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Trans Musings & Rantings


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12 minutes ago, Emery. said:

Who normal would listen to what another person is doing in the stall? :S 

Hey sometimes it’s just really quiet...

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1 hour ago, :)(: said:

Hey sometimes it’s just really quiet...

Even if you notice somethig wierd by accident, why make fuss? That would be a lot wierder than whatever someone does in the toilet. Some men sit on the toilet, even. Just because. So why bother? 

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nerdperson777

I think that reason might've made me not want to use female restrooms.  It's a place to pee.  Why am I going to socialize in there?

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On 12/26/2017 at 1:41 PM, Emery. said:

Even if you notice somethig wierd by accident, why make fuss? That would be a lot wierder than whatever someone does in the toilet. Some men sit on the toilet, even. Just because. So why bother? 

I don’t I luuuuvvvveee the bathroom I get a entire stall to myself and no one can bother me and you sit down and think about nothing and no one will bother you. I really enjoy fancy restrooms. Plus I use it to escape from awkward family situations...

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nerdperson777
On 12/26/2017 at 11:41 AM, Emery. said:

Even if you notice somethig wierd by accident, why make fuss? That would be a lot wierder than whatever someone does in the toilet. Some men sit on the toilet, even. Just because. So why bother? 

My dad sits, I think.  I wonder if he feels emasculated by it.  He keeps putting forth gender roles but he's always the less powerful parent in the house.  But I heard that it can be harder for AMAB people to sit and pee because of where the parts need to be?  So not all AMAB people can do it.

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Also I have a question. I have this friend who is trans and he had a falling out with his mother. It seems to be bothering him but I don’t know if I should ask or not. What I want to do is just help him. He means a lot to me but I don’t want to hurt him and I kinda feel as if I am by sidestepping the issue. 

 

Like what what did you want your friends to be when you were trans?

 

ANYTHING would be helpful 

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nerdperson777
37 minutes ago, Shisha said:

Also I have a question. I have this friend who is trans and he had a falling out with his mother. It seems to be bothering him but I don’t know if I should ask or not. What I want to do is just help him. He means a lot to me but I don’t want to hurt him and I kinda feel as if I am by sidestepping the issue. 

 

Like what what did you want your friends to be when you were trans?

 

ANYTHING would be helpful 

I'm not entirely sure what you're asking.  One of my friends just acts all psychologist and asks how you feel, so that you can sort it out by speaking.  If you have no idea, it shouldn't be wrong to honestly ask how you can help.  Just ask how you can supportive.  Sorry, I had trouble answering since it was unclear.

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3 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

But I heard that it can be harder for AMAB people to sit and pee because of where the parts need to be?  So not all AMAB people can do it.

As an AMAB person I don't know how it would be a problem for anyone to sit to pee. I often do it (unless I'm in a public restroom, but I still use the stalls - I hate being out in the open to use a urinal).

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nerdperson777
1 hour ago, daveb said:

As an AMAB person I don't know how it would be a problem for anyone to sit to pee. I often do it (unless I'm in a public restroom, but I still use the stalls - I hate being out in the open to use a urinal).

If that's the case, then maybe some cis guys feel emasculated if they sit.

 

When I first started educating myself on stand peeing, I thought, people really whip that thing out in front of a urinal?  I guess that makes sense, I never really thought about it.  Sitting is baring a butt to the world so that's even more.  Then I learned about how people don't actually use the underwear flaps.  I'm just wondering what's the point of having them?  I guess I can use them with my peeing device but I would imagine that it would feel really weird for a live one.  I've been peeing all over myself for a week so I need to do laundry early.

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I think someone looked at me wierd in the toilet when I left the toilet seat up one time. Because you know. With lady bits, you can sort of... sit in the air and pee. I find public toilets disgusting, so I don't sit on them. But later on I noticed that some women do leave the toilet seat up, not just me :P 

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14 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

My dad sits, I think.  I wonder if he feels emasculated by it.  He keeps putting forth gender roles but he's always the less powerful parent in the house.  But I heard that it can be harder for AMAB people to sit and pee because of where the parts need to be?  So not all AMAB people can do it.

One friend warned me that if I got phallo and had a fixed-length longer dick, that it'd likely touch the water if I ever sat on the toilet. :lol: I actually worry about the opposite issue with metoidioplasty, as I'm not sure if it'd be too small to angle properly to sit to pee. Guess I won't know for sure until I actually have surgery though.

