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ChillaKilla

Trans Musings & Rantings

Recommended Posts

Starbogen

I have no idea what radfems are but urgh I'm so freaked out by the idea of detransitioning.. No offense to anyone who does it but it would weird me out to know about that. 

My girlfriend has a friend who came out as genderfluid and changed their name and pronouns but now like a year or two later they've apparently gone back to using the original female name and pronouns... I hope this doesn't sound offensive or anything, but I just feel like transphobic people would use people who go through that as an excuse to say all trans people are wrong or don't exist or aren't really trans. I'm not saying that's the case with people who detransition, just to be clear, but that some people will see it that way and use it against others. 

 

And I guess I'm also just worried of the possibility that I could ever feel that way and want to go back... I feel as sure as I can feel that I won't, because I always hated it, but I can't say that it's "impossible" and that bothers me.

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Mezzo Forte
3 hours ago, Hadley167 said:

The problem is that I don't want to hear any of it. And it only shows up because of trans people who detransitioned to "rejoin the sisterhood". It's just a gross ideology that actually scares me. Somehow youtube's algorithms are showing it to me. 

Oh my lord. This was the kind of BS I saw when I was still questioning, and it still makes my skin crawl. There's actually a FtM youtuber I watch who went off T for a while (in part because of the influence of a lesbian partner), and a bunch of radfems basically said "welcome back, sister" when he kept repeating that he was still trans and not detransitioning.

 

YouTube can be weird with me when I watch trans-focused videos, because sometimes, it thinks I want to see anti-trans videos too (especially if I watch anything related to detransition).

 

Lucky me, I've just been watching a shit ton of Games Done Quick videos since SGDQ just happened, so most my suggestions are other gaming speedruns. :P (Seriously, watching speedruns is about as close as I'll ever get to enjoying sports type events. When they're good, they're downright mesmerizing, and I almost feel compelled to cheer and yell during some moments.)

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Light02

I mean, Zinnia Jones identifies as  a radfem, I think and she's a trans woman (who makes really amazing videos, might I add).

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butterflydreams
3 hours ago, Liebelit said:

My girlfriend has a friend who came out as genderfluid and changed their name and pronouns but now like a year or two later they've apparently gone back to using the original female name and pronouns... I hope this doesn't sound offensive or anything, but I just feel like transphobic people would use people who go through that as an excuse to say all trans people are wrong or don't exist or aren't really trans. I'm not saying that's the case with people who detransition, just to be clear, but that some people will see it that way and use it against others. 

It just means that sometimes people have to take a weird route to understanding themselves. It doesn't mean transition is wrong, or not right for anyone. Rational people understand this. Jerky anti-trans people obviously don't.

 

54 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Oh my lord. This was the kind of BS I saw when I was still questioning, and it still makes my skin crawl. There's actually a FtM youtuber I watch who went off T for a while (in part because of the influence of a lesbian partner), and a bunch of radfems basically said "welcome back, sister" when he kept repeating that he was still trans and not detransitioning.

Eww, yuck. This is abuse IMO. Being trans, being gay, being anything, these are not group ideologies. They're simply conditions of being. That's it. I don't agree with all other trans people, or have any shared heritage or anything. We share a state of being, but nothing more.

 

9 minutes ago, Light02 said:

I mean, Zinnia Jones identifies as  a radfem, I think and she's a trans woman (who makes really amazing videos, might I add).

Yeah, I liked her briefly at one time, but she really got to me with some of the things she said. I really really don't like her anymore.

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Mezzo Forte
1 hour ago, Hadley167 said:

Eww, yuck. This is abuse IMO. Being trans, being gay, being anything, these are not group ideologies. They're simply conditions of being. That's it. I don't agree with all other trans people, or have any shared heritage or anything. We share a state of being, but nothing more.

There's definitely ugly camps no matter what park you visit. >> (The youtuber did eventually realize it was abusive thankfully and actively speaks out about situations like that.) I feel like there's no automatic bond that comes with having a similar experience. I've seen that in ace, trans, and general LGBTQ meetups alike. Plus, I've even seen that in some musician circles.

