Sex and Aging : Considering all the Factors

[SilverFlower]

It seems to me that, as we age, there comes a tipping point where there are a lot more reasons to not have sex and a lot fewer reasons to have sex.  These are the ones that occur to me off the top of my head.  Anybody else want to add to the list?

 

1)Hormones

It's normal that these drop off when we are past the age of "breeding".  I suppose this is an individual thing about how fast and how far they drop.  For some people they were never there in the first place.

 

2)Not feeling great about your body

There are those scars from old surgeries and old injuries.  There is that bit of extra weight you just can't seem to shake.  There is the loss of your youngster muscle tone.  Saggy skin and age spots.  Hair thinning where it should be and taking over where it shouldn't be.  Just generally feeling more attractive with clothing on than off.

 

3)Medical issues

If you get two people who are both over 50 in a room together, chances are that they will have at least a half dozen fairly serious medical issues between the two of them.  A lot of these can  interfere with feeling sexy and/or being able to do anything about it.  There are heart conditions, high blood pressure, diabetes, blood clots, thyroid problems, PCOS, COPD, prostate problems, etc.  There are medications to be taken on certain schedules and then there are the side effects of the meds (dizziness, drowsiness, etc.).  There are old injuries like that knee that hurts in that position, that stiff hip, or aching back.  And just general lack of stamina for athletic activities that require heavy breathing.

 

4)Sleep being more precious

As we age we need more sleep but, paradoxically, many of us find it harder and harder to get.  The last thing we need is someone else in the bed snoring, stealing the covers, etc.

 

5)Not needing sex to maintain a relationship.....because you don't need the relationship.

Many of us went the route of marriage and kids because that was just "what you did", back in the day.   Many of us stayed single and child-free.  In either case, once you reach "a certain age", the societal pressures to conform seem to go away.  Parents are no longer pressuring you to give them grandkids, friends have quit trying to set you up on blind dates.  You have your own financial stability and social position.  You don't need someone else to define your role in life.  The social norms about this have also changed since our younger days.  It used to be that anyone still single and past 30 was looked upon with some mix of pity and skepticism (are they gay or are they just emotionally broken?)  Now a single person pursuing their career is looked upon with admiration as being self-sufficient, strong, and free.

 

6)The "Dating Pool" has become a rapidly drying puddle.

Most of the people in the over 50 age group are already married.  Those who have become single again often come with a lot of baggage (multiple ex-spouses, custody arrangements about kids,  broken hearts and broken trust in humanity, etc.)

As pointed out in a recent article in The Atlantic titled "All the Single Ladies", the past few decades of economic changes have not been kind to a lot of men.  This often leaves the modern woman with a choice between, as the article puts it, "deadbeats and playboys" to which a lot of women are saying, "None of the above, thankyouverymuch".

 

7)At the same time the "Pool" is shrinking, we are getting more picky

Some of my friends think I'm "picky".  I just think I have high standards.  When two people get together when they are young and their personalities, likes/dislikes, values and such are still forming, they can sometimes make it work by forming around and with each other.  But, for those of us who are already older, with each passing year we become less likely to find a way to squeeze  someone else into our fully formed life or contort ourselves to fit into theirs.  As we get older our individual lists of "deal breakers" gets longer and more firmly set in stone.  Things like differences about politics, religion, smoking, eating healthy (or not) become first date "non-starters".

 

 

In general, I feel like I have reached a point in life where I am able to deal with "my stuff" but am unwilling to deal with someone else's "stuff".  I have my scars and my extra ten pounds.  I am a ten year cancer survivor and I have epilepsy.  I take meds and my sleep is sacrosanct to me.  I am gluten-free, dairy-free, and paleo and have an old knee injury that bugs me sometimes.  All of this is workable for me but I feel like letting anyone else into my life would double my list of "stuff".  For example, I don't eat bread or dairy but he doesn't eat spinach because of his blood thinning med or grapefruit because of his heart med.  I need my sleep because of my epilepsy but he is up every 20 minutes going to the bathroom all night waking me up because of a prostate issue.  I can't roller-skate due to my knee but he can't go hiking due to his replaced hip.  None of these things is anybody's fault but, collectively, two people in this age group are going to have a list of "stuff" that is twice as long.

 

Looking back on this post I realize that some of it about sex but some of it is about relationships.  This gets me thinking about chickens and eggs.  Do I not want sex because I don't want a relationship or am I averse to relationships because I don't want sex?  Hmmmm.  More pondering to do.

