Finding myself back here after four years, questioning again

[mege]

Four years ago I spent a lot of time on these forums, having recently determined I was ace. I wasn't sure, but it was the label that felt right at the time. After about a year and a half I slowly stopped visiting the forums because I had begun to question my sexuality again and didn't feel like this was my place anymore. I wasn't sure if I was actually ace.

 

But I've found myself back here because I'm questioning again.

 

I stopped visiting the forums because I had started to identify as homosexual, this was a realization for myself and I thought I only identified as asexual because I had yet to have any encounters with women. That's how it's been for the past few years, I've had a few girlfriends here and there, the most serious being the relationship I am in now. This is also the first relationship I've had where sex is a prominent element. For reference, my current partner is a transwoman, I don't think this is important, but I figured I'd mention it. I often find myself in the middle of sex just waiting for it to be over, sure it's felt nice once or twice, but the majority of the time I don't feel much of anything. My partner also initiates and does most of the work during sex almost always, and I have no desire to participate anymore than I do. 

 

So I suppose I'm asking, has anyone else had similar experiences or feelings? 

[IntellectualAsexual]

I spent time here before, questioned whether I liked asexuality or not. I never questioned my sexuality in terms of homosexuality, though. Asexual seemed like a good alternative to sexual since I didn't like sex with anyone whether male or female. 

[Apathetic Echidna]

I came to these forums when I discovered asexuality and the gray spectrum. I didn't feel that I completely fit in as everything was pretty vague describing gray-a at the time, well the info I managed to find (it is so much easier to find now). Then I left for 8+ years to live and discover myself. I guess I never really had to re-evaluate and question my sexuality as my idea of gray-a was only vague and really that wasn't very important to me (that is probably my raging aro making itself known). Obviously I am back to figure stuff out again.

 

So I can relate to the development and understanding you have gotten by living, then coming back here years later to try and slice through the confusion. As for lack of desire, I can definitely relate to that too.

[Rawrth]

Do you have romantic feelings for both men and women? You might be a biromantic asexual? 

[babygush]

I've questioned my asexuality since I was 13 but this is my first time on the forums. In high school I only felt sexual feelings for one person who was my best friend and I had known since 7th grade, and I still feel that way for them. But other people I have found myself being bored, unwilling to be an active partner, and NEVER initiating any sexual activity. Sometimes I can imagine never having sex again. A lot of my sexual relationships leave me feeling like I was "tricked" or "forced" into it. So I can relate a lot to the feelings and thoughts you're having.