 

It's tough because most labels come with impulse assumptions one way or another, and it can be frustrating to constantly feel like people are assuming you're something you're not. (Heck, look at me when I say I'm a percussionist. I feel bad because people assume I have a stronger background in drumset than I actually do, but if I specify "classically trained," then they assume I'm more into orchestral music than I actually am. Then if I say that I'm a music scholar, people assume that I'm way more into Baroque/Classical/Romantic-period music than I actually am. With Western art music, I actually like pre-Baroque and 20th/21st-century music, but I am mostly into ethnomusicology and that sort of cultural/anthropological way of looking at music. They're not the worst assumptions, but I still feel like I have to explain myself a lot because of my unorthodox experiences as a musician/scholar.)

 

^And that was my "whoops, I accidentally got rambling about music, but I don't want to erase all that" moment of the day. :lol:

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butterflydreams
59 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

There's definitely ugly camps no matter what park you visit. >> (The youtuber did eventually realize it was abusive thankfully and actively speaks out about situations like that.) I feel like there's no automatic bond that comes with having a similar experience. I've seen that in ace, trans, and general LGBTQ meetups alike. Plus, I've even seen that in some musician circles.

Hehe, yup. I follow an MtF blogger and I wish someone would just tell her how abusive her wife is being to her. It's sick. 

 

Are trans people more susceptible to abuse like that do you think? I know I'm susceptible, but I don't think it's because I'm trans specifically. More that I'm just a sensitive, caring person.

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Mezzo Forte
2 minutes ago, Hadley167 said:

Hehe, yup. I follow an MtF blogger and I wish someone would just tell her how abusive her wife is being to her. It's sick. 

 

Are trans people more susceptible to abuse like that do you think? I know I'm susceptible, but I don't think it's because I'm trans specifically. More that I'm just a sensitive, caring person.

I think empaths are more vulnerable to abuse since we're more likely to feel/care about the feelings of others, and abusive people will use that to their advantage. My family used to worry constantly about the possibility of me entering abusive relationships because of my passivity. I've seen someone very dear to me get emotionally manipulated, and to this day, I am so thankful that we broke through to them and helped them out of the situation before it got too bad. (I wish we could have prevented more of the hurt though.)

 

Self-esteem is likely another factor though, so if a trans person is struggling with self-confidence issues, (and I'm sure being trans can impact confidence, especially in relationships,) they may be easier to manipulate for that reason.

 

That said, being aware of your higher risks actually decreases your risk because you're less likely to overlook the signs of abuse as they happen. Heck, it can happen to people who you really think wouldn't take that shit. My family is way less concerned about me getting emotionally manipulated now, but that actually makes me more nervous because I feel like it wouldn't be that hard to manipulate me, and I don't want to let my guard down too much.

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butterflydreams
5 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

I think empaths are more vulnerable to abuse since we're more likely to feel/care about the feelings of others, and abusive people will use that to their advantage. My family used to worry constantly about the possibility of me entering abusive relationships because of my passivity. I've seen someone very dear to me get emotionally manipulated, and to this day, I am so thankful that we broke through to them and helped them out of the situation before it got too bad. (I wish we could have prevented more of the hurt though.)

 

Self-esteem is likely another factor though, so if a trans person is struggling with self-confidence issues, (and I'm sure being trans can impact confidence, especially in relationships,) they may be easier to manipulate for that reason.

 

That said, being aware of your higher risks actually decreases your risk because you're less likely to overlook the signs of abuse as they happen. Heck, it can happen to people who you really think wouldn't take that shit. My family is way less concerned about me getting emotionally manipulated now, but that actually makes me more nervous because I feel like it wouldn't be that hard to manipulate me, and I don't want to let my guard down too much.

That makes complete sense. And even though I am aware of what it looks like, I'll let it happen to me for a long, long, long time before I do anything. I never thought it would happen to me until about a year ago, it did. And I was pretty messed up by it. Plus I have all of the emotional abuse leveled at me by family. It sucks.

 

For as much as I want a relationship, I hope I wouldn't get abused in it. Because I know I'm so susceptible. Low self esteem, low confidence, very caring of others beyond myself...I'm ripe for the taking. I guess I should work on those things first.

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Mezzo Forte
9 minutes ago, Hadley167 said:

That makes complete sense. And even though I am aware of what it looks like, I'll let it happen to me for a long, long, long time before I do anything. I never thought it would happen to me until about a year ago, it did. And I was pretty messed up by it. Plus I have all of the emotional abuse leveled at me by family. It sucks.

