Trans Musings & Rantings

[Groovy Teacakes]

2 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

That's what I grew up learning.  I either got to feel neutral or sad, or mad.  I started having feelings in college and they were only causing me pain. 

It's really sad that you only had negative/ neutral feelings. I agree that feelings can suck, especially if you feel things really intensely like me, but they can also be wonderful and glorious. Have you ever felt a sense of freedom as if you could nearly fly, that's wonderful, or managing to solve a really tricky puzzle, isn't that great? Or even just joy from seeing the sky. I was complaining about how tiring it is to be on an emotional rollercoaster, but then realised that I would much rather have the lows (as utterly shit as they are) than not feel anything. 

[nerdperson777]

22 hours ago, Groovy Teacakes said:

It's really sad that you only had negative/ neutral feelings. I agree that feelings can suck, especially if you feel things really intensely like me, but they can also be wonderful and glorious. Have you ever felt a sense of freedom as if you could nearly fly, that's wonderful, or managing to solve a really tricky puzzle, isn't that great? Or even just joy from seeing the sky. I was complaining about how tiring it is to be on an emotional rollercoaster, but then realised that I would much rather have the lows (as utterly shit as they are) than not feel anything. 

I don't think enough to fly. I wasn't really praised growing up so my brain learned to ignore "fluff". I just need to say something so it looked like I appreciated the comment. 

 

A few years ago when I was still emotionally suppressed, a girl wanted to take me (not out) to a dinner for my birthday. On the way to her recommended restaurant, we passed by her boyfriend's apartment. She told me that they recently broke up and she spent the whole night venting to me instead. When we got there, we had to wait 30 min for a seat so she walked across the street to buy bakery food. She ate one before we ate at the restaurant. She then ordered a huge meal and then didn't finish it, didn't take it home. She claimed to be emotionally eating. I said during the dinner that I didn't feel very much. I'm usually numb, so I couldn't relate to her, but I'm listening. She said that she wanted to be like me. It seems easy for a really sad person to say that, when they're grieving. Even if I didn't know what would change in me back then, I knew that being me would not be fun. I said that you can't really want to be me. 

(This story may have been repeated  somewhere. She also tried me into the "fun game" Tindr, and we had a deep conversation about how she wanted right now to find the man she will marry and have her children with. Calm down girl, you still have plenty of time before the age people expect their acquaintances to be married.)

[Lirpaderp]

On 12/30/2017 at 6:29 PM, Groovy Teacakes said:

It's really sad that you only had negative/ neutral feelings. I agree that feelings can suck, especially if you feel things really intensely like me, but they can also be wonderful and glorious. Have you ever felt a sense of freedom as if you could nearly fly, that's wonderful, or managing to solve a really tricky puzzle, isn't that great? Or even just joy from seeing the sky. I was complaining about how tiring it is to be on an emotional rollercoaster, but then realised that I would much rather have the lows (as utterly shit as they are) than not feel anything. 

A lot of what I do is based around my fear losing my emotions again. I was numb for so long and I finally regained enough of it. Then I was stressed for one reason or another and emotions went away, but that time was only a few weeks rather then 7 years. Once I was off in college the freedom treated me well. My emotions were there, except the few weeks they weren't. I completely agree that the highs and lows are better than the numbness. But getting there can be painful.

 

At school I was free to be myself. I could feel the highs and the lows instead of just dull nothingness. That's when I started really hating being seen as a girl. And it's when I realized how good it feels to be seen as a boy. I always knew my chest was wrong, but it's so much worse when I can feel it. I got my friends to call me male pronouns at school and everything's good until I have to go home. I've been home for almost 3 weeks now. Everyone calls me girl stuff and I'm slowly shutting down. I'm afraid my emotions will die again, I can feel that they're starting.

 

Being seen as a boy makes me so happy. If it was like that all the time then maybe I wouldn't need to worry about my emotions leaving me. But the fear of an unaccepting family could make me shut down again. I still aspire to grow a beard one day. I won't be able to take testosterone until at least after college debt is gone. I need to be able to pay for it. And family scares me, I need to wait for the oldest 2 generations to die off before I mention anything about not being cis. I keep thinking I'm not trans, I'm just an AFAB who treasures being seen as a boy and loves his binder and wants a beard and wants to pee standing and feels like he's leaning towards boy and not at all a girl... But somehow my brain can still tell me I'm not trans.

