Are you out? Do you want to come out?

[City_Flyer]

On 14/08/2017 at 2:32 PM, Elden said:

I'm fully out online, and offline I'll tell anyone who cares to ask. A lot of people around me assumed I was asexual before I even realised it myself, so no real issue there. Not that they knew the word, they just assumed that since I didn't talk about sex, I must not be interested in it. I doubt there's any point in telling my mother, since I suspect from her attitude when raising me that she might be demisexual herself. I also like to wear something in the colours of the ace flag, like a patch or a bracelet, as a signal to any other aces who might see me.

I like the idea of the subtle identifier. Mine is a cigarette lighter, printed with the Ace of Hearts playing card. A very dear friend also bought me an Ace of Hearts coffee mug, as a "coming out" present.

[Blackmare]

I came out to my parents last night!

[jackanope]

I came out a few months ago to my mom as "a little bendy", so she was already pretty familiar with my views on sexuality... I came out as ace to her last week and we had a whole convo about it. She was unbelievably supportive and accepting. 

 

I spent this summer in Greece, where I did a lot of thinking. I decided I wasn't gonna hide anything anymore because I was sick of wearing a mask. I slowly opened up to all my friends about everything, and they've been really cool about it too. I feel so free and happy, like i'm really "settled" into myself. It's a wonderful feeling <3
 

[5amlight]

2 hours ago, jackanope said:

I came out a few months ago to my mom as "a little bendy", so she was already pretty familiar with my views on sexuality... I came out as ace to her last week and we had a whole convo about it. She was unbelievably supportive and accepting. 

omg that's great! i wouldn't even know how to begin to tell my parents, especially because everything serious i tell them gets used against me in a conversation. like when we're having dinner and suddenly i say something that would annoy them. "like you're one to talk with your 'internet friends' / what's the point in writing books when no one can read them."  my dad mostly jokes about me having a boyfriend later bc i'm very anti-boys (or girls (he also says "or girlfriend" like it's good he's accepting but like he does comment on non-heterosexual people sometimes but not like he's super religious)). however, i'm scared i'll get something about being ace thrown my way.

 

(though i must say i wear an ace ring and lol it's like hidden in plain sight and it makes me feel very... powerful?? ya feel?)

 

but screw that. i'm never telling my parents.

[Eziio]

All my friends know,my sister knows too

I don't really mention my sexuality unless someone directly asks me 

[Gloomy]

I just tell people "I'm not interested in relationships" and leave it at that. I did put "asexual" down as my sexuality on the questionnaire when I went to the doctor though.

[jackanope]

4 hours ago, 5amlight said:

omg that's great! i wouldn't even know how to begin to tell my parents, especially because everything serious i tell them gets used against me in a conversation. like when we're having dinner and suddenly i say something that would annoy them. "like you're one to talk with your 'internet friends' / what's the point in writing books when no one can read them."  my dad mostly jokes about me having a boyfriend later bc i'm very anti-boys (or girls (he also says "or girlfriend" like it's good he's accepting but like he does comment on non-heterosexual people sometimes but not like he's super religious)). however, i'm scared i'll get something about being ace thrown my way.

 

(though i must say i wear an ace ring and lol it's like hidden in plain sight and it makes me feel very... powerful?? ya feel?)

 

but screw that. i'm never telling my parents.

 

honestly, if you know your parents wont understand then don't worry about it. And I gotta get me some asexual merch!! Being open and honest with yourself is the most empowering thing you can do. 

[TRexPhilbo]

On 27/07/2017 at 11:00 PM, NerotheReaper said:

I am out to a very very small group of people, just because I don't feel the need to let everyone know about it. 

Same really. Though I'll let people know if it's relevant. 

[RK800]

I'm pretty out orientation wise, but not everyone knows I'm trans. I stealth when I can.

[StrangerThing]

I want to come out.  I'm trying to figure out the best way to tell my BFF.  She lives in another state and we don't talk that often, so it feels weird to just call up and say "Hey, how's it going?  I'm asexual.  I hope I can make a trip down and see you soon."  She's Bi so it's not like she'll be too weirded out or anything.  But it may be shocking because of all the crushes I've had and my sexual history.  

 

I have another group of friends that are scattered across the country that I'll see next week.  That group is filled with bi-, pan-, and polyamorous folks who are the most non-judgmental people I know when it comes to orientations.  I'm considering getting this cute Ace flag heart pin and putting it on my backpack or bag and letting them ask me. 

