Cass4 Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 My sister recently came out to me as asexual, and I am so grateful for her trust and happy to give her support. Before I continue, I want to affirm that I understand asexuality as an orientation not caused by trauma, hormone imbalance, repression, etc. My sister has long been made uncomfortable by sexuality, which I used to attribute to maturity or shame caused by misinterpretation of religion. In recent years, I have also suspected that there has been some sort of sexually-related trauma in my sister's life, though she has not talked about it. In the conversation where she came out to me, my sister talked about feeling uncomfortable when watching a play with mostly naked men and when she had to kiss someone in a scene for a play she was working on. To me, these experiences sound more repression- and fear-based than asexual. However, I'm not in my sister's head, nor am I super familiar with asexuality. I want to understand asexuality, and I hope to continue to have conversations with my sister as she is comfortable. In the mean time, I would love to hear about others' experiences with being asexual and how I can support my sister in her journey to understand her identity. Particularly, I'm hoping to hear about how I can be supportive when I'm feeling stuck on the explanation of repression rather than asexual orientation. Are there good resources that can further my understanding? Thank you, everyone! Link to post Share on other sites
iff Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 hi @Cass4 welcome to Aven asexuals vary in many ways but on the faq on the main site it read Do you think it's caused by sexual abuse/repressed homosexuality/another psychological issue? Should I send them to a psychiatrist? Try not to assume one of these had to happen. If your child hasn't shown mental instability in the past, don't convince yourself that they are hiding a trauma from you. If your child's asexuality is in fact caused by an outside force then they will become aware of it at a later date. If an unfortunate occurrence like sexual abuse has happened in your child's past, it doesn't mean it "made" them asexual. If your child requires a therapist to help them come to terms with their asexuality, that's fine. Don't seek out a psychiatrist to "cure" your child's asexuality against their will--this will be damaging to the relationship you and your child share and potentially harmful to their self-esteem. http://www.asexuality.org/?q=family.html#ff4 some users can be touch adverse or sex repulsed. i don't like being surprised by someone touching me but where expected it, i don't mind. i'm a bit sex-neutral and don't mind stuff with sex or nudity in it but again every one is different in regards to it. the best i can say is to be just there for your sister, show her support and love and listen to her (which reading, you have done so ) but coming here looking for more information is also a good start too Link to post Share on other sites
Redshirt Jim Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 Welcome Kudos for being a good sibling :))) Yes, understanding something you don't experience is quite hard. I support your effort. There's a lot of post members write bout being asexual...ranging from silly to gravely serious. I'm on the former, tbh ^^ LLAP Link to post Share on other sites
Scottthespy Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 She could be sex repulsed as well as asexual...though not all asexual people are made uncomfortable by nudity and sexual things. On the other hand, a person can be sex repulsed and still sexual, which I would think is far worse than the alternatives. By the description you give, she certainly sounds repulsed, but the real 'test' for asexuality is time. Either she'll end up desiring sex and being freaked out by that, at which point suggesting professional help is appropriate, or she'll never want sex and, as she grows up, have more freedom to avoid stressful situations and more experience handling stress that comes unavoidable sources. Having a support group of people who don't let her become a total hermit, but don't force her into extremely uncomfortable situations, is important. Link to post Share on other sites
Cass4 Posted July 16, 2017 Author Share Posted July 16, 2017 Thank you so much for your thoughts, everyone! For anyone interested, I found this reflection today, which has given me a lot to chew on: https://asexualsurvivors.org/2015/08/on-sexual-abuse-repulsion-and-aversion-in-the-asexual-community/ Link to post Share on other sites
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