[Groovy Teacakes]

23 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I don't think enough to fly. I wasn't really praised growing up so my brain learned to ignore "fluff". I just need to say something so it looked like I appreciated the comment. 

Do you mind explaining what this means? I'm interested because it reminds me of when people compliment me and it's just awkward and I have to smile and say thanks like I'm glad they said it, but I can't tell if that's what you're talking about.

I've never met someone who does things so emotionally like your friend's eating! It's more my eating which affects my mood!

 

Also @Lirpaderp I know the feeling, I'm too chicken to come out to my family (although it sounds worse for you than me. I actually have no reason to think my family would be unaccepting, I'm just scared) and being gendered female at home for the holidays for four weeks now has been waring down at me. I find that at home I distract myself with things that make me feel intense emotions, like my useless unrequited crush on my friend, whereas I don't have to at college. It's not as pronounced as you describe it, I'm sorry I hope you manage to keep hold of your emotions, how long until you go back?

 

My brain keeps flipping back and forth on what it thinks is going on with me and whether I'm trans too. I don't think of myself as part of the group of trans people, I guess - I'm just me and I happen to have some things up with my body that I hope to sort out. 

I'm planning on seeing a doctor about potential transition stuff when I get back to college. I'm lucky that I'm in England and  covered by the NHS, I'm really sorry that you have to pay for treatment, that's quite frankly shit. 

[Lirpaderp]

@Groovy Teacakes

I go back in 5 days. But once I go back I still have to deal with four roommates that don't know. But at least I won't be stuck at home, and my friends treat me like a boy there.

 

Earlier, out of nowhere, my great aunt asked if I wanted to be a boy. I might as well tell the truth, thought it'd be good to test the waters a bit. So I said yes. She said God created me and loves me as I am now. And then she said she was a tomboy when she was a kid too, and that I'll grow out of it eventually... But will I grow out of it? What if this really is a phase? How is anyone supposed to know? What if I do grow out of it? I don't think I will, but the fear is keeping me at a standstill.

[Iota Tau]

3 minutes ago, Lirpaderp said:

She said God created me and loves me as I am now.

So God loves you as a person who feels more like a guy than a girl in a girl's body? How nice! Oh, wait, He also created that body...urgh.

Sorry, just thoughts I have whenever people say that.

[Lirpaderp]

24 minutes ago, Iota Tau said:

So God loves you as a person who feels more like a guy than a girl in a girl's body? How nice! Oh, wait, He also created that body...urgh.

Sorry, just thoughts I have whenever people say that.

If we shouldn't try to fix God's mistakes (or that he makes no mistakes), what about people born with incurable diseases that they have to treat for the rest of their lives to live a proper life? Should we ignore God's mistake and let them die?

 

An extreme case, but still.... We can do things medically to make people live less stressful lives, what's the harm in that?

[Tortuga]

Spoiler

I think this shows what a warped sense of humor God has (if, ya know, there is a god)

 

[Mezzo Forte]

I'm not religious, and I'm woefully uninformed about the finer details of most religions' tenants, but I always wondered why when people say "God doesn't make mistakes," that they only say that to declare a person as cis deep down. What if God intended transition as part of someone's path? How do you pick and choose what medical intervention is or is not part of God's path, and who can really claim to know what God has or has not intended for others?

 

Some of my dearest friends and greatest supporters of my transition are deeply religious, and I've met the occasional religious trans person as well. Can't say I've ever been a fan of people using religion as their sword; I have far more respect for the people who instead choose to emphasize the more loving aspects of their faith.

[Lirpaderp]

@Tortuga @Mezzo Forte I completely agree. They pick and choose what is acceptable for you to fix about yourself in God's eye and it's ridiculous.

