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Any hyper-platonic aromantics?


Lovelykat

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Hi guys, so I think I don't know if this makes sense at all but I just wanted to ask if other people experience this. 

 

Even though I'm pretty sure I'm aromantic, I'm super, super into relationships...just the platonic kind. I have three best friends who I consider to be my whole world, who I'm closer with than even my family, and who I know would see their boyfriends in a superior role to me... but I definitely don't feel that way. I love them more than my boyfriend, easily. 

My boyfriend is great and all, but... I just don't think I can reach that desired level of intimacy with a man. I don't know. I connect with women on a much stronger, more personal level. I connect with their hearts and spirits, as sappy as that seems. 

But I still don't love romance. I don't like to kiss or spend the night holding them in my arms. I like to hug sometimes, play with their hair, but that's basically it. 

But my best friend...I still love her. In a non-romantic way, but...I do. She's such a wonderful unique free spirit and I'm really only truly happy when I'm with her. 

But of course she's heterosexual, and when shes in a relationship I know I'm not the first person on her mind and it kills me. 

 

I crave a QPP so bad it kills me. I dream about having a woman who I can share all of my hopes and dreams with, who gets my sense of humor, who will have other friends but always put me first and I would do the same. Who we could go to the movies or just lie on the couch drawing together, and that would be enough. Who we could lie awake at night laughing and talking just before we fall asleep. Who I could hug and comfort when she's sad, and vice versa. Who I could give little stupid gifts 'just because'. 

I have close friends now, sure, but they all have boyfriend who come first and it doesn't fulfill my desire for a strong, intimate one-on-one bond. 

 

I see so many aromantics on here that are totally cool with just never having anyone, living alone, having a few distant friends and that's it. 

That life would absolutely destroy me. The only reason I'm still with my boyfriend now I think is because I'm scared of being alone. But at this point I'm just waiting for the right moment to move on and move out of our place so I can find the right QPP of my dreams. 

 

Does anyone else experience this? 

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I don't know if I'm really aromantic, but I feel some of what you said. Actually, right now I'm debating whether I'm aromantic or gray panromantic.

 

I never had relationships,at least the romantic kind, but I definetly want to. I just don't know for sure yet if I want a romantic relationship or just a deep platonic one.

I believe that sometime ago I developed a QPR with my best friend. It was a super close friendship, on my part at least, there was this special connection, I was really happy when I got to be with her or just talk to her, she was definetly a really important person to me that I absolutely liked (and it's not exactly easy for me to like someone)... And when I found out she got a boyfriend I felt conflicted, I was happy for her because I saw that she was happy, but at the same time I felt so sad and I don't really know how to describe it. I still like her, right now it's a little complicated, but if we see each other it is just like before to me.

And I think I also started to have other weaker platonic relationships with people of different genders, but they faded away easily so maybe they were just somewhat stronger relationships.

 

1 hour ago, Lovelykat said:

I crave a QPP so bad it kills me. I dream about having a woman who I can share all of my hopes and dreams with, who gets my sense of humor, who will have other friends but always put me first and I would do the same. Who we could go to the movies or just lie on the couch drawing together, and that would be enough. Who we could lie awake at night laughing and talking just before we fall asleep. Who I could hug and comfort when she's sad, and vice versa. Who I could give little stupid gifts 'just because'.

Oh my, I also want a relationship like this (but to me it doesn't really matter the other person's gender), it's almost my dream relationship. But I also feel that I'd like to kiss them and to cuddle with them after a while.

 

Don't know if that's what you wanted to know

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999papercranes

I totally relate to everything you said! I'm very hyper-platonic, and I also connect more with women. I crave a QPP so badly. My friends are everything to me. 

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  • 3 weeks later...
Apathetic Echidna

I wouldn't call myself hyper-platonic as I don't crave a super close relationship with anyone, but I can't live alone. I go crazy and an empty house kills me. I can last about a week before I start feeling the strain of being alone, but I guess luckily for me all I need is a good flatmate...or a pet. Actually my current flatmate would be interchangeable with a dog & dishwasher. My dream would be to live with my best friend, a dog and a dishwasher!

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On 7/30/2017 at 9:36 AM, Lovelykat said:

Hi guys, so I think I don't know if this makes sense at all but I just wanted to ask if other people experience this. 

