• Announcements

    • Kisa the Cat

      World Watch Archiving Project

      Hello everyone, Please read this thread before posting to World Watch Thank you.
    • Kelly

      New Moderators needed: Nominations   04/27/17

      Join the team! We need two new Moderators. See:   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/159067-new-moderator-needed-for-welcome-lounge-and-tea-and-sympathy-nominations/ http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/159068-new-moderator-member-needed-for-just-for-fun-and-the-alternate-language-forum-nominations/  
    • Kisa the Cat

      Avenues May/June   05/09/17

      Hello AVENites! The newest edition of AVENues is now ready! Our theme this time was "ace connections".  May/June
immacula

Talk to me

8 posts in this topic

Normally I am the one who people come to with questions about their sexuality and stuff so it's weird AF that I'm posting something online, especially something that I just can't find with Google, so bear with me.

I like making other people happy, in sexual ways and non-sexual ways. I'm an all around giving person. I also don't really like to be touched in sexual ways. I've never really had a long-term girlfriend or boyfriend I'm bi and pretty secure in that fact. But when I am in a relationship with someone I'll perform oral sex on them and that'll be it because the thought of having somebody touching me is kind of icky but I'm all for making somebody else orgasm cuz the thought is just awesome that I can make somebody else feel that good. I kinda thought that the IDK factor would go away in a couple of years or whatever but it hasn't and that seems to be the way that the world is going to be for the foreseeable future and I don't really care about labels that much but somebody at summer camp was like Hey you sound like you might be asexual and I'm like oh yeah that's a thing that is a thing but I like giving people sexual pleasures so it's just a little bit odd that would be how I would label myself and I don't want to falsely label myself so somebody who's like really smart should tell me what I am and not be worried about insulting me because I'm a teenage girl and that's not something that's easy to do. 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
14 minutes ago, immacula said:

I don't want to falsely label myself so somebody who's like really smart should tell me what I am

Don't be afraid of making mistakes in deciding on labels. It's a journey.

And don't let people tell you what you are. Ask them for info on definitions, for their experience or advice or explanations, but people online can't read your mind and don't know as much about you as you do, so they can't possibly tell you what you are.

 

With that out of the way, the definition of asexuality is either a lack of sexual attraction or a lack of sexual desire for partnered sex. I personally tend to use the second definition, so I'd say a person is asexual if they never want to have partnered sex for the sake of physical pleasure or emotional intimacy (so having sex because a partner wants you to, or because you just want to know what all the fuss is about wouldn't count as desire for partnered sex).

 

I would personally consider desiring to perform oral sex on someone else to be a type of desire for sex, even if the desire to be touched isn't there. This type of sexual desire is actually quite common in the lesbian community (a person who wants to give sexual pleasure, but not receive, is called a 'stone butch') and I'm sure it also translates to people who aren't in that community (so just 'stone'.)

I've typed up almost the exact same reply to multiple other people who came to AVEN with the same question, so you're definitely not alone in how you feel.

 

It's up to you to decide what you are, and maybe your feelings will change, maybe they won't. You'll see. Don't worry about it.

4 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
35 minutes ago, Laurann said:

 

I would personally consider desiring to perform oral sex on someone else to be a type of desire for sex, even if the desire to be touched isn't there. This type of sexual desire is actually quite common in the lesbian community (a person who wants to give sexual pleasure, but not receive, is called a 'stone butch') and I'm sure it also translates to people who aren't in that community (so just 'stone'.)

 

 

I believe that's called lithsexual, in case you were wondering. It's part of the grayace-spec. 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, laura_ said:

I believe that's called lithsexual, in case you were wondering. It's part of the grayace-spec. 

Well, lith does mean stone in some language (Ancient Greek?), but that's a different thing.

http://asexuals.wikia.com/wiki/Akoisexual

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
17 minutes ago, Laurann said:

Well, lith does mean stone in some language (Ancient Greek?), but that's a different thing.

http://asexuals.wikia.com/wiki/Akoisexual

"Akoisexual can also be defined as someone who doesn't care or want their feelings reciprocated."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@laura_ Yeah, they don't want the people they're sexually attracted to to feel sexually attracted to them.

That's not the same as wanting to sexually pleasure someone without wanting to receive pleasure. 

People who are stone do desire to have (one-sided) sex, people who are akoisexual don't want that.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

people'll play sherlock here for ya if you really want that dog and pony show, but you really haven't said anything that locates you under asexual or sexual or any star in between. (A)sexuality when boiled down just isn't wheather you're willing to do a blowjob or not, lol, it is about what you find is important to you. which is something hard to find in posts by Strangers on a forum.

 

if you want my professional  (I am a professional human) guess though, I would agree with that smart person who posted earlier when they suggested that maybe you just don't care about labels that much.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Just to chime in here, your preferences not as weird as you may think! There are "givers" and "receivers" among sexuals and asexuals alike. Just do what you like to do and don't worry about what it means or if you're "normal" or not. When it comes to sexuality, there is no such thing as normal! Everyone is different, and that's okay :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now