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How to tell people you're Asexual


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Hi, so this is the first time I'm posting or saying something on this site, I was just wondering if anyone had any advice on how to tell you're family/friends/potential partners you are asexual. I have only recently found out that I'm asexual, I always thought that there was something wrong with me coz I didn't ever want to have sex and that the thought of doing it with someone grossed me out but yet I still want to have a romantic partner without the sexual stuff. I'm just scared of how to tell people what I am, I'm afraid of what they'll think and say and that I'll be alone for the rest of my life.

 

Sorry that this is a long post but please give me you're advice and please don't be harsh as it took me a lot of courage for me to even write this post. 

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Hi there, Welcome to AVEN. Have a cake! :cake:

 

I hope somebody else helps you to give you the advice you asked for. But I should let you know, don't worry about what people may think or that you'll be alone forever. Because you don't have to. There are many people who love you and will always stay with you and stand by your side no matter what. And you don't have to be alone forever. When it's time, you will find the right person because there are many (asexuals) people who wants relationships without sex. And lastly, you can go through the forums and get to learn more about everything and gather some knowledge or ideas or info or whatever. 

 

Have a good time here. :D

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NerotheReaper

Welcome to AVEN!

 

Personally I like the idea of popping out of a cake with the pride colors :D 

 

Okay on a serious note, well asexuality is not in the mainstream so not everyone may know what it means. Or some people may question if it is an actual thing or not, some people prefer to be fully out while others (like myself) only tell a very small handful of people. The best way I seen people come out is just being direct about it, and then explaining what it is and how it works. It may take some people time to come around, but hopefully more people will be accepting of it and curious to learn more instead of just dismissing it. 

 

Here is a useful link I think you may like 

 

 

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Scottthespy

There are different ways to 'come out' as it were, and for each family the experience will be different. The way I would recommend is thus:

 

Anticipate what questions they might ask and what statements they might make, and have answers ready for them

Stay calm, cheerful, and polite. Don't get defensive if they say hurtful things, either by accident or on purpose.

Be prepared for them to be confused or even dismissive. Know that they aren't likely to understand right away, and be ready for that.

If they are dismissive, don't take it personally. Keep being yourself and let time prove you right. Its hard to call it a 'phase' after fifteen years.

If they show curiosity and a willingness to try and understand, perhaps show them Aven. We have a whole section for friends and family.

 

Above all, be ready for a variety of possible responses, including negative ones. If you DO get negativity, keep your chin up and tell them that if this changes in the future, it will change, but for now this is how you are, and you'd like it if they didn't hassle you about it. And remember always that time can change people's opinions, so even if they're skeptical at first, they may come around later.

 

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AllenDevillate

Hello! Glad to have you here. Im fairly new myself.

 

I'm not asexual, but I am aromantic. I personally don't think it's important enough to come out to my parents, but my friends did have suspicions about me before, so I told my friends. They didn't believe me, but they didn't react too badly.

I think it gets more complicated when people put labels on stuff. It makes it seem more official and many people feel uneasy with that. You could just say that you have a lack of interest in sex and that it doesn't sound like something you'd ever want. Anyone who is upset with that and acts on it isn't worth their salt. I do believe some people might get upset, but they will understand it if they truly love you. Best of luck to you! We're all here for you.

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First of all, Welcome to AVEN @Bindi There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, and you are not alone in your struggles. Everyone here can offer you good advice, and take things one step at a time. 

 

My advice is don't be in a hurry to come out, and test the waters first to see how people will react. Like asking them if they have ever heard of Asexuality etc. You can usually gauge their reaction by that. Try setting up a serious atmosphere before you bring up the topic. To really make sure that they understand you are not joking. Like saying things like "Can I say something very serious right now, please" etc. This will make them less likely to think you are not being serious. You have to be prepared for any reaction, so make sure you have something set up afterwards if you need some alone time.

 

If you are already in a relationship, its best to be open and honest about how you feel. If that person cares about you, they will listen. If they reject your explanation, keep trying, but don't hurt yourself over it. If you have to end that relationship for the sake of your own mental health. Then you gotta be strong, and do it. 

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I've told many of my friends at work that I'm asexual and they were pretty acceptable about it.. But I'm kind of holding back in telling my family.. I'm thinking about telling my Mom this comming Sunday because I see her every sunday. I'm quite nervous about  telling her because I'm not sure how she'll take it.. I'm hoping she'll be accepting becuase my Sister came out of the closet of being Bisexual 2 years ago and my Mom accepted that.. I dont know why I feel that asexual is different and less accepting. But It could all go well.. Good luck in comming out! I just wanted to let you know you are definatley not alone in this at all.. I'm sure people at this site will help support you as much as they can.

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Thank you all for your support and suggestions, I believe I will wait a while test the waters then just tell the people closest to me til I become more confident. I think the reason I find this so hard is because asexuality isn't know as much as other sexuality's (there's not as much awareness, I haven't even met anyone else who is asexual irl) and when my cousin came out as being Bi they treated it as a 'Phase' that she'll get over and generally didn't accept in; and because she is currently with a guy they think she's passed that now even though she has stated she's still Bi just she's with a guy now. Anyway I'd like to thank you all again because of you all I now feel better about myself and not as alone as I did before I found this site, so once again THANK YOU!! <3

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