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ChillaKilla

Trans Musings & Rantings

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SkyWorld

There have been some uncomfortable social things that have happened to me... I don't pass that well most of the time because of my body shape giving me away, but other than that I would (I have actually once, someone naturally referred me as "sir" when only my waist up was in view since I was sitting down and the table hiding my hips). I'm too afraid to use the men's bathroom because of what might happen, so I go to the women's bathroom (if I really have to go and can't hold it for home), but I try to go when there's nobody around. I don't make any eye contact and just mind my own business. I don't want to see any of their faces looking at me weird...

 

Similar to how one of my professors would often sometimes keep looking at my chest (since I do bind) as if she wonders why I'm flat. It made me feel really uncomfortable. It just always always always makes me uncomfortable when people just put too much attention to how I'm flat. Whenever my family would bring it up, I just either immediately excuse myself and walk away or just zone out. One of them, not too long ago, went on this rant about how "the lord gave you breasts, have breasts", "you don't have to look like a man to be gay", "you should stop flattening your breasts, you're going to regret it". The other says over and over "are you sure it doesn't give you cancer?" The first had openly admitted to be transphobic. The other claims to be open-minded and not transphobic, but apparently not okay with me being trans. I tried having conversations about it and try to educate them more about gender (and sexuality, tbh), though they never go well because they refuse to listen... 

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Dan99

Why do people say 'transgendered'? like, am I 'femaled(-ish)', then?

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Mezzo Forte
18 hours ago, Liebelit said:

As for the monthly fight with the red dragon,

That is the most metal name for that time of the month that I've ever heard. :lol: 

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daveb
2 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:
20 hours ago, Liebelit said:

As for the monthly fight with the red dragon,

That is the most metal name for that time of the month that I've ever heard. :lol: 

Also gives new meaning to the Welsh flag... and the y ddraig goch

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Calligraphette_Coe
12 hours ago, (D)anny said:

Why do people say 'transgendered'? like, am I 'femaled(-ish)', then?

Back in the 90's that's how many of us self-described. Here's a little blurb on how it is both correct gramattically and who it came into use: And why it changed.

 

Quote

In the 1990s the preferred umbrella term used by and about people who weren't in alignment with their birth gender was "transgendered." Despite the fact this was grammatically correct and didn't have any negative connotations, it was decided by somebody somewhere along the line to drop the "-ed" and tell people the old word was "wrong."

The arguments put forth to support this claim fall apart rather quickly as soon as one points out transgendered is a compound word adjective, similar to identifiers such as red-haired, darkskinned, brown-eyed, lighthearted, ten-fingered, righthanded, quick-witted, etc. as well as other adjectives like talented and gifted. None of those words would make sense as adjectives if you dropped the "-ed."

I'm curious to know exactly where this change came from and what the cause of it was. It seemed to have been cemented and gained momentum after GLAAD added it to its Media Reference Guide, but did it start before that?

Google NGrams suggests the use of "transgender" took off in 1998 while the rate of increase for "transgendered" slowed down until it started to slowly decline in 2003.

We weren't being discriminatory, because we also used the term cisgendered to refer to people whose biological sex and gender aligned.

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Starbogen
59 minutes ago, Calligraphette_Coe said:

Back in the 90's that's how many of us self-described. Here's a little blurb on how it is both correct gramattically and who it came into use: And why it changed.

 

We weren't being discriminatory, because we also used the term cisgendered to refer to people whose biological sex and gender aligned.

 

I guess they stopped using "transgendered" because it's an adjective and they wanted to use the word as a noun.. As in "I am a transgender person" instead of a "transgendered" person maybe because an adjective sounds more like part of "how" you are but not quite definitive of "who" you are.

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ChillaKilla

*sings* My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and I'm like, no you're getting the wrong idea I'm getting rid of these in the near future 

 

If a milkshake is breasts, can I call my future pecs protein shakes? :P

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daveb
47 minutes ago, Liebelit said:

 

I guess they stopped using "transgendered" because it's an adjective and they wanted to use the word as a noun.. As in "I am a transgender person" instead of a "transgendered" person maybe because an adjective sounds more like part of "how" you are but not quite definitive of "who" you are.

But I think that that's still using the word as an adjective, dropping the "ed" doesn't alter that. Using it as a noun would be "I am a transgender".