[teatree]

Nicely written, @SilverFlower!

 

1) My hormones have always been nonexistent. I have never had the desire to have sex, though I was married for almost 15 years. Just did the whole marriage thing because I thought it was the thing to do and maybe somehow/someday I would want sex? (Nah!...)

 

2) I admire bodies in general (how well they soldier on, despite how badly we sometimes treat them) but I have never understood the fascination with them as sexual things. I have never felt confident in my outer body and don't even like being seen in a bathing suit in public!

 

3) I don't have medical issues other than taking a daily pill a day for hypothyroidism, but you are right, I don't want to be bothered with someone else's "stuff." I like doing activities with friends and then being by myself afterward!

 

4) Ahhh, sleep. Precious, indeed. 'Nuff said.

 

5, 6, 7} Agreed, don't want a relationship, so don't care about the pool. New friends are always happily accepted! I too am gluten and dairy free, so I like being able to eat my way without getting flack from someone else.

 

I could go on, but you have said it all so well!

[Autumn Sunrise]

Yes, yes, YES . . . to both of you! When I first got divorced I was too busy coping with kids and their needs, plus my job, plus fending off the odd leering colleague (or worse, colleague's husband)  to give much thought to potential relationships. I did rather wonder, as time went on, how it was that so many of my divorced friends quickly acquired new husbands, while I remained alone, but eventually I realised 1. what "asexual" meant, and its probable consequences, and 2. that I didn't actually want another partner. I'm perfectly happy as I am now . . . and I love my bed, as long as no-one else is in it  

[SilverFlower]

So, what do you all think about the chicken/egg thing?

 

Is it that you don't want to have sex because it might lead to a relationship or is it that you don't want a relationship because it might lead to sex?

 

For me, chronologically, my aversion to pair bonded relationships came first.  My apathy toward sex has happened several years later.  I'm still working it through in my head and would appreciate an insights anyone here can give me.

[jay williams]

On 7/19/2017 at 9:08 PM, SilverFlower said:

So, what do you all think about the chicken/egg thing?

 

Is it that you don't want to have sex because it might lead to a relationship or is it that you don't want a relationship because it might lead to sex?

 

For me, chronologically, my aversion to pair bonded relationships came first.  My apathy toward sex has happened several years later.  I'm still working it through in my head and would appreciate an insights anyone here can give me.

What an interesting (and introspective) question. When I was a young, red-blooded man, I always believed that I wanted sex AND a relationship, but sex first. Cultivating a relationship was and is a perennial challenge, however. And being any good at sex was always a perennial challenge too. (This brings up another chicken-egg question: is my antipathy toward sex because I am no good at it? Or am I no good at sex because of an antipathy toward sex? This is a question for another thread.)

At some point along the path of my life, it has become clear to me that I avoid relationship opportunities (hell I even avoid friendship opportunities) because of eventual "sexpectations."   

 

[SilverFlower]

Hah!  "Sexpectations".  That's a good one.

 

I agree that as "red blooded" youngsters most of us were operating on the default assumption that we did want both sex and a relationship.  In the era of sex, drugs, and rock'n'roll, and available birth control, unless you were doing something extreme like becoming a nun or priest, of course you did.

 

Perhaps in my case it was more about "relationship-spectations".  If you let someone into your bed, the next thing you know they are keeping a toothbrush at your place and then a drawer of clothes and then they have a key.  And then you can't just ask them to leave if they are being a jerk and things aren't working right.  Then it becomes a big deal.

 

The stereotype has always been that guys just want to get laid but that they will give a 'til death do us part promise in order to get that and that it is the women who want the ring and commitment but will give some sex in order to get that.  Well, my life has always been the opposite of the stereotype.  It has always been the guys in my life trying to drag me to the alter and me kicking and screaming.

[JDP]

On 7/18/2017 at 6:57 PM, SilverFlower said:

Do I not want sex because I don't want a relationship or am I averse to relationships because I don't want sex?

(b)

[Elderflower]

15 hours ago, asexjoe said:

(b)

B also.

[Aqua Blue]

B too

[jay williams]

18 hours ago, SilverFlower said:

The stereotype has always been that guys just want to get laid but that they will give a 'til death do us part promise in order to get that and that it is the women who want the ring and commitment but will give some sex in order to get that.  Well, my life has always been the opposite of the stereotype.  It has always been the guys in my life trying to drag me to the alter and me kicking and screaming.