 

Even though I'm pretty sure I'm aromantic, I'm super, super into relationships...just the platonic kind. I have three best friends who I consider to be my whole world, who I'm closer with than even my family, and who I know would see their boyfriends in a superior role to me... but I definitely don't feel that way. I love them more than my boyfriend, easily. 

My boyfriend is great and all, but... I just don't think I can reach that desired level of intimacy with a man. I don't know. I connect with women on a much stronger, more personal level. I connect with their hearts and spirits, as sappy as that seems. 

But I still don't love romance. I don't like to kiss or spend the night holding them in my arms. I like to hug sometimes, play with their hair, but that's basically it. 

But my best friend...I still love her. In a non-romantic way, but...I do. She's such a wonderful unique free spirit and I'm really only truly happy when I'm with her. 

But of course she's heterosexual, and when shes in a relationship I know I'm not the first person on her mind and it kills me. 

 

I crave a QPP so bad it kills me. I dream about having a woman who I can share all of my hopes and dreams with, who gets my sense of humor, who will have other friends but always put me first and I would do the same. Who we could go to the movies or just lie on the couch drawing together, and that would be enough. Who we could lie awake at night laughing and talking just before we fall asleep. Who I could hug and comfort when she's sad, and vice versa. Who I could give little stupid gifts 'just because'. 

I have close friends now, sure, but they all have boyfriend who come first and it doesn't fulfill my desire for a strong, intimate one-on-one bond. 

 

I see so many aromantics on here that are totally cool with just never having anyone, living alone, having a few distant friends and that's it. 

That life would absolutely destroy me. The only reason I'm still with my boyfriend now I think is because I'm scared of being alone. But at this point I'm just waiting for the right moment to move on and move out of our place so I can find the right QPP of my dreams. 

 

Does anyone else experience this? 

I didn't know there was another one :)

 

I too feel jealous and hurt by my hetero best friend's romantic relationships suddenly taking priority, so I understand how you feel. There's nothing wrong with being who you are and loving people the way you do. I can't say that enough, and I hope you've never had to deal with people trying to convince you otherwise. I've become hesitant to confide in others at all because of the rejection I've experienced for being the way I am.

 

I feel like platonic love is purer because it doesn't have hormones in the way, and what you described is exactly the life I want for myself. It's so hard to deal with a world that is obsessed with romance and sex. The discrimination/marginalization I experience because of it is so isolating.

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I have a best friend that is not in a relationship and never has been so for now I'm okay. I need close friends, someone for who I'm one of the most important and close people. But I want someone to have a platonic relationship with in the future. I'm just realistic enough to know it's not really easy or even possible.

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I can definitely relate to craving a QPP - at least, I think that's what I experience. I can't find one, though. 

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On Sunday, July 30, 2017 at 3:36 PM, Lovelykat said:

I crave a QPP so bad it kills me. I dream about having a woman who I can share all of my hopes and dreams with, who gets my sense of humor, who will have other friends but always put me first and I would do the same. Who we could go to the movies or just lie on the couch drawing together, and that would be enough. Who we could lie awake at night laughing and talking just before we fall asleep. Who I could hug and comfort when she's sad, and vice versa. Who I could give little stupid gifts 'just because'. 

Although I generally enjoy living alone (I'm super-introverted), everything you describe here sounds fantastic, and I bet it's really common for aros to want this kind of relationship. Being aromantic doesn't mean you should be expected to go through life without love or intimacy, and if you make the effort to form friendships and are open about the kind of relationship you want, I'm sure you'll find what you're looking for sooner or later. The very best of luck to you!

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In my teen and early college years, a QPP was all I really wanted. I really, really wanted someone. When my best friends got S.O.s, I was quite jealous but tried not to show it. Now, I'm totally fine being alone and might even prefer it. Things change sometimes. 

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Yay! I'm not the only one!

I currently have squish on one of my close friends, but as far as i'm aware he's heterosexual. and in the past at least has had a girlfriend.

I tell him a lot of personal stuff, and really enjoy spending time with him, but like the thought of actually dating him makes me super uncomfortable, let alone physical touch of any kind, sexual or otherwise. But i definately do crave that relationship with him.

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In theory, yes. Though it's hard to find people who tolerate me for too long. Friendship forever, even if it means I get no alone time. Better than being lonely :D

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