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EllieCeeJay

Are you out? Do you want to come out?

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pook

nah its way too hot outside

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Denna

I told my dad, explained about asexuality and he didn't really take it seriously and still tells me stuff about having safe sex and grandchildren. So I don't see the point on coming out for now to anyone else.

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5amlight

the first person i even mentioned asexuality to happened to be ace as well. and my best friend. that was great. anyway, i haven't told either of my parents yet. i don't think they'll understand and i just don't feel like them knowing. i'm planning on telling another one of my very close friends. because a) i want her to know, and b) this is basically putting up a warning sign for her not to talk about abs with me lol.

 

i've mentioned having no desire to have sex in a group conversation before, but no one thought much of it, i think.

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SophiaG91

No, I'm not out, only to those who have a deep understanding of/are deeply involved in either the asexual or LGBTQIA+ community, mainly because no one else would understand. I have a few people at work in the LGBTQIA+ community (no one who is ace though, that I know of) who I'm comfortable with, and they have been fully supportive of me, and respectful of me not wanting to share this with everyone. Everyone else I work with just assumes I'm straight, a few have questioned if I'm secretly lesbian. 

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Helo0421

Not out. I probably will eventually to a few people. I only just outed to myself maybe half a year ago lol. One friend kinda figured I'm asexual and I confirmed it a few weeks ago. A few other friends know I'm aromatic. Most people just assume I'm "normal." As long as they don't keep bugging me, there's no need to tell them something they don't need to know. My sister was the first person to mention asexuality to me a few years ago, but she was referring to herself. I didn't think much of it until recently. I think my parents are secretly worried though.. they probably think I'm lesbian since I never had a boyfriend or even mentioned going on dates. Lol.

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Pamalla-Shay

I have come out to my friends a few teachers and my younger sister, all have been accepting, but my mom told me it was just a phase and that I will think differently when I am older.. I have a feeling she thinks I am a lesbian and just don't want to tell her because I am scare to.. but my older sister came out to her as a lesbian and mom was fine with it.. I have no idea how to come out to my dad he is very against all of the LGBTQ community so  I assume he won't be okay with me being ACE... how do I get my mom to understand that it isn't a phase? how do I tell my dad that I am ACE without losing his love? 

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bennes1

Yeah, I'm guess that I'm out.  It isn't too big of a deal for me.  I feel like people sort of knew already but probably don't consider it an orientation.  Look at the zero girlfriends and boyfriends that I've had on Facebook.  

 

I also don't consider it a deal that I've had sexual/romantic feelings for a guy.  (1 for men; 0 for women; porn preferences lean strongly for women)  That didn't go anywhere.  It hurt when he rejected me; the first time that a rejection actually hurt and wasn't a big relief.  I don't feel closeted.  And I still don't know how to flirt/date.  As far as I'm concerned, it was real but it was an exception to my sexuality.  I would welcome a sexual/romantic relationship with either but I don't think that that will happen.

 

It was a big deal to out myself as an atheist, however.  I have been super religious all my life and it was a super big struggle to lose that identity.  Then for a year and a half later, I was tiptoeing around not being religious anymore.  And it feels good being out even though I do face a lot of disapproval from my parents.  I have no support from them if I come out as gay but I don't because I'm not.

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thejm

I'm not really "out". I've told a couple friends but that's about it. I don't really plan on telling anyone else either. I don't see my parents taking it well at all. They expect me to get married and have kids (joke's on them, I have no desire to do either of those things). As for friends, I don't really mind telling them about my sexuality, but it never really comes up in conversations. They probably just think I'm straight, but I don't really care enough to specifically bring it up and make my sexuality a big deal.

 

I think the main reason I haven't told many people that I'm asexual is that it's just easier to stay quiet about it. If I tell close friends about my sexuality, I can explain it to them myself so that they can somewhat understand what I'm talking about. What worries me is what they might tell other people. There are many misconceptions regarding asexuality. A lot of people aren't even aware of what asexuality is. Some people who do know about the sexuality don't know much about it at all. I don't want people to think that I'm strange or broken because they don't really know what my sexuality is.

 

On top of all that, there's always the part of me that worries about corrective rape. I'm not extremely worried or anything since most people don't know I'm asexual, but corrective rape definitely is a problem. I really don't want to be sexually abused because someone thinks that they can "fix" me. That's just scary.

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WaywardAF

I'm not out to anyone but two friends who I told one who is Bisexual ( she is my closet friend/platonic  Bae and internet friend) 

I also told my other friend best friend from school who knew I was questioning my sexuality. (That friend is Pan) both of my friends were expecting one saying " it's  okay to be different" the other saying "cool".

