ChillaKilla Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 For all your little quips, gripes, revelations, etc. pertaining to (a)romanticism! I'm sure there's a lot we can all come here to vent and ponder about, considering the infinitely weird and variable nature of romanticism Link to post Share on other sites
ChillaKilla Posted July 24, 2017 Author Share Posted July 24, 2017 Starting off: So I'm in a 3 way QPR in a V alignment. Recently it's become a Y, and the new leg is monoamorous and isn't a big fan of me and the other leg being a factor. Guess what, buddy? WE WERE HERE FIRST! Our way or the highway nobody comes between me and my BF* (*for lack of a better term that conveys the nature of our relationship) Link to post Share on other sites
TRexPhilbo Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 Forced romance in fiction. If it's helpful to advance the plot, then that fine, but if it's there because romance... Looking at you, Hobbit films! Link to post Share on other sites
ChillaKilla Posted July 24, 2017 Author Share Posted July 24, 2017 2 minutes ago, Philbo Penten said: Forced romance in fiction. If it's helpful to advance the plot, then that fine, but if it's there because romance... Looking at you, Hobbit films! Oh, EFF that noise! It's utterly ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 I just hate when people ask me if I have a boyfriend, then look at me odd when I say "no". Then they annoy me about why I don't have one! "But you are so pretty!" "But you are so nice!" Ugh. I don't have a boyfriend because I don't have one, simple as that. Do I want one? Sure, I'm open to it. Am I sad I don't have one? Meh. Not really. I like being single. But some people can't seem to understand that not everyone wants romance or that they are indifferent towards romance. I just wish I could tell folks I'm gray aro, but that would only cause MORE unwanted questions. :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Was here Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 My first and only crush so far (maybe,vaguely, idk if it's a crush or not, anyway this person's important to me) is a gay guy. I'm a girl (biologically anyway). this guy's kind of a jerk anyway, always starting shit with people for no reason, being rude to one of his friends for their anxiety problems and never talked to me. I feel bad thought because this terrible friendship is my fault because I was clingy toward him, I twisted hings he said and did/didn't do,and I was so obsessed with him I got jealous of all his friends because he always talked to them and spent time with them, but not me (not much, anyway). It made me feel like I'm not worth spending time with. This 'friendship' had made me slightly homophobic/jealous and love phobic.....I'm very fucked up from to the point where I still have dreams about arguing with him even though i never argued with him irl, and a dream i had last nig involved him dying and me being destroyed over it. This 'friendship' got terrible a year ago; may 8th,2016. I have problems if I'm still obsessing over this shit. Link to post Share on other sites
Kaikat Posted July 26, 2017 Share Posted July 26, 2017 Had a dream where I was best friends with a guy named Toby. We ended up being roommates, and spent life aggressively playing MarioKart and bingewatching TV shows with piles of popcorn around us. Now I daydream scenarios we would encounter together (ex. we decide to learn how to speak German together and use it to troll our other friends) and use it as a coping mechanism when my friends started talking about crushes or my mom started berating me for "hating boys." (Really mom?? 90% of my friends are boys!!) It was a very useful dream Link to post Share on other sites
hippiecat Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 On 7/24/2017 at 5:41 PM, Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet said: I just hate when people ask me if I have a boyfriend, then look at me odd when I say "no". Then they annoy me about why I don't have one! "But you are so pretty!" "But you are so nice!" THIS. This. This. Some other reactions people give me: *looking surprised* "Oh well that's okay, the right guy's just around the corner!" yeah well he better stay behind that corner... Link to post Share on other sites
Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 Just now, hippiecat said: yeah well he better stay behind that corner... Right! 👏 Link to post Share on other sites
Pramana Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 Valentine's Day (AKA Singles Awareness Day) is my least favourite holiday. Link to post Share on other sites
Zash Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 13 hours ago, Pramana said: Valentine's Day (AKA Singles Awareness Day) is my least favourite holiday. Though, February 15th, Cheap Chocolate Day is pretty awesome. Link to post Share on other sites
flamoush Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 last Christmas I had a big fight with my mother (Christmas eve nonetheless ). I kinda outed me by saying It wasnt gonne be likely for me to ever get married or have children. She was upset cause all of here colleges at work where becoming grandparents. She was upset and told me 'why can't you be normal' she wouldn't take me for who I am and that realy hurt me. The day after I had the best talk with my father I ever had and we both found out that we had more in common then we first tought, he totaly understood everything I was talking about. Only last month I started speaking with my mother again and she is acting like nothing happened, I am giving her the time she needs maybe this is how she's processing it but nevertheless something broke between us that day. Things have being said that never can be unsaid. I wonder how other parents took it and if it led to problems or even fights like I had. I also hate it when people say you NEED a good girlfriend like if I can't care for myself Link to post Share on other sites
Luftschlosseule Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 A friend lent me her copy of the first installment of the Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater. It's YA, but I was told it has a surprisingly small amount of romance for YA. So far, that fits, and I am hoping it stays that way! Link to post Share on other sites
fuzzipueo Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 On 8/4/2017 at 2:54 AM, flamoush said: last Christmas I had a big fight with my mother (Christmas eve nonetheless ). I kinda outed me by saying It wasnt gonne be likely for me to ever get married or have children. She was upset cause all of here colleges at work where becoming grandparents. She was upset and told me 'why can't you be normal' she wouldn't take me for who I am and that realy hurt me. The day after I had the best talk with my father I ever had and we both found out that we had more in common then we first tought, he totaly understood everything I was talking about. Only last month I started speaking with my mother again and she is acting like nothing happened, I am giving her the time she needs maybe this is how she's processing it but nevertheless something broke between us that day. Things have being said that never can be unsaid. I wonder how other parents took it and if it led to problems or even fights like I had. I also hate it when people say you NEED a good girlfriend like if I can't care for myself I'm sorry you and your mother are in that state flamoush. The difference between expectations and reality are often a blow and I bet your mother had been dreaming about grandchildren for a while for her to react like that. Still, you need to live your life for you, not the expectations of others and if being single makes you happiest, then that's what ya gotta do. I hope, someday, you and your mother will be able to speak easily again. Link to post Share on other sites
