Leon. Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 Hey there! I'm new here so I don't know well how to start. I'm currently 18 years old, and I'd say I'm in a 'Awakening' right now. I've always considered myself ordinary, and altough knew the 'Asexual' term, I didn't know so much about it (Still don't know at all) plus here in my country this gender and sexuality theme is something pretty difficult to talk about, so you can't find a lot of information; thank you Internet. However, I got interested knowing more of this since a few days due I wanted to knowing me, and at last feel comfy with what I am and what I think, specially when there's a society so normative that want to say you where you must belong. I like guys (I'm Homosexual, but after reading some articles and forum threads I'd say, Homoromantic [?]), I find them attractive the normal, but I've never been with someone, not even a kiss, but it doesn't mean something bad or desperating to me, the same with sex, and actually I've never had a sexual attraction either. Indeed, I'm realizing that I don't like anybody since 2 years ago, when I finished school and very long time since I felt sexual desire for a real person. Perhaps after reading that, you would say I'm asexual the same as me, but there's so man questions about what it's and what isn't the asexuality that makes me doubt; I've seen that asexual community is divided by people who do or don't do some things, and by my personal experience and thinkings there's some inquiries I'd like you to help me with. 1. It's being attracted by someone, men or women, compatible with asexuality? (Not in a sexual way) 2. Can an Asexual be cisgender as well, likewise, Can a Cisgender being attracted by same gender people? (Let's define gender as Male and Female in this case) 3. Is Masturbation and Pornography compatible with asexuality? (I find these both pleasuring, sometimes but rarely I even feel a sexual attraction with the movie men, but I don't consider as a real attraction at the end) 4. An asexual person could have sex? (Maybe very weird question, and by far not my case, but according what I've read and what I understood, asexual people it's defined as someone who don't find pleasure in anything about the sexual ambit, but perhaps could them do it even if it isn't something the like?) 5. Asexuals have relationships? (In my case I love being single and I'm not interested finding one, but I'm curious if you have someone, and how is it) 6. And the most important, What does mean 'Cake'? (Because reading some threads made me want to eat a slice lol) Thank you so much for reading and try to answer my stranger questions, and if there's some grammatical error or anything else, forgive me, Spanish it's actually my mother tongue. By the way, wanted to say how much I apreciate this forum, and watching the censums forum I discovered you are truly nice community, keep it up! -León. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TheAP Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 1. Yes, many asexuals experience romantic attraction. 2. Yes, asexuality has nothing to do with gender identity. And yes, asexuals can be romantically attracted to the same sex. 3. Yes, you can be asexual and still have a sex drive. 4. Yes, asexuals can have sex, for example to please a partner. 5. Yes, asexuals can have romantic relationships. 6. Cake is a symbol of asexuality. I think it comes from the fact that for an asexual cake is better than sex. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JayDee1212 Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 Hello and welcome! I think I can answer a few of your questions... 1. Yes, there are so many types of attractions besides sexual. You could have aesthetic attraction (attraction only to the physical appearance of the person), sensual attraction (basically the desire to do sensual things, but not sexual things), and romantic attraction (desire to do Romantic things with the person, such as kissing, cuddling, etc...minus the sex) 2. Yes absolutely! Gender and asexuality have nothing to do with each other. And yes, you can be asexual and still attracted to the same sex. That could make you homoromantic, or if you don't experience romantic attraction you could simply find men aesthetically pleasing. 3. Yes! A lot of aces watch porn and masturbate. The difference with aces is that asexuals do not desire any kind of partnered sex. So while many asexuals masturbate and fantasize, the difference is that they would not want to act on these fantasies in real life. 4. Yes...and some asexuals even find pleasure in it! Asexuality is characterised by a lack of desire. Some people still have it for a variety of reasons, including the fact that it feels good, to please a partner, to feel desired, etc... 5. Yes, asexuals can have relationships! And it can work out with either sexuals (with the right amount of compromise and support) or asexuals. I myself have an asexual partner and I'm ace as well, and I honestly think that's the best way to go because we're very much on the same page and we really understand each other on that level, and no one has to compromise in that way. But a lot of aces have really Wonderful relationships with sexual people, so you don't have to count that out either! 6.Cake is just a symbol for asexuality, since most asexuals would prefer cake over sex. So a lot of people will welcome other's on this site site with pictures of cake, it's just a nice gesture to be welcoming! Hopefully this answered your questions, good luck! 