forums are all about? :wub:

Nosex

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KAGU143

I'm old.

Old enough to know better, that is.

(And young enough to still do things even though I DO know better!)

-GB

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jstme66

I always wanted to be old. Since I was 12 I wanted to be 70. (It's a very long wait).

I think the only woman I knew who was respected as just a person, her own person that is, was my great grandmother.

I still celebrate every grey hair I fined.

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Grace Z
:D ..well from what i have seen so far, i must be the great grand ma...lol...comming up on my speed limit b'day soon..55.. ok yes i have had relationships..have daughter and 3 beautiful grandaughters..could never figgure out why things never worked..well, now i know..cuz i hate sex..lol.. now i am a happy camper!It is wonderful to know that i am not alone any more...and yes ,i have musical knees too!

Hi! I'm new to this computer stuff and am trying to blunder my way around. I am also 55 or will be in a few months. After a marriage and 2 boyfriends, one of which wanted me to go the the doctor to get "something" to make me like sex, I am happily asexual. It's good to know there are so many of us out there. I have been this way all my life and always felt it was normal for me. I also have friends and 2 beautiful daughters who are grown. One lives with me and the other is on her own. I need help getting started finding people of like mind on the computer. Can you help? I am woefully ignorant and don't even know how to post anything. I found the reply button on this posting but that is all I have managed so far.

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