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10 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

If that's the case, then maybe some cis guys feel emasculated if they sit.

Maybe, although if they do they must have very little confidence in their masculinity to start with.

 

10 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

Sitting is baring a butt to the world so that's even more. 

Not really, because you usually have a door between you and the world. Urinals don't have doors and many don't even have partitions or anything. So you're more exposed at a urinal. In some places the urinal is just one big trough/wall thing, with as many guys squeezing in side by side as need be or want to. :blink:

 

19 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

that it'd likely touch the water if I ever sat on the toilet

That can happen, depending on one's size, water depth and shape of the toilet. In which case you just have to hold it up a bit.

 

Anyway, you still have to sit to defecate. And I would think you'd urinate and defecate in the same sitting some of the time. What are they going to do, hold back the pee and wait until they can stand to do that? :P

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I already sit. Also, how did the conversation get to toilets???

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nerdperson777
14 hours ago, daveb said:

Not really, because you usually have a door between you and the world. Urinals don't have doors and many don't even have partitions or anything. So you're more exposed at a urinal. In some places the urinal is just one big trough/wall thing, with as many guys squeezing in side by side as need be or want to. :blink:

Well, I wasn't counting the door.  It's exposed to air, how about that.  In the winter, I just would like to keep my butt warm so I'm trying to STP now, although failing horribly.

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I keep on having gender meltdowns. I have no idea what to do about it. It's not like my thoughts have any specific content then. It's more like... an instinct without an object. I can't find a suitable object. It's like libido when nobody attractive is around.

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I get dysphoria strikes so randomly now. They usually last about an hour, and can wake me up from deep sleep- which makes me tired and makes them worse. I am stuck in a vicious cycle of dysphoria getting stronger and more frequent, I feel a lot like I'm on the verge of throwing up because of dysphoria, what should I do?

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butterflydreams
On 12/26/2017 at 10:02 AM, Mezzo Forte said:

Can confirm. I remember being so paranoid at first, but nobody's listening that closely, and they're definitely not going to say anything even if they did somehow notice. :P 

I'm still pretty paranoid that people are listening. 

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1 minute ago, butterflydreams said:

I'm still pretty paranoid that people are listening. 

I feel like women's bathrooms, people especially wouldn't be listening. They're too paranoid about their own noises to care about anyone else's. Why do you think so many people avoid pooping when they're not alone in the women's room? :lol:

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butterflydreams
Spoiler

81Zglq6MTLL.jpg

 

3 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

I feel like women's bathrooms, people especially wouldn't be listening. They're too paranoid about their own noises to care about anyone else's. Why do you think so many people avoid pooping when they're not alone in the women's room? :lol:

That's good. Not that I use women's rooms that often. I'm still afraid of it.

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I still use men's bathrooms, but I'd rather not. However, I'm unsure about the bathroom laws in my state, and whether or not it even applies to me, so I have to err on the side of caution and dysphoria and use the men's restrooms. Yuurgh!

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This whole toilet conversation gave me a dream about toilets :P 

Someone threw me out of the women's toilet. I didn't want to make a "Now show me your boobs" scene, so I just gave up and went to the men's room :P 

 

I have this friend with whom I was BFF in high school, then we quarreled and we started to talk to each other recently... I told her that I felt like a guy all this time and I'm gay. I don't know whether she's been great with this... Nevertheless, I feel like our bond broke to a large degree, because I'm gay. I met with her and we hang out for the whole day together. You can just really... feel it. It's sad, but... I just wasn't comfortable lying to her like that. She thought I can help her with her bra and feel nothing. I just didn't feel right. I feel a bit broken, but... I don't know why I associate it with this dream.

 

i started to talk about my gender over and over :P you know how good it feels? :lol: 

I think i don't give a shit any more. I don't feel like excusing myself.

i keep on hearing this narrative that to be trans, you need x y z, all the dysphoria and stuff... can't i be trans if i'm not like that? Fk this shit, i'm gonna transition (socially) anyway. To whatever feels good. Fk this shit. 

 

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58 minutes ago, Emery. said:

i keep on hearing this narrative that to be trans, you need x y z, all the dysphoria and stuff... can't i be trans if i'm not like that?