I have known a couple of women, for whom I fell head or heels in love, but they did not seem to share the same zeal; and some women have had an infatuation for me, but I did not have the same feelings in return. 

The greatest love of my life was a woman with whom I wanted the whole package; live happily ever after together. She was determined to keep it part time, and see each other one day or so a week. This drove me so crazy, that I gave her up. Today, I now realize that the situation could have been ideal. In fact it would be ideal today.

I have gone through different phases of need (or yearning or desire or ?) in my life. Once upon a time I thought I needed a life companion. Today, I love living alone, and I would never be able to hang out with somebody 24-7! Never.   

...and then there is the sex worm that rears its head. I do have some erotic needs, but the last time I had piv was 30 years ago. I have given that up for good!

[JDP]

OK, what's "piv."

[jay williams]

Just now, asexjoe said:

OK, what's "piv."

Penis in vagina sex. What people usually do when they say having sex.

[JDP]

Oh, you mean f---ing. Got it.

[jay williams]

5 minutes ago, asexjoe said:

Oh, you mean f---ing. Got it.

Exactly! Well said! LOL

[straightouttamordor]

On 7/18/2017 at 8:57 PM, SilverFlower said:

It seems to me that, as we age, there comes a tipping point where there are a lot more reasons to not have sex and a lot fewer reasons to have sex.  These are the ones that occur to me off the top of my head.  Anybody else want to add to the list?

 

1)Hormones

It's normal that these drop off when we are past the age of "breeding".  I suppose this is an individual thing about how fast and how far they drop.  For some people they were never there in the first place.

 

2)Not feeling great about your body

There are those scars from old surgeries and old injuries.  There is that bit of extra weight you just can't seem to shake.  There is the loss of your youngster muscle tone.  Saggy skin and age spots.  Hair thinning where it should be and taking over where it shouldn't be.  Just generally feeling more attractive with clothing on than off.

 

3)Medical issues

If you get two people who are both over 50 in a room together, chances are that they will have at least a half dozen fairly serious medical issues between the two of them.  A lot of these can  interfere with feeling sexy and/or being able to do anything about it.  There are heart conditions, high blood pressure, diabetes, blood clots, thyroid problems, PCOS, COPD, prostate problems, etc.  There are medications to be taken on certain schedules and then there are the side effects of the meds (dizziness, drowsiness, etc.).  There are old injuries like that knee that hurts in that position, that stiff hip, or aching back.  And just general lack of stamina for athletic activities that require heavy breathing.

 

4)Sleep being more precious

As we age we need more sleep but, paradoxically, many of us find it harder and harder to get.  The last thing we need is someone else in the bed snoring, stealing the covers, etc.

 

5)Not needing sex to maintain a relationship.....because you don't need the relationship.

Many of us went the route of marriage and kids because that was just "what you did", back in the day.   Many of us stayed single and child-free.  In either case, once you reach "a certain age", the societal pressures to conform seem to go away.  Parents are no longer pressuring you to give them grandkids, friends have quit trying to set you up on blind dates.  You have your own financial stability and social position.  You don't need someone else to define your role in life.  The social norms about this have also changed since our younger days.  It used to be that anyone still single and past 30 was looked upon with some mix of pity and skepticism (are they gay or are they just emotionally broken?)  Now a single person pursuing their career is looked upon with admiration as being self-sufficient, strong, and free.

 

6)The "Dating Pool" has become a rapidly drying puddle.

Most of the people in the over 50 age group are already married.  Those who have become single again often come with a lot of baggage (multiple ex-spouses, custody arrangements about kids,  broken hearts and broken trust in humanity, etc.)

As pointed out in a recent article in The Atlantic titled "All the Single Ladies", the past few decades of economic changes have not been kind to a lot of men.  This often leaves the modern woman with a choice between, as the article puts it, "deadbeats and playboys" to which a lot of women are saying, "None of the above, thankyouverymuch".

 

7)At the same time the "Pool" is shrinking, we are getting more picky

Some of my friends think I'm "picky".  I just think I have high standards.  When two people get together when they are young and their personalities, likes/dislikes, values and such are still forming, they can sometimes make it work by forming around and with each other.  But, for those of us who are already older, with each passing year we become less likely to find a way to squeeze  someone else into our fully formed life or contort ourselves to fit into theirs.  As we get older our individual lists of "deal breakers" gets longer and more firmly set in stone.  Things like differences about politics, religion, smoking, eating healthy (or not) become first date "non-starters".