 

I'm not religious at all. I go to church for the music and friends and mostly family expectations. Now that I'm in college I only go to church when I'm home on break. I bullshitted my way through confirmation to make the family happy. I need a list of rebuttals so I can combat their excuses if I ever decide to tell them. My great aunt looked extremely disappointed when I said I wanted to be a boy. I don't know why she asked me if she didn't want the truth. She knows I'm not going to lie to her. It really surprised me. If someone asks, I'll tell them. But what if someone asks me during a family gathering rather than one on one? Then I'd have to lie, or be prepared to defend myself. Neither would end well. They don't know I'm not religious, if they find out then I'm screwed. Idk which is worse in their eyes, me being a boy or me not believing in church stuff.

[nerdperson777]

12 hours ago, Groovy Teacakes said:

Do you mind explaining what this means? I'm interested because it reminds me of when people compliment me and it's just awkward and I have to smile and say thanks like I'm glad they said it, but I can't tell if that's what you're talking about.

I've never met someone who does things so emotionally like your friend's eating! It's more my eating which affects my mood!

 

Also @Lirpaderp I know the feeling, I'm too chicken to come out to my family (although it sounds worse for you than me. I actually have no reason to think my family would be unaccepting, I'm just scared) and being gendered female at home for the holidays for four weeks now has been waring down at me. I find that at home I distract myself with things that make me feel intense emotions, like my useless unrequited crush on my friend, whereas I don't have to at college. It's not as pronounced as you describe it, I'm sorry I hope you manage to keep hold of your emotions, how long until you go back?

 

I guess what you said describes it.  I pause and say a monotone thanks, move on.  I have a lot of demi- properties about myself, and I would consider this to be one of them.  I wouldn't feel positive about a compliment unless I really like that person enough that I worship their opinion, which would be rare for me to find such a person in the first place.

 

I hear you.  I was out at parties with my parents on the 30th and the 31st.  I was just hoping that people weren't judging me.  On the 30th, one of my mom's friends there was a Trump supporter and dad said that they shouldn't talk politics or everything will go sour.  This is the same lady who was against gay marriage because there would be no more babies.  I don't see her accepting me.  Then the 31st, I didn't hear my name that often so it was okay.  Didn't expect to play Tetris for 2-3 hours though.

 

6 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

I'm not religious, and I'm woefully uninformed about the finer details of most religions' tenants, but I always wondered why when people say "God doesn't make mistakes," that they only say that to declare a person as cis deep down. What if God intended transition as part of someone's path? How do you pick and choose what medical intervention is or is not part of God's path, and who can really claim to know what God has or has not intended for others?

 

Some of my dearest friends and greatest supporters of my transition are deeply religious, and I've met the occasional religious trans person as well. Can't say I've ever been a fan of people using religion as their sword; I have far more respect for the people who instead choose to emphasize the more loving aspects of their faith.

I know this boy who has religious parents.  With the stereotypes of Christians and Catholics being against LGBT+ people, I expected him to not have accepting parents.  A few years has passed since then, and I'm wrong, very wrong.  His family fully supports him.  His father is a doctor who used his connections to aid his transition.  He was on E blockers for a year or two and then started T over a year ago.  I am a bit jealous that he has what many LGBT+ kids don't have, supportive parents.  Although, puberty already affected his chest, his transition looks pretty good.  I think he has wider shoulders than me already, but I know that my shoulders came from a "girl" puberty and won't really change structure anymore.

[Emery.]

Okay. I managed to find some peace.

 

sometimes I just need to vent some feelings... this all looks vastly different now, having looked at it from many angles.

I can't sum up well what happened... I for sure get rid of some shame and stuff like this. I no longer feel crazy   It's just dumb to look at it this way. I feel nice peace. 

 

Meeeh. I need to finish this fricking coursework. I have art to do  And karate to paractice. 

[Mezzo Forte]

6 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I know this boy who has religious parents.  With the stereotypes of Christians and Catholics being against LGBT+ people, I expected him to not have accepting parents.  A few years has passed since then, and I'm wrong, very wrong.  His family fully supports him.  His father is a doctor who used his connections to aid his transition.  He was on E blockers for a year or two and then started T over a year ago.  I am a bit jealous that he has what many LGBT+ kids don't have, supportive parents.  Although, puberty already affected his chest, his transition looks pretty good.  I think he has wider shoulders than me already, but I know that my shoulders came from a "girl" puberty and won't really change structure anymore.