Apathetic Echidna Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 I kinda mentioned this elsewhere, but when I was pre-pubescent I declared to the family at Christmas time that I would never have kids but marry a man who wore a suit everyday. My Aunt approached me to talk about it when I was about 16 (she had just broken up with an older man and was worried) I clarified the statement that is now a family joke/legend that I just like suits and I thought I needed a man around to show them off, but really a mannequin in the corner of the room would be just as fine. Link to post Share on other sites
TRexPhilbo Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 First: @NerotheReaper (or whoever else modly), could you see about pinning this? I think it would be good for aros to have a place we can easily find to rant (like the ace rants post). Second: Although I say I've never had a romantic relationship I might technically be lying. When I was in school (14 I think) a friend asked me out and, being more prone to the whims of society at the time, I accepted. The romanceness lasted less than 24 hours because I completely forgot about meeting up with her as we'd arranged. I hung out with my friends instead like I did every day. In other news, mum has finally kinda accepted that I'm not interested in romancing people (though I imagine accepting that I don't want to sex people might be a little more difficult, but I'm not gonna go there ever). Given how this whole thing started (where she outed me first to herself and then my stepdad) I think acceptance is good, even if it's only partial. Maybe she's actually decided to put her "people should just be accepted as people regardless of who they are" idea more to the front of her mind lately. Seventh: Carefully measuring your language can be annoying sometimes. I don't mean in an "avoiding Xism" way, more a "I'd like to get my point across but I don't want to out myself or lie" way. For example, saying "I'm not interested in that kind of relationship right now", or referring to yourself as a person as opposed to a man. Link to post Share on other sites
Allan Müller Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 Yesterday my best friend told me he is in love with me, so with all the kindness I'm capable of I explained to him that I don't feel love/romantic attraction. Now he feels sad for me as I "don't have any feelings nor compassion". That's it, being aro means that my heart is made of ice I think... Link to post Share on other sites
cinary Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 4 hours ago, Allan Müller said: Yesterday my best friend told me he is in love with me, so with all the kindness I'm capable of I explained to him that I don't feel love/romantic attraction. Now he feels sad for me as I "don't have any feelings nor compassion". That's it, being aro means that my heart is made of ice I think... I hate when people say that! I just don't feel romantic love, thats it! There is a lot more things (other types love including) that i can feel -.- And even if they don't say anything about not having feelings they say they are sorry for me. And like. I like myself. I like my orientations. I wouldn't change them even if I could. So don't feel sorry for me. Link to post Share on other sites
goose121 Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 I somewhat-recently realised that for the past few years, I've been pretending to everyone, including myself, that I experience romantic feelings, but thought that "A squish on a girl" is the extent of romantic feelings. The reason for the gender split is not that I feel differently towards different genders, but simply that I had semi-consciously socially cut myself off from people of the opposite sex in fear of either a) having something I said interpreted in a romantic/sexual way and ending up in an awkward situation in which someone liked me and I unknowingly led them on or b) having something I said interpreted in a romantic/sexual way and being seen as a weirdo, this being mostly rooted in the belief that everyone else probably felt the same as I did about romance, and would feel really weird about having something like that said about them. I was less worried about this with other guys because I figured that gay/bi guys would probably be less likely to misinterpret me for some reason, perhaps the idea that the non-prominence of homosexuality would make them more wary about such matters. This divide which I created then made any squish on a girl feel "unusual" because of my low levels of interaction with them, and due to that feeling of "unusuality", I interpreted such feelings as romantic, and eventually began to pretend that I wanted to do romantic things (kissing, dating, etc.), only realising that I had been pretending when I learned about aromanticism, and began to more carefully simulate such scenarios in my head, predicting rather than assuming my emotional state, and finding it to be anywhere from "meh" to "EWW!" to "GET AWAY!". I actually asked someone to go for coffee at one point, but thankfully we each pulled one of our friends along with us and turned it into a fun activity rather than a surely-disastrous date. I still do associate platonic feelings for people with romantic activities on a surface level for some reason, with the more detailed simulation still revealing negative reactions, but it almost feels like a reflex, rather than an actual feeling. My goodness, what a lot of run-on sentences. Here is my brain, make of it what you will. Link to post Share on other sites
Éadweard Posted August 21, 2017 Share Posted August 21, 2017 On 8/19/2017 at 7:37 AM, Allan Müller said: Yesterday my best friend told me he is in love with me, so with all the kindness I'm capable of I explained to him that I don't feel love/romantic attraction. Now he feels sad for me as I "don't have any feelings nor compassion". That's it, being aro means that my heart is made of ice I think... I've given up trying to explain in general I don't have these feelings for anyone. I used to do it to spare the other person's feelings. But I found it's just far more work than just telling the other person I'm just not interested in them. Link to post Share on other sites
Was here Posted September 3, 2017 Share Posted September 3, 2017 specifically, if i'm trans, i feel selfish for only being attracted o guys because I know what it's like to like/be infatuated with someone you can't be with. Link to post Share on other sites
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