 

Again, it just seems strange to "come out" and make a production of something when it's really not going to change my day to day lifestyle at all.  But I also don't want to hide and I would like my friends to know this part of me.  

[To Each Their Own]

Yes...absolutely!! I'm out about everything. Visibility is very important to me because if I had known sooner about asexuality then I would have suffered a lot less. (And yes, I went through hell). So, for me, it's important that I speak up and educate people about asexuality. It's not so much about letting people know that I'M asexual...I'm about letting people know that it exists at all. 

 

I'm 49 years old...people are learning that they are asexual at a much younger age than I did. And still, there are many more older people that still are under the belief that they are "broken" and that there is something wrong with them!! What if me talking about asexuality is the first time they ever hear of it? After all, that's how I first heard of it.  If we're not talking about it how are others like us going to learn about it?

 

 

[Aurora♠️]

On 7/25/2017 at 2:09 PM, EllieCeeJay said:

are any other people out, or plan to come out? Who to? And how?

 

I am not fully out, only a close group of my friends know. I haven't told my family. Only 5 people know, and others may have guessed. And for reference, I came out to those 5 people when I was 12. I'm older now, and still can't seem to tell my parents! Help.

[The_Reluctant_Dragon]

For me it's a slow process. I told my family. And four kids asked me about my sexuality. So six people know that I'm asexual. I usually just tell people when they ask. And, not many people ask. I feel like, once I buy my black ace ring, people will actually start asking.

[5amlight]

1 hour ago, The_Reluctant_Dragon said:

For me it's a slow process. I told my family. And four kids asked me about my sexuality. So six people know that I'm asexual. I usually just tell people when they ask. And, not many people ask. I feel like, once I buy my black ace ring, people will actually start asking.

ah that's great! of course, i don't know how much people know about sexualities, but in my experience literally no one asked about my ace ring. my mom was surprised i wanted it on my middle finger, a few friends have pointed out they liked it, and my grandma looked kinda shocked and asked where my "pretty ring" was. i wore that on my ring finger. oh well

[Strange But Not a Stranger]

Part of me would like to come out, the other part of me thinks it's nobody's business. I have mentioned asexuality (in general, and with a slight hint of it being possible that I am ace) to a few people close to me (family), but they pretty much thought it was silly. You just haven't found the right person yet, blah blah blah.
Since then, I have not mentioned it anymore. I just tend to keep it to myself, hoping that maybe some day these people are ready to put one and one together. I am 37, I have only been in one relationship (a crappy one at that, but me having no interest in sex wasn't the main reason why it ended), I have never brought any guys home or have slept over at a guy's home. I have never felt the urge to go out looking for someone to have sex with, nor have I ever felt the need to go looking for a relationship. It's just not a part of my nature. Yes, coming to think of it... I still wish my family would realise that.

[F1shCake]

I don't really have any IRL friends, but I thought I was pan for a while and came out as that to my parents. Then I realised I wasn't so I'm in an awkward situation.

[Chris Zulas]

I've always been out and am sad to see so many people not comfortable with coming out, though I absolutely understand and support it any way you go. I also get the whole "it's nobody's business but mine and X's" but for me as someone who (pardon the non-literal term here) has always worn his freak flag higher than most others wear their normie flag (additional apologies for using normie, basically the deepest epithet available to people on the internet) and with how often romance and sex are brought up or could possibly be relevant as a response I always bring it up as it's suits me - while you can in situations come off as annoying about it, that's no different than any one thing. I could annoyingly bring up my Greek heritage, or that I'm distantly related to Sir Walter Raleigh, the guy who made smoking popular in England, or that I'm a NEET or something so that just comes with the idea of knowing not to come off as annoying which I sympathize with people on since I've often mostly in the past come off that way. So anybody who asks is getting told (with a preface that if you're gonna say anything that even to a non-linguistic Neanderthal could come across as saying it's not a thing or I'm broken or I haven't found the right one or just nod and walk away) and I'm out to all friends and family. Again, God Bless y'all who have to hide it or see no point in it, you're not wrong and it's not an invalid viewpoint or stance. Sometimes stuff's not worth it, especially political stuff, and while sexuality SHOULDN'T be a political issue it is treated as a deep and profound social one, and society and politics are like two twins conjoined at the hip. Papa Bless.

[d3v1l]

I came out to three of my friends who are all LGBTQ+ (including an ace) who are all fine with it. I haven't told anyone else though, it was nice to get it off my chest but that doesn't mean the world needs to know (yet).

