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Are you out? Do you want to come out?


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Purple Wanderer

Haven't told anyone... but it'd be nice to not be pestered with, are you seeing anyone? anyone lined up? who do you like, you've been single a while.... etc etc

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I'm out to most of my friends. Some of my family also knows I'm just not interested in sex, but they don't know the label. They figured it out due to my lifestyle. I am very much not out at work; there were too many negative comments when someone else brought up the subject, and I'm not interested in needing to deal with that more directly.

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  • 1 month later...
City_Flyer

Just a quick update. I am now fully out and very pleased that I did it.

 

I have no negativity from anyone - quite the opposite. I think this has brought me closer to some of my friends.

 

It has certainly stopped any awkward questions about relationships, girlfriends, etc. and allowed me to be a lot more honest with myself and others about who I am.

 

Overall, I am more comfortable now, than I was before I came out and certainly far more comfortable than I was before I figured out exactly what asexuality is and how I fit into it.

 

I am grey-romantic asexual, by the way. 2 or 3 years ago, I would have had no idea what that term meant, although that is what I have been all my life. The difference is, now I know it and I'm totally comfortable with it.

 

Obviously everyone's individual situation is different and there may be many reasons why a person would not want to come out, but I can only offer my own experience. Hopefully this may be of some use to someone.

 

The best I can say to anyone is this: wherever you happen to be on any spectrum; however you feel about romance, sex or relationships; whatever you do or don't feel or desire; that is the person that you are, and it totally 100% fine to be that person. Embrace it and enjoy it.

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I've only told my mom and brother. I told my mom the second I found out about asexuality because I knew that was me. I wish I waited though so I could have explained things better. I assumed she would be accepting of it because she always told me if I was a lesbian that was ok. This was about five years ago and now whenever I bring up my asexuality she just goes silent and won't even say anything. My brother will talk a bit about it, but only in negative regards. He see's it as a behavior thing that will change like being an introvert and extrovert (although honestly I don't think those things really change).

 

My really close friends happen to be aro/ace so I never had any issues coming out to my friends. I have done a couple asexuality presentations at my school to raise awareness so in a sense I am out to the general public, just not my close family. I think I will tell my dad after I graduate college and become more financially independent along with the rest of my family. This is because If my more open minded mom and brother do not accept asexuality I know the rest of my family won't. So I would rather be non reliant on them for things before speaking of my asexuality. My goal is to be open about it fully within the next five years....

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I’m out to some friends.  My family is all dead, so there’s no one to tell there.  I’m out to my husband (not going so well there) but not his family, and my coworkers would totally not understand.

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Most of my friends know about it but that's about it. I'm not planning to bring my asexuality up with others since I don't feel like it needs to be brought up. I'm not very keen on making a fuss about myself in the first place so the process of coming out (for both being attracted to women and being asexual) would likely attract way too much attention aimed at me and I wouldn't enjoy that.

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I haven't told anyone and always dodge the topic when my family asks about a partner so they've probably guessed at least a little! I can't see myself explicitly telling them either. It's very inspiring to see how many people are out to their family and friends. I'm not 100% sure what is holding me back from telling my family and friends.

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Rippleshadow

I am not fully out, but I am working on it. 

I don’t intentionally broadcast it to the world but I’ll tell anyone who asks (I wear an ace ring and also tend to say things about being attracted to women so sometimes people question me about that). I will also have conversations about my being panro ace with my roommate when we’re in class or walking around campus so I know some people will overhear a little and I don’t mind. 

All my close friends know, and many of my not-so-close friends know. All of my roommates know. 

 

The thing I’m stuck on is my family. My sister knows, but my brothers have no idea. I finally told my parents about a week ago that I don’t experience “physical attraction beyond things like hand holding and cuddling” although I didn’t explicitly tell them I’m asexual. 

I know that I will for sure tell them if/when I get married. But for now, I don’t want to be told that I just haven’t met the right person or that I haven’t known my SO long enough, etc.

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Artsy Anvil

I’m not fully out. Only some friends and family know I’m aromantic and asexual. But, next year, when I begin attending a new school, I plan on being fully out. So hopefully that goes well.

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Jellyfishin

I'm out to my friends as ace/aro and they're all ok with it, (it was probably obvious to them tbh) A lot of my friends are LGBT+ so they knew what it is. 

 

My family know how I feel but don't know that there's an actual word (i think) . I'm just slowly casually explaining my feelings and trying to keep awkward situations to a minimum. The frustrating thing is extended family asking 'have you got a boyfriend yet?' 

 

I thought for a while what does it matter to other people that I'm ace, but there's something really nice and validating about having others know and accept you for who you are. 

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CaptainMarvel

I came out to my friends as panromantic and ace at a 2 am game of truth or dare, and everyone was cool with it, another friend came out as bi right after, and many of the rest mentioned they were questioning, and honestly it was a really great experience for me. 

 

Besides good friends I’m not out to classmates, teammates, and my family. It’s mostly because I don’t want to have to do an explanation unprovoked (I don’t like talking to people much), so I’ve kind of been waiting for someone to say something, but I don’t talk about romance/love/dating ever so nobody really knows who I like. I figure I’ll just go with the flow and let what happens happen. It’ll all work out in the end (hopefully)

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I'm out to some counsellors... some students I met at an LGBTQ group at uni... and also my best friend. I'm not out to family quite yet. I'm not sure why. I feel like they have the right to know but at the same time it's not really any of their business who I do or don't sleep with.

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I'm not really out, whatever my sexuality it's not really other people business...but I'll probably tell at least my close friends at some point.

As for my family, they don't ask and probably won't get it anyways, so I'll just save myself the trouble. :'>

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I’m out to about 4 people, my mum and 3 of my closest friends (planning to tell more soon) I’ve been lucky and all of them have been super supportive and not having to lie to people that are close to me (even if it’s just small white lies) feels better.

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Almost fully out. But then again, my definition of "fully out" consists of being out to everyone I know well/am close to. Which isn't may people. But then again I've come out to people I barely know by talking about dating someone cuz i'm just so open about it. I have come across plenty of people who only believe in two genders or think that you can only be attracted to one gender, no more, no less.

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I'm out to my mom and a close friend who's ok with it. I'm trying to decide if I want to come out to my dad this summer, but right now I'm leaning towards not doing it. I wear an ace ring (and am thinking about getting an aro ring as well), but if he's noticed it then he hasn't said a word. If he asks about it, then I guess I'll come out to him.

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I am out to my sister and a close group of friends. I sometimes wish I didnt come out to my sister bc she keeps talking/asking me stuff that I am uncomfortable with (due to internalized Acephobia that I'm trying to get over) and I have told her repeatedly I dont want to talk about it. I don't want to be out to my family mainly bc theyre not very open about that kind of thing. Since moving to college I am more comfortable about my sexuality and more comfortable telling people about it.

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