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Starbogen
5 minutes ago, daveb said:

But I think that that's still using the word as an adjective, dropping the "ed" doesn't alter that. Using it as a noun would be "I am a transgender".

 

That's true... But to me "transgender" gives more of a "I am this" impression than "I am 'like' this", which is what "transgendered" sounds like. If that makes sense...

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daveb

Yep, I get what you mean. 

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Calligraphette_Coe
3 hours ago, Liebelit said:

 

I guess they stopped using "transgendered" because it's an adjective and they wanted to use the word as a noun.. As in "I am a transgender person" instead of a "transgendered" person maybe because an adjective sounds more like part of "how" you are but not quite definitive of "who" you are.

I think that had something to do with it. It was a whole 'nother time--- and the lines weren't even drawn in ink yet. It was less an identity issue, and more a trait or characteristic, i.e. statements like "I'm an engineer who just happens to also be transgendered- I am what I am but that's not _all_ I am."

 

Ohmigosh, one could get in terrible trouble by forgetting the really tricky etiquette of identity politics back then. When someone was finished transistioning and had their surgery, many felt they were then cisgendered, because their genitals now matched their gender.  Post-op transsexuals would stop talking to you altogether if you called them transgender(ed). Most would be HIGHLY insulted to be called that. I see some high profile folks in the movement started to embrace the transgender 'flag' again, but I can assure you it wasn't always that way.

 

From what  I remember, it was Virginia Prince who popularlized the term, and it was always controversial back then. For us who were there back then, it's still a little bit like 'you say toe-may-toe, I say toe-mah-toe.'

 

May the circle be unbroken.

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nerdperson777
On 7/12/2017 at 8:32 PM, The-world-is-quiet-here said:

http://www.robot-hugs.com/disconnect/

 

^webcomic that related rather well to my post :)

An idea I have, isn't directly related to gender, so I am a little confused.  Not sure if it has something to do with how my brain works or something else.  I never really felt connected with having a name.  Growing up, saying my own name felt wrong.  It may not even be because of gender.  I wasn't really good with names either.  I find that names are simply a way to refer to someone.  I'm okay if my parents call me Cat.  It's neutral enough that it doesn't cause me dysphoria.  If the whole name is said, I do have dysphoria.  But when people call me Calvin?  I don't feel anything.  Some people seem to think, I need to have a totally awesome name and spend a while trying to find the perfect one.  Me?  If I don't feel anything out of being called Calvin, does that mean I should change my name?  I don't find that it matters.  When I was even coming up with a name, instead of going for that perfect name like others, I thought, I'm going to be called this for the rest of my life.  Do I need to make it that special?  Plus when special becomes "normal", what's the point?  So if I change my name again, I probably wouldn't feel connected to the new name either.  Is there like an agender thing, but just with names and not gender?

 

On 7/12/2017 at 6:25 PM, And Peggy said:

having a fluid gender is so fucking hard to deal with

Lucky for me, my gender presentation stays male regardless of how masculine I feel at the time so I imagine if someone had to switch between the two binaries, it must be hell.  (I'm saying I'm fluid because there are times when I don't like being a sir and other days I'm fine.  It's like a very slight phenomenon within me.  For a few days once, I actually contemplated shaving my armpits but that didn't last.)

 

On 7/13/2017 at 5:45 PM, AwkwardAxolotl said:

What I used to get super anxious about sound-wise in the men's bathroom was if it was the unfortunate time of the month and I had to unwrap a tampon/pad. I was always scared someone would hear the sound and recognize it. Fortunately no one ever seemed to realize what the sound was ( I guess most cis guys don't know what a pad sounds like when it's being unwrapped), but it was a nerve racking 9 months between when I started using the mens bathroom and when I had finally been on T long enough to be rid of that. I also used to get paranoid about if the stalls were all occupied and what if someone questioned why I was waiting for a stall rather than using the urinal. Luckily I don't have to worry much anymore in the bathroom, I don't miss those days.

