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I am asexual ?


Lucas Monteiro

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Lucas Monteiro

Since I entered my teenage years I never wanted to have sex, when I discovered masturbation at age 12 I felt it was more a way to get sexually relieved than to feel pleasure.

In high school while my friends tried to go after sex I did not felt the slightest urge to chase after something like that, and I felt a little weird because I never wanted to have sex or anything like that.

Today, at 19, I kissed a woman for the first time, and felt it was strange, I just kissed more because I wanted to lose the thoughts of never kissing someone, but now that I kissed, I no longer feel this need to kiss.

I also can not think about me having sex, I can think of others doing it, but for me to be doing it seems something strange in a sort of way.

Since I have never had sex, I do not know if I am really asexual, and so I ended up coming here to ask you guys, I hope someone help me to clarify my ideas about this

 

I want to thanks already for all the answers. And sorry for my bad English, I am not a native speaker.

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Hello!

 

Your English was great, by the way. For me it was a very similar experience, I can imagine others doing it (although barely, it seems really foreign to me) but I cannot imagine doing it myself. I didn't even know that people went for it during high school, I was oblivious to their feelings the whole time because I didn't have any of my own.

 

You do not need to have sex in order to know your are asexual, don't force yourself to do something so intimate if you don't feel like you want to. The whole point of sexual identities is they define the way you feel. So if you can't even conceive of the idea of having sex and never feel like you would want to, then you very well could be under the asexual spectrum.

 

There's a lot to explore, I recommend finding a list of definitions on this site for the different kind of attractions (including: romantic, sexual, sensual) and the behavior that specifies each kind.

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Hello Lucas, welcome to these forums. Have some cake :cake: :-)

 

It's up to you to decide which labels you want to use or not use. We can give opinions and advice, but we cannot tell you what you are. With this in mind, here is my opinion...

 

Asexuality means not feeling sexual attraction/desire towards anyone. Based on what you tell about yourself, that label seems to apply.

You might also want to read up on aromanticism, to explore your romantic feelings, if any.

I found it helpful to distinguish the different types of attraction described here: http://wiki.asexuality.org/Attraction

A list of short definitions, as suggested by @TopHatCat, is here: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/123256-asexuality-sexual-orientation-lexicon-read-me/

 

And I totally agree with her: you do NOT have to have sex to know you're asexual. Some asexuals like sex, others don't. Asexuality is about sexual attraction, not about sexual behavior.

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27 minutes ago, roland.o said:

Hello Lucas, welcome to these forums. Have some cake :cake: :-)

 

It's up to you to decide which labels you want to use or not use. We can give opinions and advice, but we cannot tell you what you are. With this in mind, here is my opinion...

 

Asexuality means not feeling sexual attraction/desire towards anyone. Based on what you tell about yourself, that label seems to apply.

You might also want to read up on aromanticism, to explore your romantic feelings, if any.

I found it helpful to distinguish the different types of attraction described here: http://wiki.asexuality.org/Attraction

A list of short definitions, as suggested by @TopHatCat, is here: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/123256-asexuality-sexual-orientation-lexicon-read-me/

 

And I totally agree with her: you do NOT have to have sex to know you're asexual. Some asexuals like sex, others don't. Asexuality is about sexual attraction, not about sexual behavior.

Really!? Then I've made a hasty decision. I thought it was just the opposite....Then this means, that I don't belong to the asexulas. Sorry!

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11 hours ago, Alanxo said:

Really!?

If you accept the definition in the AVEN wiki, yes. It's also in line with everything I read in the forums.

http://wiki.asexuality.org/Asexuality

 

11 hours ago, Alanxo said:

I thought it was just the opposite...

Voluntarily abstaining from partnered sex is called celibacy, if that's what you're referring to.

 

No need to apologize. Your contributions to these forums are always welcome!

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12 hours ago, roland.o said:

If you accept the definition in the AVEN wiki, yes. It's also in line with everything I read in the forums.

http://wiki.asexuality.org/Asexuality

 

Voluntarily abstaining from partnered sex is called celibacy, if that's what you're referring to.

 

No need to apologize. Your contributions to these forums are always welcome!

Thanks Roland!

 

I think in my case the most relevant point is aging. I'm almost 50, so my sex drive is not strong anymore. 

After reading definitions about aces I'm now sure, that I'm not that kind. I'm hungry in my eyes but I don't care about sex.

I'm not religious, so this is not a chosen celibacy. Perhaps I'm more of a demi these days like you...an older demi!

 

But anyway, it really seems that I'm not an ace even if I would like to be. I don't belong to the A-club, again sorry about that really :blush:

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