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lucas Monteiro Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 1 hour ago, JayDee1212 said: 4. Yes...and some asexuals even find pleasure in it! Asexuality is characterised by a lack of desire. Some people still have it for a variety of reasons, including the fact that it feels good, to please a partner, to feel desired, etc... I never understood that part of that asexual people can feel good while doing sex but has a lack of desire. Do you mean simply by reaction of the body that it feel good? I have no interest in sex, but for example, even if I were to do it simply by feeling pleasure in the act, would I still be asexual? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JayDee1212 Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 37 minutes ago, Lucas Monteiro said: I never understood that part of that asexual people can feel good while doing sex but has a lack of desire. Do you mean simply by reaction of the body that it feel good? I have no interest in sex, but for example, even if I were to do it simply by feeling pleasure in the act, would I still be asexual? Exactly! Some asexuals still find pleasure once they are engaged in the actual act...they just do not actively desire it in the first place. While it may feel good at the time, they do not go out actively looking for that kind of relationship. There are plenty of aces out there who could have sex frequently with their partner and not mind it at all, but at the same time could happily go years without it. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lucas Monteiro Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 17 minutes ago, JayDee1212 said: Exactly! Some asexuals still find pleasure once they are engaged in the actual act...they just do not actively desire it in the first place. While it may feel good at the time, they do not go out actively looking for that kind of relationship. There are plenty of aces out there who could have sex frequently with their partner and not mind it at all, but at the same time could happily go years without it. Thank you for your explaining. This only helped to clarify things even more. I never searched for sex and I do not care until today, since I was a teenager I did not look out for to kiss or have sex. While the people around me seemed to be obsessed with sex, I just was not and thought it was just because I had not found the right person. But today I know this is a lie, I just never cared for the matter. I forced myself to go on a date to kiss a girl, and when I kissed for the first time, what I could only think was how strange was. I do not regret it because it helped me question my own sexuality and discover asexuality. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JayDee1212 Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 24 minutes ago, Lucas Monteiro said: Thank you for your explaining. This only helped to clarify things even more. I never searched for sex and I do not care until today, since I was a teenager I did not look out for to kiss or have sex. While the people around me seemed to be obsessed with sex, I just was not and thought it was just because I had not found the right person. But today I know this is a lie, I just never cared for the matter. I forced myself to go on a date to kiss a girl, and when I kissed for the first time, what I could only think was how strange was. I do not regret it because it helped me question my own sexuality and discover asexuality. Yup, I definitely identify with that...I remember in high school wanting to kiss someone because I was supposed to, and because my friends thought I was weird for not wanting it...not because I actually desired it myself. I'm glad to hear your finally feeling comfortable and confident in your identity. I know myself how relieving that is! And remember it's okay to not desire sexual and romantic relationships, it doesn't mean you'll be lonely in the future. A lot of aromantics and aces on here have very fulfilling close friendships and platonic partnerships who keep them fulfilled emotionally and very happy! Just do what makes you happy and you will be fine! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
roland.o Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 About the ... http://wiki.asexuality.org/Cake Quote Link to post Share on other sites
araujoleo97 Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 10 hours ago, Lucas Monteiro said: Thank you for your explaining. This only helped to clarify things even more. I never searched for sex and I do not care until today, since I was a teenager I did not look out for to kiss or have sex. While the people around me seemed to be obsessed with sex, I just was not and thought it was just because I had not found the right person. But today I know this is a lie, I just never cared for the matter. I forced myself to go on a date to kiss a girl, and when I kissed for the first time, what I could only think was how strange was. I do not regret it because it helped me question my own sexuality and discover asexuality. Hey dude. I feel the same way. For a while, I thought I was gay because I had no interest in chasing girls and kissing them, but over time I realized that I simply had no interest in that kind of relationship. When I meet a nice person I have a strong feeling of wanting to be a close friend, but nothing that goes beyond the touch. I think today I can better understand what I feel and what I think. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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