Elderflower Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 On 8/6/2017 at 11:14 AM, jay williams said: For most of my life I sought the romantic love of my life. Yes, I did (and still do) love cuddling, and physical affection and play, but never intercourse. I thought that a relationship 24/7, without "doing it," was the ideal situation. In my older years, now 60 something, I still don't want intercourse. I no longer care for, and in fact do not want anything that remotely resembles a 24/7 romance. So my answer at this stage in my life is that I do not want sex, and I adopt as a quote the above: "[Sex] is something that I never want to have to do again, and I don't have to." This is spoken with such elegance, it could be a refrain in a song! I still have a romantic yearning for a relationship of some kind, but not for sexual intercourse, not for marriage, and not for a full-time live in. I could have written this myself. I was married and do not ever want to be again but to have a steady male companion would be nice. Someone who can be romantic and show affection but who is fine stopping there and most definitely not a live-in. I don't mind being alone, but I do mind being lonely. Link to post Share on other sites
TheLastOfSheila Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 15 hours ago, Elderflower said: Ironic, isn't it, that there's all these not-interested-in-sex people and we just can't meet in person. Do A people ever have a convention somewhere? Apparently there is a thread here with the announcements of events across the globe. You can find it here: That said, for those of us who do not live close to a major city, or are unable to travel very far, these events may as well be on Mars. Link to post Share on other sites
Elderflower Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 3 minutes ago, TheLastOfSheila said: Apparently there is a thread here with the announcements of events across the globe. You can find it here: That said, for those of us who do not live close to a major city, or are unable to travel very far, these events may as well be on Mars. Thank you! One never knows when Mars could be in the travel plans. Link to post Share on other sites
Acing It Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 Issue: sex and ageing. I am asexual -> issue gone (or it was never there in the first place). If I'm honest, I can't imagine a life where you have to worry about all of those things. But that's maybe my age talking. I feel a lot more laid back in all those things and at the same time things are far more set in stone and can't be negotiated. Link to post Share on other sites
jay williams Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 On 8/7/2017 at 11:24 AM, TheLastOfSheila said: Thanks, jay, for your gracious words. Your posts definitely echo with me. And yeah, if only you lived closer, but that is one of those statistical issues that I referenced earlier, that make the odds of me meeting a like-minded asexual man almost impossible. Ah well. On 8/8/2017 at 8:13 PM, Elderflower said: Ironic, isn't it, that there's all these not-interested-in-sex people and we just can't meet in person. Do A people ever have a convention somewhere? Well, the reality is that we do not live closer. I suspect I live in a place worse than you two, since the people in the environs of where I live are generally quite traditional and black and white thinking. With all the above said I am still cautiously optimistic. My biggest problem stems from the fact that I am introverted. I also keep myself preoccupied with work and other diversions...to the point that seizing any opportunities of meeting others doesn't happen. I have frequently looked at "dating" sites over the years. I am convinced that I could have been successful in finding a match with more perseverance---and indeed perseverance is what it takes! Link to post Share on other sites
Bambi2 Posted May 11, 2018 Share Posted May 11, 2018 How do asexuals meet each other? I am not interested in having a "relationship" and if I never have sex again, it will be too soon. I did it when I was younger because it was expected for normal women. I was even married for twenty years but never enjoyed sex and just went through the motions. I would love to find a platonic friend to have a cup of coffee or a bite of lunch with, go to a movie or a walk or just sit and talk, with no expectations whatsoever of the friendship ever becoming physical. Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted May 12, 2018 Share Posted May 12, 2018 I’m glad @Bambi2 resurrected this thread and I had the chance to read it. I grew up in the era several others have described, where the expectation was that one would have sex and relationships... and it took me an embarrassingly long time to figure out that sex was just not the so-called holy grail (i.e., it wasn’t just poor taste/luck in unskilled partners). I’ve only been out of a relationship for a few months (total) since college, the last time being late 1996. Now my 22-year relationship/nearly-20-year marriage is very likely ending, due to the asexuality I discovered so belatedly. I really like sharing life with a partner (just not having sex with one!), so I’ve been finding the idea of being “stuck” alone sad and frightening. Reading this has reminded me that there will be good things about living solo - which I haven’t had the chance to do in so long - and that those good things may even outweigh the bad over time. Link to post Share on other sites
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