SmallRavenclaw Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 I don't actually know if I'm asexual. I get terrified of things considered to be sexual and even panic when confronted with it in conversation or in the media, and I've never really felt any sort of sexual attraction towards anyone, but I've dated before. The last person I dated was accepting of the fact that I didn't want to be sexual and was afraid of sex/most things considered sexual (kissing, touching, etc.). At first. But as time went on they wanted those sorts of things from me. So I caved in because I thought that's what you were supposed to do if you loved someone. Some things I *guess* I enjoyed, but most of it I just didn't. I was scared. I felt awful for feeling scared and not liking things because of the amount of love and trust I had in this person. So I don't understand really Am I asexual? Am I genophobic? Why am I broken like this?? EDIT: I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but I don't *want* to be asexual or genophobic or whatever is going on. I feel trapped and lonely Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lia Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 (yay! Ravenclaw! *Slytherin waves*) Are you afraid of the acts, or repulsed by them? Or both? If afraid, maybe speaking with a counselor to figure out why you're afraid of those things? If you feel no sexual attraction, that's the definition of asexual. You can be asexual and still love someone, date someone, be romantically attracted to someone. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SmallRavenclaw Posted July 23, 2017 Author Share Posted July 23, 2017 I guess both? Nothing has happened to cause me to be afraid, but the thought of ever doing sexual things terrifies me. So maybe that's just repulsion, I don't know. I'm really new to all this. I haven't really felt sexual attraction, but I have felt love. I want to get married some day. I just don't really understand what all this means I guess. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lia Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 No, maybe something specific didn't happen to cause you to feel this way, but you would still have reasons, even if you're not aware of what those might be. A counselor can help you figure those reasons out if you're interested in doing so. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SmallRavenclaw Posted July 23, 2017 Author Share Posted July 23, 2017 The idea of a counselor sounds a bit scary, but I'll keep that in mind if things worsen. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
roland.o Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 If you don't have a problem with being sex-replused, there's no need to see a counselor of course. But if you feel that it gets into the way of having a relationship, and a relationship is what you want, then it is an option. 1 hour ago, SmallRavenclaw said: sex/most things considered sexual (kissing, touching, etc.) There is a difference between sexual and sensual. But of course it's up to you where you want to draw the line. I'll feel pretty nervous and strange if I should ever get sexual, but I have no problems with hugging and caressing and french kissing if it is with the right partner. Sensual activities don't automatically lead to sexual activities. Maybe you'd feel more comfortable if you spend some time investigating your boundaries between the two realms? http://wiki.asexuality.org/Attraction#Sensual_Attraction Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SmallRavenclaw Posted July 23, 2017 Author Share Posted July 23, 2017 Oh I didn't know there was a difference between sexual and sensual. Thank you for clearing that up. I love hugging people and holding hands and all that sort of thing. Kissing is okay. But like lots of touching or lots of kissing kind of freaks me out. Especially the idea of touching any sort of sexual area. I have lots of boundaries and I worry that if they were broken then the other person would want to have sex. It hasn't gotten in the way of having relationships, but I worry that I would freak out and ruin things for the other person or that I would upset them in some way. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
roland.o Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 Be sure to communicate your feelings as clearly as you can, and every partner who's worth your time will accept them. That doesn't mean that every partner will be compatible, or that there couldn't be occasions when somebody is upset for a while. But that's life :-) 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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