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AceAlexa

Does this count as sex-repulsed?

8 posts in this topic

So I'm kind of confused about whether I'm sex-repulsed or sex-neutral.  (I think those are the words.)  So I guess I'll just put down a few feelings/opinions I have and someone who knows more could tell me and/or explain it?  I'd really appreciate it.

 

  • I'm definitely asexual, I feel zero sexual attraction or desire.
  • I'm getting married soon to my best friend.
  • I'm a sophomore in college.
  • The first time I had sex was after we got engaged after 4 years of dating.
  • It made me feel gross and empty.  (But that might have been just extreme guilt because we're Christians and most people would say we were wrong to have sex before we were technically married)
  • I used to have terrible touch aversion and it still pops up every once in a while.
  • My fiance knows that sometimes I have trouble with "mouthy things" (i.e. kissing, any kind of touch near my mouth, definitely no kissing with tongue EVER can't stand it) but that might be because I'm a recovering anorexic.
  • Sometimes I can't stand to be touched, much less kissed, much less to have sex
  • There has never been a time when I actually wanted sex or enjoyed it.
  • I've had sex a couple times to try to "knock myself out of being asexual" (Ha.  Definitely didn't work.)
  • It's never if I want to have sex with my fiance, but if I am feeling well enough to take it and not freak out and start hyperventilating (I also have panic disorder).

 

Any help or ideas?  I know things are complicated with everything else that's going on in my life, but I'd really appreciate any input you have. :) 

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I would say stop having sex and see what happens. You'll certainly feel a lot better, as I do, even if my spouse doesn't.

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As someone who is sex-repulsed, to me what's most significant is that I'm grossed out by genitals/bodily fluids/body hair, and dislike the idea of genital contact and kissing. I'm also somewhat touch averse and I have OCD, and I think both are relevant to why I feel sex-repulsed, although I wouldn't say that my sex-repulsion is reducible to – or fully explained by – those contributing factors. It makes sense that someone who lacks interest in sex to start with might be more aware of the less pleasant aspects of sex, which is my theory for why it's relatively common for asexuals to describe themselves as sex-repulsed.

Regarding terminology, the most common terms for the differing asexual attitudes towards sex are: sex-repulsed, sex-indifferent, and sex-favourable. "Sex neutral" is more commonly used to refer to an ideological view about human sexuality, in-between antisexual and sex positive.

I hope this information is useful. And I hope your upcoming wedding celebration is an unqualified success!

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I think you focus on what you want and are willing to do.  I think labels take a backseat to that.  Overall, its up to you if you identify with one of those labels.  There are also ranges of feelings that fall under ever level.  

 

For reference as to how I experience sex repulsed and I'm very sex repulsed:

I often feel like that little kid who sees two adults kissing and goes 'ewwww' and covers their eyes.  I am grossed out with anything that could be construed as sexual including kissing, nudity/partial nudity, body fluids, genitals, breasts, sex toys, pregnancy, etc.  I feel sick to my stomach when I see characters getting too intimate on tv (thanks game of thrones) or hear people in real life discuss their sexual encounters.  I hate pools and beaches because I feel grossed out by the swim suits and just want to scream at everyone to dress appropriately.  I can't even imagine myself kissing someone or touching someone where clothes (should) cover or being in the same room with someone only partially clothed without getting grossed out.

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It certainly sounds as if you don't enjoy sex, but as you suspect this isn't necessarily the same thing as being outright repulsed. For me, as the others have said, it's a kind of internal visceral reaction, a feeling of complete and utter disgust at the very idea of something we perceive as so disgusting and violating happening to us. At the end of the day none of us can label you since that's not how labels are supposed to work, but if I was forced to I'd say you probably are repulsed but you can 'get over it' better than I can and push on to satisfy your partner (who I hope you've told about all this, especially the last bullet point).

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21 hours ago, AceAlexa said:

So I'm kind of confused about whether I'm sex-repulsed or sex-neutral.  (I think those are the words.)  So I guess I'll just put down a few feelings/opinions I have and someone who knows more could tell me and/or explain it?  I'd really appreciate it.

 

  • I'm definitely asexual, I feel zero sexual attraction or desire.
  • I'm getting married soon to my best friend.
  • I'm a sophomore in college.
  • The first time I had sex was after we got engaged after 4 years of dating.
  • It made me feel gross and empty.  (But that might have been just extreme guilt because we're Christians and most people would say we were wrong to have sex before we were technically married)
  • I used to have terrible touch aversion and it still pops up every once in a while.
  • My fiance knows that sometimes I have trouble with "mouthy things" (i.e. kissing, any kind of touch near my mouth, definitely no kissing with tongue EVER can't stand it) but that might be because I'm a recovering anorexic.
  • Sometimes I can't stand to be touched, much less kissed, much less to have sex
  • There has never been a time when I actually wanted sex or enjoyed it.
  • I've had sex a couple times to try to "knock myself out of being asexual" (Ha.  Definitely didn't work.)
  • It's never if I want to have sex with my fiance, but if I am feeling well enough to take it and not freak out and start hyperventilating (I also have panic disorder).

 

Any help or ideas?  I know things are complicated with everything else that's going on in my life, but I'd really appreciate any input you have. :) 

 

Many of those traits are a symptom of Aspergers syndrome, are you an Aspie?

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2 hours ago, Blondbear said:

 

Many of those traits are a symptom of Aspergers syndrome, are you an Aspie?

I don't know.  My mom is a special ed teacher so I think she would have noticed.  What are some other symptoms?

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On 19/7/2017 at 1:39 AM, AceAlexa said:

I don't know.  My mom is a special ed teacher so I think she would have noticed.  What are some other symptoms?

 

Well, that's no guarantee. In fact there are aspies who end up working as physchologists and don't get diagnosed until years later.

Symptoms in women usually are:

- Don't like to be touched.

- Low understanding of other people feelings

-Being judged as cold or mean by other people

-Anxiety

-Low libido/lack of interest in sex

-Sensitivity issues, either to cold or warm things, fabrics and textures or noises.

- Feeling partly male partly female (but not transgender) 

-Meltdowns, panic attacks

-Usually aspies can be bullied in school during childhood.

- Shyness

- Clumsy

- Good students

 

 

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