There is someone else I want to tell but it's harder because I'm not sure what he thinks of Lbgt+ And how do I say this to him ( we have a flirty friendship) 

 I am not out to my parents or anyone else yet and don't think I will be for a while  

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City_Flyer

I am in the process of coming out, because at nearly 40 years old I'm tired of pretending to be something I'm not.

 

It is a lot easier for an ace to "fly under the radar" than it is for a gay person, but there is often a feeling of pretence or of hiding something.

 

Most of my family and close friends know now, and to be honest it's a relief.

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Rhaenys

My sexuality is nobody's business except mine and any future partner.

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Dawg4280

I am out and proud. For me, I care about being am activist so much and that took priority. So there was no other way to do that other than coming out.

 

While I understand everyone situation is different, keep in mind that we will only ever put an end to the  ignorance that surrounds our identity by being out and talking to people about it. It a matter of when not if, but the more of us that are out the faster the process will move along. Movements are built on sacrifice, it's the only way social change ever happens in this damn world.

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SallyBlackwater

I'm not out, and for now I don't think it's necessary for me to come out... most of my friends and family know that I'm not really interested in dating/having children, I just never used the word "asexual" to describe myself to them....

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pRAk
6 hours ago, Dawg4280 said:

I am out and proud. For me, I care about being am activist so much and that took priority. So there was no other way to do that other than coming out.

 

While I understand everyone situation is different, keep in mind that we will only ever put an end to the  ignorance that surrounds our identity by being out and talking to people about it. It a matter of when not if, but the more of us that are out the faster the process will move along. Movements are built on sacrifice, it's the only way social change ever happens in this damn world.

Wow, that's great.

I don't know if activist is the right word to use in my case, but I'd also like to help raise awareness about asexuality. I think it's very important. I spent a lot of years confused untill I came across the term by coincidence on a manga site. In my country I had never heard about the word asexual or the concept of it at all before. There may be more people out there confused like I was. And I believe that just knowing about it can help them. Actually, I found a LGBT+ community near me and I'm thinking of going there and see how the ace comunity is accepted/represented there

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mrjenkins

I came out to my wife and that went VERY poorly so I have decided that I'm not coming out to anyone else.  If I end up single again I doubt I'll date again anyway as I've realized I'm happy on my own and it removes the need to be out.

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Livyia

Honestly I do want to be "out" with my friends and family, only because it's a part of who I am and I feel inauthentic to myself with almost everyone close to me thinking I'm something I'm not (meaning not asexual). I just wish I knew how to broach the topic :mellow:

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Dancer23

I am out with some people at uni.  Otherwise, not so much. I planned on coming out to two of my closest friends... one was so desperate to show she was supportive when I started a conversation about sexuality that I couldn't get a word in edgeways (I'm pretty sure she went away thinking I'm either a lesbian or bi), and the conversation just naturally moved on; I'll probably come back to that one and come out properly once I've figured out how I want to do it without getting sidetracked again! The other, uh, I never made it as far as coming out after he suggested that asexuals only identify that way to get attention. I might still come out to him, but... I'd like to do some educating first and test the waters a bit before making that decision. If he's open to learning, then sure - he's pretty good with LGBT stuff so I think it probably is just not understanding.

 

That said, I keep going to post stuff on facebook and then realising it would out me... so I'll probably come out more fully in future.

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cotangent

I'm only out to my mother (kind of) and two friends. (and everyone here, technically)

 

I don't know if I want to be out to everyone.  I'm a little bit on the fence right now about that.  I think I'm going to have to come to terms with it a little more first, and get a little older.

 

I definitely have a list of family members I want to come out to, though.  I'm nearly 100% sure they're all aware I am not interested in kids, so I don't foresee any problems with that.

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Mootymoo

I've tried to come out - but I don't think anyone actually believes me

 

"You just haven't met the right person yet"

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City_Flyer
On 07/08/2017 at 10:47 PM, Mootymoo said:

I've tried to come out - but I don't think anyone actually believes me

 

"You just haven't met the right person yet"

That is such an annoying line - I've heard it myself so many times.

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Famethyst

I'm not out yet, but I've been tentatively planning to come out to my immediate family. Each time I start thinking seriously about it, though, I get kind of nervous and second guess myself. My family is very open to LGBT+ stuff (my sister came out as bi long ago with no problems), so I think it's all just in my head. I have a tendency to overthink things anyways. But I'm also not looking forward to trying to explain asexuality. Also, I kinda wanted to come out by baking a cake using the asexual flag, but then if it doesn't go well (the cake or coming out) I feel like it would be an even bigger letdown, so I dunno. 

 

As for friends, I think I'll wait for it to come up in conversation and maybe try dropping some hints first. 

