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Huffpost Canada - How To Make A Relationship Work If Your Partner Is Asexual

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26 June 2017




Asexuality might be rare, but it's a real thing. According to DNews, approximately one per cent of the population identifies as asexual, meaning they have no sexual feelings or desires.


"Asexuality is not a choice," sex therapist Dr. Debra Laino explained to Medical Daily. "Anyone can make a choice to be celibate, say... but asexual people feel as though they're not making a choice, it's who they are. That's the deciding factor."


So what happens when your partner is asexual and you are not?


This can complicate things. After all, how can a relationship work when both partners have different sexual needs?


According to Chantal Heide, relationship expert and "Canada's Dating Coach," it is possible for these relationships to be successful — it just takes compromise.


"Relationships of all kinds can work when two people choose to love each other despite their differences, acknowledge where their differences can leave a partner with unresolved needs, and find middle ground that helps both people feel understood," Heide told HuffPost Canada in an email.

Relationships of all kinds can work when two people choose to love each other despite their differences.

Understanding what asexuality is is also vital in making these relationships work. "Understand that asexuality as a sexual orientation is diverse and like all elements of sexuality exists along a continuum; some asexuals experience romantic attraction and others identify as aromantic," sex and relationship expert Jessica O'Reilly told HuffPost Canada.


She also explained that asexuality can mean different things to different people, and its important to understand your partner's needs.

"Some people who identify as asexual are repulsed by sex while others feel indifferent (despite the fact that they don't experience sexual attraction to other people)," O'Reilly said. "Some asexuals opt to have sex as part of their relationship even if they don't experience sexual attraction. I worked with a client who identified as asexual and didn't experience sexual attraction, but did enjoy sex for the physical and emotional pleasure."


Here are five expert tips on how you can make a relationship work if your partner is asexual.


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Snao Cone

I find many of the statements in here are actually worded in a very useful way for getting people to understand asexuality. Maybe seeing it discussed in a professional way in the context of a relationship - a reality the average person participates in - will help sexual people see the differences.

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Wow, this article was surprisingly good! I usually cringe at some aspect of articles discussing asexuality but I think all the tips mentioned are well-thought out and at least one of them should be useful/applicable for all relationships. I particularly like the mindset one and the reminders in 4 and 5.

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It's a decent article but I don't like the way they make it sound like any asexual can accommidate a sexual partner. Many asexuals won't want to do that.

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