Can anyone help me answer if i am asexual/aromantic?

[tardisss]

For the beginning I am really sorry for my language mistakes, English is not my first language.

I've never thought that I can be asexual person because I sometimes masturbate and I thought about boys and in my dreams and fantasies I have my perfect boyfriend and sometimes I think about sex with him. However, I've never been in a relationship, never had sex, kiss anyone. I've always thought that it is because me being shy and very reserved. But now I am a lot more confident and sometimes I started conversation with new people and it is not a big problem for me than was before. But I have some struggles with talking to boys ,maybe because I've never had BOY-friend even in my childhood and I've never really wanted to talk with boys, I've always have many Girl-friends. However I always thought that I want to have boyfriend. But it is hard for me to recognize I am a straight/homo sexual person or not. Because if I am in love in someone it is not because his or her apppearance but his or her brain, his knowledge,intelectual,intelliggence and my only one big crush was on boy who was very independent, inteliggent ,not so pretty. And I am always impressed by people like that not because they are pretty or not. Another thing is that in my fantasies my boyfriend must be exactly like that, so very smart and we would have intelectual conversions, but beside that we would flirt and eventually had sex but I think that I could really live without any sexual connection. But because of my kind of rebellion/independent/intelectual prefect boy maybe I also fantasise about having sex with him because films/books and media give me that vision of relationship with this kind of crazy outsiders. So i have serious doubts about my sexuality. Because on the one hand i masturbate and think about relationship but in real life i am not sure that i could do it.If my friends talk about sex or their first time i'm always very shocked and uncomfortable, even with only kissing it is really strange for me to think about that kind of closeness with other people. Because i have some depressive moods from time to time I've always thought that it is the main problem that i can't find anyone. But in reality I am not looking, I don't do things like my young friends, I am goind to bars or cinemas but only for myself and even if i want to find someone new i always think about new friend not a boyfriend. But also i like when boys are looking at me and i like to being appreciate for my look or behaviour but it always end on this one look, i've never talk with any guy or girl to begin some kind of relationship. And when i see naked body of girls or boys in movies or pictures I feel some kind of sexual attraction but in most part I think about this beauty of their bodies and looks not really in sexual way. I look on them like on beautiful painting or furniture I just like see pretty stuff and appreciate it.

What do you think about this situation? I add that I have 20 years old and I still live with my parents, maybe I am too protective by them..I dont know really.

[Lonemathsytoothbrushthief]

I think you've said a lot about what you want in life, but are mixing that up with whatever sexuality you feel you have do you rarely if ever feel attracted to people in a sexual way? Do you have sexual fantasies about people, but not actually want to follow through with those fantasies in real life at all(that's a thing as well)?  Then it sounds like you're asexual, and there are loads of other ways people experience attraction while being on the asexual spectrum, but if you want a relationship as a person who is attracted to people sexually but would just prefer not to have sex, you're not asexual but you can do that too. Also, your English is fine!

[TheAP]

You can be asexual and still masturbate. Asexuality doesn't mean no sex drive. And you can be asexual and still think about sex, as long as you don't actually experience sexual attraction.

[tardisss]

8 hours ago, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said:

I think you've said a lot about what you want in life, but are mixing that up with whatever sexuality you feel you have do you rarely if ever feel attracted to people in a sexual way? Do you have sexual fantasies about people, but not actually want to follow through with those fantasies in real life at all(that's a thing as well)?  Then it sounds like you're asexual, and there are loads of other ways people experience attraction while being on the asexual spectrum, but if you want a relationship as a person who is attracted to people sexually but would just prefer not to have sex, you're not asexual but you can do that too. Also, your English is fine!

Ohh Thanks !

[Éadweard]

No one on the internet can determine your sexual orientation (or lack of one). The only person who can do that is you. And I really get frustrated at people on this site who dish out advice and label others based solely on a web post.

 

[The_Reluctant_Dragon]

15 hours ago, Just like Jughead said:

No one on the internet can determine your sexual orientation (or lack of one). The only person who can do that is you. And I really get frustrated at people on this site who dish out advice and label others based solely on a web post.

 

This is true, no one can determine what your orientations are. That is all up to you, how you feel, and what you're most confortable with. If you think your asexual, just keep doing research to see if you identify with asexuality. And, if you're doubting that you're asexual just because you masterbate or have sexual thoughts, the only thing that makes someone asexual is their lack of sexual attraction. If you feel sexual attraction then you might not be asexual. If you don't feel sexual attraction you might be asexual. And by might, I mean, you can identify somewhere on the asexual spectrum.