Stlcty12 Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 Hi so I've always felt that I am not the same level of sexual as my friends once we got to that age. All of my friends eventually started talking about how they watch porn or masturbate and I was really shocked by that because I thought that was a "guy" thing (I'm female). I know I'm not asexual, but I know I'm not the normal stigma of society. People can be aesthetically pleasing to me, but I don't get sexual thoughts about them. The only time I experience sexual thoughts is when I have a close emotional bond with someone, and that's always been something really hard for other people to understand when I've tried to explain it to them. I'm 20 and I'm only now realizing that people in relationships have sexual thoughts about people other than the person they're in a relationship with.. I had this epiphany about my boyfriend and honestly it just really hurt me and I feel stupid for that being something that upsets me but it's just difficult for me to understand because I only get those thoughts about him. Through all of my pubescent/post-pubescent life I've always felt the need to keep up with everyone else. Everyone is hooking up with people and going home with people and that was never something I was interested in. Even the first time I had sex with my boyfriend I did it just because I felt like based on society that it was what he wanted/it was time for it and not when I was ready for it. I feel like this has really pushed me further and further from being comfortable with myself in a sexual context because it's hard for me to relax during sex and all myself to just enjoy it. I don't know I'm just really confused and I'm just now having this epiphany and no one that I'm friends with is understanding how I'm feeling because I'm just really upset about it and they're telling me it's not that big of a deal but it's really upsetting me 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Doctor13 Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 Hi, Stlcty12! I'm sorry it has been upsetting to you - I hope people here on AVEN will be able to help. I'm new to the site, but I've already noticed some demisexuals who would completely relate to you! You're not alone. Wishing you the best Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Confused.Kitten Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 1 hour ago, Stlcty12 said: I had this epiphany about my boyfriend and honestly it just really hurt me and I feel stupid for that being something that upsets me but it's just difficult for me to understand because I only get those thoughts about him This happened to me too. However, my boyfriend was super pacient bout it and I got over it. It's hard to feel different. I dont open up with anyone else besides him , cuz I know its weird. But that's part of you. For what you said you feel pressure to have sex and all that. I don't know if that pressure is made by yourself, him or society but please, don't do anything you feel ready for. Once it's done , you can't undo it :/ So my advice to you is to build even more trust with your boyfriend... try to do some preliminary before it (mutual masturbation and stuff like that) and if you feel ready take it to the next step. Over all, it's important to be loyal to what you feel. If he loves you like he should he will go slow, protect and take care of you Feel free to PM me to talk Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Deus Ex Infinity Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 15 minutes ago, Confused.Kitten said: This happened to me too. However, my boyfriend was super pacient bout it and I got over it. It's hard to feel different. I dont open up with anyone else besides him , cuz I know its weird. But that's part of you. For what you said you feel pressure to have sex and all that. I don't know if that pressure is made by yourself, him or society but please, don't do anything you feel ready for. Once it's done , you can't undo it :/ So my advice to you is to build even more trust with your boyfriend... try to do some preliminary before it (mutual masturbation and stuff like that) and if you feel ready take it to the next step. Over all, it's important to be loyal to what you feel. If he loves you like he should he will go slow, protect and take care of you Feel free to PM me to talk My door are open as well Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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