Jump to content

New and Needing Guidance


Recommended Posts

Hi AVEN, 

 

After years of trying to determine my sexuality, some of which included reading a fair amount of forums here, I've decided that maybe this is the best place to get some guidance from people who might feel the same way I do. 
 

Basically, since I was a little kid, people have always referred to me as gay. For much of my childhood I didn't fully understand what this meant nor did it bother me all that much. Eventually, as I grew older I began to realise why people may have assumed my sexuality, based on the stereotype of being gay. I was always a little more feminine and did not enjoy sports that much like the other boys, instead I'd much rather spend my time chatting with girls. When I was a teenager I felt like I began to experience 'attraction' to men (I'm still not too sure on the concept of attraction). 

During this time, I also began to develop strong feelings for a straight male best friend. In the early stages of these feelings I believe I was sexually attracted to him. After a year or so of these feelings, I told him about them and he understood but did not feel the same way. We both wanted to remain friends since we had been extremely close since we were about 6 or 7 years old. Because of these feelings, I believed I was gay. However, over time any sexual attraction I had to him seem to fade, along with any desire to be with other men sexually. Now around 5 years on I don't think I find men sexually attractive anymore but I still am drawn to their physical appearances and definitely have a 'type' of guy I find visually pleasing and would like to be around. Now when I see this friend I only see him in a romantic context (not sexual) but it is often painful to see or think about him after all that I went through, along with him finding someone else. However I still have the desire to have a relationship with a man but do not think I would want it to include sex as I feel no desire to have sex with men currently and have trouble imagining myself doing so. Ideally, I'd like to meet a man who felt the same way or was patient and understanding enough to work through this with me, but I realise my chances are very slim. 

I guess what I need help with is trying to find a label or identity that would best describe me, along with some advice from people who feel the same. Cheers!

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, welcome!

I'm a bit new here too, and one of the things I've found out is that sexuality is fluid, which may explain why you once felt sexually attracted to your friend. Nothing wrong with change! As far as a label might go, if you think that asexual fits you, you'd probably be a romantic asexual (homoromantic asexual, I believe). Just means you still want a relationship!

I'm terrible with advice, but just be patient if you're waiting for a certain type of person to come along. They're out there, as cheesy as it sounds! :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi and Welcome to AVEN. Have a cake! :cake:

 

I can relate to your story in many ways and I understand your situation very well. It is hard to find a man that meets with your wishes( since I'm also on the same journey but for a QPR). You seem to be an asexual to me and maybe you fit somewhere in the homo-romantic spectrum since you feel romantic attraction to men. If you did not have a romantic attraction to men or anyone, you would have been on the Aromantic spectrum and your desire for a relationship would have been a queerplatonic relationship. Now, it totally depends on you that which label fits you the best. You can go through the forums and learn more about romantic spectrum and asexual relationships. And also, you can ask any question anytime or PM (private message) anytime. 

 

Have a good time. Enjoy! :) 

Link to post
Share on other sites

gay asexual. you don't state your age, but I do know that as ive gotten older what and who I am has become a lot more clear. happy journey 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Welcome!!! Kermit T. looks great! We need more Homoromantic Aces here! Enjoy AVEN.

Link to post
Share on other sites

thanks for your greetings and help everyone, looking forward to spending some time on here :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
54 minutes ago, nightride said:

thanks for your greetings and help everyone, looking forward to spending some time on here :)

You seem to have already received pretty good advice here so I just have to say, your avatar is super creepy in a cool way, haha :D

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...