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Welcome Older Asexuals


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Welcome, whimsical_dragon! (your user name caught my eye - I love whimsy and dragons) :)

Have some :cake:

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Autumn Sunrise

Welcome, Purple Kitty and whimsical_dragon :cake::cake::cake: AVEN is a very friendly and supportive place, and I hope you'll both enjoy it here and find some new friends :)

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  • 2 weeks later...
Crazygoatwoman

Hello. I am a newbie, also!! I am 42 years old from Nashville, TN. I am so thankful I found this web site. I googled no sex drive and asexual came up and this is how I found it. I am so sad that it took me this long to finally realize there is nothing wrong with me. I have been through two divorces and have a twenty one year old daughter. I now live with my boyfriend and he has a high sex drive. I live in misery and have been compromising because I felt something was wrong with me. I did not want to be alone in life. I feel like the world has been lifted off my shoulders now and it's ok for me to feel like this. That I am not alone. There are people out there like me. He doesn't respect how I feel so I have got to get a plan together and leave. I can't wait to be able to live my life the way I want to live it and not have to compromise anymore!

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Welcome, Crazygoatwoman! Have some :cake: and best wishes!

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Qutenkuddly

Welcome Crazygoatwoman! Please enjoy some :cake:!

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Crazygoatwoman welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂

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Autumn Sunrise

Welcome, Crazygoatwoman :cake::cake::cake: I hope you find the support and understanding you need here :)

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Hello, everyone.

I've posted an introduction in the Welcome thread, but I wanted to post something here, as well.

I'll turn 50 in a few weeks time. I've never had a partner, and I always thought there was something wrong with me because I couldn't find the one. I've tried dating a few times, but nothing ever lasted, and we never got any further than some very chaste kissing, which really didn't do much for me.

When I was at school, we didn't get any sex education. The closest we came was a biology lesson on sexual reproduction, which started with the teacher sweeping into the class and saying, "Hello, girls. Today we are going to start sexual reproduction. According to the syllabus, I can either teach you about rabbits or about humans. I thought you'd prefer to learn about humans but, just so you know, the only real difference is that rabbits ovulate as a reflex action to sex."

What followed were a few classes spent drawing diagrams and learning facts about the mechanics of reproduction. Of course, nothing touchy feely about relationships or about alternatives to heterosexuality was discussed.

I am happy to know that younger people may now introduced to the possibility that it is okay to be something different. Even more, that it is okay to NOT want to be anything at all. I'm happy--almost envious--to see teenagers and people in their early twenties on this site, exploring who they are, and addressing their confusion.

I didn't realise that asexuality was an option for a very long time, and now that I do, I feel liberated in ways that I cannot easily describe.

For a long time, my lack of partner / significant other felt like a burden. A stigma. Now? It just feels like a fact. It's a part of me, and it's a relief and a relevation to think, you know what? That's okay. Actually, it's more than okay. It feels good.

I apologise if you've heard all this before. One thing I'm realising from being here is that my experiences and my epiphany are hardly unique.

Anyway. Thanks for reading.

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Welcome, Tystie, your experiences seem to have a lot in common with many on this site. I hope you join the over 50 thread too, and make new friends on AVEN. :cake::cake:

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<I didn't realise that asexuality was an option for a very long time, and now that I do, I feel liberated in ways that I cannot easily describe.

For a long time, my lack of partner / significant other felt like a burden. A stigma. Now? It just feels like a fact. It's a part of me, and it's a relief and a relevation to think, you know what? That's okay. Actually, it's more than okay. It feels good.>

I SOOOOOO identify with this quote, Tystie! Ever since discovering/acknowledging my asexuality a few months ago, I feel so content and "more than okay." Like a piece of the puzzle just snapped into place. I was married for almost 15 years (not a happy time) and have been divorced almost as long; I don't miss the lack of a partner.

And I don't remember getting ANY sex education in school! My mom (a nurse!) wouldn't talk about it with us kids--she would leave out pamphlets such as "A Doctor Talks to Twelve- to Fourteen-Year-Olds" but if you tried to ask a question, she got all red in the neck/face and changed the subject. Sex ed turned out to be what was gleaned from friends...not always an accurate representation! ^_^ (Oh wait, I also snagged my eldest sister's book "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex but Were Afraid to Ask"--but that just scared the bejeezus out of me....)

So welcome, welcome, welcome! This is a great family on the "Olders" forum. Glad to have you and happy almost birthday!

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Tystie welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂

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Qutenkuddly

Welcome, Tystie! Please enjoy some :cake: !

