Asexuality, Imagination and Creativity - any thoughts?

[seajams]

I'm really interested to see whether anyone here is in the same place as me... dunno if I'm atypical even here!

 

I've always been a dreamer, vivid imagination, wrapped up in my own world. Pre-teen I was shy but fairly normal, though looking back I did always make excuses to avoid exploratory games of spin-the-bottle! When I was 15 I suddenly started writing a lot of songs in a pretty intense way. I never really played them to anyone, they were my own private emotional release. I had a very insular, walled garden mentality but was happy, creative and productive there. I found creating something new and beautiful out of thin air so fulfilling and life-affirming and maybe because of that I didn't feel like I needed a romantic partner to fulfill or affirm me.

 

I reasoned that I was celibate in service of my creativity, that the songs were good because they were what I put all my energy and impetus into instead of chasing romance or sex. I had a few really intense crushes but looking back I don't know how much they had to do with sex or even reality. I have a tendency to imagine things into existence and then let myself get carried away by the fantasy - it's how you write good music, not so great for conducting ordinary relationships though! Being kind-of-in-love with someone who was mainly a figment of my imagination put me in a good place to write, I guess.

 

Anyway many songs later I'm now 30 and have still never even gone as far as kissing anyone, despite a few good opportunities. I always thought my celibacy would be a phase, that I'd find the right person who could bring me out of myself, but it's actually been healthier for me to accept that I might be fundamentally asexual. When I saw music as my substitute for sex I got very uncomfortable about putting it out there or doing anything with it - asking for money for my music felt like prostitution, and playing it on stage felt like a peep show. Things are changing, though, in kind of unexpected ways!

 

Anyway I hope that all makes some sort of sense, I think I'll need to have some sort of romantic/asexual relationship and see what I'm comfortable with before I can be definitive about where I am. It's all wrapped up in imagination - sometimes I just lose all sense of even being human and meditate my way away from any realm of sexuality. But I don't want to just discount it entirely - maybe if I have sex I'll write great songs about it. Being creative kind of trumps everything else. Is there a term for that? Obsessiveness? Narcissistic? Am I a pianosexual? We do make a good couple... 😉

 

 

 

 

[TheAP]

I consider myself an imaginative person. I'm always thinking of imaginary characters and worlds.

[Lirpaderp]

I'm not very creative. I wrote two songs in middle school but I lost the sheet music I made for them. I wrote a song for a class in high school, but that's been it. I'm not artistic at all either. But I love to daydream. I haven't done it in a while, but I used to actually see what I was imagining. The ceiling of my bedroom would peel open and green flowering vines grew down and engulfed the room. Trees sprung up around me and I'd pretend I was in a forest. Sometimes I'd look at a painting and have the people or scene move too. I told one person and they looked at me like I was nuts and slowly backed away. I'm not in need of mental help, I just like to imagine things when I'm bored. I doubt this has anything to do with my asexuality, other than my distractions are never sexual.

[The_Reluctant_Dragon]

I consider myself a creative person. Im also very shy and quiet. But, I love to read, draw, and write. I love to listen to music and play the violin. Usually when I'm at school, kids usually think I'm mute since I never talk , ever. But, my friends, the only people I actually communicate with, usually say I'm very creative. I even have a hard time trying to go to sleep since my brain just never wants to shut down. I'm always thinking and imagining things.