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Dan99

How did you find out you where non-binary?

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Dan99

Started questioning if maybe I'm non-binary as well as trans (?), because I can't seem to accept that I don't have to necessarily be one gender and only that.

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HallsiKallsi

I haven't found out, but I'm pretty sure I'm not male, wether that means I'm trans or androgyne I don'e know, but yeah, I'm non-binary because I've never felt like a "boy", growing up I referred to myself with female pronouns and wanted to do "girly" things, I honestly don't know wether that is because I'm trans or because I'm neither, aka androgyne, is this making sense?

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Messen

When I realised that some people actually feel like males/females, mentally.

 

I was extremely confused by this at first and started digging in my imagination (of all places) for answers since I thought that might be what people meant by "inside". Counted the male, female, and idk characters in it. A while later I realised that gender meant just *me*, the mental portion, not the things I made up. After that it was quite easy, because I don't feel like anything at all.

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AVEN #1 fan

I never felt connected to my body,  nor to society idea of gendering everything. I reject it for myself but I live in a place and time where I can't escape that .

 

I feel bad for being sexualized and gendered inside my body.

 

 

Always saw boys as "them " and girls as "those" , and Me as neither, idk it just felt odd around them it just looks like I don't belong with them, nor with gnc boys or girls, I've tried.  it feels not complete.

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AVEN #1 fan
13 minutes ago, (D)anny said:

Started questioning if maybe I'm non-binary as well as trans (?), because I can't seem to accept that I don't have to necessarily be one gender and only that.

Why don't you pick idk an vague label and try that or just reject labels what -so-ever,  you can use gender variant , it encompasses everyone society doesn't support . Or pick idk condigender if you change your gender id under specific conditions.

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SkyWorld

I feel like I'm pretty flexible when it comes to terms because I feel like more than one fits me, though I use NB to sum it up more general.

 

I've done some reflecting... on my present self and my past self and who I want to be as my future self. I asked myself what do all of these have in common. [that's the short version]

 

I started thinking about this since the people I hanged out with are very open-minded and LGBT+ friendly and sometimes brought up what you may not know too much about. Which got me into doing some reasearch on my own. Fast foward, realized that AVEN also have a lot of information about LGBT+ people in general and I have used it as one of my sources to help figure myself out. Considering how accepting my friends were as well, I felt like it would be safe for me to experiment and figure myself out. AVEN's members are incredibly supportive. I wanted to give he/him pronouns a try and see how it feels and everyone was so supportive with that. I've also seen how some have expressed similarly to other members. Comes to show I don't really mind when people call me he/him, though they/them just fits better for me.

 

But obviously it's more than just pronouns, I was just giving that as an example. Anyway, back to how I reflected upon myself, I noticed some things about what I have said about myself in the past that just kept continuing. I always kind of considered myself a "tomboy", but not exactly... I never considered myself a "girly girl", but just... me. I always was a bit more masculine, but my feminine side was very close to equal. I never really considered myself a guy or a girl, but just myself. And yet I still sometimes associate myself more with guys than girls. It's what felt right and comfortable to me, still does. Thus also being a reason why I'm transmasculine. 

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Amaretti

Well, my rejection of my assigned gender was my first hint. I could relate some of the time or to a degree but not enough for it to feel right. Assuming I was the other binary option and realizing that didn't fit me either was my second. It really did feel like no matter which of the presumed choices I picked I was wrong. A lot of times when people would ask what I was or try and "correct me" the answer I always found myself giving was referring to myself by name rather than by gender. "I'm me, I'm an Amaretti."

 

I think what made it easier for me to understand where I stood was my time that I tried to ignore it, oddly enough. Because when I would pay a lot of mind to it I would worry if I was making things up. So by the time I learned what nonbinary and genderfluid was I'd spent enough time trying to push it aside that I knew It wasn't just something I was trying to feel, it was just what I felt. If that makes sense.

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Zenzencat104

Everything I associated with any gender currently worded in the English language did not sound like me, so agender was the term.

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ChickenPadSeeEew

I realised I sometimes feel like a guy and expect to have a male body, like my brain flips to a male map of my body. But I otherwise feel like a woman, and that being a woman with a female body. I didn't know this was 'a thing' for decades. I thought it was transgender all the time/with one gender only or cis all the time. Turns out, I wasn't alone and there were even words/labels for what I experienced! The more I pay attention to my gender these days, the more I also feel occasionally agender, too. 

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arekathevampyre

I think I have mentioned this before in another thread about agenderism . 

