NaianePitzer Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 I am confused. My sexuality is far more fluid than I thought it was. I mean, I haven't felt actual sexual desires and feelings towards anyone my entire life. If this isn't a constant pattern, I don't know what is. I've never felt it, not even during puberty years. And I still don't. I do feel sometimes need for sex, but it has to do mostly with sex drive. Never with having sex with someone I have sexual attraction towards. But romantic feelings are a little more fluid than that. Most of the time I don't get the point of it, and it feels awkward, unnecessary and uncomfortable. But sometimes I wonder how it would be like to kiss someone's lips, be closer to them (not sexually). No tongue or anything else, I still find it repulsive. Just something as simple as a touch of lips. I think it is more like a symbol of affection than romance, but I don't know. And yes, I like to feel sexy and powerful, but more in “making a statement” kind of way. Feeling sexy makes me feel good about myself, but I don't want to do anything sexual to anyone when it comes to that. As weird as it sounds, feeling sexy and sex are things that are completely unrelated to me. It is complicated to verbalize those things because, I mean, if I had a friend and had this need to kiss them in the mouth, in a non-romantic way, there's no way they would understand that. That's one of the reasons I find my sexuality so confusing. These little things that make it hard for me to find the appropriate label. I rather just go for “aromantic asexual” for now. If I get into the whole subject of other types of attraction we would go further in labels like “demipansensual”, that means I feel sensual attraction, the need to touch someone, towards anyone, but only when I feel a deeper connection with them (and this one is sometimes linked to aesthetic attraction, which I also feel towards anyone). So part of my process to free myself is learning to let go, at least a little bit, of these labels for now. Any thoughts on this matter? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lana Overland Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 uh, I don't know. I identify as Lithromantic which is my way of describing my fluxuations in romantic desire. Aroflux might be a term to look into. It really depends on your definition of romantic attraction, which has been difficult for me to figure out since everyone has a different idea of what it means, which is why I like your idea of demipansensual. I think that's a pretty good term. There's tons of labels out there that you can look through if you feel you need to. Also there's a difference between libido and attraction. You may desire to have sex or romance but it's that direction or focal point of a person that makes it attraction. If that makes any sense. It's okay if your orientation is fluid, and it may take you a while to figure out if that fluidity has constants or direction to it. Maybe it'll settle and maybe it won't but it'll probably get easier to deal with/understand the more you experience. I would say before you do anything romantic or sexual for the first time try to be out first. It'll make it easier to explain if you already have a relationship where you can talk analytically about your feelings with the other person, and trust me most people have worries about relationships even if they aren't ace so it's okay. Also remember that you have the right of consent, and the right to change your mind. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NaianePitzer Posted July 28, 2017 Author Share Posted July 28, 2017 Thanks Lana, this is great 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lana Overland Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 I'm glad it helped! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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