I did that like two weeks ago.  I was freaking out at work because I was far away from home and I had to be there for the next 5 hours.  I'm very dysphoric about my lower half so I rather live with the consequence of soiled pants than wearing a menstrual product.  When I first started having these body things, I told my mom that I rather soil all my underwear than wear one.  But she said it stains and leaks through so I couldn't just do that.  Unfortunately, I'm stealth at work, other than the fact that my supervisor signs my checks to my birth name.  What makes it more awkward is that the guys I interact with at work are very into facial hair so they have practically full on beards and I just have a darker than normal peach fuzz.  So then I was paranoid as to what these manly cis guys would think that there's something visible near my butt.  During my lunch break, I went to the nearby Rite Aid with cramping and tiredness.  I checked out some pills and some pads with a miserable face and hopefully the guy at the register didn't notice.  That was a very dysphoric moment for me there.  But now I have some emergency box of pads in the back trunk, because I did not want to see them in the sitting portions of the car.  Hopefully I won't have to use them anymore because from internet research, T, which I may start next week, combined with my Asian genes, would potentially make me never have a period once I start.  A half-Asian guy said that he only had it one time before it went away for good.  Some Asian guy on YouTube said that he never had one ever again, but he was pretty irregular, sometimes not having it for 5 months.  So I'm hopeful that I won't have to experience it ever again.  But on the other hand, I hope I don't gain a libido.  That's going to be awkward to handle.

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AVEN #1 fan

Guyyyyyyyyssss! Remember when I posted a video of a douche bag couple trying to find evidence on why "Michelle Obama and Selena Williams are crossdressing males and barack Obama is gay" (even though Selena have been pregnant ) ?

 

 

Look,  now they're saying justin Bieber is a crossdressing female:

 

 

 

Omg I just I can't even.... I can't. ... I lost my hability to can.... can't even.... *cringe*

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ChillaKilla

Had a dream nightmare that my hair all grew back... :unsure: Definitely never going back.

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AVEN #1 fan
3 hours ago, ChillaKilla said:

Had a dream nightmare that my hair all grew back... :unsure: Definitely never going back.

Sometimes I have screwed up dreams in which I'm pregnant and aborting.

 

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ChillaKilla
1 hour ago, AVEN #1 fan said:

Sometimes I have screwed up dreams in which I'm pregnant and aborting.

 

Me too :( makes me super dysphoric

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AVEN #1 fan
Just now, ChillaKilla said:

Me too :( makes me super dysphoric

I am quite superstitious,  after looking what my recurrent dreams about aborting , the meaning behind this dream is "lack of succeed in your plans".

 

Sometimes I have nightmares in which I have big boobs or impregnated somebody.

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nerdperson777

Speaking of dreams, I have been having some weird ones lately.  Three days in a row of really odd dreams.  I don't remember last night's dream but the previous ones were just weird.  I'm wondering if it has to do with the vitamins I take for natural transition.  I heard people say ZMA gives really weird dreams.  It's supposed to be something, Magnesium, and Zinc.  I take Magnesium and a multivitamin so I would think it has Zinc and whatever the other one is.  I'm putting them in a spoiler because they're kind of TMI?

 

 

The first one was that a transwoman friend was pregnant and she was revealing that fact to everyone in the room.  She was in a wheelchair with a really round belly even though I know she's like the thinnest person ever.  So that would mean it was like an instant pregnancy.  I also know she never wants to be pregnant, plus she's a lesbian so it's never going to happen.

 


The second one, two hetero couples having sex on a single bed.  But instead of seeing dicks in my dream, there was poop.  The third, some dude was probably having sex with a girl and they were on top of some ship.  He left for a moment and I kind of went towards the girl.  I saw him coming back so I went to go hide.  He came back to a spoon on the floor, and there was a random nun nearby.  The guy must've been some sort of royal king or something because he accused the nun of doing bad things to his girl and threw her off the ship into the sea to get stomped on by giant elephants that were like 3 or 4 times bigger than the ship.

I have no idea why there are sex dreams when I never had any before.  And I know I'm still ace because none of them involve me?  I just happen to be there when these things are going on.
 

 

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butterflydreams

omg...youtube...stop recommending radfem videos to me...shit.

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AVEN #1 fan
Just now, Hadley167 said:

omg...youtube...stop recommending radfem videos to me...shit.

Aw,  it isn't that bad,  not all radfems are terfs,  I'm trans,  nb and radfem. 