 

For as much as I want a relationship, I hope I wouldn't get abused in it. Because I know I'm so susceptible. Low self esteem, low confidence, very caring of others beyond myself...I'm ripe for the taking. I guess I should work on those things first.

One thing I can at least urge you to do is to keep being open and honest with friends as you enter relationships and make sure you listen to their concerns. If someone who cares about you thinks it's abuse, they won't come to that conclusion lightly. The biggest thing abusers try to do is isolate someone from their support network, be they family, friends, or other communities, so holding onto people who are dear to you can make a huge difference.

 

I really hope you never have to experience emotional abuse again, and I hope you can fight with yourself to act sooner once you become aware of even the risk of abuse. You definitely have a lot of social intelligence even while struggling with confidence issues, and I hope you can use that and your past experience to your advantage as you navigate romance and friendships.

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nerdperson777
12 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

It's tough because most labels come with impulse assumptions one way or another, and it can be frustrating to constantly feel like people are assuming you're something you're not. (Heck, look at me when I say I'm a percussionist. I feel bad because people assume I have a stronger background in drumset than I actually do, but if I specify "classically trained," then they assume I'm more into orchestral music than I actually am. Then if I say that I'm a music scholar, people assume that I'm way more into Baroque/Classical/Romantic-period music than I actually am. With Western art music, I actually like pre-Baroque and 20th/21st-century music, but I am mostly into ethnomusicology and that sort of cultural/anthropological way of looking at music. They're not the worst assumptions, but I still feel like I have to explain myself a lot because of my unorthodox experiences as a musician/scholar.)

 

^And that was my "whoops, I accidentally got rambling about music, but I don't want to erase all that" moment of the day. :lol:

Totally not gender related, but I'm kind of a Romantic-Impressionist type, sometimes classical.  Baroque and Contemporary doesn't seem to be my thing. :P

(Don't think I got to learn about pre-Baroque.)

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AwkwardAxolotl
14 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Self-esteem is likely another factor though, so if a trans person is struggling with self-confidence issues, (and I'm sure being trans can impact confidence, especially in relationships,) they may be easier to manipulate for that reason.

 

That said, being aware of your higher risks actually decreases your risk because you're less likely to overlook the signs of abuse as they happen. Heck, it can happen to people who you really think wouldn't take that shit.

I can attest to this. Lack of self-esteem, and loneliness, both of which can be common in trans people, both make people more susceptible to being in an abusive relationship. And being in an abusive relationship will further destroy self-esteem, making it harder to leave the relationship. Unfortunately it's not as simple as 'if you don't like the way you're being treated, just leave.' (I used to think that way, and learned the hard way it's not so easy).

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Mezzo Forte
5 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

Totally not gender related, but I'm kind of a Romantic-Impressionist type, sometimes classical.  Baroque and Contemporary doesn't seem to be my thing. :P

(Don't think I got to learn about pre-Baroque.)

Romantic period's pretty cool, but the way my undergrad handled music history only gave half a semester to each major time period, and that definitely wasn't enough to make up for how much less I've engaged Romantic works than the average musician.

 

My music history track was also weird in that it dedicated an entire semester to pre-Baroque music, so Antiquity, Middle Ages, and Renaissance. I actually really like the Medeival church singing and the early development of polyphony. This stuff goes so far back in time that it activates my inner ethnomusicologist. Plus, I'm also weirdly nerdy about the development of music notation. :P 

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butterflydreams
1 hour ago, AwkwardAxolotl said:

I can attest to this. Lack of self-esteem, and loneliness, both of which can be common in trans people, both make people more susceptible to being in an abusive relationship. And being in an abusive relationship will further destroy self-esteem, making it harder to leave the relationship. Unfortunately it's not as simple as 'if you don't like the way you're being treated, just leave.' (I used to think that way, and learned the hard way it's not so easy).

Well shit. I guess I'm super vulnerable :( 

 

At least I've sworn off dating for a while.

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Mezzo Forte
16 minutes ago, Hadley167 said:

Well shit. I guess I'm super vulnerable :( 

 

At least I've sworn off dating for a while.

If anything, this could be all the more reason to build your self-confidence. 