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Welcome, Tystie! :cake: Much in your posting resonates with me too, and I share your sense of liberation and epiphany.

To the extent my school offered sex ed, it was part of a short health/phys ed series led by my (female) gym teacher, and it mostly focused on mechanics and on avoiding the main sexual peril of that era, STDs. My parents never gave me a birds-and-the-bees talk, though I did find brochures lying around that were similar to the one teatree described. And although my teenage friends and I did talk about boys we had crushes on, I don’t recall any of us ever talking about sex.

Many years ago, I did think of the word “asexual” to describe a male colleague who never mentioned, nor seemed remotely interested in, dating or relationships with anyone. But because I was attracted to men, went on dates, and wanted romance (despite being hazy on what I wanted beyond that), it never occurred to me then that the word could apply to me in some way.

I, too, am glad that younger people today can find the language and resources to figure themselves out much sooner. I hope you enjoy your time on the site!

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Autumn Sunrise

Welcome, Tystie :cake::cake::cake: The sense of belonging and support here are very comforting, I think :)

It's interesting hearing other people's experiences of "sex ed". I guess mine go back a little further than most. I remember when I was fifteen (yes really - that late!) one of the local priests came to give our class at school "the talk". We "learned" that all of the ancient civilisations had fallen because of homosexuality, except Egypt, which fell as a result of incest :o :rolleyes: That was it! (Not very helpful for our understanding of either sex or history!)

All I learned from my mum was what to do when I had my period. I think she was too embarrassed to talk to me about sex or its consequences, and I remember that she hid the "baby book" she had from the local Baby Health Centre, in case it gave me any ideas :lol:

Things seem to be a lot better now, at least in terms of information about sex, but I think we still have a long way to go in teaching young people about the whole range of sexuality and gender expression, and about meaningful and respectful relationships.

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Hi I'm a older asexual just recently finding out that all what has happened to me in my life and the way I've felt and the struggle I've had with my life is not my fault and it's OK to be me and not be something I'm not I have a sexual partner and we are working at ways to be close without the need of having sex

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Hey there, Devon1967, have some :cake: ! Glad to have you aboard!

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Autumn Sunrise

Welcome, Devon1967 :cake::cake::cake: I hope you and your partner manage to work things out so you can both still feel loved and be happy together :) Perhaps your partner might also like to join AVEN: we do have sexual members, and this can be a good source of information and support.

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Thankyou for welcoming me teatree gentle giant and autumn sunrise glad I've found this site makes a lot of sense to how I've been feeling I've had a lot of thoughts and feelings finally starting to make sense to me at long last

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  • 3 weeks later...
Guest Jetsun Milarepa

Good to have you here Devon 1967, it's a great site!

As for sex ed, in the early 1970's we had a Biology teacher teaching it, so it was all very functional....but that suited me fine! Mind you, I didn't get the point of it and always looked on it as 'something other folk do' when I was at school.

I just found this thread, not much of an explorer, eh?

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Good to have you here Devon 1967, it's a great site!

As for sex ed, in the early 1970's we had a Biology teacher teaching it, so it was all very functional....but that suited me fine! Mind you, I didn't get the point of it and always looked on it as 'something other folk do' when I was at school.

I just found this thread, not much of an explorer, eh?

Hi chandrakirti I know how you feel I had a relationships when I was in senior school as I thought that what boys did but never felt anything and was teased bullied I alway thought I was gay bi ect as if I never felt that off a woman may I was but never felt it from a man either so I use to think there was something wrong with me and all my life I have had this struggle not knowing about being asexual or what it even was till I recently started to look into it and found a light come on in my brain and I thought god that is me I now have a identity I now know I'm not broken and am just me
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PeterPanForever

Bored, can't sleep, trying to get a grip on my sleep cycle, but it isn't going so well. :) Restless night.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I feel you Peterson - I have Sleep Apnea which is right now out of control b/c my depression has been triggered...ugh. So tired all of the time. Just cannot seem to get anything done. I can barely function at work and when home, can't even wash a dish - my house is a mess. Just waiting for this to pass.

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Guest Jetsun Milarepa

I know how you both feel. I'm never properly asleep or awake since I started doing night shifts. My days off are wasted trying to catch up and the management say 'you chose to do nights'.....

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KlassyLady

I'm 68 and just found out about asexuality. Always thought there was something seriously wrong with me.

Been married four times. Of course, my lack of sexual attraction was the major problem. I could take it or leave it but preferred to leave it since I was always frustrated.

Like most everything else in my life, I got a clue really late.....but at least I understand now.

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