I have those preconceived biases myself, and I have to be really careful with them. I wrote off half my family because of their religious and conservative backgrounds, not to mention the location they live in. They almost universally accepted me, with even the one who reacted in a particularly tasteless way eventually turning around and gendering me correctly. One aunt seems to be resistant to changing what name/pronouns to call me, but she's very private about her thoughts, so there's no telling how she reads the situation. It's a humbling experience to be so thoroughly proven wrong, but a welcome one.

 

I think shoulder development is also somewhat genetic, as I had broad shoulders even with estrogen dominating my system and without doing anything to develop those muscles. Perhaps estrogen can impact the bone growth a bit, but I doubt much else in regards to shoulders. Testosterone made my shoulders look even broader though and I love how they shape my silhouette.

[Tortuga]

6 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I know this boy who has religious parents.  With the stereotypes of Christians and Catholics being against LGBT+ people, I expected him to not have accepting parents.  A few years has passed since then, and I'm wrong, very wrong.  His family fully supports him.  His father is a doctor who used his connections to aid his transition.  He was on E blockers for a year or two and then started T over a year ago.  I am a bit jealous that he has what many LGBT+ kids don't have, supportive parents.  Although, puberty already affected his chest, his transition looks pretty good.  I think he has wider shoulders than me already, but I know that my shoulders came from a "girl" puberty and won't really change structure anymore.

I'm one of the luckiest people in this sense... I hope. But I'm beginning to think that my parents don't believe me. 

[Emery.]

I wonder if I will ever come out to my extended family. For now, my parents are against, and I don't feel like coming out either. Even if I changed my name, I wouldn't tell them. What is even the point if nothing more visible than the haircut that already happened is going to happen?

 

Funnily... mom does the laudry. Hence, I told her I want to wear men's clothes. Because she used to oppose back in high school. She's fine with that... well, that was last year. I got braver and braver with shopping in The Other Department. And... my mom started to buy men's sweats too  Some sweaters... Lately she was like... "You know, I saw such cool sweaters for men and I thought I'd buy it for dad, but he never wears the cool clothes I buy him, he doesn't like them, but I like this sweater so much, so I thought, I like this sweater, I want it for myself, why buy it for dad?" This is how my mom caught the bug too. But she's non-bianry, so...  

 

It's like... when one person transitions, then everyone does. Daisy chain or what. I inspired one of my best friends to crossdress too. 

[Mezzo Forte]

It's only been a day since I shaved off my beard and I miss it. ;-; 

 

Facial hair can almost be a security blanket after a while, especially because my facial/body hair only really becomes visible when it's long. My stubble's only noticeable if you look closely or actively touch my face. My face does look more angular when I shave, but I can't shake this feeling of androgyny without it. I probably just need to get used to my clean-shaven face again, especially because my facial hair isn't quite at the point where it can look professional and I want to look good when I teach.

[AwkwardAxolotl]

4 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Facial hair can almost be a security blanket after a while, especially because my facial/body hair only really becomes visible when it's long. My stubble's only noticeable if you look closely or actively touch my face. My face does look more angular when I shave, but I can't shake this feeling of androgyny without it. I probably just need to get used to my clean-shaven face again, especially because my facial hair isn't quite at the point where it can look professional and I want to look good when I teach.

I used to use facial hair as a security blanket, especially since my face is rather round. I did miss my facial hair when I first started my job here and was going clean-shaven so as to look professional. Sometimes I wonder if I could pull off a beard in a professional setting, but I think my coloring is too odd for that. Why my body decided I needed a (mostly) blonde mustache, (mostly) ginger chin and (mostly) dark brown sideburns, I don't know, but my facial hair looks kinda weird if I let it get past the stubble stage.

[Mezzo Forte]

1 hour ago, AwkwardAxolotl said:

I used to use facial hair as a security blanket, especially since my face is rather round. I did miss my facial hair when I first started my job here and was going clean-shaven so as to look professional. Sometimes I wonder if I could pull off a beard in a professional setting, but I think my coloring is too odd for that. Why my body decided I needed a (mostly) blonde mustache, (mostly) ginger chin and (mostly) dark brown sideburns, I don't know, but my facial hair looks kinda weird if I let it get past the stubble stage.

