Samyelson Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 Should I be going for an Asexual partner? I have an extremely high sex drive (Typically 7-14 times a week), and truly believe sex is a key fundamental to a strong healthy relationship. My love language is Quality Time, so I find it pretty easy for me to fall for anyone that has similarities and gives me the time of day. I honestly live in fear of my libido going down with age. Are there Asexual people who can put out that much? My past two relationships were very sexual (Have only had two). Link to post Share on other sites
JDP Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 I think you already know the answer to that question, Samyelson. Link to post Share on other sites
timewarp Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 But why on earth would you? If sex is important for you, a relationship with a sexual partner will be much easier and more satisfying. It's even significantly easier to find a sexual partner than an asexual one. Link to post Share on other sites
Confusion 0 Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 Why are you looking for an asexual partner, given how sexual you are? It isn't making any sense to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Tirisilex Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 Yeah I'm a bit confused too.. You have a high sex drive but your looking for an Asexual?? I'm also questioning your motives for even being on a site that promotes asexuality and your not? Maybe some more information could clear this up. Link to post Share on other sites
Samyelson Posted July 22, 2017 Author Share Posted July 22, 2017 Sorry, didn't mean for it to be interpreted that way. I am not intentionally looking for an Asexual partner, I just so happen to have come across someone who is Asexual that piques my interest for the other reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
timewarp Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 Fair enough, then it makes a lot more sense to me. I think it is important to be clear how much you would be able and willing to compromise about sex - it seems to be a continuous challenge for mixed couples to find the right balance, even after many years in a relationship. Maybe you should have a good look around the Sexual Partners, Friends and Allies forum. A lot of the topics there are about the conflicts that are common. If you think despite the difficulties it's worth it then go for it. In that case the best advice I can give you is that communication is even more crucial than in other relationships. Good luck whatever you decide! Link to post Share on other sites
TheAP Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 Moved from Questions about Asexuality to For Sexual Partners, Friends and Allies. TheAP Questions about Asexuality moderator Link to post Share on other sites
QuirkyGeek Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 Well, it depends on the ace. There are a few aces who are willing to have sex, though I'm not sure about 7-14 times a week. Another thing to think about is whether or not you can satisfy your libido with masturbation. Also, if both people involved are comfortable, I understand that this is also an unlikely option, you could be allowed to go have sex with someone else when you need to. These kinds of things are tricky to deal with. I hope that you'll both figure out where you're flexible for negotiations and whether or not you're a good match. Link to post Share on other sites
Lara Black Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 Hello, Samyelson. I think it’s important to keep in mind that even if the asexual partner does have sex, it often doesn’t feel the way the sexual partner wants it to. You can’t connect with the ace through sex, can’t build a relationship around it. So, if sex is that important for you in a relationship, you’re risking frequent disappointment. Link to post Share on other sites
Samyelson Posted July 22, 2017 Author Share Posted July 22, 2017 1 hour ago, Lara Black said: Hello, Samyelson. I think it’s important to keep in mind that even if the asexual partner does have sex, it often doesn’t feel the way the sexual partner wants it to. You can’t connect with the ace through sex, can’t build a relationship around it. So, if sex that important for you in a relationship, you’re risking frequent disappointment. I am extremely passionate with sex, and I express a lot of emotions through it. I feel very connected through it. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Deus Ex Infinity Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 19 hours ago, asexjoe said: I think you already know the answer to that question, Samyelson. Yes indeed. A pretty odd question in that case to be honest. No offense but still... Link to post Share on other sites
MiraMeyneth Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 All I'm going to say is this: If you want to have a relationship with an asexual person, it will help to realize that they do not get the emotional kick from sex that sexual people do. To asexual people, it is mostly mechanical. Some asexual people even have an outright dislike of sex, some simply don't see the point in it, and there are the rare few who are willing to have sex with a partner purely for the partner. However, those people who are open to sex are in a rare minority from what I've seen. Asexuals don't get that emotional "high" that sexuals do, they really don't feel sexual attraction to anyone, and they probably won't find you "hot". Many asexual-sexual relationships don't work out. The sexual feels a lack of being desired, and the asexual feels pressure to "perform" thus causing relationship instability. You say that you have a high sex drive, which already is raising red flags. If the asexual person in question isn't sex-repulsed, then you might have a chance at a relationship, but you also have to be willing to either compromise on how often you want sex, masturbate, open the relationship, or break it off. I wish you luck, but if you're looking for a fulfilling relationship with passionate sex, a mixed relationship is not for you. Link to post Share on other sites
flesh-pocket Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 4 hours ago, Samyelson said: I am extremely passionate with sex, and I express a lot of emotions through it. I feel very connected through it. then i would not advise starting a relationship with an asexual person. even if the asexual is willing to have sex, you would be setting yourself up to not getting that from your partner for as long as you're together. most of the couples on here only found out about this incompatibility after a relationship was already established, you have the privilege of making a truly informed decision here. if having a sexual connection in a relationship is important to you, even if its not the MOST important part, as long as it is a part of what a healthy relationship with you would look like, save both of you the heartache and don't pursue this. Link to post Share on other sites
Rhyme Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 I'm going to put it this way: I'm ace and I love to cuddle. I would not pursue a relationship with someone who: 1) Doesn't like to cuddle 2) Sees cuddling as a chore 3) Is only willing to cuddle because I like it 4) Likes cuddling objectively, but wouldn't seek it out themselves Chances are, one (or more) of these will apply to the potential ace partner (just switch out cuddling with sex). If you feel strongly about this person, then talk to them, figure out what they would want in a relationship. But keep in mind that there might be a major imbalance that would have to me "fixed" with compromises. Link to post Share on other sites
Samyelson Posted July 23, 2017 Author Share Posted July 23, 2017 Thank you for all the replies. This was just a kinda out of the blue thing for me. I actually only just started doing research and learning about asexuals for the first time a week ago. I am a very open-minded individual who will definitely try my hardest for things to work. However, there are times I know it won't. Will definitely have to have a long talk it out. I definitely know communication is key to powerful relationships. Thanks again. Link to post Share on other sites
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