katy23 Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 I have never been in a relationship, but I have had several crushes. Nothing happened with them though, nothing at all. So basically I have no experience. But I always assumed I felt sexual attraction towards them also, and now I am beginning to doubt it because I don't feel it "down there." Is that a requirement for it to be a sexual attraction? I think I definitely am physically attracted to him at the beginning and would like to do sexual things with him, but don't want to have sex with him just quite yet. Is this not sexual attraction? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tirisilex Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 Well for me sexual attraction is finding a desire of having sex with someone as soon as you find them attractive. or as Demisexuals they dont find sex appealing unless they get to know a person better and they really like the person? (I could be wrong) I totaly have no sexual attraction when I look a woman. It's purely aesthetic.. Sex just does not compute. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Pramana Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 If you find people sexually appealing, fantasize or otherwise have thoughts about being sexual with them, that suggests you are experiencing sexual attraction. But sexual attraction on its own doesn't always cause sexual desire and physical arousal. Sometimes you might need additional factors, such as physical stimulation, to trigger that response. In that regard, it might be worth doing an Internet search for responsive sexual desire, to see if that applies to you. Additionally, you may be sexually attracted to someone but want time to get to know them better before you're prepared to have partnered sex with them. You might feel that you would potentially like to be sexual with someone, but not all the right conditions are in place at the moment. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
katy23 Posted July 22, 2017 Author Share Posted July 22, 2017 16 minutes ago, Pramana said: If you find people sexually appealing, fantasize or otherwise have thoughts about being sexual with them, that suggests you are experiencing sexual attraction. But sexual attraction on its own doesn't always cause sexual desire and physical arousal. Sometimes you might need additional factors, such as physical stimulation, to trigger that response. In that regard, it might be worth doing an Internet search for responsive sexual desire, to see if that applies to you. Yes, this is me. Which is why I was wondering because it's not just "aesthetic attraction" I want to kiss him and I fantasize about him etc., it's obviously sexual to me. I just don't experience arousal (and now I am guessing since I have never in a relationship) unless we were "in the mood" I suppose. But I always felt that I was sexually attracted to him from the beginning. I notice the way he smells and how good it feels, how kissable his lips are, want to touch him, hug him, be close to him. Things like that. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Pramana Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 5 minutes ago, katy23 said: Yes, this is me. Which is why I was wondering because it's not just "aesthetic attraction" I want to kiss him and I fantasize about him etc., it's obviously sexual to me. I just don't experience arousal (and now I am guessing since I have never in a relationship) unless we were "in the mood" I suppose. But I always felt that I was sexually attracted to him from the beginning. I notice the way he smells and how good it feels, how kissable his lips are, things like that. My impression is that it's fairly common for people to find that they're not aroused by sexual thoughts and fantasies, as often people require additional factors such as physical touch or sexual situations to fully get in the mood. But the presence of sexual thoughts and fantasies is nevertheless a pretty strong indication that one is experiencing sexual attraction. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
roland.o Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 7 hours ago, katy23 said: I want to kiss him and I fantasize about him etc. Personally, I consider kissing as sensual rather than sexual. I have kissed occasionally, but the idea of getting naked and touching intimate body regions never crossed my mind in those situations. Everybody has their own boundaries about what they consider sexual vs. sensual though. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
QuirkyGeek Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 I consider sexual attraction looking at (or thinking about) someone and thinking about doing things involving genitals. If you don't fantasize about that, then I'd say you haven't experienced sexual attraction. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
katy23 Posted July 24, 2017 Author Share Posted July 24, 2017 I think I disagree with some of the replies above ^ I have had those fantasies since I had some sexual experience, but I don't remember if I did ("involving genitals") before that. I have literally felt sexual arousal around someone when he touched me (yes I wanted to have sex with him), but I don't know if in my head I had been thinking about "fantasies involving genitals," I had little to no knowledge about "sexual things." As for kissing, I am not sure I agree with the whole "sensual" vs. "sexual." They are the same to me. And yeah, if the mood is right, I would like to more than just kiss him. The physical attraction IS sexual attraction, in my opinion. For example, pheromones is literally a part of sexual attraction (aka "the way he smells"), wanting to kiss him, suck his lips, bite him is also sexual in nature. Also, for women, arousal happens according the bonding, the mood, emotions etc. I don't feel it simply by looking at my crush. I think for guys it tends to be a lot more simply, either on or off. https://www.quora.com/Do-women-experience-physical-attraction-like-men-do (I had read another article on it but can't find it right now) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
roland.o Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 7 hours ago, katy23 said: "sensual" vs. "sexual." They are the same to me. That's a perfectly valid view. I prefer to distinguish, because I'm perfectly at ease with some activities, while the thought of others makes me kind of nervous... tingling... and curious... :-) I never got aroused by simply looking at someone. I still consider myself a guy though. We come in many flavours ;-) 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Éadweard Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 Again, asking a group of asexuals what something is that they don't feel. If you want to know what sexual attraction is, I suggest you ask someone who feels sexual attraction. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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