I could see why the facial hair could get a bit tricky where they all have such different hues. Perhaps just growing out one part like the sideburns could be a possibility? Right now, too much of my hair is centered in my neckbeard/below my cheeks to really pull off anything professional-looking, but I suspect that it's just a matter of time before I can grow something decent. If I get to start my doctorate this year, I'm probably going to be a lot more lax about my facial hair than I am now.  

[nerdperson777]

My higher ups at work have full beards.  My mom is stereotyping them for being Syrian but I prefer not to.  There's three of them and just one has a goatee/mustache thing instead of beard connected with sideburns.  My other co-workers are (assumably cis) women so I seem to be quite the contrast with the guys with my practically invisible peach fuzz.  My immediate supervisor says he can grow it all back within a week.  I don't want a beard but compared to them, I can't even grow anything.

[999papercranes]

A girl in bowling was in my lane and introduced herself, and asked my name. I said “Lauren.” She frowned and nodded and then said, “So are you a boy or a girl? I don’t know, and I don’t want to assume.”

I had to say “Girl,” and that sucked, but still! Apparently I pass so well that even after speaking in my feminine voice and having said my very feminine name, she was still confused. 

[nerdperson777]

I went to my primary doctor earlier for a follow up about my injured knee.  It wasn't an MCL injury after all.  I ruptured my ACL, with some tears in my meniscus.  After that, I told her that I got T some months back (since I forgot during the previous appointment) and wanted a referral for top surgery.  I was feeling okay with my chest up until this morning.  I went to practice as usual without my binder.  I saw the round contour of boobs in my clothes.  Yuck.  I want to be flat.  So the doctor was trying to put in the referral on her computer.  She wasn't sure what code to put in.  She typed in "transgender" in the search box.  Two of the results, for FtM and MtF, had wording that amused me.  I saw "female-to-male transgendered transsexual" and "male-to-female transgendered transsexual".  In my head, I thought, "ah yes, twice for good measure, just wanted to be sure."

 

Earlier I was thinking about gendering in martial arts again.  That boy that I mentioned before, he chose all the "manly" (Southern style) weapons for his specialization, before he even knew he was trans.  They are masculine coded because of the barbaric hack 'n slash movements, compared to all the other stuff done, which tends to be more graceful.  Also the sword (Southern Saber) tends to be really heavy because it's a thick chunk of metal.  Lighter sword, easier to wield right?  The two other swords available for specialization are Northern style, and even then I can't choose which one I really like more.  There's the really pretty "gentleman's" straightsword and the slashy slash broadsword that I have trouble choosing too.  Straightsword is more about detail accurate points to strike with the tip while broadsword is just cut all of them with the blade.  I find that I'm not graceful enough for straightsword, but not haphazard slashing enough for broadsword.  Non-binary problems?  But for now I think I'm doing all the gentleman weapons for my specialization.  Perhaps it's because I've become more comfortable with my femininity.  I feel like the owner is thinking, these two trans guys here, one is doing all the masculine weapons, and the other is doing the feminine weapons, how strange.  My friend thinks I have the style of the feminine coded weapons anyway.  I was planning on learning all three swords, even if I'll probably suck terribly at the barbaric weapon.  I probably can't wield that sword for longer than an hour.

[butterflydreams]

Found myself on that part of YouTube last night with all the detransitioners and foaming-at-the-mouth radfems welcoming them back to womanhoood. I couldn’t help but notice all the ones I could find where detransitioned women. I have nothing against people who detransition, for any reason. But to do it and then turn around and trash talk trans people generally is so frustrating. I also can’t help but notice the difference that there’s no one saying, “welcome back to manhood” to trans women who detransition. Honestly, and I’m just going to say this, it makes me feel like the “welcome back to womanhood” crowd is the most genuinely misogynistic of all. As if womanhood was some monolithic block and that all women have to (and want to) stick together, rather than be individuals with individual feelings and individual alliances. I think that’s a very misogynistic attitude to take. I feel insulted by that insinuation. I ally myself with good people, not just women, not just men. Good people. Some women are terrible people. Some men are terrible people. I’m not going to ally myself with women because they’re “all the same” and “always good can do no wrong.”

