Trans Musings & Rantings

[Starbogen]

49 minutes ago, butterflydreams said:

Why do I subject myself to these videos? I don't know.

I used to click on videos that I knew would make me feel like shit but now I just actively avoid them. 

I think I used to watch them because I told myself I should know about this stuff, I should know other points of view and why people who disagree with what I am feel that way. But honestly like you said, it's just a bunch of hate. It's all just pointless hate and by now it's stuff that I already know about. And if there's things I don't know about then fuck it, I'd rather be able to sleep at night and be happy. Or I could get important info from people who care about me and can filter out some of the toxicness instead of reading it directly.

[nerdperson777]

7 hours ago, Starbogen said:

I think I used to watch them because I told myself I should know about this stuff, I should know other points of view and why people who disagree with what I am feel that way. But honestly like you said, it's just a bunch of hate. It's all just pointless hate and by now it's stuff that I already know about. And if there's things I don't know about then fuck it, I'd rather be able to sleep at night and be happy. Or I could get important info from people who care about me and can filter out some of the toxicness instead of reading it directly.

My parents told me when I was young that I needed to read the newspaper so I would know what was going on in the world.  They only said it several times, but they must've been telling me it since I was about 7 years old.  Don't know why a 7 year old needs to be troubled by the world's problems.  But lately, I've learned that if all the knowledge is going to do to me is fret, then better off not knowing.  I have my own problems to deal with.  I don't need others, not that my parents realize.  Especially today, you never know whether some news is true or not.  Writers can write whatever they want.  No matter how, it's going to be their point of view, or at least someone's.  Now, I guess, it's just choose whatever you want to believe.

 

My dad failed badly at this "being aware of what's going on" thing.  I was supposed to be practicing music at the time but he made me stop just to look at an article about a kidnapping, where the child didn't make it.  That could've waited when I wasn't busy.  But since then, I can't help but think Moonlight Sonata, a supposedly very peaceful song, is about a girl who got murdered and the police found her bones.  Dad can't be trusted with music in any sense.

[Mezzo Forte]

9 hours ago, butterflydreams said:

Why do I subject myself to these videos? I don't know. There was some article that came out back in october about this Serbian surgeon who was talking about lots of surgical regrets and my god did every idiot with a pulse jump on that article. One Serbian surgeon. One. I bet most of these people couldn't point to Serbia on a map. 

That Serbian surgeon still has some amazing metoidioplasty results though.  Unfortunately, confirmation bias has a way of running rampant, especially in groups with extreme views, and those same people will oversimplify and misinterpret the more nuanced information out there. I think that's why proposing research on detransition is met with such strong opinions, as a lot of trans people fear that it would lead to articles that people could use against them in some way. Honestly, the academic in me is open to the idea of researching controversial topics (so long as it's handled right), if just because I wouldn't feel right silencing a group of people like that.

 

The only transgender percussionist I could find any information on back when I was starting HRT ended up detransitioning after living full time as a woman for five years. I will admit that I was a little frustrated by that because there seems to be no prolific openly trans percussionists in the music sphere at the moment, but I'd never ask someone to be something they're not for the sake of representation.

[butterflydreams]

3 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

I think that's why proposing research on detransition is met with such strong opinions, as a lot of trans people fear that it would lead to articles that people could use against them in some way. Honestly, the academic in me is open to the idea of researching controversial topics (so long as it's handled right), if just because I wouldn't feel right silencing a group of people like that.

Me too. I’m interested in why people detransition, because that could help us better prepare and guide people into transition or not. A common theme among the people I saw was a focus outwards of themselves. Basically society already saw them as GNC, so they thought they were supposed to transition into men/women. I agree that’s a not so great reason to transition. Again, from my perspective, an internal focus on the dysphoria you physically feel, not social dysphoria, is a really good guide for transition. That’s not to say that people with social dysphoria shouldn’t transition, but the information we learn from detransitioned people could possibly really help them in ways that don’t necessarily lead to medical transition. This has all kinds of benefits like not making cross dressers think they need to transition for example. 

 

I had to stop last night because I ended up at the woman who runs the website for the “watching” of gender identities. I’m not even going to do it the justice of making it searchable here. I watched several of her videos. I should just call her “him” though, since it doesn’t really matter. She doesn’t seem to understand that a lot of the things she faces are not because she’s a lesbian (how could anyone just looking at her tell?), it’s because she’s visibly gender nonconforming. That’s the crux of most of the discrimination in the LGBT world. No one can look at someone at tell they’re gay, or bi, or anything. But to be visibly gender nonconforming is apparently dangerous and subversive. But she doesn’t get that. Those things happen to her “because she’s a lesbian”. 

