TheBlueHairedLawyer Posted July 13, 2017 Share Posted July 13, 2017 My parents are pretty liberal-minded when it comes to issues like this, so I don't think they'd be upset if I came out as a romantic asexual, but I'm worried that they'll be disappointed at things such as the prospect of never having grandchildren and stuff like that. For anyone else who has ever been in the same boat, what worked for you, and what do you recommend when you want to tell somebody that you're asexual? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpy Alien Posted July 13, 2017 Share Posted July 13, 2017 Depends on your family, I guess. When I identified as asexual, I casually slipped it into conversation when the moment allowed for it. My mom asked what it meant and I explained. She just said "Oh, okay." I later sent her some links, which she read and now understands a lot about different sexualities even though she can't always remember the less common terms. If they're open to the idea of you being something other than heterosexual and love you, I wouldn't worry. They can adjust their previous expectations with time. The important thing is your comfort with telling them. You don't have to tell them but if you want to, make sure you're ready for personal questions. I would recommend deflecting questions to a resource like AVEN's homepage. There's some good FAQs on there that I've directed people to. And keep it casual. I personally wouldn't make a big deal out of it - that can make people (including yourself) feel awkward. Just share what you've discovered about yourself because you want them to know this part of you. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Alexandmb Posted July 13, 2017 Share Posted July 13, 2017 I have the same problem and I don't even know how to get out of the closet, but if your family is open minded then you should tell them. I bet they would be more comprehensive than mine. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Yatogami Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 Don't be in a hurry to come out of the closet. You can ask them questions about Asexuality for a start. Parents can be pretty receptive, and if they catch on to the questions. They will make assumptions and ask you if you think you are that. Then you have an opportunity to come out. I personally feel that one's sexual orientation is a private manner, so don't feel like you need to come out. Take your time. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JDP Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 I would argue against coming out. I haven't done it, and never will. Not even to my wife. It's a lot like coming out as an atheist to a true believer. The latter smiles, pretends to understand, but prays for you all the same. My feeling is you don't owe anyone an explanation for not being attracted to anyone. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kygi Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 Not to scare you or anything but make sure your financialy staple because there have been very rare cases where some families just flip, and I hate to hear that. Just make sure you have a backup plan. Hope every thing goes well! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Anomaly Q3Xr Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 When I told my mum, we spoke about it at great length, and it has come up several times. She has been very accepting. She knows that I want a partner (of any gender) but don't want sex, and she understands and accepts it. Up until a few years ago we hardly spoke, and since I spoke to her about my asexuality, we have become much closer due to her quick acceptance, and I now tell her pretty much everything. I am thankful for that. I have never told my dad, though I think he know's, as my brothers all know. He and my mum don't speak, so he wouldn't have found out from her. He often jokes about me being gay (as I have had boyfriends in the past, although my longest relationship was with a girl), but it is his way to make fun at what he doesn't really understand. I don't feel it is a something I would feel comfortable talking to him about, and I rarely see him, so it hasn't really come up. At least three of my brother's know. Two are accepting, while my youngest brother (who lives with my dad, though is a dad himself and 31), says I will never find a partner because I won't have sex. I wish you all the best. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Euna Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 For my parents, I basically explained the concept, in terms of me not wanting a traditional marriage, i.e. a physical relationship. It was more hard for them to believe than I had imagined it would be. Though accepting, my mom (out of good intentions) sometimes still brings it up or tries to get me interested in guys. I think the most important thing is to live happily (or at least confidently) as an ace and keep a consistent message. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blondbear Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 On 14/7/2017 at 10:02 PM, asexjoe said: I would argue against coming out. I haven't done it, and never will. Not even to my wife. It's a lot like coming out as an atheist to a true believer. The latter smiles, pretends to understand, but prays for you all the same. My feeling is you don't owe anyone an explanation for not being attracted to anyone. I agree, except to your partner, your partner totally deserve to know it if that is an issue. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JDP Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 8 hours ago, Blondbear said: I agree, except to your partner, your partner totally deserve to know it if that is an issue. If asked, yeah. Mine hasn't. She wouldn't believe me anyway. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JessiBird Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 I'm probably the last person to ask, but I'd say if you feel like they would get it, and maybe understand you better by knowing, then come out. If you don't feel the need to tell anyone, don't. If you do, I like the idea of asking them questions first and seeing their reactions. Just a thought. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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