 

Fucking gross. I’m sure I’d be even more pissed off if I were a trans guy hearing this shit.

 

Addendum:

I think my biggest problem is that so much of this stuff is based on gender “theory”. That’s all well and good, and plenty academic I’m sure, but my life and my reality isn’t a theory. I don’t know anything about gender theories, nor do I really care. So does that make me not trans? I have to believe in a particular theory to be trans? I’m sure this will get me marked as so called “truscum” but all I did was go to my doctor with a medical problem. That’s it. The reality of that situation is independent of any theories. No theory is going to convince me, “you know what, I don’t actually have dysphoria.” I’ll fully admit that I don’t understand being trans outside of the concept of physical dysphoria only. I don’t understand being trans based solely or primarily on social dysphoria. 

 

And another thing. A lot of these people seem to like to go after trans women because we’re still “really men” and you can see it in our “natural misogyny and violence”. That’s a hell of a fucking accusation, and an awfully misandric one. 

 

I’m afraid to even say this stuff here for fear that they’ll find it and come after me. 

Edited January 5, 2018 by butterflydreams

[Tortuga]

@butterflydreams Blech. These people are basically covering their ears and shouting nonsense over common sense because they don't agree with it. I admit that I have done this once or twice with schoolwork, and it never helped me. These people, if only people by the biological definition of the word, are wrong. They can't invalidate you any more than they can tell me I don't like the color orange. (Orange is my favorite color) Don't believe them, they don't know you like you know you. Also, AVEN is safe from trolls and jerks like them- thank the admod team that is more competent than the admod teams in most websites. Post your opinions without worry. And cake. Post cake. (Well, that went tangential quickly ) 

 

Lots of hugs, wub, and cake,

 

Tortuga/Calyn

[nerdperson777]

5 hours ago, butterflydreams said:

And another thing. A lot of these people seem to like to go after trans women because we’re still “really men” and you can see it in our “natural misogyny and violence”. That’s a hell of a fucking accusation, and an awfully misandric one. 

Reminds me of this: 

 

 

[Mezzo Forte]

On January 5, 2018 at 9:13 AM, butterflydreams said:

Fucking gross. I’m sure I’d be even more pissed off if I were a trans guy hearing this shit.

Can confirm: there's a reason why TERFs are one of the few groups of people who genuinely make my blood boil.

 

The way they dismiss and undermine trans men almost perfectly mirrors the ways people dismiss and undermine women, so they're being blatantly misogynistic in their attempts to "welcome [detransitioners] back to womanhood." They also conveniently forget that some people who detransition still identify as trans and that their reasons for detransition are actually more nuanced than the TERFs are willing to consider. I have tried so many times to try and listen to TERF ideologies because I wanted to understand their point of view and be a bit more empathetic, but every time I try, I only find things that make me get angrier and angrier. What's worse is when I find this shit without even looking for it, as their shit is so noxious that it can actually get me dysphoric, and I will often find it while looking to answers to my more vulnerable questions. (Last time it happened, I was researching the recommended amount of downstairs growth for metoidioplasty, so you can only imagine how I felt when I couldn't find my answer, yet found so many TERFs shitting on bottom surgery results.)

 

On January 5, 2018 at 9:13 AM, butterflydreams said:

I think my biggest problem is that so much of this stuff is based on gender “theory”. That’s all well and good, and plenty academic I’m sure, but my life and my reality isn’t a theory. I don’t know anything about gender theories, nor do I really care. So does that make me not trans? I have to believe in a particular theory to be trans? I’m sure this will get me marked as so called “truscum” but all I did was go to my doctor with a medical problem. That’s it. The reality of that situation is independent of any theories. No theory is going to convince me, “you know what, I don’t actually have dysphoria.” I’ll fully admit that I don’t understand being trans outside of the concept of physical dysphoria only. I don’t understand being trans based solely or primarily on social dysphoria. 