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AVEN #1 fan
13 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

Speaking of dreams, I have been having some weird ones lately.  Three days in a row of really odd dreams.  I don't remember last night's dream but the previous ones were just weird.  I'm wondering if it has to do with the vitamins I take for natural transition.  I heard people say ZMA gives really weird dreams.  It's supposed to be something, Magnesium, and Zinc.  I take Magnesium and a multivitamin so I would think it has Zinc and whatever the other one is.  I'm putting them in a spoiler because they're kind of TMI?

 

  Reveal hidden contents

The first one was that a transwoman friend was pregnant and she was revealing that fact to everyone in the room.  She was in a wheelchair with a really round belly even though I know she's like the thinnest person ever.  So that would mean it was like an instant pregnancy.  I also know she never wants to be pregnant, plus she's a lesbian so it's never going to happen.

 


The second one, two hetero couples having sex on a single bed.  But instead of seeing dicks in my dream, there was poop.  The third, some dude was probably having sex with a girl and they were on top of some ship.  He left for a moment and I kind of went towards the girl.  I saw him coming back so I went to go hide.  He came back to a spoon on the floor, and there was a random nun nearby.  The guy must've been some sort of royal king or something because he accused the nun of doing bad things to his girl and threw her off the ship into the sea to get stomped on by giant elephants that were like 3 or 4 times bigger than the ship.

I have no idea why there are sex dreams when I never had any before.  And I know I'm still ace because none of them involve me?  I just happen to be there when these things are going on.
 

 

From my nerd dream interpretation book:

 

-dream with transgenders mean you will be facing an identity crisis.

-about an unexpected pregnancy of someone means that something that worries you will occupy your thoughts .

-about sex mean you will be missing something

-dreams about pregnancy can mean lots of things,  it can represent your fear or wish to be pregnant or  that you're maturing .

-dream with man can represent changes in your profissional life

-unknown man means future good news

-dream with woman means somebody important in your life will help you.

-dream with a pregnant woman means you're getting closer to a woman

-dream with bed  mean you wish you had an easier life

-with lots of women - your friends will help you in the future.

--see somebody you know in a wheelchair means you need some help

-nun means chastity and purity and obedience

-shit means a lot of lucky

 

 

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The-world-is-quiet-here
41 minutes ago, AVEN #1 fan said:

Aw,  it isn't that bad,  not all radfems are terfs,  I'm trans,  nb and radfem. 

How do I put this... probably the reason Hadley was talking about it was because it felt bad to her, and you aren't her, so you don't necessarily know how it feels.

 

honestly, I'm not sure about the "radfem" versus "terf" thing, but yeah. I was under the impression that they were pretty similar, if not the same thing, but i'm not sure.

 

Also, re: dreams, in my dream last night I was a girl and had the bob haircut I had in high school. I've been calling myself a girl in my head more lately, so perhaps that has something to do with it.

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AVEN #1 fan
Just now, The-world-is-quiet-here said:

How do I put this... probably the reason Hadley was talking about it was because it felt bad to her, and you aren't her, so you don't necessarily know how it feels.

 

honestly, I'm not sure about the "radfem" versus "terf" thing, but yeah. I was under the impression that they were pretty similar, if not the same thing, but i'm not sure.

 

Also, re: dreams, in my dream last night I was a girl and had the bob haircut I had in high school. I've been calling myself a girl in my head more lately, so perhaps that has something to do with it.

I was just pointing out that not all radfems Are transphobes and men haters.

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nerdperson777
18 minutes ago, AVEN #1 fan said:

From my nerd dream interpretation book:

 

-dream with transgenders mean you will be facing an identity crisis.

-about an unexpected pregnancy of someone means that something that worries you will occupy your thoughts .

-about sex mean you will be missing something

-dreams about pregnancy can mean lots of things,  it can represent your fear or wish to be pregnant or  that you're maturing .

-dream with man can represent changes in your profissional life

-unknown man means future good news

-dream with woman means somebody important in your life will help you.

-dream with a pregnant woman means you're getting closer to a woman

-dream with bed  mean you wish you had an easier life

-with lots of women - your friends will help you in the future.

--see somebody you know in a wheelchair means you need some help

-nun means chastity and purity and obedience

-shit means a lot of lucky

 

 

1. True

2. Always

3. Is there something more specific than something?

4. My parents were talking yesterday about how they don't expect to have grandchildren.  I'm not giving birth to no child.  Plus the egg harvesting conversation was so ugh.