 

 

In general, I feel like I have reached a point in life where I am able to deal with "my stuff" but am unwilling to deal with someone else's "stuff".  I have my scars and my extra ten pounds.  I am a ten year cancer survivor and I have epilepsy.  I take meds and my sleep is sacrosanct to me.  I am gluten-free, dairy-free, and paleo and have an old knee injury that bugs me sometimes.  All of this is workable for me but I feel like letting anyone else into my life would double my list of "stuff".  For example, I don't eat bread or dairy but he doesn't eat spinach because of his blood thinning med or grapefruit because of his heart med.  I need my sleep because of my epilepsy but he is up every 20 minutes going to the bathroom all night waking me up because of a prostate issue.  I can't roller-skate due to my knee but he can't go hiking due to his replaced hip.  None of these things is anybody's fault but, collectively, two people in this age group are going to have a list of "stuff" that is twice as long.

 

Looking back on this post I realize that some of it about sex but some of it is about relationships.  This gets me thinking about chickens and eggs.  Do I not want sex because I don't want a relationship or am I averse to relationships because I don't want sex?  Hmmmm.  More pondering to do.

Wow ! So comprehensive !  A kind of Creed of TRUE Asexuals over 50. All those things in the above mentioned do put sex into a much lower tier of "needs" to hear some bloviate. Its not weird, sinful, strange, or dysfunctional to not want sex.

[jay williams]

7 hours ago, prib23 said:

Wow ! So comprehensive !  A kind of Creed of TRUE Asexuals over 50. All those things in the above mentioned do put sex into a much lower tier of "needs" to hear some bloviate. Its not weird, sinful, strange, or dysfunctional to not want sex.

Yeah, like putting love, sex and romance in the bottom drawer...if not a sweep under the rug!

[SilverFlower]

8 hours ago, prib23 said:

Wow ! So comprehensive !  A kind of Creed of TRUE Asexuals over 50. All those things in the above mentioned do put sex into a much lower tier of "needs" to hear some bloviate. Its not weird, sinful, strange, or dysfunctional to not want sex.

Right.  It's just that the priorities shift with aging.  And there doesn't have to be any one particular "excuse" (e.g. not tonight, I have a headache).  "I just don't feel like it" should be good enough.

 

1 hour ago, jay williams said:

Yeah, like putting love, sex and romance in the bottom drawer...if not a sweep under the rug!

Exactly.  Stuff you put in the bottom drawer isn't getting thrown out necessarily.  It just isn't in current usage. 

[Tyke]

I've never really wanted sex for sex's sake. Not a feeling I know. But I've always had a bit of a craving for a relationship, just one that looks like a souped-up friendship. So lots of time apart as well as together. But someone to be there/be there for, when needed. Share a dwelling with, sometimes even a bed, but just for an occasional cuddle.

 

Coming of age in the 1970s this wasn't an acceptable arrangement! So sex for me was the 'price' of a relationship. And a lack of enthusiasm wasn't really appreciated either, so relationships, when they came, were blighted by that. So I've lived alone more than I have as part of a couple.

 

Now, what was the question? Oh yes, chicken and eggs. I've given up on trying dating, because I don't expect them to survive my lack of sexual desire. Would be nice to find someone suitable on here, though. Geographically and age-wise, that's very long odds, though, it seems to me.   

[SilverFlower]

On July 24, 2017 at 0:29 PM, Midland Tyke said:

Now, what was the question? Oh yes, chicken and eggs. I've given up on trying dating, because I don't expect them to survive my lack of sexual desire. Would be nice to find someone suitable on here, though. Geographically and age-wise, that's very long odds, though, it seems to me.   

Would you like to move to Hawaii?

[Tyke]

2 hours ago, SilverFlower said:

Would you like to move to Hawaii?

Ha ha! UK any good for you?

[TheLastOfSheila]

Excellent article, SilverFlower.  You touched on so many points that are relevant to Aces over age 40.  I have gotten the sense, from many different posts that I have read on here, that a lack of interest in sex due to hormones does not qualify a person as asexual, and I have always had a problem with that.  You list out many reasons why middle-aged folk might no longer be interested in having sex with anyone.  The whole concept of "born that way", while a legitimate concept I suppose, does not necessarily have to be the rule for what defines someone as asexual, at least in my opinion (for whatever that is worth).  The "chicken or the egg" question you posed is very interesting.  In my case, I guess I wouldn't mind being in a relationship as long as sex was not required.  Then again, at my age, I am very set in my ways and have no interest in building a life around someone else's.  So I would have to say it is a 50/50 split as to the reasons why I am not looking for any deeply involved relationship.  I wouldn't mind finding an asexual man who would be fun to hang out with occasionally, but it isn't a priority in my life.  I dunno...I don't think I really answered the "chicken or the egg" question.