I don't really feel like a girl (AFAB) or a guy and I do not care about my birth gender (like gender roles aka stereotypes for example) so yeah . I act and dress as I wish . All this happened way back few years ago . I thought I was trans when I started wearing t shirts and pants (I start to hate blouses and skirts/dresses - unless gothic then maybe haha) but realised that I don't really feel like the opposite gender and ended up settling for agender as my gender lolol puns . But I use "girl" pronouns for convenience sake (and my mother tongue doesn't have "they" pronouns - which makes things difficult and also , I am used to girl pronouns) 

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Donatsu

I was never necessarily uncomfortable as being seen as female, that never bothered me.

 

However, after I learned about non-binary identities, it became more apparent that many other people felt proud, empowered, or some sort of connection to being a man or a woman, rather than just being like "oh OK, so I've got these body parts" which was always my attitude. I only ever really felt a certain disconnect when I wore typical feminine clothes that others seemed to enjoy wearing, and I just didn't care about, or I didn't seem to be as fond of terms such as "lady" or "woman" in the same way girls were.

The more I thought back on it, the more I realized that I don't act in a traditionally feminine way - while some of my thoughts, actions, and expression are typically associated with femininity or women, other parts of my personality are more associated with masculinity.

 

I took the SAGE test and my result - androgynous, leaning towards the masculine side - felt right to me; that's when it really clicked for me that I didn't really feel any connection to gender at all, and thus wasn't to happy with people viewing me as intrinsically feminine or masculine, just a person.

 

Pronouns aren't all that important to me, so while if a person asks I'll tell them I prefer they/them, if a person understands and respects that I'm androgynous, I don't really mind

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Alice Woodstock

When I'm a child I never though about gender, for me child would be a third gender. But after I become a teenager I start to act like a man because that was expected and I wanted to be in a relationship. In marriage my wife "helps" me to act like a man because she likes me this way. After 8 years we broke up but I was still acting and without knowing I was anger and with very low self-esteem.

 

After 2 very bad relationships, I visit an ex and she came up with the idea of dress me like a woman. I felt much more happy and confident, so I become to question my gender. I become more sure of my non binary identity after I changed my name and image online (started because my father made a very bad comment about casual relationships as a man thing). I felt more free, and I become close to my inner self to the point I can't recognize the image of the mirror as been me. I felt more confident and beautiful. I stop acting like a man, let my hair grow and things only become better.

 

I had some problems with my family though, my mother like me with a beard and I know I will never had it anymore (I begin with photoepilation, the town I live don't have laser removal). And my father was always pointing me as a man and I see he can't accept that I am not. It's ok, at least now I'm true to myself, and since I live very far from then and most people (including my parents) seems to don't notice I'm non-binary, probably just someone weird or quirky.

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Iota Tau

I figured it out when I started using non-gendered pronouns, after being assured by an agender friend that binary-identified people could use them.

 

When I was younger, I thought of myself as a tomboy. After all, since my internal gender didn't feel male (and I did think about whether I was trans* as early as elementary school, having the fortune to be raised UU and knowing the term 'transgender'), it must be what female feels like, right?

 

Then I tried out ey/em pronouns, and suddenly I was having to explore a whole bunch of terms: demigirl, demiboy, bigender, pangender, and aporagender before finally settling on maverique.

 

So basically, using neutral pronouns, research on the internet, and a lot of trial and error in real life.

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arekathevampyre

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upcummingattractions

I think I always knew, at least subconsciously, but what really suggested it to me was remembering the time when I was nine years old and crying to my mom that I'm not a woman and that I feel more like a man. And as the years went on, I finally realized that, although I don't feel female at all, I don't feel totally male, either.

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I Am Mel

I heard the word Unisex at the age of 9 and just knew that's what I was at least personality wise - its only fairly recently really that i considered my gender to be so too - though subconsciously i suppose i sort of have a faint feeling that i wasn't at least quite the gender i was assigned at birth for quite some time though it wasn't something i directly though about.

 

Also as hard as i know it is try and comprehend that you don't wholly need to label yourself  - For me after a lot of complication and misery i just realised i just had to accept that my gender is too fluid to properly pin down making me "technically" poly-genderfluid - this isn't a label i feel connected to unlike with Trans which for me just means not cis or even non-binary which again for me just means not completely one of the binary genders all the time.

 

What I'm saying is may just try finding a label that you connect with even if its only a little and make it fit you rather than putting yourself into a fixed box.

 

Good Luck and hope you find something thats right for you.

