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(D)anny

Demi-sexuals/romantics, why do you call yourself demi-sexual and/or demi-romantic?

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I'm just trying to understand these terms. I don't understand it's definition really.

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I can't look at random people and think they're attractive in any way, like seemingly the vast majority of people (even among aces) can.  If I don't know them and are not close with them, people look just like everyone else to me, regardless of how they may look in a more objective sense.

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It's not spelled with a dash (just personal erk; like it'd probably annoy other people if they saw hetero/homo/bisexual spelled with a dash between the prefixes)

 

But shouldn't the reason be the same? Unless you're asking because you've seen variation.

 

Demisexual: desires sex after an abnormal span of time (above a couple months of being exposed to someone)

 

Demiromantic: crushes or desires a relationship after an abnormal span of time (")

 

They're commonly defined by the development/requirement of a bond (or trust) but that requirement is extremely common for sexual/romantic people and the aformentioned is what actually makes them abnormal.

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1 hour ago, Star Bit said:

Demisexual: desires sex after an abnormal span of time (over a couple months of being exposed to someone)

Demiromantic: crushes or desires a relationship after an abnormal span of time (")

 

They're commonly defined by the development/requirement of a bond (or trust) but that requirement is extremely common for sexual people and the aformentioned is what actually makes them abnormal.

These proposed definitions conflate behaviour with orientation. Someone who is sexually attracted to their partner but who is exceptionally shy, for example, might not actually desire to have sex until several months into a relationship. However, they would not be demisexual; they would be someone who is shy and reserved about sexual activities. This is why demisexuality is typically defined as not experiencing sexual attraction until a close emotional bond has been formed. A demisexual wouldn't have subjective sexual fantasies directed towards certain people, or otherwise have sexual partner preferences (such as heterosexual or homosexual), if and until the requisite relationship conditions are in place.

The problem is more obvious for the proposed definition of demiromantic, since it's not like when you've known someone for a normal span of time, you start having a crush on them! Thus, for demiromatnic, it's more clear that the mechanism of developing a close emotional bond is what causes one to start experiencing romantic attraction.

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All I'll say is that me and others are done dealing with Pramana's refusal to listen to reason no matter how many people or times it's explained.

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Moved from Questions about Asexuality to The Gray Area.

 

TheAP

Questions about Asexuality moderator

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I was searching myself. I came across the term. I read the FAQs (currently offline, unfortunately) on demisexuality.org as well as some articles about this orientation. And I thought: Yes - that's me! It describes how I feel. And some events in my past suddenly assembled into a picture that made sense. It just "clicked" with me.

 

I identify as demisexual because I can feel sexual attraction towards a very special someone, given enough time and emotional proximity. It happened only once so far, and in the absence of both physical proximity and reciprocation, so I cannot be sure that my feelings would stand up to reality. But based on everything I know about myself and how I feel, it describes me, at this point in my life.

 

I'm not getting into the definition debate either :-) Abnormal span of time or deep emotional bond, it took both.

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From my personal experience, I have IDed as demisexual because I haven't ever understood how some people can just find strangers attractive. Very rarely can I just look at someone and assess whether or not they're attractive on an aesthetic level without having some sort of interactions (though there have been exceptions to this) and certainly I can't see myself thinking about them in a sexual way. Growing up I didn't even really have celeb crushes (though I faked a couple to have things to talk about bc that's what I thought you were supposed to do). The only legitimate celeb crushes I have had are generally squishes and aesthetic-based. 

 

Theres more to my (a)sexuality than this, but this is why I innitially "vibed with" demisexual. 

 

I'm still unsure how often I've felt sexual attraction because figuring out what exactly it is seems to be difficult. I tend to feel attraction to an aspect of someone for short periods of time and when this has happened, it's been towards people I have a close bond with. 

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For as long as I can remember I've tried to explain to people that I do not feel any sexual attraction to a body, but to a person. I don't care how aesthetically pleasing they may be in a traditional sense. Without knowing the personality, and more importantly the character, there is no sexual response. At the same time I may feel an attraction for someone who is not considered physically attractive to others. It's what's inside the package, not the package itself.

 

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I ID as Demisexual because it helps to reassure me that I'm not broken because I can't relate to my friends when they gush about how "hot" a stranger or celebrity is. It helps to be able to know you're not alone and there are others with similar experiences and feelings as you. Not even going to touch the definition debate, but that's my reasoning.

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