[SilverFlower]

16 hours ago, Midland Tyke said:

Ha ha! UK any good for you?

Sorry, I'd have to buy closed toe shoes and jackets.  I am really a wimp in cold weather.

 

6 hours ago, TheLastOfSheila said:

 I have gotten the sense, from many different posts that I have read on here, that a lack of interest in sex due to hormones does not qualify a person as asexual, and I have always had a problem with that.  You list out many reasons why middle-aged folk might no longer be interested in having sex with anyone.  The whole concept of "born that way", while a legitimate concept I suppose, does not necessarily have to be the rule for what defines someone as asexual, at least in my opinion (for whatever that is worth).  The "chicken or the egg" question you posed is very interesting.  In my case, I guess I wouldn't mind being in a relationship as long as sex was not required.  Then again, at my age, I am very set in my ways and have no interest in building a life around someone else's.  So I would have to say it is a 50/50 split as to the reasons why I am not looking for any deeply involved relationship.  I wouldn't mind finding an asexual man who would be fun to hang out with occasionally, but it isn't a priority in my life.  I dunno...I don't think I really answered the "chicken or the egg" question.

Yeaaah.  I think there is a bit too much arguing around here about who is or is not "really" asexual.  Sexuality is fluid over the course of someone's life.   Some people change from straight to gay or vice versa later in life or decide that they are transgender somewhere along the way.  I think asexuality should be the same.   Self-defined and subject to change.

 

That said, yes you did answer the chicken/egg question.  It is by nature kind of circular.  You said you "wouldn't mind" being in a relationship but you didn't say you really wanted or needed one.  So your answer to sex is a more definitive no while your answer to relationships is a firm, "Meh!"  I think I am the reverse of that, a firm no on relationships and a solid "Meh" about any future hypothetical sex. 

 

BTW, TheLastOfSheila, I love your signature graphic.

[jay williams]

On 7/26/2017 at 5:25 PM, SilverFlower said:

Yeaaah.  I think there is a bit too much arguing around here about who is or is not "really" asexual.  Sexuality is fluid over the course of someone's life.   Some people change from straight to gay or vice versa later in life or decide that they are transgender somewhere along the way.  I think asexuality should be the same.   Self-defined and subject to change. 

I totally agree that having to find the right pigeon hole to define your sexuality is, for me, kind of a fool's errand. My sexuality has been fluid. I do have an attraction for women, but I don't have classical conjugal desires or needs that a (normal, as in one who fits the norm) male has. There have been times when I have had sexual yearnings involving males, as well as females. So maybe I could be called a grabi (rhymes with gravy)-sexual? Rarely do I (now or ever) fit anything considered normal in the world of human sexuality.

[Guest Jetsun Milarepa]

Had a long think about this question.....I honestly can't work out whether 'I don't want the relationship' or 'I don't want the sex' is the foremost. For me, it's a draw, I want neither.

Very challenging thread though, something we should have a think about often.

[SilverFlower]

Yeah, I think there may be two issues here that we are trying to answer that might be better off as separate questions.

 

1)Chronologically, in your life, which came first, not wanting sex or not wanting to be in a relationship?

2)In your life as it stands, which is less appealing to you, having sex or having a relationship?

 

For me, chronologically, not wanting to be half of a pair bond came first by several years.

I can't see any future reality in which I would want such a relationship but I don't rule out hypothetical future sex.  I'm not looking for it or missing it but I'm not ruling it out.

[TheLastOfSheila]

10 hours ago, SilverFlower said:

Yeah, I think there may be two issues here that we are trying to answer that might be better off as separate questions.

 

1)Chronologically, in your life, which came first, not wanting sex or not wanting to be in a relationship?

2)In your life as it stands, which is less appealing to you, having sex or having a relationship?

 

For me, chronologically, not wanting to be half of a pair bond came first by several years.

I can't see any future reality in which I would want such a relationship but I don't rule out hypothetical future sex.  I'm not looking for it or missing it but I'm not ruling it out.