 

Mezzo, you’re right, radical feminism does get you fired up. I have to avoid it because these people are so unhinged, and sexist. Fortunately the YouTube videos I saw seemed to be reaching a pretty narrow audience, but the like/dislike ratio was pretty high on all of them.

[Emery.]

8 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

My parents told me when I was young that I needed to read the newspaper so I would know what was going on in the world. 

It was a thing when I applied to college. I never really understood it. I think the trouble with the newspapers is that you need to understand politics and economics. I didn't watch the news or read newspapers when applying to college. Luckily, it wasn't needed for science majors. More for people who were into something law- and economics-oriented. 

 

I did a small internet search on transgender topics today... holy cow, how much transphobia! It wasn't there before. I mean a couple of years ago. I guess it's because the transgender topics are more known now?

[Guest]

Twitch chat is a diarrhea cesspit of human garbage. :(, The way people talk about this transgirl just doing what she likes to do: speedrunning, but rather her playing being enjoyed. Chat turns sooo bad. 

 

wtf is with people? The moment people get anonymous, people think they get a free ride to be a douchebag. 

 

People...

 

 

 

 

[Kimmie.]

13 minutes ago, Phoenix the II said:

Twitch chat is a diarrhea cesspit of human garbage. :(, The way people talk about this transgirl just doing what she likes to do: speedrunning, but rather her playing being enjoyed. Chat turns sooo bad. 

 

wtf is with people? The moment people get anonymous, people think they get a free ride to be a douchebag. 

 

People...

 

 

 

 

And the sad thing is that is was WAY worse last year. The mods are really trying, but what is wrong with people?!

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Kimmie. said:

And the sad thing is that is was WAY worse last year. The mods are really trying, but what is wrong with people?!

Yea, so I heard  

[Kimmie.]

9 minutes ago, Phoenix the II said:

Yea, so I heard  

People went to Protos channel and started to spam crap in that chat

[Tortuga]

Blech. They say that haters gonna hate, but I never signed up for this kind of @$%# (Me after checking Protos channel)

[Kimmie.]

10 hours ago, Tortuga said:

Blech. They say that haters gonna hate, but I never signed up for this kind of @$%# (Me after checking Protos channel)

I am so impressed by her. She is so strong. To handle all that crap and still keeps going. 

[Guest]

2 hours ago, Kimmie. said:

I am so impressed by her. She is so strong. To handle all that crap and still keeps going. 

People do say that she lost it somewhat though back then? 

[Kimmie.]

5 hours ago, Phoenix the II said:

People do say that she lost it somewhat though back then? 

I don´t know, i have not been reading to much about her. Because it is way to easy to find hate sites.

 

Edit: I totally forgot about Liz the Goddness. So there is atleast 2 trans persons at AGDQ this year.

[Guest]

10 hours ago, Kimmie. said:

I don´t know, i have not been reading to much about her. Because it is way to easy to find hate sites.

 

Edit: I totally forgot about Liz the Goddness. So there is atleast 2 trans persons at AGDQ this year.

There's 3 right? Proto, Claris, EmeraldAly too?

[Kimmie.]

13 minutes ago, Phoenix the II said:

There's 3 right? Proto, Claris, EmeraldAly too?

It was EmeraldAly that ran First light,right?

 

And Claris is running Metroid Prime 3 right now.

[Guest]

59 minutes ago, Kimmie. said:

It was EmeraldAly that ran First light,right?

 

And Claris is running Metroid Prime 3 right now.

Yap and yap...

 

 

[SkyWorld]

This is pretty weird to say, but when I had my first shot of T, I all of a sudden had these weird questions that only then occurred to me. I saw it and for some reason I thought it looked like some liquid candy. “I wonder what it tastes like..... probably horrible..... either way, DON’T DO THAT!!!” It made me start to wonder where do they get it from? It’s kind of fascinating, since I’ve mostly researched more about the effects and process in HRT, not really where it actually comes from. Idk, that just never occurred to me until recently *shrugs*.

 

Pretty soon I’ll be learning how to inject myself, that’s going to be fun. I’m not really that afraid of needles, but I would often take a deep breath, relax, and look away. However, it just wouldn’t be safe if I did the last step. :’D

[Mezzo Forte]

@Kimmie. @Phoenix the II I appreciate hearing some of the play-by-play about AGDQ. I tend to watch GDQ stuff after the fact, so I'll keep an eye our for some of the speedrunners you've mentioned!