I know their is a difference between transsexual and transgender it’s sorta like the square is a rectangle but a rectangle isn’t a square type of thing so I don’t think that narrative is right.

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10 minutes ago, :)(: said:

I know their is a difference between transsexual and transgender it’s sorta like the square is a rectangle but a rectangle isn’t a square type of thing so I don’t think that narrative is right.

Yeah... in my understanding, transsexual is someone who transitions physically and transgender is someone who transitions socially. Those two may overlap or they may not. There are people who identify as non-binary, but transition all the way physically, and there are people who identify as the binary opposite sex and who don't. Although the latter is rare or at least not talked about, a taboo of sorts maybe. To be completely honest, I don't feel 100% male, but I'm definitely a masculine person with female bits, so I lean to the other side, and it leaves me in a very wierd place in my opinion. 

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I'm honestly feeling so lost at the moment. In a way, I'm such an anti-gender person, and it intellectually rigns true, but at the same time I identify with all those trans things, and I don't know how to reconcile that. I also feel like I used up all the resources, both online and offline, to know what I'm looking for. Everything seems to jot hit home, seems not complex enough. I just feel bad about my "crossdressing urges". I feel fine with the way I feel gender, I feel fine with not conforming to norms, I don't think there is anything wrong with me wearing masculine clothes for whatever purpose. I just... feel conflicted about my want to... transition socially. Or something of that sort. I feel like this is a passing want as well. I'd rather keep it a play, crossdressing, but still do it? However, I have no chance to crossdress. My social life is dead. Ooops, I wear men's clothing on a daily basis so...? How can I crossdress more? I can just yell that I am a boy. And it needs the right context so much, and I lack this context.

 

side note. I sometimes feel so overdeveloped for my age. I seriosuly feel like I was 30, not 20, in many ways, those peers of mine act so inconsiderate. They are so shallow. 

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I bought by's shoes yesterday. It still makes more feel extremely happy. I do not consider it crossdressing because my shoes never officially told me about their gender, nor do my shoes display any indications of containing male or female parts.

 

Cloths are genderless sexless garments meant to be sold and keep humanity away from nudity. ;P

 

I do get "crossdressing" urges a bit but I like you. But I balance out. Yesterday, I was wearing pretty manish-cloths and I ended up running across the street like this (see large gif sorry ).

                               

                        Everyone was probably like "Look see that fast feminine boy run"

                                                               It happens...

 

Transitioning socially I understand too. I am dying to get out of the house and I keep on wanting to use my last name. There is alway that awkward moment at Starbucks where I wanna say my last name, but don't. The last name feel so right.  There is always that teacher that uses my last name and it is no accident that that teacher is usually my favorite. I think they pick up on my low (but not nonexistent)  feminine levels. 

 

Oh there is alway a chance to "crossdress" I do not really think of my greeting as crossdressing but then again I am wearing my dad shirt, red sweatpants and new "boy" shoes. (Sound terrible but it actually looks good) with a hat that also was my dads. I do it for fun. (Ironically I wear dresses sometimes for fun but I swear 70% of people think I am a boy wearing a dress.)

                         Thanks gender neutral face...

                                        And nonexistent curves... 

                                                                 and short hair...

 

tumblr_mfdv2l7Xch1rksv4mo1_400.gif

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Yeah... my problem is that I don't really know what I'm up to. It's feelings. I don't typically use feelings -_- Feelings suck if you ask me. Especially those. That is over the top irrational. Like... I gwt clothes as an expression of a certain vibe, as personal style.... something like that, and I have no problem with this and I do this. If I was more stupid or brought up differently, I would just miss the unreasonablitity there and I'd just transition and I'd be done. But no... I have to have a brain :P alongside... this. I hete that. I hate always delaying gratification for the sake of the big picture. I simply can't forget myself in the moment. I hate it. Or maybe I just haven't met the right people who'd think like I do. 

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nerdperson777
17 minutes ago, :)(: said:

yes yes they do.

That's what I grew up learning.  I either got to feel neutral or sad, or mad.  I started having feelings in college and they were only causing me pain.  Feelings make one vulnerable.  People become more susceptible to desire and do things that are impulsive.  Everything about that, how could I like it?  I felt bad in college for developing feelings.  But then I realized that I couldn't just make them go away.  I just had to accept that they existed in my person.  I couldn't fight it.

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