5. I'm unsure of what I'm doing working two part time jobs and I'm afraid of burning myself out by working full time.  30 hours is tiring me already.

6. I hope something good happens, maybe it's that first T shot today.

7. I'm waiting for someone to help me right now, but I can't expect miracles.

8. That girl who's helping me figure out myself maybe.

9. I wish I didn't have depression sucking out my energy.

10. I'm going to my old high school friends to get over the one I lost.

11. I'm totally lost in life.  I know I need help.

12: Even though the nun got trampled at sea by giant elephants?

13. That sounds so ironic.

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AVEN #1 fan
Just now, nerdperson777 said:

1. True

2. Always

3. Is there something more specific than something?

4. My parents were talking yesterday about how they don't expect to have grandchildren.  I'm not giving birth to no child.  Plus the egg harvesting conversation was so ugh.

5. I'm unsure of what I'm doing working two part time jobs and I'm afraid of burning myself out by working full time.  30 hours is tiring me already.

6. I hope something good happens, maybe it's that first T shot today.

7. I'm waiting for someone to help me right now, but I can't expect miracles.

8. That girl who's helping me figure out myself maybe.

9. I wish I didn't have depression sucking out my energy.

10. I'm going to my old high school friends to get over the one I lost.

11. I'm totally lost in life.  I know I need help.

12: Even though the nun got trampled at sea by giant elephants?

13. That sounds so ironic.

-elephants means future success and happiness

-sea represents something related BTW you and your parents.

 

 

II think getting the nun,  elephant and sea together.  you are probably havING a calm relationship with your parents and that may lead you to future happiness. I dk,  just a guess.

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daveb
1 minute ago, AVEN #1 fan said:

elephants means future success and happiness

Not in Trump's America :P 

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nerdperson777
4 hours ago, AVEN #1 fan said:

II think getting the nun,  elephant and sea together.  you are probably havING a calm relationship with your parents and that may lead you to future happiness. I dk,  just a guess.

Well, my dad gendered me correctly twice in the past month, even if my pronouns are still wrongly stated.  I've also kind of stopped trying at certain things so that I numbed myself to pain.  So it's possible that when I forget my larger problems, I'm back to living my calm life, but unable to figure out what lies in my future.

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AVEN #1 fan
Just now, nerdperson777 said:

Well, my dad gendered me correctly twice in the past month, even if my pronouns are still wrongly stated.  I've also kind of stopped trying at certain things so that I numbed myself to pain.  So it's possible that when I forget my larger problems, I'm back to living my calm life, but unable to figure out what lies in my future.

Yeah, I wish my dreams made sense like this.

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nerdperson777
4 minutes ago, AVEN #1 fan said:

Yeah, I wish my dreams made sense like this.

Well, this part isn't a dream.  My dreams don't make sense usually.  I'm always going through one door and when I go back through the same door, it isn't the original room.  It's something else.  Lately it's been driving a car and not really having the ability to control the car.  So I speed past cars and based on spacial things, I should've crashed into many of them already but I don't.  Then I'll finally crash into something and get in trouble with another driver or the law or something.  One time the previous week I dreamt that I crashed into a high school classmate, who I haven't seen since we graduated.  Here, he knew who I was, despite my haircut.  (No one from before actually recognizes me with a masculine haircut.)  Then a pizza delivery guy shows up to the car out of nowhere while me and that classmate are trying to exchange insurance information.  I got really confused because when did I order pizza?  Why is it being delivered on the shoulder of a highway?  Then my mom shows up and drives us away before I could get the classmate's insurance info.  As usual, she doesn't listen to me so she didn't listen when I said I had to go back for insurance.

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butterflydreams
12 hours ago, The-world-is-quiet-here said:

How do I put this... probably the reason Hadley was talking about it was because it felt bad to her, and you aren't her, so you don't necessarily know how it feels.

 

honestly, I'm not sure about the "radfem" versus "terf" thing, but yeah. I was under the impression that they were pretty similar, if not the same thing, but i'm not sure.

The problem is that I don't want to hear any of it. And it only shows up because of trans people who detransitioned to "rejoin the sisterhood". It's just a gross ideology that actually scares me. Somehow youtube's algorithms are showing it to me. 

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