 

1 hour ago, SkyWorld said:

Pretty soon I’ll be learning how to inject myself, that’s going to be fun. I’m not really that afraid of needles, but I would often take a deep breath, relax, and look away. However, it just wouldn’t be safe if I did the last step. :’D

Always a fun process. Honestly, it does take some getting used to adjusting to doing your own shots but, it definitely can help you feel more independent. I do my shots to music, choosing an "entrance" beforehand so my musician instincts kicks in, making inject without hesitation. I still get nervous sometimes, but my musician instincts are strong enough to push me through. 

[SkyWorld]

41 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

I do my shots to music, choosing an "entrance" beforehand so my musician instincts kicks in, making inject without hesitation. I still get nervous sometimes, but my musician instincts

That’s actually not a bad idea. I think I’ll try that when the time comes up.

 

Or should I say... time measure. *ba dum tsss*

[nerdperson777]

2 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Always a fun process. Honestly, it does take some getting used to adjusting to doing your own shots but, it definitely can help you feel more independent. I do my shots to music, choosing an "entrance" beforehand so my musician instincts kicks in, making inject without hesitation. I still get nervous sometimes, but my musician instincts are strong enough to push me through. 

I imagine you entering your room during the big moment of a song and then do something important in all the epic moments.  Vial ready, BAM.  Needles available, BAM.  Build up to the climax of inserting the needle.  The big finish being taking the needle out and slapping on a bandage.

 

And in my case, I was more anxious about asking a friend for help than doing it myself.

 

1 hour ago, SkyWorld said:

That’s actually not a bad idea. I think I’ll try that when the time comes up.

 

Or should I say... time measure. *ba dum tsss*

What if Mezzo changed the time signature on everyone?    I guess I've declared him the music god now.  Going to change our lives with dynamic and tempo changes.

[butterflydreams]

I’m severely envious of trans guys  

[Mezzo Forte]

7 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I imagine you entering your room during the big moment of a song and then do something important in all the epic moments.  Vial ready, BAM.  Needles available, BAM.  Build up to the climax of inserting the needle.  The big finish being taking the needle out and slapping on a bandage.

 I tend to do my shots near the intro so I don't have much time to overthink things. I get enough experience counting rests from playing percussion; heck, there are plenty of pieces that I bet I could comfortably take care of my T shot long before I'd need to play a single note.  (I'm also way too hairy for bandages; I just press the alcohol swab on the site for a little bit and then just leave it be.)

 

7 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

What if Mezzo changed the time signature on everyone?    I guess I've declared him the music god now.  Going to change our lives with dynamic and tempo changes.

Be careful not to incur my wrath, or I'll set the world to 13/16 time  

[Ace_unicorn]

6 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Be careful not to incur my wrath, or I'll set the world to 13/16 time  

Ew, no thanks

[Iota Tau]

14 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I guess I've declared him the music god now.

So does this mean that music theory counts as theology? 

[Mezzo Forte]

4 minutes ago, Iota Tau said:

So does this mean that music theory counts as theology? 

Some people already treat it that way. That said, theorists define the rules just so composers can break them, so I guess the composers are just godless miscreants.

[Tortuga]

11 hours ago, butterflydreams said:

I’m severely envious of trans guys  

*sigh* yes... It goes a lot faster for them. 

 

Also, on a side note, I have a fear of needles. Great. Just great. (Hopefully there is other ways)

[Tortuga]

"Hopefully there is other ways"

#grammarfail

[butterflydreams]

9 hours ago, Tortuga said:

*sigh* yes... It goes a lot faster for them. 

 

Also, on a side note, I have a fear of needles. Great. Just great. (Hopefully there is other ways)

From what I understand, most AMAB people just use pills. There are estradiol injectables, but I don’t know how common they are. I believe testosterone has to be either injected or absorbed topically. There are no pills for it that don’t cause other problems.

[Starbogen]

@butterflydreams I'm envious of trans women for their surgery results.

[butterflydreams]

42 minutes ago, Starbogen said:

@butterflydreams I'm envious of trans women for their surgery results.

I guess there are pros and cons on either side. I guess I was specifically envious of the dramatic changes on HRT alone for trans guys. I’ve been watching a lot of FTM videos on YouTube lately, for some reason. Maybe my transition has been equally dramatic, but I just don’t see it. I’m not sure. I’d really like to know that I can get to stealth someday. It’s been a long time on HRT and I’m not there yet. It’s easy to feel like if not by now, then never. But I try to remember that I started early enough that it’ll just take time. What will my life be like 4-5 years on HRT? I don’t know.