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doggalogga

No. I am not "out". I have only ever told my doctor, my psychiatrist, my parents (not sure if Mum understands though), and one of my friends.

 

I see no purpose in telling everybody. It's none of their business and it's not important to me that everybody else knows. What will it actually change?

 

I'm still the same person regardless. Them knowing about my disinterest in sex is completely unimportant.

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MightyProphet

One of the reasons I've recently joined this site is because I'm not sure whether I need to 'come out.' I don't know how many of you live in the UK, but right now the BBC has a lot of really good programmes to commemorate the 50 year anniversary of the decriminalisation of homosexuality, and a lot of this has had people speaking prominently about when they came out, and how much better that made them feel. I've watched a few of these programmes with my parents, who are very liberal and have gay friends and family, and we were talking about the phrase LGBTA(etc) and how that acronym has developed, at which point my dad made a fairly throwaway remark about what the 'A' was, and I was a little shocked because I'm now beginning to doubt whether I'm ready to make that step (I'm also trying to figure out where I sit on this spectrum anyway).

 

I don't know if whether being asexual needs to define me, and whether it is necessary to go around telling people, but I have been feeling increasingly socially isolated, and part of me thinks it's because I have this large part of my life I've not really been able to be open about yet. A few years ago I did try and talk with a few friends and all I got was indifference at best, and at worst people telling me that being asexual wasn't really a thing, so I'm still really scared about who I can talk to about this.

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mrjenkins

@MightyProphet as I've been struggling with this through my own relationship woes I've come to the conclusion that I will not actively try to be out in the future.  It's no one else's business what I do (or don't) in the privacy of my own home.  Further, when it comes to being ace I'll just be "the solo guy" who lives on his own, goes to work, and pays his bills.

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Koalacraft

Everytime I tell someone I have to do a frikken power point presentation to explain what it is. I told my friends last night and it took an hour to explain😩

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Youreboththebestbestfriend

I've been wondering for years, but I only found out/decided two months ago I'm ace. I'm so happy because it makes so much sense to me now. Before I officially identified ace, me and my best friend used to talk about whether I liked boys/girls and it was confusing because I have been in love. So when I did decide I am indeed asexual, I came out to that friend and she loves me all the same. She even advised me before to join a forum and searched demi-sexuality for me because she thought maybe I'd be demi. She was wrong, but it was really sweet and I feel her support. 
I came out last week to my gay colleague because he asked if I wanted a boyfriend (before I'd been vague about it, that I don't like dating so much and found peace in this) and I said no.. I don't know if I like boys.. or girls.. And then he said "you know, there's also asexuality" and then I took over that conversation and told him that indeed I decided I am ace so that went well. One of my other friends reacted in a similar way, telling me there is such a thing as asexuality. I have been very lucky so far. :) One time to another friend it was hard because I told her all the reasons why being ace made sense to me and she fought me along the way because she also recognizes all that stuff but she is certain she is not ace. So she gave me a hard time, but when I told her I was sort of disappointed and felt like she didn't take me seriously, she did admit that she didn't mean it that way and she might be ace herself but she doesn't want to/think so. It was fine after that. 

But I don't think I will tell my mom or sister. I don't know, they're quite judgmental and not great listeners. They are more like "oh cool" and then completely turn a conversation around or avoid certain topics. My mom did say multiple times that it is okay if I bring home a girl, I just don't know how to tell her that it might be neither. Or maybe one day. We'll see.

 

I do feel good coming out, it has taken me so long to finally get to this point. Where I am not weird or alone, everything makes sense and I can be more comfortable in sexual conversations now, because it's like my own inside joke. I think coming out also helps accepting that it is indeed real and that it's valid. For me at least!

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AwkwardAxolotl

I'm out to most people. My mother isn't happy about it, but at least she's stopped trying to convince me that I'm not asexual. Most everyone else is okay with it.

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guava

I'm not out yet; partly because I'm not sure how people will react, and partly because I'm still trying to figure myself out.

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HufflepuffSupreme

I came out to my close friends first and I'm still psyching myself up to tell my parents. I've been very open about it with the people at school. They've been great about it. It confuses some of them, but they try to understand. It makes me feel so lucky, I haven't had a single 'you haven't met the right person' or anything like that. Coming out can be a positive experience. 

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Elden

I'm fully out online, and offline I'll tell anyone who cares to ask. A lot of people around me assumed I was asexual before I even realised it myself, so no real issue there. :P Not that they knew the word, they just assumed that since I didn't talk about sex, I must not be interested in it. I doubt there's any point in telling my mother, since I suspect from her attitude when raising me that she might be demisexual herself. I also like to wear something in the colours of the ace flag, like a patch or a bracelet, as a signal to any other aces who might see me.

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