[cinary]

My best friend and a classmate know I'm aro ace, but if someone would ask me about it I'd come out. But I'm qiute antisocial and awkward so I'm not close with a lot of people, so there's not a lot of people I'd care to come out to. And I'm not out to my mother but it won't end well, so I'm not gonna go through it right now.

[carbomb]

I never really considered myself "closeted". I just view asexuality as a descriptor instead of some sort of identity. So "coming out" seems kinda pointless. I'm not trying to hide it at all, my family just doesn't know that I use this particular adjective to describe myself. Them knowing / not knowing doesn't affect my behavior at all, and telling them seems to be more trouble than it's worth.

[AsexualiTea]

I'm only out to a couple people I know in real life, but I'm out to all my online friends. I'd love to be completely open about my sexuality with everyone in my life. Unfortunately, I don't think I can take that risk while I'm still living with my parents. My dad is very closed minded when it comes to anything LGBTQ+ or anything he doesn't consider "normal." I know my mom would be accepting, but she wouldn't really understand. Just the other day I was trying to explain to her what it means when someone says they're non-binary. She did not get it... But at least she was trying! 

 

Not being able to come out to everyone doesn't bother me too much though. I know I'll do it when the time is right.

[iridian]

So far i only came out to my mom although that was kinda 'pointless' in the sense that she's pretty close minded and has her rigid view even though she at least made an effort to listen but she's very skeptical about the whole thing and kept telling me what the majority of aces hear sadly. -.- so she's convinced it will eventually 'pass' and is just the lastest of the strange ideas i have. And basically every time i remark me being ace she disses it.

 

Knowing my country and the mentality around me, i don't even bother telling the older parts of my family, also because im very private and i don't really like exposing this part of myself :/ i'd do that with someone i trust a lot and i feel more secure with. So yeah, maybe i'll tell some more 'secure' friends one day.. 

[Hermit Advocate]

I guess I'm out. I don't go around shouting it from the rooftops but I don't hide it either.

[Stheg]

I'm out to my husband and that's it. I come from a background that's very hostile to everyone in the lgtbqia group. They basically think we're all special snowflakes who are making stuff up for attention. I don't think I need to be out to everyone, but I don't really feel like I have the option to be out, which feels a bit suffocating at times. I don't know anyone who is lgtbqia in real life who lives near me. I'm very sad that I didn't know about my asexuality in college because my school had an awesome lgtbqia group where I'm sure I would have had the opportunity to meet some awesome people and make friends who could have understood me instead of friends that brushed me off as weird. I wouldn't mind being out to other lgtbqia people. I'm honestly not sure where to go looking for a local lgtbqia group though.

[life_carnival]

I live in Indonesia and I kind of living a double life online -- two identities, one that is accessible by IRL friends and a bit more reserved for foreign friends or IRL friends whom I meet because we all enjoy reading LGBT romance. For the first one, I'm not out, but on the latter I'm fully out as ace. My sister knows. But I don't tell my parents -- basically because I don't think they understand what asexuality anyway. Again, Indonesian culture here, bit different than those in the West. For now I just tell them that no, I am not in relationship, not seeking to get married, and they'll not going to start asking about sex anyway.

[shirokumo]

I'm out but no one takes me seriously...:(

[Ace of Mind]

I've been very comfortable as an ace since I found out in high school and I'm still technically 'in the closet' if anyone wants that to mean something.

Basically I've never been asked if I was anything but straight and until I am or a situation arises where my not being straight is a problem I don't really see a reason to go telling people. All the relationships I have to anyone have been built in such a way that our orientations have nothing to do with it and it's been pretty nice so far. 

 

p.s. I do wear a ring though because I like the connection to the community and if someone ever knows what it means then good for them

[Magenta Heart]

Only told one family member(my sister) who is bisexual, a female sophmore who is pansexual and a more distant/confiding friend, and my friend who is in 8th grade. 

[Keilah]

I've told less than a handful of people who know me that I'm asexual. I won't hide it if I'm asked, but I see no reason right now to tell the world.

[S.W.Walker]

Not out yet. But planning to come out in future at least only to my family. Marriage and rearing children is one of the main things parents expect from their children in where I live. So when staying unmarried it would be impossible to avoid the questionings. And with raising awareness about homosexuality with being homosexual marriages both illegal and crime, I will be suspected to be gay if I didn't reveal my true self. So I'm planning to come out to my family and closest relatives only when I get older and asked why I'm not getting married and have children. Anyway my parents already know that I don't like babies.