From what I've seen of gender theory, I personally think it needs more ethnography.  

 

In regard to "truscum," I think most people reserve that term for someone who outright dismisses anyone who doesn't follow the most conventional/binary transition path. I think we both realize that the way we understand our gender doesn't have to be the one definitive metric with which to define all trans people. Just because you might not fully understand things like being trans primarily because of social dysphoria, that doesn't mean that you deny that they exist or would treat them as "not trans enough" because of it.

[Destan]

[Deleted]

[butterflydreams]

2 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Last time it happened, I was researching the recommended amount of downstairs growth for metoidioplasty, so you can only imagine how I felt when I couldn't find my answer, yet found so many TERFs shitting on bottom surgery results.

Yikes! WTF?

 

2 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

In regard to "truscum," I think most people reserve that term for someone who outright dismisses anyone who doesn't follow the most conventional/binary transition path. I think we both realize that the way we understand our gender doesn't have to be the one definitive metric with which to define all trans people. Just because you might not fully understand things like being trans primarily because of social dysphoria, that doesn't mean that you deny that they exist or would treat them as "not trans enough" because of it.

Yeah, that's what I was trying to say. Like, I don't get it, but I'm not going to shit on someone for it. Whatever happened to live and let live? This is why I don't necessarily like or subscribe to the "trans community". To me it's like having a community for people who wear glasses. I don't need other trans people to make me feel welcome and understood. I just have good friends. They all happen to be straight and cis, but that doesn't matter. They understand I have this medical condition and I'm getting treatment for it and they support me just the same.

[Mezzo Forte]

1 hour ago, butterflydreams said:

To me it's like having a community for people who wear glasses.

You know, for some reason, that got me thinking about my own experience with eye surgery. I used to wear glasses, but contacts (which make you pass for a non-glasses wearer) was too uncomfortable for me in the long term. Surgery corrected my vision so that I don't need glasses, but my eyes will always have the shape of someone's who has nearsightedness and astigmatism, even if that doesn't matter because nobody would ever notice anyways. People often don't know that I ever needed glasses unless I say something, so it seems rather odd when I can relate to gripes that glasses-wearers talk about. Heck, a good friend of mine got to try on my old glasses, and beyond them definitely being too small for his face, it turned out that our prescriptions were very similar, and I couldn't help but think it was kinda cool. While I actually kind of liked my glasses and was kind of pushed into surgery without much chance for me to think about it, I'm still happy with the end result. Heck, I actually got the vision impairment nixed off my license when I updated my name/gender. (Should have done that years sooner, but it didn't feel important enough on its own to warrant a trip to the DMV.)  Don't know why I feel like there's weird parallels between this and transition, but they all just kind of clicked when I read your post.

[nerdperson777]

Mezzo is stealth, in other ways.

 

I'm thinking now about my random personality quirks. It's kind of like being genderfluid but it's not with gender. I just sometimes talk deep and masculine and other times I'm higher pitched but still a guy. Then I'm sounding like a stereotypical gay man. Not sure what this means about me.

[butterflydreams]

The more I watch these detransition and terf videos, the more I think these people just hate men. One of the channels has misandry right in the channel name. I guess it's ok to hate on men though. I guess it's ok to say things about them, that if were said about women would end someone's career. Why is this shit ok? 

 

A lot of the stuff is just strawman central. Like they just take a one off, or even several one offs, and claim that represents everyone. I knew a woman once who was a real bitch...pfft, figures, all women are like that. See how much of an asshole I sound like?

 

These people make no attempt to understand that the world doesn't necessarily revolve around men, and that men are screwed by society and even government in many areas. One detransitioned woman said how, being seen as a man, she felt safer walking around. Well, then you're an idiot, because men are statistically more likely to be victims of violent crimes.

 

Why do I subject myself to these videos? I don't know. There was some article that came out back in october about this Serbian surgeon who was talking about lots of surgical regrets and my god did every idiot with a pulse jump on that article. One Serbian surgeon. One. I bet most of these people couldn't point to Serbia on a map. 

 

I guess...be a terf, whatever, I don't really care, but the man-hate kills me. I love men, you toxic fucking harpies.