 

Your transition is a huge act of self-love, so why not treat that confidence-building as another act of self-love? I imagine that it could also be an element of preparing yourself for SRS if you want to treat it that way too.

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butterflydreams
3 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

If anything, this could be all the more reason to build your self-confidence. 

 

Your transition is a huge act of self-love, so why not treat that confidence-building as another act of self-love? I imagine that it could also be an element of preparing yourself for SRS if you want to treat it that way too.

I never would've thought of transition that way. Hmmm...food for thought indeed. I'm really hoping to figure out how to learn who I am. Who is Hadley? How am I going to be in the world?

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Kimmie.
3 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

If anything, this could be all the more reason to build your self-confidence. 

 

Your transition is a huge act of self-love, so why not treat that confidence-building as another act of self-love? I imagine that it could also be an element of preparing yourself for SRS if you want to treat it that way too.

I like the way you describe it :)

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Santa's Little Elf

Spoiler just in case

I really, really hate those who think it's funny to make fun of a trans girl for a pizza commercial, definetly. Not going to buy new york pizza.Disguisting.

 

 

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Kimmie.
11 minutes ago, Jayce said:

Spoiler just in case

 

  Reveal hidden contents

I really, really hate those who think it's funny to make fun of a trans girl for a pizza commercial, definetly. Not going to buy new york pizza.Disguisting.

 

 

 

Eh what??!!

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nerdperson777
7 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Romantic period's pretty cool, but the way my undergrad handled music history only gave half a semester to each major time period, and that definitely wasn't enough to make up for how much less I've engaged Romantic works than the average musician.

 

My music history track was also weird in that it dedicated an entire semester to pre-Baroque music, so Antiquity, Middle Ages, and Renaissance. I actually really like the Medeival church singing and the early development of polyphony. This stuff goes so far back in time that it activates my inner ethnomusicologist. Plus, I'm also weirdly nerdy about the development of music notation. :P 

My only knowledge is from the stuff I had to study for the CM test, which is a long time ago, now that I think of it.  I stopped at level 8 because my teacher said I didn't need level 10 or advanced unless I was going to have a career in music.  Also, most of what I know is classical music as a whole, because my mom didn't let me play anything else.  My first song that I wanted to play outside of the classical realm was "Still Alive" from Portal, which I learned fully in two hours after having learned music for 10 years.  So I guess CM requirements are really biased since I practically know nothing outside of the 1600-2000 times.

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ChillaKilla

Seen on my Instagram story 



IMG_2378.jpg

I'm a sarcastic 'lil bugger sometimes :P 

It also said "Not recommended for usage over facial hair". Haha...no problem... :')

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nerdperson777
17 hours ago, ChillaKilla said:

Seen on my Instagram story 

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 


IMG_2378.jpg
 

 

 

I'm a sarcastic 'lil bugger sometimes :P 

It also said "Not recommended for usage over facial hair". Haha...no problem... :')

I have a friend who I laugh at needlessly gendered objects with.  Man wipes, they don't smell like flowers.  I found a bedsheet online where the characteristics said gender male.  I linked my friend a wallet.  Her reply was "Hello, I would like you to meet my wallet, Mr. Wallet."  Right now this guy I know has a carbon fiber staff and the bag that holds it says male in Chinese on it.  He's probably going to be 6 feet tall but don't gender height plz.

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Calligraphette_Coe

I guess this would be a good place to post what I heard yesterday on AM radio ( which I only listen to to hear emergency information when there's severe weather in the area at the time):

 

 


Not to go out on a <ahem> limb and <ahem> rush to any judgements, but I couldn't believe how beyond wrong this comment about radfems being responsible for the 'transgendered' movement was. Apparently this guy never heard of Janice Raymond and Mary Daly. Sheesh, I lived through those times..
 

 

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butterflydreams
5 hours ago, Calligraphette_Coe said:

I guess this would be a good place to post what I heard yesterday on AM radio ( which I only listen to to hear emergency information when there's severe weather in the area at the time):

  Hide contents

 


Not to go out on a <ahem> limb and <ahem> rush to any judgements, but I couldn't believe how beyond wrong this comment about radfems being responsible for the 'transgendered' movement was. Apparently this guy never heard of Janice Raymond and Mary Daly. Sheesh, I lived through those times..
 