Good idea to break it down into two questions, SilverFlower, although I would have to struggle to answer the first one.  When I was younger, I really wanted a relationship I guess, and accepted that having sex would be a part of that.  I was a romantic soul, and from that standpoint looked to be in a relationship, although I was never one of those girls who dreamed of walking down the aisle in my white dress to marry the guy of my dreams.  I knew that I wanted to be a mom, but wasn't really enthused about having a husband.  Whatever, I bowed to the social standards of the time.  The marriage was not a good one, but I have four beautiful sons from it.  I dunno...as a young girl, I wanted romance, but never really found it.  It all came down to being about sex, which was something I really didn't enjoy.

 

As my life stands now, having sex has 0% appeal to me.  It is something that I never want to have to do again, and I don't have to.  Since coming to this site, and this amazing community, I now know what I am and feel such a freedom as I never felt before.  Having a relationship seems pretty unlikely at this point in my life, especially since the odds of meeting an asexual man (around my age) who would be cool with just hanging out with me sometimes seems statistically impossible.  If that never happens I am okay with that, but maybe would explore it if the opportunity ever presented itself.

[jay williams]

On 8/4/2017 at 10:04 AM, TheLastOfSheila said:

Good idea to break it down into two questions, SilverFlower, although I would have to struggle to answer the first one.  When I was younger, I really wanted a relationship I guess, and accepted that having sex would be a part of that.  I was a romantic soul, and from that standpoint looked to be in a relationship, although I was never one of those girls who dreamed of walking down the aisle in my white dress to marry the guy of my dreams.  I knew that I wanted to be a mom, but wasn't really enthused about having a husband.  Whatever, I bowed to the social standards of the time.  The marriage was not a good one, but I have four beautiful sons from it.  I dunno...as a young girl, I wanted romance, but never really found it.  It all came down to being about sex, which was something I really didn't enjoy.

 

As my life stands now, having sex has 0% appeal to me.  It is something that I never want to have to do again, and I don't have to.  Since coming to this site, and this amazing community, I now know what I am and feel such a freedom as I never felt before.  Having a relationship seems pretty unlikely at this point in my life, especially since the odds of meeting an asexual man (around my age) who would be cool with just hanging out with me sometimes seems statistically impossible.  If that never happens I am okay with that, but maybe would explore it if the opportunity ever presented itself.

Great response to a great question.

As I look back, I think that wanting a relationship was my original aversion. I was a virgin until close to my mid-20s. I really, really wanted to have intercourse, and I did not want to go through any courtship, and certainly not marriage to get there. Perhaps I was a typical male in this aspect?

After a few times, I quickly became bewildered. Why do people consider intercourse the holy grail of life? For me, intercourse was more of a negative goal/experience...and certainly not even close to the ultimate experience. And does intercourse make love? Huh? What a silly notion!

It then became clear to me that it was romance that I wanted. A problem for me was that the ideal romance was sans intercourse. This never worked out either.

For most of my life I sought the romantic love of my life. Yes, I did (and still do) love cuddling, and physical affection and play, but never intercourse. I thought that a relationship 24/7, without "doing it,"  was the ideal situation.  

In my older years, now 60 something, I still don't want intercourse. I no longer care for, and in fact do not want anything that remotely resembles a 24/7 romance. So my answer at this stage in my life is that I do not want sex, and I adopt as a quote the above: "[Sex] is something that I never want to have to do again, and I don't have to." This is spoken with such elegance, it could be a refrain in a song! I still have a romantic yearning for a relationship of some kind, but not for sexual intercourse, not for marriage, and not for a full-time live in. 

 

   

[jay williams]

I just want to say that you women in this topic...rock! There is no reason under the sun why you women could not have whatever you seek in terms of your idea of a "significant other," or being an "item" with someone else. If only I lived closer, I would love to have a date! :-)

[TheLastOfSheila]

On 8/6/2017 at 11:21 AM, jay williams said:

I just want to say that you women in this topic...rock! There is no reason under the sun why you women could not have whatever you seek in terms of your idea of a "significant other," or being an "item" with someone else. If only I lived closer, I would love to have a date! :-)

Thanks, jay, for your gracious words.  Your posts definitely echo with me.  And yeah, if only you lived closer, but that is one of those statistical issues that I referenced earlier, that make the odds of me meeting a like-minded asexual man almost impossible.  Ah well.

[Elderflower]

Ironic, isn't it, that there's all these not-interested-in-sex people and we just can't meet in person.  Do A people ever have a convention somewhere?