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Ankh-Morpork

Somehow I kinda knew since primary school that my assigned gender didn't fit, but I didn't know why and how exactly. Sometimes I thought that I was just an open minded boy (and that all other children were too conservative and had no idea what they were talking about), but I also had quite a few moments wishing I were a girl. It took me some time to figure out that I didn't really want to be a girl – it was just that I didn't want to identify as a boy.

I never considered myself to be trans, though. I never wanted to have the body of a girl, I just wanted to be one, so I nerver actually thought about physical transistion. (I hardly knew anything about gender related topics, so I wrongly thought that you were only were trans if you actually changed your body or at least planned on doing so.)

 

My ignorance was also the reason why I didn't know the difference between sex and gender (it also doesn't help that there's only one German word for both), so "of course" I was a boy because my sex was male. I also defined myself as heterosexual because I felt no sexual attraction for boys. (Not for girls or nb*s either, but what's life without plot holes.) I knew I were different, but I blamed in on everyone else being hypersexual.

 

After school (at university) I started to educate myself more with gender topics (it helps to have a queer sister), but I think the major turning point was my romantic relationship with a woman, who was allosexual, was strongly identifying herself as a woman (not only "yeah that's my body") and had issues with my "lack of masculinity".

I didn't realise anything during our relationship, but after our breakup I started to look deeper in my issues with my sexuality. At another online platform someone mentioned asexuality - it took a while but it made more and more sense with me.

 

And somehow coming clear with my sexual orientation helped me to question my gender identity. I'm not sure why. Maybe the 2nd coming out is just easier than the 1st one? (If I'm already queer in one point, who knows what else is queer, too?) Maybe I just got more interested in gender related topics? And being part of the LGBTQIA*-community (and knowing other nb* persons) surely helped, too.

 

I can't put a finger on a single event that made me realise I'm nb. It's more a long sequence of little things that added up and eventually I had my "yeah that just makes sense" moment.

 

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Gladstone

Funny story. I love pen&paper RPG. I started to play it when I was 13 years old... And since the very beginning I really, really wanted to play male characters. 12 years passed and I still play only dudes. Some of my GMs asked me why I don't want to try a girl and... That's how I started wondering.

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Hamiltrash Queer

when i suddenly realized that trying to tell myself that i was a girl or a female or a woman just didn’t feel right, and i couldn’t say it and have it be true

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mania

I don't really know. I guess I never thought of it really, until I slowly realized how (mainly I guess) guys perceive me and what they want from me and I panicked. It all played out nicely in my head, but it wasn't my reality. Actually, I think I came to the term over AVEN or tumblr. 

 

I am very aware that people perceive me as nothing more than a woman and there's nothing I can do to look more "neutral" (seriously - I have neither the face nor the body to look awesome like Tilda Swinton for example), but you know? I don't give a fuck anymore. Sometimes I like doing makeup (I have a phase right now), but does that make me any more female? No. I don't give a shit what those guys in the exclusively male-dominated areas I am currently in think of me. They don't know. I have hinted my discontent of people constantly pointing out my sex because of that to a friend and I think I might get more direct on this topic at some point.

 

I'm just done.

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Jayce

When i ventured AVEN a few years ago looking for answers, bumped into the Gender forum where @Heart mentioned as i was ranting about me not understanding myself at all: Hey, you could be Genderfluid??? And i was like: :o that totally makes sense! :D 

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Crayvon

I think I subconciously knew that I'm not my assigned sex. Since I was a kid, I didn't like things that were associated with it and every time someone mentioned my assigned sex I felt somewhat upset. I never felt guyish or girly, even when I did very gendered stuff and I always imagined I was from the opposite sex or atleast without the sex organs

On the internet, I'm always the opposite sex so I get anxious just by thinking if people find out/thought I wasn't .

When I was 15, I told about it my sister one day and then I discovered agender.

 

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Heart
10 hours ago, Jayce said:

When i ventured AVEN a few years ago looking for answers, bumped into the Gender forum where @Heart mentioned as i was ranting about me not understanding myself at all: Hey, you could be Genderfluid??? And i was like: :o that totally makes sense! :D 

*pops into existence*

 

D'awwwww, this is the best possible reason to be summoned by tagging. Thank you Jayce, for the reminder of why I give so much of my time here :wub:

 

... I wish I could still be as active in Gender as I once was. One day, I shall return in full force.

 

:cake: for all.

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Blackthorn

When I realised that although I don't feel at all male, I don't feel female either.  If I hear someone refer to me as a woman/lady/girl I feel sick.

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