 

Janice Raymond lived like 10 minutes away from where I grew up, spewing her nonsense at the most respected public university in the state. And the nonsense permeated other regional academic discourse. Is it any wonder I stayed so closeted? I heard this bullshit in middle school

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Dan99

this fucking thing. http://prntscr.com/fz3eqt 

 

why can't people accept that trans people exist/respect them? This isn't a fucking show tans people are putting on to impress them.

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nerdperson777
1 hour ago, (D)anny said:

this fucking thing. http://prntscr.com/fz3eqt 

 

why can't people accept that trans people exist/respect them? This isn't a fucking show tans people are putting on to impress them.

Well, to be fair, she had that reality show so a lot of people got the misunderstanding.  She's not that great a representative of the community, and let's not talk about Miley Cyrus.

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Dan99
16 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

Well, to be fair, she had that reality show so a lot of people got the misunderstanding.  She's not that great a representative of the community, and let's not talk about Miley Cyrus.

*shrugs* true i guess. I kind of feel embarrassed when celebrities are representing something because media always twists it or something.

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butterflydreams

Watching a show about two guys restoring a 1969 Mustang Mach 1. Like all Mustangs, it's a beautiful car. At one point in the show, they are talking about the history of the Mustang, how the first one rolled out in 1964. But for some reason, the 64s to like 68s were "girl's cars". Dude. Wtf? I get that this is some kind of joke, but really? I think all of those Mustangs are gorgeous. Especially the first generation ones, for their simplicity and revolutionary idea.

 

It's like when people talk about the Miata being a "girl's car". Yeah, I almost never see a woman driving one. Besides, any girl who has enough sense to know the awesomeness of 50/50 weight distribution and RWD has more than enough sense to stay far away from guys who think she drives a "girl's car".

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Dan99
8 minutes ago, Hadley167 said:

Watching a show about two guys restoring a 1969 Mustang Mach 1. Like all Mustangs, it's a beautiful car. At one point in the show, they are talking about the history of the Mustang, how the first one rolled out in 1964. But for some reason, the 64s to like 68s were "girl's cars". Dude. Wtf? I get that this is some kind of joke, but really? I think all of those Mustangs are gorgeous. Especially the first generation ones, for their simplicity and revolutionary idea.

 

It's like when people talk about the Miata being a "girl's car". Yeah, I almost never see a woman driving one. Besides, any girl who has enough sense to know the awesomeness of 50/50 weight distribution and RWD has more than enough sense to stay far away from guys who think she drives a "girl's car".

I know nothing about cars, but I never understood why stuff like cars or drinks are "manly"or "girly". Just use a car you like and drink whatever you want, lol. I can understand if a guy has a pink car or something, but other than that, I don't get it.

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Calligraphette_Coe

I just read that Chester Bennington of Linkin Park was 'family' in one way. Spoiler, just in case, as talk about this rubs some people the wrong way:

 

 

 

The article said that his death was likely a suicide and the he was 'haunted' and probably suffered from PTSD. That's why I think of him as 'family' in the way gay people used to use gaydar to do that secret handshake thingie and say he or she was 'family'. I was always able to largely resist the pain without resorting to drugs or alcohol. Many of you know I had another outlet, which I won't mention here as that also seems to freak people out. But I can certainly identify with having to deal with those kinds of feelings.

 

There was a link in the article to Male Survivors. Thinking that it was only for cispeople, I still went there and saw there was a forum for LGBT survivors. And I wanted SO much to sign up. But then I started sitting here in public on a public wi-fi connection and started to shake too much to type for a bit.

 

So I just calmed down, got my heart palpitations under control.  But didn't sign up. I know what happened here and I don't want to go through that agaiin. But I was haunted by this, on the front page:

 

You are not alone.

It was not your fault.

It is possible to heal.

It's not too late. 

 

[/spoiler]

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nerdperson777
4 hours ago, (D)anny said:

I know nothing about cars, but I never understood why stuff like cars or drinks are "manly"or "girly". Just use a car you like and drink whatever you want, lol. I can understand if a guy has a pink car or something, but other than that, I don't get it.

Pink used to be a very manly color, and blue was the girly color.  It's just society now that says pink is girly.

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